The Pink Canary: The Hidden Secret to Optimum Health for Women

By Dr. Jordin Wiggins

The Pink Canary is a book for all women who know that something is missing from their lives; who are tired of their doctor’s telling them that there is nothing wrong and it’s time to start another prescription.

Dr. Jordin uses research, experience, cultural history and anecdotes to shed light on how we got here, and the real, actionable steps you can start today to:

• Unlearn the dismal sexual health education of your childhood and relearn how your body works so that you can take control of your own pleasure
• Adjust the beliefs about pleasure you may not even realize you carry that are holding you back from living a life filled with it
• Listen to the warning signs and make change BEFORE the chronic illness and disease sets in
• Save your relationships, careers, friendships and every part of your life that is affected by the pleasure void.

This book is for you if you feel:

lost or sad
like you have no one to talk to
like something is off with your body or health
not as happy as you used to be
uncomfortable in your own skin, like there is something wrong with you
your relationship is failing
you are not good enough
indifferent if you ever have sex again

By the end of The Pink Canary, you will have the knowledge to make real and lasting change to invite more pleasure into your life and the internal knowing that you deserve it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jan 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9781982238759

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 Dr. Jordin Wiggins.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system

without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or

links contained in this book may have changed since publication and

may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use

of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help

you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use

any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional

right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3874-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3876-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3875-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019919358

Balboa Press rev. date: 01/20/2020

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

The Problem

The Solution

The History

The Plan

How This Book Works

But First…

Chapter 1 The Pleasure Problem

Amanda’s Story

What Is Pleasure?

Pleasure Is a Human Right

The Pleasure Controversy

Anhedonia: The Opposite of Pleasure

Pleasure Must Be Taught

Chapter 2 My Rebellious Vagina

My Story

Birth Control: Friend or Foe?

My Downward Libido Spiral

Western and Eastern Medicine

Chapter 3 Lack of Pleasure Is a Health Problem

Jane’s Story

Dr. Pleasure

Medical Gender Bias

Female Sexual Dysfunction

The Testosterone Myth

Depressed Vulvas

Depression and Low Libido

The Feel-Good Text Messages

Medicalization of Pleasure

How Pharma Has Tried…and Failed

Health Benefits of Pleasure

My Promise

Chapter 4 The Sex Education You Wish You’d Had

Lindsey’s Story

The Sexual Miseducation of Women Everywhere

Pleasure’s Anatomy

Your Vulva is Normal and So Is Hers

The (Not So) Elusive Clitoris

The Hymen and Loose Women

What’s Wrong with My Vagina?

Chapter 5 Your Beliefs Are Outdated and Holding You Back

Abbi’s Story

You Are What You Believe

Context Matters

The Context of Beliefs

Change the Context, Change the Outcome

Sex is not a Drive; Hunger Is

Pornography and Pleasure

Pornography Worsens the Orgasm Gap

Perpetuating Sexually Unsatisfied Women

Spontaneous Desire

Sex Worth Having

Chapter 6 Unwind: The Stress-Response Connection

Reem’s Story

Sex and Stress Are Like Oil and Water

Good News! It Really Is in Your Head!

Society’s Obsession with Stress

Burnout Is a Health Problem

Acute Stress Is Good for You

Chronic Stress Is Bad for Your Health

Stress from Every Angle

The Multitasking Myth in Our Stressed-Out Society

Stress and Sex

Secret Weapons for Combating the Stress Cycle

To Sum It All Up

Chapter 7 Desire: You Cannot Have Pleasure Unless You Know What You Want

Vanessa’s Story

Desire Is a Brain Issue

Chapter 8 Medicalization and the Cultural Script that Disconnects Women from Sexuality

Belema’s Story

If You Have a Vulva, You Have Trauma

The Fear of Pleasure

Your Vagina Knows Better

The Sacred Vagina of the Past

The Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Sex Is Normal

Consent

Chapter 9 The Art of the Ask

Karen’s Story

Communication and Sex

Gender Roles and Communication

Negativity in the Bedroom

Yes/No/Maybe

Ask for What You Want

Chapter 10 Future Directions

My Journey…Continued

Optimal Health

Outstanding Health

Expanding Sex Beyond Only Intercourse

The Collective Pleasure Mindset

A Pleasure-Filled World

Resources

Where to Find More

Pleasure Resource List

Recommended Reading

References

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To Amber, if it were not for you, this book would still be rattling around in my head. Instead, we are changing lives one page at a time. Love you, sis.

