The Worst of Sinners: A Novel

By Craig A. Comstock

Was the apostle Paul using hyperbole in calling himself the “worst of sinners” when writing to Timothy just before his death? What does Paul tell us today about about free will, repentance, grace, election, and forgiveness?

How does God take away our hearts of stone and remove the veils from our eyes so that we can see the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ? Is there truly anyone beyond the reach of God’s amazing love? Is there anyone that God allows us to refuse to forgive? Can one who has turned his or her back on Jesus be brought back to salvation?

Exploring these questions and more, The Worst of Sinners presents a retelling of the story of Saul and his conversion outside the walls of Damascus. The tale askes us this critical question; Can we follow the royal law found in Scripture, “love your neighbor as yourself” when your own heart is filled with anger, guilt and shame? Let’s follow Saul, and his companions at the house on Straight Street during these three dramatic days that altered the course of all human history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664208353

Craig A. Comstock

Craig has been a deacon at Covenant Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Barre, Vermont, for over thirty years. Craig has a degree in psychology from Castleton University. He worked for the Department for Children and Families for more than forty years, retiring recently as regional manager. Craig and his wife of forty-seven years, Michelle, have lived in the beautiful mountains of the Green Mountain State all their lives. They are blessed with three grown children, five grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.

Book preview

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Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our

image, in our likeness." So, God created mankind

in his own image, in the image of God he created

them; male and female he created them.

GENESIS

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I T WAS A SEASON OF OPPRESSIVE HEAT, AND THIS DAY SEEMED worse than any other, if that were possible. It had been a period of sweltering hot weather. Even the eldest among Damascus residents could not call to mind another spring so oppressive.

Judas sat alone in his house on Straight Street; his wife and children had escaped the heat of the city by seeking refuge in the cool air of their mountain estate. They had admonished Judas to join them, but he declined, citing business matters that only he could attend to. He had promised to join them as soon as he could, but he had no intention of keeping this promise. The heat had only served to intensify his depressed mood, and the thought of being around anyone, even his own family, was gloomy beyond belief.

Judas was reclining in the shade of his garden, drowsy from his half-eaten dinner and another night of fretfully meager sleep. In recent days he had hoped and even prayed—something quite foreign to him—that the nightmares would somehow be banished, but to no avail. They had, if anything, become even more intense. His eyes were heavy with sleep when he was startled at the sound of nervous horse hooves outside on the stony street and frantic men yelling. He was hoping the commotion would soon pass by, and he could return to his midday melancholy. However, any hope of that fled at the resolute knock at his door.

More than a little agitated that he had sent the servants home early today, Judas reluctantly got up and went to the door.

Who is it, and what do you want? the irritated and fatigued Judas demanded through the front door.

My name is Malcus, captain to the temple guard in Jerusalem, replied the authoritative voice from beyond the door, sounding more than a little impatient that Judas had not opened it.

What business have I to do with you? asked Judas, hoping that this unwelcome intruder would quickly depart.

The voice was sharp. We have Saul of Tarsus, an important representative from High Priest Caiaphas in Jerusalem, who has had an accident and insisted that we bring him to you.

Judas was unaccustomed to being spoken to so sternly, particularly in his own home, and he was getting angrier by the moment. However, knowing High Priest Caiaphas well from his many visits to Jerusalem, Judas restrained his temper and opened the door.

The door was only partially open when Malcus forced his way into the foyer, knocking Judas a little off balance in his haste to enter.

Now Judas was no longer holding his temper and glared at the temple guard. What is the meaning of this? he demanded. I am a personal friend of Caiaphas; he will be outraged to hear about this deplorable behavior from one of his servants! Judas stretched out his entire six-foot frame as he towered over the diminutive Malcus.

Not the least bit deterred, Malcus motioned for his men to bring in the disoriented Saul. Before Judas could utter another threat, his house was overrun with men in temple garb. In the midst of them was a disheveled figure slumped over in an obvious state of delirium. Judas wasn’t certain, but the dazed and confused man in the center of this crowd did indeed appear to be Saul of Tarsus, one of the favorites at the temple court in Jerusalem. It was impossible to mistake the fiery red hair of Saul, his bowlegs, and his muscular chest.

