Blinders

By HaLarear Piper

Karyn is a fifty-year old woman who lived in denial whenever she sought love for fear of being broken by the harsh realities of her relationships. Instead of facing the truth, she portrays herself as a strong-willed and carefree child, teen, and woman, who repeatedly justify her actions in order to protect her fragile soul and cope with her circumstances. Karyn embraces counselling throughout marriage, parenthood, and relationships, albeit without support of her immediate community. Despite the stigma associated with seeking counselling, Karyn blossoms when she finds a safe place to vent and call stuff out for what it truly is, without judgment or hidden agendas. Finally, she is free to find the love she deserves, take the blinders off, be true to herself, and accept all of her weaknesses and shortcomings, so that she finally lives in the truth surrounding her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665530279

HaLarear Piper

HaLarear Piper, a native Mississippian, claims Washington, DC as her home, but have lived in several cities throughout the contiguous United States. Despite her career experiences as a licensed preacher, manager, litigator, and federal employee, her first love is the power of the written word and motivational speaking. She is a staunch proponent for combining spiritual principles with mental health counselling. An avid reader, puzzle solver, and patron of the Arts, HaLarear derives enormous joy from her faith, adult children, grandson, extended family, and friends.

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© 2021 Halarear Piper. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  08/20/2021

ISBN: 978-1-6655-3021-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-3027-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021912867

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Acknowledgments

Author’s Note

Book One

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Book Two

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Book Three

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Book Four

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Epilogue

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This work is dedicated to my children, whom I love more than life itself. You are my blessing. You are my legacy. I am so very proud of the people you are and the women that you have each grown up to be. Continue to grow, live in truth, and love each other.

To my grandson, always know that you are Grandma’s love, the very beat of my heart. I love you more than words could ever say, more than you’ll ever know.

And finally, I am humbled by, and am profoundly thankful for all my family and friends who have shared this journey with me. Each of you are an inspiration. My inspiration.

Always,

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

While the events in the novel were inspired by real-life experiences, the names, the places, and the identities of all the characters have been changed. The substance of this work is a product of the author’s creativity and imagination.

BOOK ONE

Chapter 1

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H e went upstairs ahead of Karyn when they got back to her place. Only Karyn’s name was on the deed. She paid the mortgage and all the bills, but he had a key and treated her house as if he owned it. She loved her little house in the quaint Brookland neighborhood of Washington, DC. With only seventeen hundred and fifty finished square feet, it sat on a street lined with oak trees in a northeast community near Catholic University of America, in the shadow of the Capitol. It was a three-level tri-plex brick house, typical Washington architecture, good bones, solid and well constructed. Although the house was built in 1938, she had renovated it to have a modern function with the latest fixtures and amenities. It had all the bells and whistles of a brand-new home. Karyn thought it was perfect—just enough space for her and the girls to enjoy.

She gave him a key a few years back when she had knee surgery, out of convenience so he could let himself in when he came by to check on her. The girls were visiting their father in Detroit at the time, and she was home alone. It was difficult for her to go up and down the stairs. She didn’t bother asking him to give the key back once she healed, and neither did he offer to give it back. That was three years ago.

Sometimes he called before he came by. Sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes he just showed up. Today he had come over unannounced while she was in the kitchen cooking dinner, chopping up carrots with a cleaver. As he walked up behind her, he found himself staring at a two-by-five blade.

Whoa, whoa, hold up, Karyn! he shouted, grabbing the arm that wielded the cleaver as she turned toward him.

Karyn’s heart was caught in her throat. Gawd dammit! I told you to stop that shit! You ain’t gon’ be satisfied till you get yo ass cut! She exhaled and felt her heart beating again—albeit very, very fast now.

He stood there in her presence, frozen and dazed by the blade in her hand.

Look, Russell, you might think this shit’s cute, walkin’ up on me from behind, ump, surprising me. You might even think the shit’s romantic—and it would be if yo ass actually lived here. But nuh-uh, duh! You don’t live here! Me and Bethany live here.

