Triumphant in the Trenches (Victory Despite Challenges): Memoirs of a Military Spouse

By Kathryn A. Butler

So why write a book about the life of a military spouse and how I navigated through this lifestyle. After 35 years of counseling, mentoring, adjusting, re-defining, adapting, sacrificing, suffering, overcoming, championing, rising and succeeding, I felt it necessary to note pen to paper to give validation to the many spouses that have also survived. I also wanted to provide a realistic view and insights that will bring hope to the many spouses currently living the life and for those to come.

Does the day to day routine of life cause for a feeling of being overwhelmed, overlooked, or unappreciated? Has the indoctrination into a new culture and lifestyle shift appear to be daunting?

Triumphant in the Trenches will empower, enlighten, and inspire you to take authority over your situation and rise to be triumphant in every area of your life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 26, 2020
• ISBN: 9781973693406

Kathryn A. Butler

Kathryn A. Butler is an Author, Certified Master Trainer Instructor, and Certified Career Coach. She has also been a highly sought after speaker for conferences both nationally and internationally for over 30 years. Her selfless, big heart, and effervescent personality are always on full throttle. She gracefully navigated the storms associated with fourteen permanent change of station (PCS) moves over the course of twenty-two years of being a military spouse, and dealt with constant uncertainty with style and grace. Her passion to empower others to live their best life is evident in the success of those whom she coaches and counsels at every level. Kathryn has been happily married to her husband, Dr. Preston Butler Jr. (retired US Army lieutenant colonel), for 37 years. Contact Information Kathryn A. Butler [e-mail] Personal & Professional Development Certifications: CCC, CEIP, and CWDP

Book preview

Inspiring, informative, and insightful! This book is a must-read for everyone raising a busy family. Kathryn shares her personal journey as a military spouse and provides powerful pearls of wisdom (a.k.a., triumphant thinking) that will help you achieve incredible success. In a candid and transparent manner, she speaks about marriage, relationships, child-raising, dealing with the vicissitudes of life, and coping with unfulfilled goals. You will cheer, cry, and gasp as you read her story. What a blessing and gift to military (and nonmilitary) families. It is much more than a memoir. It is a guide that will help you overcome challenges and be triumphant as you write your own story. Hooah!

—Dr. Preston Butler, LTC, U.S. Army, Retired

Triumphant in the Trenches is a story that can only be told by someone who has lived through the many perils of life as a military spouse. This story, about overcoming, championing, rising, and succeeding after thirty-five years of service as a counselor and mentor, is indeed noteworthy. Kathryn’s memoirs of a military spouse are compelling. She comes straight from the heart as she shares her gripping stories written with transparency, sensitivity, and grace. They will stay with the readers long after the final page is turned. She masterfully weaves through the issues of military life. Her strong faith and exceptional insight give us a vivid description into a story of hope and determination Kathryn’s experiences evoke. This is a must-read for women from all walks of life.

—Dr. Barbara McCoo Lewis, General Supervisor, International

Department of Women, COGIC; Jurisdictional Supervisor,

Southern California First Ecclesiastical Jurisdiction

Kathryn Butler is a military spouse with over thirty years of experience in the military community, working as a mentor, career coach, family readiness trainer, and public speaker. Through her personal journey, you will discover impactful anecdotes, insight, and inspiring tips. This seasoned military spouse shares with the reader her personal struggles as a wife working to save her marriage, as a mother setting a solid foundation for her children, and as a career professional in search of her identity—dealing with the loss of family and friends and finding strength through her faith. This book is long overdue! It is a treasure chest, overflowing with sage advice for military spouses of all ages.

—Derrick Christovale Sr. SgtMaj, USMC, Retired

Inspirational, transparent, and genuine honesty—the words on the pages of this book of memoirs speaks volumes to the life and legacy of a true overcomer. Kathryn’s positive outlook on the trials and tribulations of life are very uplifting and insightful. This book is the perfect combination of inspirational stories, life’s lessons, anecdotes to the trials and tribulations of life.

Every military spouse needs to have a Kathryn Butler in their life—someone to give you truth and wisdom. This is a book that is inspirational, uplifting, and authentic and will help get you through the highs and lows of life.

—Mattrice Williamson, military spouse, wife, and mother

Triumphant in the Trenches is a must-read that you will return to again and again. Kathryn’s authentic and inspiring life lessons, triumphant thinking tips, and mind-itudes create an empowering roadmap to victory. She helps us understand how investing in ourselves allows our inner warrior to rise! As Kathryn says, We have the power to change our environment and impact the lives we touch each day if we stay true to who we are. Thank you, Kathryn, for your dedication to true servant leadership, your lifelong service to our military community, and your inspiration to all of us to live each season triumphantly.

—Lana Massimini, disabled Vietnam veteran’s

spouse, certified career coach

Triumphant in the Trenches is the written expression of Kathryn Butler’s love and passion for military spouses. Kathryn masterfully and skillfully shares her life story to help military spouses overcome their personal life challenges. This is a must-read for both military and civilian spouses alike. You’ll be not only touched and inspired but also empowered to make choices that result in successful living.

