It Didn't Break Me: It Changed Me

By S. S. Custis

The majority of rape is perpetrated by someone the victim knows. This further adds to the shame of the victim. This book is about being raped by a group of friends at a college party. It was never reported and only the perpetrators, the victim, and her roommate were aware of the incident. Even when you feel that you have dealt with it and have moved on, rape changes you forever and in ways you may not realize for years. It effects every relationship afterward, therefore, this book is to admonish those who have been assaulted to recognize he or she is not at fault and to deal with trauma to aid in building healthy relationships. Ultimately, this book is the author’s ultimate step in coming out of the shadows of assault and help others do the same.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728330266

S. S. Custis

The author spent years living with the shame of assault even as it effected every area of her life. Decades after the assault she learned how the assault effected her relationships. After years of hiding in the shadows, she began rebuilding herself, her mental health, and stopped hiding on the outskirts of life. She is now completing her doctoral studies in Strategic Leadership to help develop herself and better equip herself to reach and aid others who struggle to find themselves after dealing with trauma.

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© 2019 S. S. Custis. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/09/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3027-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3025-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-3026-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019915725

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1   Childhood Memories

Chapter 2   My Grandmother

Chapter 3   That Night

Chapter 4   Alive but Not Living

Chapter 5   I Wasn’t Dumb; I Was Desperate

Chapter 6   Tired of Pretending

Chapter 7   Not Even on Vacation!

Chapter 8   When God Showed Me Myself

Chapter 9   Fighting Fear

About The Author

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CHAPTER 1

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CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

I grew up in a happy family where I knew without a doubt that I was loved. I had the normal experiences that come with childhood, both good and bad. I don’t know whether my parents struggled raising my sister, two brothers, and me. It wasn’t something our parents revealed. I just know I was mostly happy. I remember coming home from school and smelling the dinner my father was cooking for the family. My mom lucked out because he enjoyed cooking, and she did not. Don’t misunderstand—my mom could throw down in the kitchen, and there are some dishes, like her mac ’n’ cheese, that only she can cook for me. She was just happy having someone else cook. My brothers and my sister were athletic, but I was not. Marching band was as athletic as I got in those days, so I signed up to be the statistician for the football and basketball teams.

Our neighborhood was largely composed of immediate and extended family members. My aunt and cousins lived next door. My maternal grandmother lived directly across the street, with one of her sisters living on each side and her third sister on our side of the street, one house over. Just down the street were my mother’s in-laws, so I was surrounded by cousins my entire life. This also meant relatives were everywhere, so it was difficult to get away with anything. I didn’t necessarily try to get away with anything, but my brothers and sister got caught doing all sorts of things, like climbing out of the windows at night.

My grandmother lived nearby with my uncle. He could outrun any child in our neighborhood and often challenged the boys in the neighborhood. He always won. His temperament swung from one extreme to the other; some days, he was relatively docile, but other days, something seemingly random would enrage him. Some of those occasions, however, later became hilarious stories my cousins and I told at family