Journey to Love, Return to Light: A Memoir

By Ali Mills

After 11 years of experiencing excruciating back pain, hundreds of hours visiting doctors and physical therapists, and thousands of dollars, Ali found the magic wand to fix her pain. Or so she thought. What began as a delightful three weeks of experiencing “no pain,” turned into a mystical journey of thawing the proverbial iceberg.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Sep 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9781982254506

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Copyright © 2020 Ali Mills.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system

without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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links contained in this book may have changed since publication and

may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use

of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help

you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use

any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional

right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Author Photo by Erika Swain @ LoftPhotoArt.com

Interior Art by Clayton Mabey

ISBN: 978-1-9822-5449-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-5451-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-5450-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020917013

Balboa Press rev. date:   09/25/2020

To be tattooed on my forehead: Trust the process.

Followed by: No ragrets.

Ali is a powerful, intuitive healer who is incredibly tuned into the field of light and love. Ali has been able to provide insights into my past that have proven to benefit my future.

~Aaron Hansen

Ali showed me that I have power and control over my mental and physical health. She is the perfect guide to my pathway to healing and joy.

~Amanda Boyden

Ali has a gift for healing and a gift for teaching others how to heal. She is giving us knowledge, perspective and tools that are bringing our family so much hope.

~Cathy Boyden

Ali’s story helped me radically shift my understanding of my feelings, and I learned to feel emotions in myself and in others without judgment. It has allowed for all new kinds of understanding and peace. Digging deeper into the roots of our feelings and re-examining them to build a stronger foundation is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves.

~Elsa Dubil

Ali Mills is the epitome of light and love; I believe this is why she is such a successful healer. From personal experience, I know she has sensed my pain and confusion from my trauma. Ali has not only helped me become aware of its existence, but has taught me that it’s ok to let the trauma and pain go, to allow myself to heal, and in the process be patient and loving to myself.

~Jaimey Tripp

My experience with Ali as my teacher was positive and empowering. Her ability to teach in a way where her students understand is something that I greatly admire, and she has taught me things that I will never forget. I knew nothing about chakras, emotional healing, and foot zoning, but after being in Ali’s class I not only understand those things, but I can grow in a spiritual way and heal myself in deeper areas that I could not comprehend before. Hearing her story helped me to understand those areas of healing even more thoroughly, and I know she will continue to help others in the future.

~Jillian Heiskell

I came to Ali with a broken soul feeling heavy, dark, and stuck. Ali helped me feel light and find my power and inner peace to be able to have the courage to move forward and become a more whole person.

~Karen Stack

I took yoga in High school just to fulfill another class credit. Taking yoga with Ms.Mills was a life-changing experience for me. She helped me see why I was reacting to my past traumas and how to heal from them and move past them. Ms.Mills has been a huge supporter of my healing process. She is an amazing person and healer. It is because of her I was able to start my journey of healing. She has been such a huge role model and inspiration to me, I continue to learn from her wisdom.

~Zeinab Salih

Contents

Prologue Self-Reflection

A Crinkle in Time

A Dream Deferred

Setting the Stage

I’m in Love with You … We Need to Talk

Tip of the Iceberg

You Don’t Trust Men

Dear Diary

The Trigger

Psych Synchronicity

Back to the Future

The Twilight Zone

Bedtime Story

Down the Rabbit Hole

I Have a Mom

You Have Sisters

The Truth

The Law of Attraction

Proposals and Waiting

Back to the Story

I Can’t. I Did.

Psychosoma

Decline and Delete

I Had a Dream, Well, a Lot of Them

I’m Famous

The Iceberg

Melting the Iceberg—One Issue at a Time

The Iceberg Runs Deep

Closure

Epilogue Birthday gift

Prologue

SELF-REFLECTION

This story is not a pity party, a whoa-is-me story, or a me-and-my-poor-life story. It’s a reflection on the weaving together of all the things I have learned, and how the puzzle pieces of my life started to fit together and make sense as I searched for the pieces I didn’t even know were missing, in order to put them in their rightful place. Those missing pieces were not lost. They were deeply hidden, right inside of me. They say, All of the answers you need are inside of you. They were right.

It’s a story of great healing, both physical and emotional. Of meditation and inspiration. Of prayers long asked for and answered, in unexpected, and often undesired, ways. A hindsight-is-20/20 story. It is a lesson in seeing how everything works together for our highest good. If we allow it to. If we allow ourselves to see that all of it has meaning.

The majority of this story took decades for me to understand. By the time I finish writing it, I will have learned more, brought more to the surface. And by the time you read it, the puzzle will have grown. I’m not sure the puzzle will ever be finished—even after I take my last breath. For we are all connected. My story will live on as you figure out how your puzzle fits together and get curious about finding your hidden pieces.

This story starts as a childhood dream. A dream fulfilled—but not in the way I ever could have imagined.

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A Crinkle in Time

G ROWING UP, I LOVED to dance. I would turn on Paula Abdul, Janet Jackson, and Michael Jackson and dance my little heart out in my bedroom or on our back lawn with my boom box blasting. I craved dance lessons as a child, but I knew my parents couldn’t afford them, so I didn’t cry or pout about them. I don’t remember even asking for them. It’s just the way things were.

When I got to high school, I finally took my first dance class. I was horrible, in the sense that I had no technique, but I had skill, I had heart, and I had desire. I tried out for drill team and didn’t make it. Rejection was hard to take, but it wasn’t a surprise. I was competing for a limited number of spots with one hundred other girls who had grown up dancing. They could pirouette and do tour jetés, and fouettés till I was dizzy just watching them. I was stoked I even made it to finals.

The middle of my junior year, my back started hurting—a dull constant