—Pastor Michael N. Henderson, Gospel Light

Church, Santa Ana, California

TRIUMPHANT

IN THE

TRENCHES

(VICTORY DESPITE CHALLENGES)

Memoirs

of a

Military

Spouse

KATHRYN A. BUTLER

44058.png

Copyright © 2020 Kathryn A. Butler.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Cover art designed by Beau Kimbrel

ISBN: 978-1-9736-9339-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-9338-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-9340-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020910116

WestBow Press rev. date: 08/18/2020

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Preface

SECTION 1: TRAINING GROUND

Chapter 1 Backstory

Chapter 2 In the Beginning

Chapter 3 Boot Camp

Chapter 4 First Duty Station

SECTION 2: ENDURING THE STRUGGLE

Chapter 5 Battleground

Chapter 6 Right Place – Wrong People

Chapter 7 Advance or Retreat—It’s Your Choice

Chapter 8 The Test

SECTION 3: GROWTH TACTICS

Chapter 9 The Impact of Loss

Chapter 10 The Unexpected Gift

Chapter 11 A Life-Changing Experience

Chapter 12 Test for the Next Level (Northern Virginia)

SECTION 4: SUCCESS INITIATIVES

Chapter 13 Volunteering—It Makes a Difference (South Korea)

Chapter 14 Be Teachable

Chapter 15 Invest in the Future

Chapter 16 The Shift

SECTION 5: STRATEGIC ALIGNMENT

Chapter 17 Networking

Chapter 18 Leadership vs. Servanthood

Chapter 19 The Next Game Plan

Chapter 20 Delayed but Not Denied

Chapter 21 Sacrifice—That’s What We Do

Conclusion - BIG! BIG! BIG!

Triumphant Thinking (Nuggets of Wisdom)

References

About the Author

Author’s Note

Dedication

To all who have experienced the challenges and triumphs of life, whether military or civilian. To everyone who has sacrificed their dreams and aspirations to enhance, uplift, and impact the life of another. To those who have felt abandoned, isolated, or misplaced as they have navigated the journey of life. To each of you, I salute you and hope that you find some sense of recognition in these pages that will bring a smile and sense of acknowledgment to your existence. To my deceased parents, Bishop Fred D. Lawson, Jr. (WWII Army veteran) and Mrs. Erma June Anderson Lawson; my deceased siblings, Kay Lawson Roseman (Vietnam Navy veteran), Fred D. Lawson III, and James O. Lawson I (Vietnam Marine Corps veteran). You are gone but never forgotten.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I want to acknowledge my amazing husband, Dr. Preston Butler, Jr., who is my champion and the love of my life. Thank you for your undeniable belief in me. Your constant support and push enabled me to complete this project. Thank you for the opportunity to travel the world, to experience life at its best, and to chase my dreams, which are overtaking me now. I am forever humbled and grateful for you.

To my phenomenal children and their spouses, Chelsi Butler Alabi (John), Preston Butler III (Christine), and my mini-me, Celeste, I love each of you unconditionally and thank you for living on purpose to be the best, most authentic human beings you can be. I appreciate your inputs, insights, and encouragement during the last two years, while I focused my energy on this project. May your lives be forever enriched because of it.

To my spiritual influencers and counselors—Mother Barbara McCoo Lewis, International Supervisor of Women, COGIC; and Mother Romanetha Stallworth, Supervisor of Women, Kentucky, First Jurisdiction, COGIC—I am forever humbled by your prayers and immeasurable faith in me to complete this assignment.

To each of the wonderful, professional, and insightful friends who read and revised the manuscript and offered suggestions to make it better, thank you for your precious time and commitment to help me accomplish a long-awaited dream. I pray that you will be rewarded greatly for your labor of love.

FOREWORD

Triumphant in the Trenches is a breath of fresh air in an increasingly situational, excuse-ridden world of family challenges, especially the brave men and women who serve in our military. Kathryn Butler manages to combine compassion with her highly motivated, put-your-best-foot-forward thinking, offering a balanced how-to narrative for spouses to overcome the vicissitudes of military life.

Kathy offers a keen awareness of how ideas, practices, and life responsibilities take on new meaning and how a shift in our thought processes can produce new outcomes. Here you’ll find no superficial platitudes that gloss over or minimize the imbalances of military life (tours of duty and home life). Rather, you’ll find an insightful (yet typically avoided) discussion on how triumphant thinking can yield victory despite the trenches, all the way through military separation or retirement.

Kathy’s integration of the seven stages of the emotional cycle of deployment highly influences her triumphant thinking in the trenches of her own life and that of her family.

This book is a must-read, whether you are military or civilian.

—Romanetha Stallworth, M.Ed., Marriage & Family Therapist

PREFACE

On a Tuesday afternoon, while I was assisting one of my students preparing for transition out of the military, a marine staff sergeant stepped into the office space that I shared with three other colleagues and stood quietly with a blank stare on his face. The space was cramped. We each had a cubicle area with a desk and two chairs so that we could manage the necessary paperwork and provide guidance and resources to the fifty or more students assigned to each of us for the one-week Transition Readiness Class.

This day, I sat in the first cubicle as you entered the office. I was assisting a student while two of my colleagues were in the two cubicles behind me, discussing various work-related challenges. Because I was the first to see the gentleman, I excused myself from the conversation with my student and inquired if there was anything I could help him with.

For some reason, the gentleman made eye contact with one of my colleagues, but he spoke to me and said, I need assistance with paperwork to get out. It was interesting. The gentleman never acknowledged that I had asked if I could assist him; he just moved into our cubicle space, his eyes locked on my colleague behind me to the right. During the conversation between my two colleagues, there was an exchange of laughter that was somehow taken in offense by the staff sergeant. Suddenly, the gentleman moved in toward me, flailing his arms