Judas did not know Saul personally but had seen him occasionally in the presence of the high priest. It had not been a very well-kept secret that in the not too distant future this Saul of Tarsus would take his place with the other elders in the Sanhedrin. Judas was not an overtly pious Jew; however, it was always good business to be well acquainted with the chief priest and his entourage.

Why are you bringing the representative of the high priest here? Judas once again demanded of Malcus.

Malcus, more accustomed to giving orders than taking them, looked around the house and asked Judas, Is there a bedroom that Saul can be taken to?

Seeing that his anger and pleas were going unheeded, Judas grudgingly led the temple guards and Saul to one of the guest rooms on the ground floor of his home.

The room was spacious and lavishly furnished and had been vacant for many months. Judas could not recall the last time he entertained guests in his house. The room contained a large bed, several bureaus, a private bath, and a gateway leading out into the main courtyard. To keep the room cooler, the drapes on the two large windows in the room were drawn shut. As Judas was beginning to open the drapes, he heard Saul weakly implore him to keep them shut. Judas could not help but notice that the man spoke with considerable difficulty, and he was covering his eyes with his hands. He was being held up by two guards.

Once placed on the bed, in a weakened and somewhat trembling voice, Saul said, Leave me now. I desire to be alone.

After ensuring that the room was indeed empty of any other inhabitants, Malcus motioned for his guards along with Judas to vacate the room. For the time being, Saul was his primary concern, and whatever Saul requested, Malcus was going to accommodate.

So, justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us.

We look for light, but all is darkness, for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows. Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like men without eyes. At midday we stumble as if it were twilight.

Isaiah 59:9-10

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Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.

GENESIS

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S AUL LAY IN THE DARKENED ROOM MORE EXHAUSTED THAN HE could ever recall being before. His body was aching from his relentless pursuit of the blasphemous heretics drawn to Jesus like flies. Saul had always taken a sinful pride in his physical abilities and endurance. Even as he led Malcus and the temple guards on the six-day trek to Damascus from Jerusalem, he secretly belittled the guards in his thoughts for their struggles to keep pace with him.

Saul’s thoughts wandered back to his days as a youth in Tarsus and how he was able to outrun, outwrestle, and outthink any of his peers. After defending himself from an attack by three Hittites just after he turned thirteen, he was reckoned as someone not to be trifled with in Tarsus. This reputation solidified when he won the city wrestling crown later that year. Saul recalled how dejected he had been that his father was too busy to attend the match. His prosperous tentmaking trade with the Roman legion was too vital to him to lose work even a single day that was not the Sabbath. Even when Saul informed his father of his victory, his father was too preoccupied with his work to so much as acknowledge his son’s triumph, thinking that such activities were a complete waste of time.

Being a product of Tarsus, Saul was much more influenced by the Stoic Hellenists than he would ever admit. In his father’s eyes, Saul could never measure up, no matter how hard he worked or what his accomplishments were. To this very day, Saul knew in his heart of hearts that all he ever did to excel was meant to gain the approval of his distant and demanding father.

For only the second time in his young life did Saul feel at a loss as to what to do next. The extraordinary event that had just occurred outside the city gates of Damascus had left him both bewildered and angry. From his white horse, Saul could see the well-tended gardens lying around the city walls of Damascus as he approached the city this morning—the ancient city where two rivers embraced and made a lovely and fertile area, the prize of many an enemy army. As he approached the city, he could feel the strength returning to his body after the long, arduous journey; he eagerly anticipated the arrest of those bewitched by the false messiah.

Then without warning came the otherworldly light, the quaking of the earth, and the voice from heaven. He was thrown from his horse and struck by blindness. What could this all mean? Saul was convinced that he was doing God’s will in his unremitting pursuit of these heretic followers of the Nazarene. Saul, who would rejoice to die at the hand of God, could and would not accept that the God he loved and served would strike him down on his sacred mission. Even the thought of a messiah who could be spit upon, beaten, mocked, and nailed to a Roman cross was anathema to his very soul.

When the Messiah came, He would annihilate any of the oppressors of the Jews, especially the heathen Romans. He would at once set up His kingdom on earth, and the Jews would be rulers right alongside Him. They would bathe their feet in the blood of God’s enemies, the Gentiles. Look at what God had done to all the pagan nations that had persecuted Israel in the past: Babylon, Assyria, Philistine, Moab, and Egypt all had been struck down, just as God’s prophets had foretold. The arrogant, self-absorbed, and blasphemous Romans would fare no better than those pagan nations.

