Lessons Learned About Life and Love: Living with Intention and with Wisdom from Great Minds

By Vivianne Knebel

Born in Berlin during WWII Vivianne grew up in the post war years. Those challenging times left their mark on her but also toughened her against all the adversities of this world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vivianne Knebel
• Release date: Sep 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781087983615

Book preview

1

INTRODUCTION

Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.

— Viktor Frankl

Two years ago, I published my memoir, From Rubble to Champagne: The Story of Vivianne Knebel . I was born in Berlin, in Nazi Germany, in 1943. I endured intense physical, emotional, and political oppression in the most visceral ways starting from the day I was born. Many would say that I experienced more trauma before the age of fourteen than many will in a lifetime. My life has been one of both hardship and comfort, demoralization and fulfillment, searching and finding, and uncertainty and hope. It is amazing what the human spirit can accomplish through will and determination.

All the obstacles I have faced and conquered are now valuable life lessons. Having always been a seeker and a searcher, I am passionate about studying the works of great poets and philosophers. They have helped me make sense of the world, and their wisdom allows me to cope in flexible ways with the challenges that life throws my way. I have overcome many hurdles and achieved the peace of a truly loved and appreciated life. Many philosophers, poets, and scientists equate this state to beauty.

Living in peace does not necessarily mean my life is now free of conflict or stress. Now, at 78, I am being challenged and tested once again. Wiland, my husband and the love of my life of 56 years, is struggling with heart and liver disease. He underwent open heart surgery three and a half years ago and recovered fairly well, but now he is faced with new heart problems, including a ruptured tricuspid valve, which places additional stress on the liver. The doctors have warned us that there is a grave possibility of liver failure.

The internist treating Wiland’s liver disease said to him, You are not in a good place. He advised Wiland to get any paperwork in order. This was a very sobering moment for us.

Life is not static. It will change even if we do not want it to. Rather than resist the change, I have learned to embrace it, doing everything in my power to channel my positive energy and my unstoppable will to overcome this latest trial. As Wiland battles his illness, I keep hope alive and believe that I might still have him by my side for a few more beautiful years. Every day, we hold each other tightly while I tell him that what he is facing is our disease. As long as we have each other, we can face anything together, and I thank him for loving me.

Wiland’s doctors tell us that an option for treatment is an experimental research procedure. It has not been approved yet by the FDA, but Wiland is a candidate for a trial. As I write this, he is undergoing an array of tests. The results will be presented to a committee that will decide whether he is accepted into the trial. The wait is long and hard.

Wiland and I have always been very close. His love is my life source. He is my rock and has always been the wind beneath my wings. The thought has crossed my mind that I might lose him sooner than I expected. I think of his mortality and mine as well. I realize that while pain and suffering are part of life, suffering is optional. We have a choice in how we cope with the challenges that life throws our way. These are lessons I have learned from the mentors that I have turned to for wisdom and guidance in recent years.

All the challenges that I have already overcome have made me resilient. Resilience is the power of purpose. My purpose is to get Wiland through these trying times and still find joy and meaning in life. I encourage him to have positive thoughts and not focus on what we have lost, but on the good things we still have. I have concluded that it is best to take everything one day at a time and to make the best of each day in order to have peace.

On the surface, Wiland seems to accept his situation. I sometimes wonder how he feels inside. I often say to him, I am here for you. I tell him how much I need him—his love, his wisdom—and how he is needed in the family. Through my unwavering hope, I aim to inspire him to hold onto that same faith that things can get better.

You are what you think are not empty words. I always stress the importance of positive thoughts, as they will spur only more positive thoughts. This way of thinking is especially important when we have so much uncertainty ahead of us.

Wiland breathes heavily as he comes down the stairs in our house in La Jolla, California. In addition to his heart problems, he has a condition called ascites, which causes him to retain water in his abdomen. The procedure he hopes to get will put less stress on the liver and should allow him to feel better. The damage done so far, however, cannot be reversed. He will never fully regain his health.

