Here I Still Am: Poems

By Larry D. Quillian

This is my third book of poems and my final words/poems on the subjects. I’ve probably said too much already. As I said in my poem, Slavishly Enchained Letters (page 2, A Peek Inside), Sometimes there is nothing to say…yet words tumble out anyway. Loose lips, the curse of the poet. If you’ve read my other two books, A Peek Inside and Burn before Reading, you already know that I’m not expecting much interest from the world. These books are for just in case someone is interested.
Ldq

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664140097

Book preview

Here I Still Am

Poems

Larry D. Quillian

Copyright © 2020 by Larry D. Quillian.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 12/17/2020

Xlibris

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Introduction

In my first two poetry books, A Peek Inside and Burn Before Reading, I tried to touch on everything, lightly. My intent in this book, Here I Still Am, is to dig a bit deeper into subjects that interest me. So, don’t be surprised at more inconsistencies. My hope is that these poems make you stop and think, even more.

Ldq

He Puzzles, Still!

Seeking knowledge/wisdom, always,

this child of man puzzled away his life.

He had had but one life-time to learn

that true beauty is expressed in love…

And that truth—and truth itself—

had…has alluded him:

Why life, if not for purpose?

Reality cried out the question: why?

And, now, at his end-time,

the question has morphed to: Why not?

And as answer: No answer is there.

And he puzzles, still!

Dedication

I dedicate this book to all of my fellow existentialist who, like me, are hoping against what they/we know that they/we are wrong, and that the world is somehow full of sentient souls who will all find and spend an eternity together.

And good luck with that, guys!

ldq

Here I Still Am

Here I still am, in my eternity of words,

speaking, forever,

To a reader—any reader—any mind

who has opened these pages of mine:

My poems, my thoughts…my words,

all that I ever was, here I still am.

Contents

Love Song To The World

I Had A Dream

Immortality?

I Hope To Dream

Math

3 a. m.

Apotheosis And Betrayal

What?

Biography

Out Of The Wilderness

The Bully

The Shadows Of My Mind

A Little Faster

To Be The Mother

Withered

And I Could Still Sing

Obnoxiously Capable

Man, And His God

Memories, Then And Now

Filial Love Is Social Glue

A Child

Man

A Few Seconds

Now

No credit!

Loneliness

The Road Is Open

Firefly?

Happy Place

Standoffish

Whatever’s Left Of You

A Different Bloom

Threatening The Moon

The Six Pillars Of Love

A Heart To Hold Onto

Always Yours

Abortion?

Orphaned Poems

Still Standing

Life, Love, Legacy And Me

The Poet’s Gift

Evolution’s Stepchildren

To Be Or Not To Be

Orphaned Poems II

What Does He See?

How Close We Came

Women

Dream

Beyond A Lover’s Chain

Please Don’t Be Me

Do It All Again

Live In Your Moment

Change: One Certainty

Outré

A Line Of Beauty

Barred From Paradise

Our Kindest Words Are Lies

Yours Or Mine?

No Secrets Anymore

What Is Real

True Words

Thoughts Of Me

Or Maybe Hope

Celebration

Let Me Go There

What I Think

Complete The Cycle

Cogitators

To Try To Please

My Fantasizing Man

At Half To 666

Afterthought

Our Last Cavalier

Where I Stay

Oh God

To Go Back Home

No More To Beam

Don’t Wait For Me

Might-Have-Been

Time’s Getting Shorter

Extreme Unction

Anonymous Me

Word Weaving

Alone

No More…No Less….

Another Dead End

Companionship

Fire Or Venom?

Fidelity

Found And Lost

Identity

The Dark Key

The Mensch

Yesterday’s News

Facing Down Death

That Time Of Year

The Drain

Unlost Souls

Stillborn

The Cost Of A Poem

Otherwise

The Human Species Survives

Vanity?

What Might-Have-Been

Explication

Things We Can Touch

Reaching Out Of Reach

The Bureaucrat

The Alternative

Wasted Death

The Comfort That Is

Thief

Dreamers In Dreams Lie Awake

Nihilism

Destiny Of Love

My Unvarnished Sin

Unvarnished Sin II

For Children’s Sake

I’m Done

Words

A Lot Of Me’s

To Just Live

Let’s Call It Love

So Not Alone

Old Men Dream Dreams

Seventy-Five

The Last Tec-less Caveman

Come To See Me Die

Base Stuff

Live Now This Time

Dissonance

One Aching Heart In Need

Misgivings

See?