He had walked straight into a typhoon. He knew Karyn was going to chew his ass up and take her time while she spit it back out. All he could do was stand there as straight as he knew how. His shirt was crisp. His slacks were hemmed so they fell right at his ankles. He was tall and well-groomed, and still had an athletic appearance after years of playing all sorts of sports, baseball being his favorite. He was secretly hoping that the cologne he splashed on before getting out of his car might slow her chastising just a little and turn her thoughts to what he had in store for their night. He made a mental note to put more cologne on after the shower he always took when he came over. He smiled at the thought, but Karyn’s resolve could not be shaken.

Oh, you think this shit’s funny, huh? I should cut yo ass just for the hell of it! Just for scaring the hell out of me.

He forgot that he was smiling. His mind was on what would happen after she was through throwing her fit. He closed his mouth and tried to look as serious as he could. He remembered as soon as she started berating him that she had warned him about coming into her house unannounced. But he hadn’t seen her in three days and couldn’t wait to hold her, to feel her warmth and softness, to inhale the scent of her smooth skin. He’d been thinking about her all day long. Every woman who had come through the Metrorail station that day who resembled her made him more anxious for his shift to end.

He had become more and more excited the closer he got to her house, just thinking about the time they would spend together. His mind was on one thing, making love to her, and he had simply forgotten what she told him. He wouldn’t try to explain his actions. He’d take his whipping like a man. She was on a roll. He might need to throw away his drawers when she finished cutting him up, but for now he had to be strong and weather the storm.

"Half the time I don’t even know when yo ass is coming by. You can’t be tipping in here when I got a teenage girl who lives here. Just ’cause your ass got a key to this house, you can’t just walk in here like you do with the one you pay the mortgage on in Upper Marlboro. You gettin’ yo shit twisted. Put my key on a different chain or something, ’cause you sho’ damned confused!"

"Oh hell, I can do better than that. Give me back my goddamn key. That’ll solve all this shit! Give it back since you can’t remember nuthin’. I’m tired of you scarin’ the shit out of me every time you want some company. You must be tryin’ to send me to jail for fuckin’ ’round with you! Ain’t nobody worth me going to jail. Dude, what is yo problem? Who the hell does this kind of shit? You gots to come in here correct, for real! Geez, I don’t even know why we even have to have this conversation! What is it that you don’t get, dude?!"

Karyn knew she had made her point and was going over the top, but she couldn’t help herself. She had discussed this with him before. This wasn’t the first time he had sneaked up behind her. She figured if he was bold enough to ignore her instructions, then he deserved everything he got, and she intended to give it to him with both barrels. She really looked forward to seeing him and was ecstatic whenever he came by, but she didn’t like being surprised. She wanted some kind of notice, even if it was only a minute.

Russell, you just scared the hell out of me! You would scare anybody, and especially Bethany if she had been home by herself. You’ve got to stop it! If I had something to hide, your ass wouldn’t have a key in the first damn place, so don’t be trying to play Special Agent Double-Oh-Seven James Bond Russell up in here on me neither!

She didn’t point her finger. He was a proud man, and she didn’t want to challenge his dignity. She would never emasculate him. She simply wanted him to think before he entered her home. She stepped back, exhaled, and looked him square in the face.

"I’ma tell you this one last time: knock before you open that door. Once you open the door, wait, and then announce yourself. Then wait some more until you hear a response before you take one step into this house."

She lifted the cleaver by its handle, pointed the tip of it toward him, and looked him directly in his eyes, devoid of any emotion. Next time you do this shit, you gon’ be pushing up daisies and I’ma be explaining it to the judge. And that will really piss me off. I’ll be so pissed, I’ll probably dig your ass up and cut you all over again!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, he mumbled.

You’re sure about that? Then tell me what I just said!

Karyn, that’s enough. Now, you don’t have to go there. He hung his head, shaking it from side to side, resigned that he could do nothing to stop her tirade. He knew he would just have to let the storm pass.

Oh yes, I do! You see, when you act like a child, I have to treat you like a child. Now, tell me: what did I just say to you? I want to be sure that we understand each other.

He told her the procedure for entering her house.

"Good! See! You do understand! I knew you were a smart one!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it, he continued to mumble.