During this difficult time, I find solace in writing. With this book, my mission is to help those who struggle and feel defeated find meaning in the moments that test us. The following chapters tell the stories of the lessons I have learned through my experiences and from the mentors and teachers I have encountered in my life, sometimes in the most unexpected places. And, as I relish every moment of the most beautiful stage of my life, I hope to impart what it means to age well rather than simply to grow old.

I want to make a positive difference in the world. If I can leave my readers with one message, it is that our life is the most precious treasure. Make the absolute best of this gift of life.

Most of all, I want Wiland to be proud of me. Whatever comes our way, we will both live on in what we have put down here, in this life, in this beautiful world.

2

MY MENTORS

My usual table was taken. I had brought a book to Peet’s Coffee, one of my regular haunts, to read. Seeing my usual round table occupied, I sat down at the counter instead. The book I had brought was about Buddhism, a faith and philosophy I often turn to for wisdom, and began reading and taking notes while waiting for my coffee order. When the barista called my name and I got up to retrieve my drink, I put down the book briefly, and the cover must have caught the eye of the gentleman sitting beside me at the counter. He looked at me as I returned to my seat, coffee in hand, and asked, Are you into Buddhism?

I said, Well, I am interested in it. And then we started to have a chat.

He told me he was also interested in Buddhism. He was the nicest, most interesting man, the type you can easily fall into conversation with. I told him about how, when I was fourteen years old, I became lost in a sort of trance one day as I looked at myself in a mirror, asking myself, Who am I?

After I finished telling him the story, he said, You were predisposed to learning.

He was right. I call myself a searcher and a seeker. I believe there is something within me that is meant to go down the route that I am going, a path of constant learning and enlightenment.

In my first book, From Rubble to Champagne, I wrote about the adversity I faced throughout my life and how I overcame it. In this book, I will focus on how I have learned to grow even beyond that success and live my most beautiful life. This does not mean I have left adversity behind, as my husband’s illness presents one of the greatest challenges I have yet faced. But even amid this latest struggle, I have learned how to embrace goodness in every moment and remain positive.

I did not say this to the stranger at the café, but a few years after I experienced that trance, I also tried to take my own life. A little girl walked into the garage where I had tried to poison myself with carbon monoxide and, unbeknownst to her, saved me from carrying out the deed. When I think back to that moment now, I realize I was meant to continue to live so I could help spread the lessons I have learned in life to other people. In recent years, I began to gravitate toward certain books and mentors that have become an endless source of insight. It is incredible, as you get old, to find a new passion and to delve so deeply into it.

I have always been drawn to people who know more than I do—the people I can learn from. That includes my husband, Wiland, to whom this book is dedicated. I am a seeker of information, someone who attained their education through the school of life. I find that life experiences are more convincing than theories, which is why I have shared some of my personal stories that inspired the lessons I hope to pass on.

While I am curious and open to new ideas, I also try not to be a blind follower. For me to be able to absorb a teacher’s lessons, they must make sense. They must connect with what I consider to be my gems of wisdom, which I always return to when I need to center myself:

•Show empathy

•Continue to believe that greater is coming

•Always be ready to move onto something greater

•Tap into your support system

•Do what is necessary for your wellbeing

The following writers and great thinkers are the people I consider to be my mentors. Many of them affirmed the things I have long believed, but they helped me understand myself and surroundings better than ever before. In this book, I share the wisdom that has evolved with the guidance of these and other great minds, for which I am exceedingly grateful.

Dr. Wayne Dyer

When I was around 35 years old, I picked up a copy of Pulling Your Own Strings by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I never met the late Dr. Dyer, but I consider him my mentor, and I love him by the grace of his soul. Many of the insights, perspectives, and conclusions in this book were inspired by his writings.

I did not know it then, but I would return to Dr. Dyer many years later and find a wellspring of knowledge and inspiration in his books that would guide me through the aging process. From reading Pulling Your Own Strings, I learned that we must not depend too much on another person for our happiness and wellbeing. If we lose that other person, we