Saul had an inexorable and absolute belief in the inerrant, inspired, and infallible Word of God. From his earliest days, he had known the scriptures that would make one wise unto salvation. From his youth, his father and grandfather had impressed upon his young and agile mind the importance of the Holy Scriptures. I am being beguiled by a demon was Saul’s only rationale for these most recent events. Saul was ruthless, arrogant, and impatient with all those who were his inferiors, which included most men and all women. He could not possibly be in error in persecuting these enthralled heretics following this Jesus of Nazareth.

Saul was especially chosen by the high priest for this mission due to his reputed impatience with weakness and fragility. He was now feeling weaker and more fragile than he could ever recall since the death of his blessed mother when he was five. The last thing Saul noticed was the sound of a barking dog outside his window as he sank into an unsettled sleep.

Do not hide Your face from Your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble. Come near and rescue me, deliver me because of my foes.

Psalm 69:17-18

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Now the serpent was more crafty than any of

the wild animals the LORD God had made. He

said to the woman, Did God really say?

GENESIS

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O NCE OUTSIDE SAUL’S ROOM, JUDAS’S FEARS BEGAN TO SUBSIDE, and his natural curiosities began to take over.

High Priest Caiaphas knows that I would never deny a request to have his representative stay at my home, Judas said, glancing sharply at the captain. Why did he not send letters along with Saul? I would have had my finest room readied for him.

Now with the immediate crisis over, Malcus ordered his guards back into the street called Straight. Judas thought that he could detect a softening of Malcus as the last of his guards departed his home.

Turning to Judas, Malcus took off his helmet and scratched his perspiring and mostly balding head.

Even though much shorter and older than Judas, Malcus indeed was not one to be provoked. He had not an ounce of fat about him. He was broad shouldered, and his legs were the size of small tree trunks. Just by his appearance alone one could easily see why he was the captain of the guards.

Is there a place where we can talk privately? Malcus inquired of Judas, scanning the room for any others.

Yes, my study is just inside this door. Judas led Malcus to an adjacent room.

What about your family? Malcus asked.

They have all gone to our mountain estate to escape this insufferable heat, replied Judas.

Once inside the room, Judas led Malcus to a small cluster of chairs. Malcus searched the room intently, taking extra time to scan the many manuscripts in Judas’s possession. Perhaps not even the high priest has this many, Malcus could not help reflecting.

Could I get you something to drink? Judas offered.

Being a naturally impatient person, Malcus declined this offer, and proceeded to pace about the room, all the while rubbing his whiskered chin with his right hand, his left holding firmly onto his helmet.

Judas immediately found his favorite chair and proceeded to sit, while awaiting Malcus’s explanation of what was going on with Saul of Tarsus and why he was now in the nearby guest room.

Still gazing about the room, Malcus began to speak. This morning as we were approaching the city gates, a most remarkable thing happened. Malcus again probed the room for anyone who could overhear their conversation.

High Priest Caiaphas assigned me to accompany Saul here to Damascus to capture and arrest any followers of Jesus of Nazareth. We had letters for Flaccus, legate of Syria, that would allow us to arrest and bring back to Jerusalem any who were followers of the Way. The journey was demanding due to the heat, and my men were exhausted trying to keep pace with Saul. Malcus paused long before continuing his account.

He is like no man I have ever encountered. He is a dour man, a man tormented in his mind with agony—at what I do not know. He is of the nature to court danger and despise safety. He is obsessed with righting the wrongs that he is convinced Jesus of Nazareth has done to our people and our holy religion. Saul has no patience with weakness, a most formidable adversary—exactly the kind of man that the high priest wants in his service for this mission. Malcus looked earnestly into Judas’s eyes as he spoke.

Judas was getting more impatient with this long-drawn-out explanation of what he thought was a simple question, Why is Saul in my house? Judas demanded, boring into Malcus with his eyes.

Seeing that Malcus was not one to be bullied or intimidated, Judas restrained his anger. Please, tell me why Saul is here, and how long will he be here. I have business interests to attend to. I must prepare to go to my family in the mountains. Take him to the synagogue here in Damascus; the rabbis there can better care for Saul.

