Legacy Maker: Live a Life That Matters

By Rolland E. Daniels

Most people want their lives to matter. We want our work and even our organizations to have an impact on others. We want to help people grow stronger, and to change situations for the positive. We want to leave people and places better than we found them. We desire to make a difference. And for those who lead organizations, this desire is often even stronger.
This book was written to help you make that deep impact. The tools inside this book can empower you to make a difference each and every day. Each chapter is based on a life principle that can empower you and
your organization to bring impact that matters. But there is a catch, you must not just read this book, you must powerfully embrace these life principles to be a legacy maker.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Mar 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9781532096396

Rolland E. Daniels

In 37 years of ministry, Daniels has pastored churches, helped lead national organizations, mentored young leaders, spoken across the country. Currently, he is the Lead Pastor at Catalyst Church in Indiana. He and wife, Ellen, have two sons, a daughter-in-law and two beautiful grandchildren. Follow on Twitter @RevRoll, Facebook, Instagram

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Copyright © 2019 Rolland E. Daniels.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The New International Version is an English translation of the Bible first published in 1978 by Biblica. The NIV was published to meet the need for a modern translation done by Bible scholars using the earliest, highest quality manuscripts available.

The New Living Translation is a translation of the Bible into modern English. Originally starting out as an effort to revise The Living Bible, the project evolved into a new English translation from Hebrew and Greek texts.

Holy Bible: New Living Translation. Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale House Publishers, 2004. Print. The New Life Version of the Bible is a simplified English translation by Gleason and Kathryn Ledyard.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-9638-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-9616-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-9639-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020905641

Cover photo by Shutterstock.com and cover design by Mary J. Jaracz Design.

iUniverse rev. date: 05/01/2020

Dedicated to my father, Everett L. Daniels: the finest man I ever knew, the greatest hero a son could have and the wisest man I ever learned from. Thanks, Dad, for all you were and all you meant to me.

Special thanks to Joe Allison and his team for truly making this book possible. Joe, I could not and would not have wanted to publish this book without you and your heart being a part of it. Thank you so much!

To my wife, Ellen, I say thanks for being such a critical part of everything I do. Life itself takes on new meaning every day you are by my side. I cherish and thank God for our life together. To Tyler, Seth, Catherine, Raelyn May and Tripp Tyler, you are the heartbeat of my life, the soul that gives me purpose and the joy that makes me smile each and every day!

Contents

Introduction

1. It Never Costs Any More to Be Kind

2. Having Everything Doesn’t Guarantee Anything

3. People Move People

4. Finish What You Start

5. Do the Right Thing, Even When It Costs You

6. Don’t Just Settle

7. Take Your Eyes Off of Yourself

8. Never Say, I and Me When You Can Say, We and Us

9. I Have to Give You Up

10. Different is a Good Thing

11. The Difference in Marriage

12. Perception is 90 Percent of Reality

13. The Difference Between Confronting and Destroying

14. The Impact of a Few Words

15. Be Willing to Make Difficult Decisions

16. Work as Hard as You Know How, Be as Honest as You Can Be, Then Sleep Well at Night

17. Sometimes All People Need is a Second Chance

18. A Life that Mattered

Conclusion

A Letter to My Sons

References

Introduction

When my cousin Paula was just a toddler, she could not pronounce my father’s name, Everett. Instead, she called him Habey. After hearing this as a young boy, I also affectionately called my dad Habey.

Dad was a rare breed. Kind, patient, wise, unassuming, faith-centered, humble, funny, solid, savvy, generous, successful (while at the same time ornery)—these are a few of the words that defined him. He was loved by his grandchildren, cherished by his children, adored by his wife, and respected by all who knew him. The dreaded disease of Alzheimer’s robbed him of his last years; yet even in the hold of the disease, Habey’s grace was evident.

As I have gotten older, I realize how blessed I was to be raised by two incredible people like Eileen and Everett Daniels. They navigated life together in an amazing way for over sixty-five years. Certainly, the way they modeled life provided the foundation of all that I have become; every accomplishment in my life was influenced greatly by those two wonderful people. After 37 years of ministry and witnessing the lack of effective parenting in many persons’ lives, I have deep gratitude for my parents and their influence upon my life.