"I’m serious, Russell. I’m tired of yo shit-ass surprises. You gon’ get yo ass cut, and then I’ma have to worry about the judge, and then your people looking for me when I finally get out of jail. You ain’t worth it, Russell—nuh-uh! Your dick is good—it’s real good—but it ain’t worth me going to jail, talkin’ to the judge, and hiding from your peoples. Nuh-uh! Hell naw!"

He wouldn’t let on that he was embarrassed or that his feelings were hurt. He truly hadn’t meant to scare her, and he knew she was justified in laying him out. His pride was bruised because she was calling him out and he had no defense. There was nothing he could say. He had been warned.

At first, he didn’t want a key to Karyn’s house because she lived alone with her girls. She’d endured a lot of drama with the girls and their father, and he wanted to avoid any possible issues just because he had a key. He valued their relationship too much and didn’t want to risk putting it in any kind of jeopardy. He was enchanted with her, and having a key was such a practical thing when she gave it to him. He soon became seduced by the convenience of letting himself in anytime he wanted, and he liked it.

He was comfortable in her house. It was warm and inviting, beautifully decorated in earth tones and stylish furnishings. She kept it immaculately clean. It was his home away from home. He tried not to get too comfortable in Karyn’s world, but he lost the battle. He was a pessimist and afraid that the bubble would burst. His insecurity made him nervous. Add a healthy dose of guilt from leading a double life, and he was ripe for an explosion.

Indeed, sometimes he intentionally came by unannounced just to see what he would find when she wasn’t expecting him. He needed to verify that she was for real, that she wasn’t putting on a show for him or pretending to be something she was not. And while she allowed her girls to keep their rooms like a tornado had ripped through them, the common areas of the house and her private living space were always spotless. Most importantly, he never found evidence that another man had been in her house. In short order, unofficially he was the man of the house, even if he didn’t pay the mortgage.

Chapter 2

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I t was about midnight when they got back from their day long road trip to New York City. Bethany had just started her senior year in high school and was looking forward to going to college the next year. She wanted to tour the campuses of New York University and Columbia University, two of six schools on her short list.

Karyn looked forward to her trips with Bethany and touring all the different campuses. She didn’t have the benefit of visiting either the undergraduate or graduate schools she attended before showing up for the first day of class. Had she visited either of them before she enrolled, she wouldn’t have attended either of them. Consequently, she was committed to allow her girls the opportunity to tour prospective schools before they applied for admission.

Hey, sweetie, why don’t we take a train up to New York? We can get adventurous—get on the subway, hop a cab, do what the locals do. We’ll get lost, do some shopping, and make a day of it! We’ll leave when we get tired. The train leaves out of DC from Union Station. I can drive there and park the truck, and we can roll right back home when we get back. How does that sound, sugarplum?

Bethany looked at her mother quizzically. If that’s what you wanna do, Mom. Do you know where we’re going?

Of course not! Karyn gave her a big mischievous grin. To know beforehand would take the adventure out of it. Part of getting to know a city is getting lost in it.

Yeah, okay, Mom, if you say so.

"Yes! Yes! I say so! Ooh, it’s gonna be so much fun! I am so excited!"

Bethany just smiled and shook her head. Mom, sometimes you can be so adorable.

Karyn reached out her arms to embrace her baby girl. She needed to touch her, to hold her. Knowing that Bethany would be away in college soon, she would miss hugging her, so she took advantage of every opportunity to hold her baby girl.

Bethany thought her mom should have been a comedienne or an actress, because she could always make her laugh. She loved Karyn with all of her heart. There were issues between them when it came to driving and body piercings. In fact, Bethany thought her mother was extremely anal in her opinions about body piercing, getting a car, and living in an apartment off campus, to name a few, but overall she thought she was the luckiest girl in the world to have Karyn as her mom. Their relationship was nothing like some of the awful stories she heard from her friends about their relationships with their moms.

Bethany witnessed her older sister Eva’s, strained relationship with Karyn when Eva was a teenager. Bethany was determined not to have the kind of drama that Eva had for herself. She learned from Eva’s mistakes and how to navigate Karyn’s non-negotiable rules and lofty expectations. Like most teenagers, she thought her mom was a little behind the times, technologically challenged, and so forth, but she loved her just the way she was. She knew they both would miss each other terribly once she left for college.