To the people who have supported me and who have never stopped loving me, even though I talk about vulvas on the internet. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Love you Mom, Dad and Aaron.

To my patients, thank you for your willingness to openly share your stories, complete with all the imperfections and dirty details. And thank you for your unrelenting passion to heal and not accept the care you were getting. It is because of you that I have been able to connect the dots and help so many more women get the health and wellness answers they deserve too.

To the Disruptors that are going to share this book with their girlfriends, their daughters, and their mothers; the women that are tired of making themselves feel small so that others can feel big. Here’s to burning it all down and growing something more beautiful than ever imagined. I can’t wait to see it.

Go to www.thepleasurecollective.com/freeminicourse to get access to my FREE mini-course. Start letting pleasure back into your life in 10 days, with 10 ways to add a little joy and a little excitement to each day.

INTRODUCTION

We need pleasure. It is the way back to oneself.

—Mama Gena—

The Problem

When was the last time you felt fully present and alive?

When was the last time you existed in the present moment and felt completely fulfilled and joyful about everything in your life?

Many of the women I treat can’t answer these questions. They can’t answer them because they aren’t living lives full of joy, fulfillment, and excitement.

Women are fading away, disappearing into the background, being left behind, and being given quick-fix solutions. They’re trading symptoms for side effects rather than expecting and demanding life-changing results.

That’s a problem. A serious problem. And it needs to be addressed.

I guarantee it’s not the problem you think it is. We don’t have a prescription problem in North America…we have a pleasure problem.

If you are like many of the fantastic women I work with at my women’s health clinic, you would say there is room for improvement in at least one of the following areas of your life:

• relationships

• career

• environment

• finances

• health

Regardless of which of those areas they—and you—chose as needing improvement, the common thread for everyone is that something is missing. There’s a void, something lacking, that’s hard to put your finger on. This void, this something, is a common feeling very few people even talk about.

Would you believe me if I told you there is one common denominator? That there is just one puzzle piece that can improve every single aspect of your life?

The Solution

I know what’s missing. And I’m going to let you in on the secret.

It’s pleasure.

Sexual dysfunction is running rampant in our lives and our relationships. Women have little to no libido and are perfectly happy to accept they might just never want to have sex again. Marriages are nearing their final months, weeks, and days because intimacy is nonexistent and not a priority. Women are lost and don’t know where to turn because no pill exists (or will ever exist) to get you turned back on, to save your relationship, and get you back to enjoying sex.

When I look back on my life, I realize I have been writing this book for over 30 years. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I decided it was time for a change. I knew this problem was widespread and rampant, holding women back and keeping them in the dark about their sexual and physical health, but I can’t pick just one defining moment that made me decide to do something about it. Perhaps it was the culmination of my experiences and the similar experiences I was witnessing in hundreds of other women. What I did know was that I was ready to guide the change.

And I know what motivated me to do something about this societal problem: it was the collective ache in the women around me. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that thing that happens to us when we go from lighthearted, confident children to shadows of our former selves. We become resentful. We disconnect and drift so far away it’s hard to even remember that the child who was so enthralled with every wildflower petal is the same person we see in the mirror today. Do you remember the child that was courageous and confident and joyful?

When was the last time you used those words to describe yourself?

Let’s go back to the collective ache, the disconnection. I’m talking about the counterfeit smile we paste across our faces to hide how we’re really feeling on the inside at work or social events. I’m talking about the, I’m fine, answer when you’re asked how you are.

But I see you. I see the hurt in your eyes. And I recognize it because it was the same hurt that once lived in my eyes. It is the inability to tell our doctors, No, I don’t think I’m sick…but something is off. I just don’t feel like myself.

But why would you speak up? You’d only be met with judgement or indifference.

It is the inability to communicate to our partners what we want and what we need…because we’ve never even been taught how to listen to our own desires or how to ask for what we want directly. No, we’ve been taught to compromise, to care for others, to give everything of ourselves away. We’ve been taught we are not good enough as we are because there are always calories to count, children’s birthday parties to plan, and dinners to cook. Forget about your own desires.

I’ve watched that spark slip away. I’ve seen the joy extinguished from the faces of my mother, my sister, my friends, my patients, and me. And the part that kills me above all else? It’s the acceptance that this is just a part of life, that the self-sacrifice and hard work—and the hollowness that follows—is just a part of getting older.

A part of being a woman.