My dad was my confidant, mentor, hero, and one of my best friends. A few years ago, it occurred to me that many of the principles that guide my life came from conversations and experiences I had with my father. When I shared these principles with my wife, we began to call them Habeyisms. She suggested I write them down for posterity because they ought to be passed on to our sons. So I kept a journal handy and began to write down the principles that Habey had given me. Little by little, I began to recall the circumstances surrounding the moments when these life principles had been shared. It amazed me how vivid those memories were.

Dad’s principles were really ingenious. They were anything but simple and made his life anything but ordinary. When I later heard management and leadership gurus use similar principles in their workshops and books, I realized that others might benefit from my dad’s insights as well. In their book, A Leader’s Legacy, Kouzes and Posner wrote, Our teachers continue to teach as we go on to tell their stories (Kouzes and Posner 2006, 24). That’s how this book was born. I hope that as you engage in these stories, my father’s wisdom, character, and common sense will be shared over and over. In this way, his legacy will continue even though his physical existence has ended.

As the years go by, we learn that we do not leave a lasting legacy by chance, but by conscious intent. The traits of integrity, generosity, compassion, and grace can exert a powerful influence upon others if we call attention to them. Those words describe my dad. Everett Daniels was a good and decent man whose faith and character guided his actions. He always saw the good in others, and his consistent efforts to call forth the best in them made this world a better place.

While growing up on a farm, I learned that completing a task is much simpler if you have the right tool to accomplish it. Leaving a legacy is no different. The principles shared in this book are tools you can use to become a cherished legacy maker. My challenge to you is to take a firm hold of these principles to live your life purposefully to create a lasting legacy.

Legacy Maker is not difficult to read. It is simply the sharing of insightful experiences that took place between a father and son. These experiences shaped my life as I watched my father respond to life and its challenges with extraordinary grace. The principles behind them need not be difficult to live out; they need only to be practiced with clear intent.

These principles are transforming not only for individuals but for teams and organizations as well. It’s amazing what can happen, even in big business, when a simple but profound principle is put into action. Although I invite you to think in simple terms, watch for powerful results to take place.

Thank you in advance for allowing me to share this incredible man I had the privilege of calling my dad. I hope you capture some of his love and goodness as you read. I also trust you will share these principles with others along your life journey. All of us have the potential to pour wisdom into others; make this a priority of your life and take the time necessary to do it. Plant truth in others, as Habey did in me, and watch what happens.

You will find questions at the end of each chapter to help you reflect on what you have learned. These will also be helpful when you discuss these principles with teams in the workplace, small groups at church, or in family settings at home. Learning and growth occur exponentially as we learn together.

Gratefully and humbly yours,

Rolland Daniels

Pendleton, Indiana

CHAPTER 1

It Never Costs Any

More to Be Kind

The Power of the Golden Rule

When I was about the age of ten or eleven, my dad and I were sitting in a restaurant where our waitress was stressed because she had too many customers and they were getting restless. In particular, one lady seemed determined to make a difficult situation worse. She was complaining at every opportunity. With every interaction, she spoke rudely to this young woman or criticized her in some way. If there were ever a reason for a waitress to accidentally spill a glass of water or bowl of chili into a customer’s lap, this was it.

During it all, my dad just kept being cordial and even making jokes with the frazzled young woman. Yes, our food was late and somewhat cold, but that didn’t seem to faze him. He seemed intent on making certain that this young lady knew someone was in her corner. This seemed to energize her. At the end of our meal, he went beyond generous and left her a very substantial tip.

We happened to leave the restaurant at the same time the more critical woman left. Even as she left, she attempted to trouble the waitress even further by asking to speak to the manager. However, my dad told the cashier what a fine job the young waitress was doing and cast a vote of confidence her way.

My dad walked out the door shaking his head. He stopped before getting in the car, placed his hand on the roof, and said, Rolland, I want you to remember something. It never costs anyone any more to be kind.