Karyn was still excited about the trip when Russell came by that night. He was concerned about Karyn and Bethany being in bustling New York City all by themselves. He knew Karyn didn’t know a thing about New York City. He had taken her there a few times to shop, see a show, and just enjoy the city, but he had no confidence in her and Bethany’s ability to handle themselves alone in the Big Apple. He knew Karyn was stubborn enough to follow through with her plan if he didn’t go with them. They needed him, even if Karyn didn’t think so, and he wanted to be there to protect them. And he wanted an excuse to indulge his passion for shopping.

How long do you plan on staying?

I’m coming back the same day. I’m not spending the night, Karyn replied.

So, when do you want to go?

In a couple of weeks. I need to set up the appointments and make sure I get a day when we can tour both campuses. I want to get as much done as we can in one trip.

Would you mind driving up?

Not at all, if you’ll go with us.

Suppressing a smile, he said, Okay, you twisted my arm. I’m helpless when it comes to you.

He knew New York City like the back of his hand and was relieved that Karyn was receptive to him joining them. He could protect them and run a few errands while they toured the campuses. It was a win-win situation for him.

Twisted your arm? Hell, I thought I’d put a pistol to your balls, Karyn quipped.

Oh, I got the pistol far ya, baby—if you handle the balls, he retorted.

You know you’re full of it, don’t you? Karyn sarcastically retorted.

Ooh, baby, you bring out the nasty in me.

Two weeks later at five o’clock in the morning, they left for New York City in Karyn’s silver GLS 450 Mercedes-Benz SUV. He wanted to make sure they had enough time to make as many stops as they needed and have a good breakfast before their first tour. They arrived in New York City shortly before ten o’clock in the morning. Karyn and Bethany planned to spend only a couple of hours at each campus. The first appointment was at NYU at ten thirty in the morning. Russell, knowing exactly where they needed to go, got them there with just minutes to spare.

He left, ran an errand, and picked them up at one o’clock in the afternoon to shuttle them to Columbia University for their appointment at two o’clock. Russell was addicted to the men’s department of New York City’s Macy’s department store. Unlike most men, he loved to shop. Macy’s was his secret passion. He loved shoes, and no price was too high. Macy’s in New York City had so much to choose from, so many collections, and he loved having options. His excuse for shopping there was that he had a hard time getting the right fit.

Karyn and Bethany drank the cold sodas and ate the sandwiches he brought them as they rode through the city. He went with them inside the administration building at Columbia University but didn’t stay. Instead, he went back to Macy’s to shop for more shoes. He was back to pick them up promptly at four thirty. Again, he had their favorite sodas chilled and waiting for them when they got in Karyn’s Benz.

Russell wanted to get as far out of the city as possible before they had dinner in an effort to avoid the second surge of rush hour traffic, but he failed. It was almost five o’clock on a Friday afternoon in New York City. They would have stayed in the city until at least eight o’clock in the evening before leaving, but he was scheduled to work early the next morning.

They ate dinner at Applebee’s on I-95 right outside of the city. Afterwards, Russell made one last stop at a Macy’s department store in a mall along the highway in New Jersey to pick up a pair of shoes being held for him. Karyn often teased him that he would drive around the world and back for just the right pair of shoes. He loved shoes more than she did, but he swore that she needed a twelve-step program to recover from her obsession with shoes and boots. Sometimes his peculiarities annoyed her, but she graciously accepted his quirkiness as so long as it didn’t impose upon her.

Karyn and Bethany waited inside the SUV while Russell shopped. They’d had a full day with the tours and were only too eager to let him be alone to do his thing. They had walked enough for one day, and they wanted private time to talk about the events of the day, whether either of the schools were still on the short list, and how each school lived up to their expectations. Finally, Russell returned with shoes in tow, and they headed back down the New Jersey Turnpike toward DC. Everyone was in good spirits.

Karyn dragged herself upstairs to her bedroom. Russell was gathering his things to leave. Happy to be home, Karyn started taking off her clothes and silently thanking God for an enjoyable, safe, uneventful, and successful trip.