I won’t accept that. I refuse to accept that women expire once they reach a certain age. I refuse to accept that you can’t have happy kids, a happy marriage, and be happy too. I refuse to accept that women are so sick that we can justify the 65% increase in antidepressant prescriptions we’ve seen over the last 15 years. It doesn’t make sense. Yes, sometimes people need medical intervention, and we are lucky to live in a time where medicine is advanced enough to provide solutions for those of us who need it, but the pervasive and long-term use of antidepressants seems like a band-aid, not a solution. It’s not going to fix the root of the problem.

The answer is not antidepressants, it’s not silence, and it’s not accepting there is something wrong with us as women and we just have to deal with it. I’m here to tell you there is nothing wrong with you. The flaw is in the system we were raised in. The flaw is missing the hidden secret to women’s wellness.

The History

Due to my own medical crisis, I thought education was the answer. I studied to be a medical doctor, and while I was finishing my pre-med degree, I learned a lot. I learned about the body, our anatomy, and our physiology; I learned how to research and interpret medical journals, and I learned about pharmaceuticals, pathophysiology, and organic chemistry.

I also learned all the ways the healthcare system fails women. How does the medical community expect drugs to work the same way for women as they do for men when most research is done on men? How can we trust a system that still lets more women die of heart attacks than men? And even more women of colour? Why are breast cancer rates still rising when we have increased awareness, research funding, and technology?

No one had answers. Not my professors. Not the medical journals. Not the physicians and surgeons I shadowed. All these unanswered questions led me to my next major step on my journey toward writing this book: the decision to abandon my dream of becoming a medical doctor and pursue naturopathic medicine instead.

As a naturopathic medical student, I was taught to treat the body as a whole: several complex systems functioning together as one, inextricably linked to our mind and our thoughts. Naturopathic medicine provides a framework to prevent disease before it starts.

This challenges our current medical model where you may have a cardiologist, an endocrinologist, and a family doctor, all of whom are thorough, knowledgeable, and specialized. But this system is inherently disconnected. It treats symptoms. It watches and waits for health problems to arise.

I am tired of waiting for women to become so disconnected from themselves they finally seek out a different kind of medicine to put them back together. These are women who have been in and out of doctors’ and specialists’ offices for years, who—once upon a time—never would have considered a more natural approach to their health because they either didn’t know there was science to support it or they felt uncomfortable questioning their doctors’ recommendations. But desperation has these women now searching for something new, something better, something that works.

The biggest skeptics, naysayers, and nonbelievers are walking into my office because they are at the end of their rope; they have nowhere else to turn. Take Maggie, who had vaginal pain and periods so heavy she had to take time off work every month and was told her whole life her only two options were heavy-duty drugs with a laundry list of side effects or a hysterectomy. Her father was a family practitioner, so she trusted in her doctors wholeheartedly. Don’t get me wrong, they were doing the best they could with what they had to treat her. She was in her early thirties and still hadn’t decided if she wanted kids, so she traded her symptoms for the awful side effects of the drugs…until she discovered a different approach to treating her health.

The next step toward writing this book was opening my own women’s health clinic. My dream was to create a framework for women’s wellness that assessed the whole person, not just one physiological system at a time. I wanted it to be a safe space full of practitioners that believe women when they say something is off, a place to go to when they feel raw, overwhelmed, lost, longing, and alone.

I wanted to treat the women who had been told over and over again, Your bloodwork is normal; come back in 6 months. It was in my clinic, in the safe space I had created, that I heard the stories of over 2,000 women and applied what I had been learning for years: women cannot be medically treated the same way as men.

I developed a treatment model based on customized bloodwork, biomarker testing, hormone replacement, and ongoing support to help women make lifestyle changes. And while I saw success and watched as my patients met so many of their health goals—the weight would come off, their cholesterol would come down, their moods and energy would improve (in most cases, with no pharmaceutical intervention required)—we still weren’t achieving the big-picture wellness I had set out to attain. Women would do the work, and they would report a drastic change in overall mood and anxiety levels. I watched as these women went from only having one good day per month to having only 2 or 3 bad days.

Throughout the course of my 12-week Well Woman Program, I routinely discovered an underlying and undiagnosed thyroid condition or severe nutrient deficiency that had been missed, sometimes for years, through the comprehensive bloodwork I completed. And this is bloodwork I think is necessary for all women to have done for this very reason.

I balanced hormones with dietary intervention, lifestyle changes—and when needed—hormone replacement. These women reported they were sleeping better, their hair stopped falling out, they lost 20+ lbs, and they felt more energized and active than they had in years, even though weight loss wasn’t our main goal. At the end of it all, I always heard, Why didn’t I do this sooner?