That was my dad. I don’t think I ever saw him criticize another person in public. He acted with grace and charity in all that he did, but I have always remembered that moment in the restaurant with uncommon clarity. Perhaps it is because I have a tendency to be critical and impatient, or because I was simply amazed by my dad’s capacity to be good and kind. It is probably a little of both.

The Bible has a verse that well describes my father’s kindness. It is called the Golden Rule and in it, Jesus states, Treat people the same way you want them to treat you (Matt. 7:12 NASV). Why do you suppose we attribute so much importance to this principle that we call it golden"? I think it’s because this statement describes how we should relate to one another, and most of the difficult issues we face are rooted in faulty relationships with others.

A mentor in ministry once told me, Rolland, the ministry wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for people. He said this as a joke, but it contained a vital truth. Look back over your life to see how many of your greatest struggles began because you responded negatively to other people or they responded negatively to you.

Jesus gave us the Golden Rule to reveal how our faith should influence our dealings with others. It is simple and straightforward: Treat people the way you want to be treated. There is not a lot of theological jargon here. Anyone can understand how living the Golden Rule makes a difference in our lives and the lives of people we know. It is easy to read, understand, and live out. Yes, we all have our moments of failure—even our days. However, our lives can be grounded in the choice to do good, be kind, and treat others fairly.

Every person has an endless supply of kindness. However, we must make the effort to mine and refine it. If we take that initiative, we will never run out of the compassion necessary to meet the endless challenges of life. Let’s be honest, some of our mines of kindness seem to have played out; but that is not from lack of supply. It comes from our lack of effort to bring it forth. Our kindness varies in direct proportion to our willingness to demonstrate it.

KINDNESS AND RUDENESS ARE TRAITS WHICH

CAN BE LEARNED AND UNLEARNED.

Some of us might say that kindness was never modeled for us, therefore we are limited in our ability to be kind to others. The truth is, both kindness and rudeness are traits that can be learned and unlearned. Each of us has just as much ability to be kind as to be rude. It is not because we are physically gifted one way or the other. It is because we have chosen to live in a particular manner.

In high school, I played basketball and was a terrible free-throw shooter. However, my free-throw percentage would have been worse if I had shot left-handed and not with my dominant right hand. In the case of kindness, it is not a matter of physical dominance or even giftedness, but which trait we choose to bring forth and make dominant in our lives. Our supply of kindness is limited only by our efforts to express kindness in our relationships with others.

Thaddeus Barnum, in his book Real Identity, tells the moving story of a young man with Down syndrome. One Sunday morning, the children’s ministry at the boy’s church presented a modern-day version of the parable of the Good Samaritan. In one of the scenes, a child was riding her bike and had a nasty fall. Another child came walking by, witnessed the young girl hurt by the fall, and continued walking as she passed by without showing any concern.

The young man with Down syndrome was sitting in the audience and could not contain himself. He got up from his seat, quickly made his way down the aisle, and helped the young girl back on her bike. The children were upset because he interrupted their play, so they started the play all over again in the interest of getting the story right. When the girl fell off the bike again, the gentle-hearted young man came running back down the aisle. But this time, as soon as he saw she was OK, he said in a rather loud but kind voice, You’ve got to stop falling now. The church loved it and understood the heart from which it was delivered.

In truth, the young man’s interruption of the parable could not have proven the story any more convincingly. His response of kindness to the young girl demonstrated he could not sit and do otherwise. In our shortsightedness, we might say, This is a special situation with a unique and wonderful young man; such kindness cannot be displayed or lived out in the world such as we live and work (Barnum 2013, 336). But that would mistake kindness for weakness or compassion for lack of tenacity. We need to be aware that kindness rests on the strength to show mercy when we could have shown anger or retribution. Many people fail to control the impulsive emotions of the moment and react to others with anger instead of kindness. But kindness enables us to say in strength, You’ve got to stop falling now, or, as Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, Go and sin no more. Only by choosing to respond in kindness will we be able to avail ourselves of opportunities for strength. Remember, our kindness is limited only by our efforts to demonstrate kindness in our relationships with others.

