Current of Grace: A Radical Journey of Awakening

By Melinda Bern

With earnestness, she pursued the path of self-inquiry under the guidance of American teachers, A. Ramana and Elizabeth (MacDonald) Young, both devotees of the teachings of Ramana Maharshi. In 2011, her search led her on a pilgrimage to Ramana Maharshi's ashram in South India where she received a grace so profound that her life as a seeker stopped. She shares her journey in hope that others might partake of this same current of grace which is immediate, ever present, and available to all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Sep 27, 2021
• ISBN: 9781982273958

Melinda Bern

Melinda Bern was introduced to Ramana Maharshi's self-inquiry, a method for realizing one's true self, in the midst of a hectic life as mother, wife, and hospice worker. At the time she didn't realize the power of what had landed in her lap and that it was the answer to her lifelong search for truth.

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Copyright © 2021 Melinda Bern.

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published

in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-7394-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-7395-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021918201

Balboa Press rev. date:   02/15/2022

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"Look, there [Arunachala] stands as if insentient. Mysterious

is the way it works, beyond all human understanding. . . When

it stilled my mind and drew me to itself and I came near, I

saw that it was stillness absolute." - Ramana Maharshi

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"Sri Ramana is a true son of the Indian earth. He is genuine

and, in addition to that, something quite phenomenal.

In India he is the Whitest spot in a white space."

- C.G. Jung

. . . [H]e shines in the heart as the Sun in the sky.

- Sri Ramana Gita

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 India Bound (2011)

Chapter 2 Beginnings of a Quest

Chapter 3 The Teacher Appears

Chapter 4 Grace of a Lineage

Chapter 5 The Teaching: A Return to my True Self

Chapter 6 The Method: Be Still

Chapter 7 The Most Important Question

Chapter 8 Dark Night of the Soul

Chapter 9 Arunachala: The Outer Path

Chapter 10 Deepenings" in The Old Hall, Sacred Caves and Swami’s abodes

Chapter 11 Glimpses of Truth from the Rooftop

Chapter 12 Fire of Purification

Chapter 13 Surrender

Chapter 14 Concerns of a Householder

Chapter 15 Arunachala Speaks – The Inner Path

Chapter 16 A shift Occurs

Chapter 17 Embodiment

Chapter 18 The Great Paradox

Chapter 19 A Return to the Marketplace

Chapter 20 Grace in Action

Dedicated to:

Sri Ramana Maharshi

and the Holy Hill Arunachala –

The Inner Source & Truth of Being

in which my life rests.

And to my family:

Jonathan, Sarah, Michael, Kalen, Jacob, Hannah and Beverly.

You are the light of my life always and forever.

I could not have made this journey

without you.

"When your real, effortless, joyful nature is realized, it will

not be inconsistent with the ordinary activities of life."

- Sri Ramana Maharshi

"Volumes have been written about the ascetic devotees of

Bhagavan . . . It is only rarely that one hears about the normal

grihastha (family man), [or woman] totally soaked in the life

of a householder, yet an ardent devotee of Bhagavan."

- Ganesan, Ramana Periya Puranam

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The only way a being ever knows the truth is by direct experience.

- Werner Erhard

PREFACE

The following is a personal account of my spiritual journey which the telling of in no way implies the journey’s end. In fact, the journey itself has multiple beginnings and endings as it continues to evolve even now as words spill out onto the page urging me to share, not only the details of my journey, but the truth of my own direct experience.

My story is a journey of remembering. And I share it in hope that it might spark a remembrance in the reader too for what you may have forgotten. However, for the majority of spiritual seekers, remembering is not a single, permanent event but rather a gradual evolution whereby the earnest aspirant is led step by step, glimpse by glimpse, over the course of many years to the culmination of a long and persevering search for Truth, Source, God, True Nature or Self. This was the path I tread upon, both arduous and sublime, a radical path of awakening Paul Brunton called The Short Path which, in essence, is the ceaseless practice of remembering . . . [our] innermost being.

It was my own unique journey and from the very beginning tailored to my own specific needs. Of course, I couldn’t know this going forward. However, as I peer back at the pages of my journals on which my experiences are recorded, I see that my journey was and is simultaneously a universal one with similarities to those who have traversed their own uncharted inner landscapes searching for clues to a bigger reality.