This was my first thought, but Saul insisted that he had to be brought to you. He gave me no explanation, and I asked for none. My orders were to do as he commanded. I am not one to disobey orders from the high priest; it is neither wise nor safe to do so. I will go directly to the synagogue and speak with Joseph, the rabbi there, for instructions. Until then, Saul must remain with you. With these words, Malcus turned to leave.

Wait, implored Judas. You were telling me that a most amazing thing happened to you this morning on your way into the city. Surely you are not leaving without telling me what this amazing thing was!

Malcus fixed his old but keen eyes upon Judas, not sure it was wise to share the events of this morning with him. Wiping his now sweltering face with his forearm, Malcus continued to pace the room, uncertain how to proceed. Figuring that it was Saul who insisted on being brought to Judas, Malcus decided that it was safe to share with him the events of this morning. Again, wiping his perspiring brow with his powerful forearm, Malcus asked for a glass of water and sought refuge in the nearest chair before beginning his account of the morning. Judas, most anxious to hear how Saul had come to be in his house, turned quickly to get water to refresh the captain of the temple guard.

I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness, I will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

Isaiah 42:6-7

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The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from

the trees in the garden, but God did say, "You must

not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the

garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die."

GENESIS

A NANIAS HAD JUST LOCKED HIS SHOP DOOR AFTER A MORNING of restless and troubled work. He had debated not opening his shop at all this morning, fearful of what this day might bring. Salome, his wife of many years, had insisted that they not give in to their fears concerning the arrival of Saul of Tarsus from Jerusalem. She had said that to close the shop early would arouse undue suspicion. She had insisted that to flee this monster coming at the request of Caiaphas, the impostor high priest, would be to dishonor God.

God is no respecter of persons was her reply to Ananias’s plan to leave Damascus until Saul had completed his sinister work and returned to Jerusalem. To abandon their brothers and sisters at this bleak hour would be to show a complete lack of faith in God’s ability to deliver them from the hands of those who were persecuting them. Habakkuk’s refrain that the righteous will live by faith strengthened her resolve to stay in Damascus.

Ananias, whose faith was indeed much weaker than that of his patient and persistent wife, grudgingly agreed to stay but said they must keep a low profile until Saul had left. Salome had reluctantly agreed that until Saul had departed, they would be courting needless danger if the growing congregation of followers of Jesus of Nazareth continued to meet while Saul was in their city.

How many have abandoned the city? Ananias queried of Salome, who had just entered the shop after a morning of inquiring in the market.

I am not certain. At the meeting last night, we were not sure how many have left the city and how many are just hiding out in the city. There were less than twenty at the gathering last night. Most are too poor to leave, even if they wanted to. Despair was evident in her voice.

Ananias, rubbing his hands together, nervously went to the lone window in his shop and looked out, half expecting to see the entire temple guard surrounding his shop.

I still think it was a mistake to remain in the city while Saul is here. Ananias gave his wife a quick and imploring glance to see if her response to such an idea had softened now that the beast had actually arrived.

Your relatives in Nain would have been most happy to have us stay with them until this threat has passed. Ananias once again reminded his strong-willed wife that options for leaving the city were still open.

Salome, not wanting to resume this argument, let her husband’s remarks pass and changed the subject. While I was out at market, there was much chatter about something fantastic happening to Saul as he arrived at Damascus this morning. She looked keenly into the face of her frightened and confused husband. Even the mention of this resolute and ruthless man sent cold shivers down Ananias’s spine.

Seeing that Ananias was now listening, and not just fretting, she continued, I was not certain exactly what the chatter was about, as there seemed to be much confusion in the marketplace, as usual in times like this. Some said that Saul had an accident and was near death at some rich man’s home here in Damascus. Others said that Saul has returned to Jerusalem with the temple guards. Still others said that the temple guards or the Zealots have arrested Saul and are holding him prisoner in the home of one of their conspirators. Others said that the very hand of God had struck Saul down, and his body was taken to a friend of Caiaphas here in the city to be brought back to Jerusalem.

Ananias, who only moments earlier was beside himself with dread, felt the blood returning to his body. He fixed his weary eyes upon his wife. We must find out what all this means, he declared, as a flicker of hope once again smoldered in his heart.

Yes, we must, Salome agreed. Leaving the city now would only arouse suspicion. At the gathering last night, someone pointed out that the teachers of the law may be watching the city gate even now, to see if any Jews are leaving. If they find any, they may be arrested on the spot. I did see our sisters in the market this morning, and we agreed to meet again there this evening to share what each of us has learned this day about Saul and his plans.