But there was still one thing missing. These women were reporting a higher libido and improved interest in sex…but it didn’t translate to a better, more fulfilled sex life. That piece was still missing. This happened again and again. I could treat the health concerns of these amazing, determined women and get results. But the ability to tap into and enjoy pleasure was still evading us.

That spark, that radiance, that internal knowing that everything was going to be better, was the piece still missing. They still had a hard time engaging in the activities they remembered enjoying, they had strained relationships with their partners, and most of them still had less sex than they desired, if they even desired it at all. They felt if one more thing were added to their to-do list, they would break. You cannot truly be well as a woman unless health care addresses your pleasure, unless you are connected to that which makes you completely feminine.

The woman each of my patients remembered as being their most authentic self was still missing. They were still not radiant, not fully content with themselves and their lives.

Something was still missing. An insidious, internal alarm was still trying to alert them that something was absent from their life, that piece that is hardest to treat and is so often ignored altogether. Something was still holding them back from feeling whatever you want to call it: joy, happiness, fulfillment, enlightenment. I call it pleasure. Throughout this book, when I refer to pleasure, that’s what I’m talking about: joy, happiness, fulfillment, enlightenment, and more.

And there it was: that acceptance and surrender; that part of getting older; that part of being a woman that means always being slightly miserable, overwhelmed, and exhausted. The worst part was that this was the norm, and women weren’t even expecting anything more, weren’t fighting for more.

Many times, patients would tell me, Of course I am exhausted and overwhelmed. I have two young kids/career I am trying to build/two elderly parents. They truly believed it’s a normal part of life to say, Sorry honey, I have a headache, rather than, Lock the door so the kids don’t catch us. Should it be normal to sit around complaining to your friends about your partner, your kids, and your job rather than sharing all the things going right in your life, like the promotion you just got or the marathon you just ran?

I noticed this lack of fulfillment was what was left over at the end of my treatment plan. This was the piece still missing even after they had achieved what they’d said they wanted: the weight loss, more energy, and no painful periods or mood swings. It took women I’d been working with for months to finally feel comfortable enough to discuss it during our appointment: the wanting, the lack, the, I can’t quite put my finger on it but….

The dimming of our light, the loss of our joy and fulfillment, the lost interest in intimacy and sex is the warning sign we all missed months or years before our diagnoses.

Over the years, I began to recognize this as the first sign of a woman being unwell. It was the check-engine light, the marker signalling danger ahead, the piece we’d all been missing all along. I could no longer ignore the pattern of women who came to me saying they were feeling off and missing something in their lives before they were ever diagnosed with a major health concern. I couldn’t ignore the women that said when they thought about it, they realized they weren’t having sex or hadn’t been enjoying it for years. Take, for example, the breast cancer survivors who recollected the months and years before their diagnoses when they felt so busy prioritizing others’ needs they were apathetic to their own and being intimate with their husbands less than once a month. Throw in a car accident or the stress of a husband who loses his job into that mess, and you have the perfect recipe for diagnosis/disease.

Of course, there are women who complete my framework and find complete wellness: mental, physical, and spiritual wellness. So, what was the difference? Why did some women regain their physical health, but not their joy, while other women were able to make a total recovery?

The Plan

That brings me here. To the book I have written for those women who don’t know how to completely fill your cup and regain wellness. This book is for you if you feel like this:

• lost or sad

• like you have no one to talk to

• like something is off with your body or health

• not as happy as you used to be

• uncomfortable in your own skin, like there is something wrong with you

• your relationship is failing

• you are not good enough

• indifferent if you ever have sex again or perplexed about what happened to your libido

This book is a warning signal. Like how a canary would warn miners of dangerous conditions, your lack of pleasure is warning you of the danger to come. This is my mission, my movement to wake women up, so they can hear their internal canary warning them to listen if they feel like something is off. Because if you feel like something is off, it is.

Our Pink Canaries are warning all of us. They are warning

us of our disconnect from what makes us joyful and

fulfilled, what makes us our most authentic selves.

The internal knowing that something is

wrong is begging all of us to listen.

The danger is coming, and our health will suffer if we do not act now. Unless we intervene earlier, unless we recognize that women are fading away and being put on antidepressants at an alarming rate—suffering through years of specialist appointments without a diagnosis and years of couple’s therapy—the danger will rear its head. Something isn’t working. The current system isn’t working,