The Hymn of yogic precepts contained in Jetsun-Kahbum states, If ye tread the secret path, ye shall find the shortest way. Teachings of the short path recognize from the very beginning one’s original or true nature whether, in fact, one is aware of it or not. We already are the one we are pursuing. The ceaseless practice of remembering is what creates a radical or fundamental shift in consciousness in which the truth of who we are wakes up to itself in a human body. However, recognizing this intellectually is only the beginning. This must be our direct, day to day living, breathing experience. Mental understanding alone doesn’t count for much.

Reality for many consists of survival mode where rarely is there time nor the inclination to sincerely question what lies beneath the layers of complexity called life. We skim the surface and learn to do it well or not so well. As Mary Oliver writes, Are you breathing just a little and calling it a life? We are numb and disconnected from our true feelings, creative power and authentic knowing in a society whose media keeps turning up the volume, demanding our moment-to-moment attention.

Rarely do we sense a deeper, more profound reality except perhaps while reading a good book or attending religious services. This deeper reality is often called God, a deity that lives far off in a place called heaven rather than right here in the midst of everyday life at the very center or core of our being. This larger reality is given many names and described by some as nearer than hands and feet.

The short path is one of many paths that lead to this greater reality. There are paths for every faith and level of spiritual maturity and understanding. In fact, there are no wrong paths. Some are longer with a meandering journey through scenic landscapes. Others prefer a more direct route, going straight to the heart of the matter. It was the short path that seemingly appeared out of nowhere and immediately drew me to my center. This short path is the path of Ramana Maharshi’s self-inquiry, a direct and potent path that, when earnestly followed, ignites the spark of inner truth lying dormant or hidden until one is ready to awaken and remember. This awakening is an immediate and direct knowing. In other words, it is first-hand knowledge, not second-hand knowledge that comes from someone else’s understanding or book learning.

Paul Brunton, a devotee of Ramana Maharshi, states it this way:

. . .We should stand up on our own feet, and not walk through life on the thoughts of others. We should take our stand upon our own inherent divinity, for a second-hand illumination has already lost some of its value when it reaches our ears. The final reference is, and always must be, within . . .

During my college years and long before being introduced to self-inquiry, I experience a vivid dream one night, a dream that feels just as real as any waking experience. In my dream state I am visited by a powerful presence. My room is filled with light and I am trembling because I have never experienced anything so powerful. I was raised in a Christian household but, as a teenager, began questioning my religious upbringing which led me to think of myself as agnostic. As I frantically try to scramble out of bed and run from my room, I realize that whatever this power is, I am an ant in comparison. Next thing I know, I am floating in a timeless state, engulfed in a sea of unconditional love. Little did I know this would be a pivotal turning point in my quest for truth. Like the alcoholic, I admit to a power greater than myself, only I have no idea where to find it.

My distinct sense that night was that I had been visited by God since that was the only reference point I had for something so powerful and incomprehensible. Yet, my only notion of God was a deity separate from myself which was what I had been taught as a child. Little did I know I’d come face to face with my own higher power, and all that was preventing me from fully realizing this was the belief that I was separate from it. The great sage Ramana Maharshi once said, If you awaken and nurture the growth of that higher power within you, everything else will unfold mystically. And that is exactly what I set out to do from this point forward.

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"This journey is not about truth by consensus. This journey

is an exercise in embracing the truth that is culled from

one’s own irrefutable personal experience of it." - Rasha

INTRODUCTION

Though the details and events of my journey remain forever fixed in time, the understanding that resulted from my experiences continues to shift and deepen. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to not cling to any one perspective as perspectives quickly come and go. All we can ever do is to speak from the highest truth available to us in the moment in which we stand. This I attempt to do as I describe a journey that took place over the course of many years. And as I do so, please know that these experiences are being viewed from an ever-evolving perspective grounded in the one unchanging reality.

I write from my experience and from the inner guidance that says to write truthfully and with an open heart. It has taken nearly a lifetime of preparedness to do this and I cannot say it was easy. However, it has been well worth the effort. I have come to recognize this inner guidance as the heart cave of which Ramana Maharshi speaks, where one touches upon their own direct knowing. This direct knowing or inner authority, I have learned, is to be honored above all other authority. Yet, to speak from this place requires great courage because to do so implies an unrelenting quest for truth regardless of where it leads us. And it was this unrelenting thirst for truth that eventually led me to Ramana Maharshi and his mysterious mountain, Arunachala.

After the birth of my second child, and in the midst of struggling with depression, I was introduced to Ramana Maharshi’s self-inquiry. I had no idea the power of what had landed in my lap. And yet, it is what I’d secretly yearned for my whole life