Who’s There?

Goodbye, Souls

All Of Me

One Taste

Heart Rending

Too Soon

But What Will I Do Tomorrow? (One)

But What Will I Do Tomorrow? (Two)

But What Will I Do Tomorrow? (Three)

Lost Love

It Wasn’t Personal

Margie Part One

Margie Part Two

Margie Part Three

Not Quite Alone

My Blossom Drifts

Her Dreams

Beyond Touch

It’s My Fault

About People

Another Hour

Poetry And Me

Why

Heavier And Heavier

Us As Us

To Be You

About My Poetry

On My Way

Could Have Been

The Game Of Life

The Question Of Morality

The Survivor

God

The Lonely Tower

Babies

What Sense Does Time Make?

Hello: Waiting

Love, Honor, Courage

Endearing Faults

Explanation At The End

Hear My Music

Heroes

So, Now I’m Dead

Finding Our Way

Liberties With Pan

My Mother’s Dream

Nothing

Why Poetry

Partying Or Drinking?

Right In Front Of You

To Die Happy

Parting With My Time

Time, As Near As We Know

Let’s Call It: God

Good Luck With That

Living Life And Dreaming Dreams

The Language Of Touch

Your Best Friend

Rage, Rage From A Heart Betrayed

To Do Without

Because Love Is Why

Why?

Night Lyrics

We

Why, We And Survival

Turning

Bequest

The Dark Beauty Of The World

Time To Be

Less Waiting For Me

Order In The Universe

Dust

Sleeping Towards Eternity

Sneak A Peek, And Then…

Purgatory

Dumb Enough To Live

Sadness

Sorry

I Don’t Really Want To Go

The Cold, Dark Mystery

Nothing

Paying Attention To Everything

Our Heroes

Fatal

Words For You And You

Sons Of Gentlemen

Murmurations

Epithalamium

Abandoned

Miracle

A Sadness Of Quiet

Here Sits A Stranger

Choices

Permanence

Ageing

Not Alone

Not Wanting Much

Immortal

To Let The Anger Rest

Soul For Sale?

Home On The Range

Tripping On The Truth

Going Home?

Ecce Homo

Trapped

Pray Goodnight

Dandelions

Mother’s Day, Alone

Catching Up

A Chance to Know

Closure?

Chasing Dust

Faithful Companions

Emptying the Bucket

The Cipher

Faithless To Fear AI

A Real Poet

The Rage Of Love

My Dream

Your World Or Completely Alone

Lost In Life, And Doomed

In The Wind

Mercy

Mercy Part II

I Hope You Like It

Love Song To The World

Speck in a huge and expanding galaxy,

that is a speck in endless reality,

that is so close to being nothing at all

that we have yet to be noticed by:

What? if what is the answer:

by that light or that dark,

By anything that can notice,

by, we will call this mystery: God.

Yet womb to life, to man,

mother of life that’s known,

The only source of understanding

that might be felt in the bowels

of black holes, you, giver and maker

and home to all known life,

You, World, are my only possibility for love….

So, please, please sing with me now, World,

Sing with me now that we are in synergy,

now that I have pledged my life to you.

Such is my need to hear your voice, your song,

that I will say, yes, to all you ask.

I Had A Dream

I had a dream

that, somewhere,

In the immensity of the universe,

life evolved

Feeding on non-organic matter,

and that intelligent beings evolved

Without the need to cannibalize

other life.

I had a dream that evolution

was benign to life,

And, that nothing that lived,

killed,

Not for need! Not for pleasure!

Not for sport!

That intelligence evolved

believing in

The utter uniqueness of life,

and that life was

Totally sacrosanct

and that all assets

Were communal

and that all pain

Was empathetically shared.

I had a dream….

Immortality?

Straining against the truth of life:

Knowing and not knowing,

Believing and not believing,

cursing and praying.

We want to know—and we know—

but we can’t accept the truth…

Something inside of us

just will not let us die!

And so we create immortality

and live for tomorrow instead of today.

Seven billion