As she took off her trousers, Russell closed the bedroom door. She unsnapped her bra soon after they ate dinner, before they’d made it off the ramp to Interstate-95. She was a Houdini at getting out of her bra. While she never went braless, she had always been annoyed with the garment. She had sexy ones and enjoyed shopping for them, but her bra was always the first thing to go at the end of her day. She didn’t understand how some women sleep in bras. She had a love-hate relationship with the garment. As far as she was concerned, a bra was made to keep the boobs from jiggling around, to push them up, and to make a woman look sexy, period.

Now, Karyn was back at home and had removed everything except her very sexy panties, when Russell looked at her and stated in a rather matter-of-fact tone, I wanna eat your pussy before I leave. I hope you don’t mind.

She looked at him with a grin and a raised eyebrow.

I know you’re tired. You don’t have to do nothing but relax. But I ain’t going nowhere till I eat your pussy.

She had to pee, and here he was talking about eating pussy. After ten years, she was used to his blatant sexual candor. But she wouldn’t have been mad if he’d taken his ass home. She had hoped to throw herself in bed after such a long trip and take a shower when she woke up the next morning. But now this man was teasing her about eating her pussy.

Damn, ain’t he tired? Shit!

She reasoned that she really shouldn’t complain. Hell, there were worse things to get mad about, such as coming over and opening the door anytime he pleased. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy him. She loved their sexual energy and his desire always to want to please her. They’d been going ten years strong and he continued to thoroughly satisfy her.

After she tinkled, she took a shower to freshen up. She kept herself clean, which is why he enjoyed going down on her so much. She had a huge selection of bath oils, gels, and moisturizers—all kinds of stuff. You name it and she had it or had tried it. Now, her fifty years of age was the new thirty, and she still loved sexy lingerie. She had one closet in her bedroom filled with nothing but sheer satins, silks, and lacy make your man drool from the mouth night and lounging garments. Nothing in that closet would give anybody a clue that she had grown daughters of her own and was a grandmother to boot. She was young at heart no matter the year of her birth certificate. No T-shirts, flannel, or cotton ruffles for her, not even in the wintertime. She would throw another blanket on the bed before she would sleep in flannel.

Karyn made Russell’s heart skip a beat every time she came out of her bathroom ready for bed. He loved it, especially because she didn’t do it to impress him. It was just what she did. He had surprised her many nights when she was asleep or lounging and she was always in beautiful sexy lingerie or loungewear. Her motto was: When you go to bed, don’t look like you want to go to sleep, even if that’s what you end up doing.

She slept naked when she didn’t feel like wearing lingerie. He got a hard-on just looking at her. He called her "Vee with a Guarantee"—guaranteed to make him rise, that is. He was fifty-eight years old. She was his Viagra. She kept him ready for the moment, and the moment was always right!

Chapter 3

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U mp, ump, ump. That was so good, baby! Ump! Damn, you’re good! She felt as if she had been possessed by the passion they shared. She was lying in his arms enjoying the afterglow of their oneness. She was complete. At that moment, she could close her eyes and not care if she ever opened them again. She was truly satisfied.

You got some good stuff, baby. I couldn’t help myself. He winked at her and held his head apologetically to the side. Whispering and kissing her on the tips of her ears, he declared, I’m sorry, baby. After eatin’ that good pussy of yours, I just had to fuck you!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She blushed. Like that wasn’t what you were gonna do in the first place.

I just wanted you to get a good night’s sleep, baby. You had a long day.

He then got up and walked to the bathroom.

Although he would never tell her, Russell admired Karyn’s relationship with her daughters. She was a great mom; he had grown to respect her parenting style. He didn’t get it at first. Initially, he thought she was too lenient and negotiated too much with them. But her style and the girls’ unabashed love for their mom finally won him over and convinced him that she must be doing something right.

At times he wondered how his life would have been if she were the mother of his children. Karyn was her girls’ biggest cheerleader. She loved them, believed in them, and supported them, unconditionally. She knew they were not perfect, and she didn’t expect them to be. She took parenting responsibilities and the welfare of her girls very seriously. She didn’t mind it at all.