Second, kindness is a boundless resource because there are endless opportunities to express kindness toward others. No matter what situation you find yourself in, you can be kind. Each day that you open your eyes to life, you will find situations where kindness is needed. Perhaps this equation defines it best:

Kindness Equation

Every Person + Endless Supply + Endless

Opportunities = Golden Rule

You can’t ask for a simpler statement of relational truth. Over and over, we witness situations where kindness is never expressed or received. All of us know office settings where the principle of kindness would revolutionize the environment. We have all been served at fast-food restaurants where kindness and courtesy would have changed our dining experience.

I walked down the aisle of a store yesterday and passed three employees, not one of whom spoke a word to me. In another aisle, two employees spoke critically of their manager, loudly enough for me and other customers to hear. Imagine, if you will, what simple kindness would do in such a situation. It could transform a dysfunctional culture into a more functional and inviting one. That is the kind of power kindness has.

Some of us exist in marriages and families where kindness is never expressed or experienced. (I could have said that some of us live in such situations, but in most marriages and families lacking kindness, the individuals exist rather than live.) Simple acts and words of kindness could change these dysfunctional or destructive relationships into life-giving ones. Instead, many people choose simply to tolerate one another and rudeness becomes the consistent trait of the home. Remember, rudeness is a learned trait and can be unlearned as well.

Les Parrott, in his book 3 Seconds, cites research that highlights the power that caring and kindness have in the business world.

Over 400 executives of the nation’s largest companies in a variety of fields answered a survey by the Opinion Research Corporation on how they chose an airline for frequent travels. The executives rated a number of factors. And more than prompt baggage delivery or efficient check in, the aspect that mattered most to the vast majority was how much an airline cares about its customers.

We all know how much we as customers value caring service. I’m talking about personal service, the kind that is delivered by a real, live person, either behind the sales counter or at the end of the telephone. Caring is the difference between a confident nod with, Let’s see what I can do for you, versus a shrug of the shoulders with, There’s nothing I can do for you.

In another survey, by William Wilsted, an adviser to Ernst and Young, the accounting and consulting firm, customers in banking, high-tech, and manufacturing considered the personal touch – the company’s representative’s commitment and whether he or she remembered a customer’s name - to be the most important element of service. It beat out all the other factors, even convenience, speed of delivery, and how well the product worked (Parrott 2007, 41–42).

Stop for just a moment and ponder this question: What simple act could I do today to bring good to another person’s life at my workplace, on my team, or in my home? Trust me, this act doesn’t have to be complicated or costly. It simply has to be genuine and without selfish motives. If you repeat this simple initiative over time, the results will astonish you. I am a firm believer that goodness and kindness beget goodness and kindness. The truth is this: No matter the situation, it doesn’t cost any more to be kind, yet the outcome can be transformational.

A few years ago, I was back in Collinsville, Mississippi, visiting the family homeplace where my dad and mom still lived at the time. I noticed a man I had known from my days as a teenager standing at his place of work. He had lived in what some might describe as a tainted manner. Many broken relationships had been left in his wake. I pulled over to speak with him since I hadn’t seen him in thirty years, although at one time I considered him to be a friend.

As our conversation progressed, he asked about my dad. I told him Dad was doing fairly well, that the Alzheimer’s disease was progressing slowly, but Dad still had a sense of humor. Then I noticed that his eyes were welling up with tears. He said, Rolland, your dad has always been kind to me and treated me with respect. No matter where he saw me or who I was with, he always called me by name and talked with me. That has always meant a great deal to me.

KINDNESS HAS TO BE GENUINE

AND WITHOUT SELFISH MOTIVES.

Here we stood—a naïve boy now grown and a man whom some would consider calloused and cold, crying because the boy’s father had shown him kindness. Remember, each of us has endless opportunities to do good to others.

A life of kindness is a matter of choice. These choices present themselves whenever we interact with people in daily life situations. It is in those moments that we can make a conscious choice to live with the dominant trait of kindness rather than rudeness.

As human beings, we determine most of the paths we take. Certainly, there are some paths we