Salome’s quiet confidence in God’s goodness and His ability to protect them, even in the face of this evil, calmed Ananias’s heart, and he was now content to wait and see what the Lord would do.

He looked steadily at her for a moment before speaking, Yes, we will wait on the Lord to guide us. His faith was slowly returning. We have prayed to Jesus about this. Now we must trust Him to show us His will, and refrain from fretting. Come, let us rest now until the midday heat passes. When I reopen the shop, you can again go out and see if there is any news about Saul.

Ananias gently took Salome’s hand and led her to the back of the shop where their bedroom was. Once again, in the silence of his heart, he praised God for blessing him with such a remarkable and wise wife.

Say to those with fearful hearts, be strong, do not fear, your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you. Then the eyes of the blind will be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

Isaiah 35:4-5

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You will not certainly die, the serpent said to the woman. For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be just like God.

GENESIS

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S AUL’S BODY SHOOK VIOLENTLY AS HE AWOKE FROM A RESTLESS sleep. He was drenched in perspiration, and a pain throbbed in his heart. His single blanket was bound about him like a funeral shroud.

He struggled to recover the dream that had just evaporated in his mind. In this dream he was back on the road to Damascus with the temple guards, pathetic traveling companions indeed. Two days out from Jerusalem, they were passing through wilderness, stark desert rough with thorns and brambles. Jackals followed their small caravan hoping for scraps to sustain them. The sun was excessively hot, and the silent milky desert stretched before them endlessly like the great sea. Black vultures circling the cloudless blue sky were constant companions. They too were hoping for some misfortune to either man or beast so that they too might eat.

Even with Saul’s exhilaration for this mission to vindicate his God, everything seemed to have lost color, beauty, and meaning in this barren place. The thought of more days with this miserable lot caused Saul to shudder with despair. If it were not for the captain of the guard, Malcus, Saul would have preferred to travel alone.

Finding and arresting the throng who had been deceived by this blasphemer was a simple enough task. Saul protested to Caiaphas when he was told that a detachment of temple guards would be assigned to him on his mission to Damascus. These followers of Jesus never made any attempt to hide their misguided allegiance to this bewitcher of their minds, and never did they offer any resistance when arrested; truly a contemptible lot.

As so often happened, the dream, recently so vivid and so real, was now fading into a vague feeling, a vapor, a sense of foreboding.

The evening before their arrival at Damascus had been the most pleasant of the journey. As the sun declined in the west, the mountains were set aglow by its rays. The harsh and cutting winds of the day were giving way to a light and gentle breeze. The thought of parting company with this insignificant band of men brought some relief to Saul’s agitated and bitter heart. For the first time on his journey, the sound of the guards’ crude talk and loud laughter around the campfire did not bring a scourging rebuke from Saul of Tarsus. The earth was dark and silent as he fell quietly into a sound sleep.

When he awoke early the next morning, he was refreshed for the first time on the journey to Damascus. He knew it was but a short ride to the gates of the city and his opportunity to commence his holy mission. The eastern sky was a blazing amber as the sun rose ever so slightly over the mountain peaks.

Saul, always the first to arise, did not immediately rouse his slothful companions but wanted to bask in the glories of God’s creation before this final trek into the city. Not one to waste a moment of any day in idleness, Saul decided to simply be still for a few moments. He knew that his time in Damascus would be full of controversy and conflict, even among the true believers, the Jews who were not deceived by this Nazarene sorcerer.

Even though the followers of the false messiah were for the most part the poorest and most ignorant of the Jews, not to mention those of ill repute, they had somehow endeared themselves to all who encountered them. Their lack of guile and gentle ways did not arouse the hostility of the Jews as it should have.

As the high priest had said to Saul while giving him his final orders, We cannot condone blasphemy, God cannot be mocked. We must make examples of those who have abandoned the true faith and followed this great deceiver. (Saul was well aware that it was concern for the temple treasury, not for the true faith of the Jews, that made Caiaphas most anxious.) With these final words Saul was introduced to Malcus, the captain of the temple guard, as Malcus was instructed by Caiaphas to do exactly as Saul ordered.

Shortly after sunrise the small traveling contingent broke camp after a light and