When either of the girls disappointed Karyn, she simply said, "At the end of the day, these are my girls. Nothing will ever change that, not even when they do stupid things. I have to show them tough love every now and then, but they’ll always be my girls. They rolled over and formed inside my belly. They came from my womb, nobody else’s. They’re mine!"

He loved to hear her say that. He melted inside each time she said it because he felt the same way about his children. He longed to know how it felt to feel life inside one’s body. He was involved throughout the pregnancies of each of his four children regardless of what his relationship with their mother was like. His children’s welfare came before any woman. They were his priority. Karyn didn’t have a problem with that. She loved it. She wished her girls could receive as much devotion from their own dad. Both of her girls had daddy issues, in part because they deserved so much more from their dad.

After Russell showered, he put on his uniform as if he had been at work all day. No one was the wiser that he had been on a road trip with his girlfriend all day long. His wife might be awake when he got home, so he made himself look like it was just another day at the office.

The Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) operated around the clock. Russell worked the board so that his hours as a Metrorail station manager varied each day. He could claim to be working and his wife wouldn’t have a clue that he was spending time with Karyn. He got home whenever he pleased, no questions asked. Besides, just before he met Karyn, he had bought his wife a beautiful brand-new expansive home in the Upper Marlboro subdivision, where she had already moved in two of her sisters. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t confront her about it, either. It gave him permission and prevented any guilt about being in adulterous relationships or having sex with other women. WMATA was the perfect career to accommodate his roaming nature and he thoroughly enjoyed the twenty-five years he had worked for the company.

Karyn was put off by Russell’s deception but elected to see the good in him, instead. She put blinders on. She knew the quagmire she was in and fully accepted the rules of engagement. She knew Russell was protecting his wife at her emotional expense, and she was hurt by it. She knew that he was also protecting himself. He wasn’t strong enough to endure separation, confrontation, or recrimination, no matter how tough he wanted others to think he was. He had the best of both worlds. He could enjoy Karyn and his wife. He was selfish. He had his cake and was eating it, too. Karyn knew she was enabling him to do the very thing she despised him for doing. What a mess she had allowed herself to participate in.

How can he live such a double life? she thought.

If he weren’t with her he would be with some other woman. It didn’t justify why she put up with him, it was a commentary of his character. Maybe he enjoyed the challenge of a double lifestyle, but Karyn refused to spend a lot of energy trying to figure it out. She was a grown woman who had the power of choice and she wouldn’t blame Russell or anybody else. She accepted full responsibility for abetting Russell’s behavior despite how immoral it was. She was no better than he was. She reasoned that as long as he did what she needed him to do for her, she was the one in control of the relationship. She was single and had nothing to lose. He was dispensable if she chose him to be.

Through the years he was with her seemingly without guilt or regrets, as far as she knew and as far as she wanted to see. She put no pressure or demands on him. She believed he loved her and her girls. Sometimes he tried to put distance between them, but he always came back to Karyn. She was under his skin. He was a player and to his surprise, could not remember when she snagged him. Dammit, she was not supposed to hook him as she had. He was happy with Karyn. He enjoyed her company when they weren’t having sex. They got along well, and she was loyal. She was a one-man woman. They laughed together at the silliest things. At any given time, they knew what the other was feeling. They had chemistry. Despite all of Russell’s efforts to remain aloof from Karyn, he fell in love with her anyway. But he was married to someone else that he would never leave, not even for Karyn.

Karyn convinced herself that she had Russell’s heart. Because she made no demands on him, she was convinced that he was with her because he wanted to be. His visits kept her hopes alive that one day he would stay and be with her permanently. She longed for the day when they would be an exclusive out-in-the-open couple.

While Karyn was indeed, in love with Russell, she was not a complete naive fool. She knew nothing about his relationship with his wife other than what he told her, which was not very much and was undoubtedly very self-serving. It was obvious to Karyn that Russell’s marriage worked for him on some level because he stayed married and continued to live with his wife. Seasoned adults have unique relationships. Some couples stay together for reasons that, on the outside looking in, are unacceptable. It was clear to Karyn that Russell enjoyed both her and his wife, but she refused to get frustrated in trying to figure it out.

He told her when their relationship started that his wife wouldn’t let him go.

What kind of bullshit is that? Don’t you have something to say about it? She