Speed Dating for Sperm Donors

By Natalie Meisner

Can a lesbian couple find Mr. Right?

Helen and Paige really want a baby. Maybe even two. They’ve decided they want to use a sperm donor, but because of Paige’s own upbringing as an adopted child they want the donor to at least be known to the child. This challenge makes the normally anonymous favour even harder and more intimate than they expected. And then there are the options for donors. Through the fast-paced “dating” of several candidates, all of whom come with their own warning labels, Helen and Paige’s relationship is strained to a point where they must remember why they set out on this journey together in the first place.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press
• Release date: Apr 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9780369100849

Natalie Meisner

Natalie Meisner (www.nataliemeisner.com) is a playwright, an award-winning multi-genre author, and the fifth Poet Laureate of Calgary. Baddie One Shoe is a collection of odes to renegade women who fight the powers that be with laughter. Boom Baby won both the Alberta and the Canadian National Playwriting Awards. Speed Dating for Sperm Donors was a hit at Lunchbox and Neptune Theatre. Double Pregnant (Fernwood) topped non-fiction lists, and her first book for kids, My Mommy, My Mama, My Brother & Me is about a two-mom biracial family finding community. Meisner is a wife, a mom to two great boys, and a professor in the Department of English at Mount Royal University. 

Book preview

An illustration of feminine hand holding a vial reaches across a blue page. Swirling around and over the hand in a heart shape are several human sperm.

Speed Dating for Sperm Donors

Natalie Meisner

Playwrights Canada Press

Toronto

Speed Dating for Sperm Donors ©

2020

by Natalie Meisner

First edition: April

2020

Cover artwork provided on behalf of Lunchbox Theatre from the world premiere of Speed Dating for Sperm Donors during their

2014

/

2015

season.

Author photo © D. Mounsef

Playwrights Canada Press

202

-

269

Richmond St. W., Toronto,

ON M5V

1X1

416.703.0013

:: [e-mail] :: www.playwrightscanada.com

No part of this book may be reproduced, downloaded, or used in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for excerpts in a review or by a licence from Access Copyright, www.accesscopyright.ca.

For professional or amateur production rights, please contact:

The Playwrights Guild of Canada

350

-

401

Richmond St. West, Toronto,

ON

M5V

3A8

416.703.0201

:: [e-mail]

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: Speed dating for sperm donors / Natalie Meisner.

Names: Meisner, Natalie D.,

1972

- author.

Description: First edition. | A play.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print)

20200189964

| Canadiana (ebook)

20200189972

|

ISBN

9780369100825

(softcover) |

ISBN

9780369100832

(

PDF

) |

ISBN

9780369100849

(

EPUB

) |

ISBN

9780369100856

(Kindle)

Classification:

LCC

PS8576

.

E433

S64

2020

|

DDC

C812

/.

54

 — dc

23

Playwrights Canada Press operates on Mississaugas of the Credit, Wendat, Anishinaabe, Métis, and Haudenosaunee land. It always was and always will be Indigenous land.

We acknowledge the financial support of the Canada Council for the Arts — which last year invested $

153

million to bring the arts to Canadians throughout the country — the Ontario Arts Council (OAC), Ontario Creates, and the Government of Canada for our publishing activities.

A stylized, illustrated blue tree sits to the left of the words 'Canada Council for the Arts / Counseil des arts du Canada.''The word Canada is written out with a Canadian flag—a red maple leaf flanked by two vertical red stripes—situated above the final A.An orange O is bisected by a green and purple C, situated to the left of the words 'Ontario Creates | Ontario Créatif.''A large red A is bisected by an angled blue C, with a green O balanced between the two letters on the left. To the right of the OAC logo are the words 'Ontario Arts Council / Counseil des arts de l'Ontario' over a red line with the words 'An Ontario Government Agency / un organisme du gouvernement de l'Ontario' below the line.

For my wife and two sons,

who make every day a great adventure.

Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Preface

Production History

Characters

Speed Dating for Sperm Donors

Scene 1: Flat Out No

Scene 2: Euphemisms Won’t Help

Scene 3: A Friend Of A Friend . . . Of A Friend

Scene 4: Strangerland

Scene 5: Smash It Now

Scene 6: Total World Domination

Scene 7: The Fine Print

Scene 8: The Sacred Herb Of Women

Scene 9: Magic Elixir

Scene 10: Needs To Be A Plus

Scene 11: How’s Doha?

Scene 12: Missionary Man

Scene 13: Twelve-Step Program

Scene 14: We’ve Been Stood Up

Scene 15: Not A Slab

Scene 16: Rash Decisions

Scene 17: Very First Moment

Scene 18: Last Kind Stranger

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Landmarks

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Table of Contents

Preface

Production History

Characters

Scene 1: Flat Out No

Scene 2: Euphemisms Won’t Help

Scene 3: A Friend Of A Friend . . . Of A Friend

Scene 4: Strangerland

Scene 5: Smash It Now

Scene 6: Total World Domination

Scene 7: The Fine Print

Scene 8: The Sacred Herb Of Women

Scene 9: Magic Elixir

Scene 10: Needs To Be A Plus

Scene 11: How’s Doha?

Scene 12: Missionary Man

Scene 13: Twelve-Step Program

Scene 14: We’ve Been Stood Up

Scene 15: Not A Slab

Scene 16: Rash Decisions

Scene 17: Very First Moment

Scene 18: Last Kind Stranger

Acknowledgements

About the Author

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Preface

The beginning of the play you are about to read begins with the real-life story of my wife and I as we went about trying to make a family. It was important to her, as an adoptee and a woman of colour, to be able to provide knowledge of their lineage to any children we might create. In Canada most sperm bank donors are anonymous. Even those who indicate they can be contacted later still have an opt-out clause. So the seemingly smoothest route was closed to us. This was a deal breaker for her and we had to honour it.

This meant finding a known donor to be a member of our extended family. Not full-on co-parenting with financial or day-to-day duties, but we were offering a spot as one of those other important adults in our children’s lives should we be successful. We also did not want to unnecessarily over-medicalize the process (you will see what this entails as you read on). This very intimate favour we were asking set us on a two-year journey of sit-downs with friends, friends of friends, other queer couples, and finally strangers that we contacted expressly for this purpose. My wife and I jokingly called this time Speed Dating for Sperm Donors and so now you know where I got the title. We had to cross so much unknown terrain with every new man we met, but also with the health system, legal documents,