Don’t Let Your Guard Down

By Jonathon Lewis

This book is a story of hospital life and death chronicled by a young man working at an inner-city general hospital. This young man was a raw, inexperienced rookie having absolutely no clue with what he was about to encounter incurred with hospital life. In a trial-by-fire approach, he passed the rookie stage and evolved into an experienced protector of personnel and property by following the correct protocols in dealing with people in a myriad of situations. This book contains serious, strange, sexy, and sometimes off-color humorous situations with characters and employees in its chapters. This book is a true story of life, death, and everything in between experienced by this young man.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 18, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796041453

Jonathon Lewis

Jonathon Lewis is a new author who reaches out to his audience with extreme honesty and creativity. He has been a gay child of God for over twenty years and wishes to reach the lost through his compelling story. He is a retired engineer with two amazing children and three grandchildren. He resides in Dayton, Ohio, with his life partner and attends the Apex Community Church. He enjoys carpentry and music and has an affinity for horses. Romans 8:1 is his favorite verse.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by Jonathon Lewis.

ISBN:                Softcover                        978-1-7960-4146-0

                          eBook                             978-1-7960-4145-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 06/18/2019

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Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1 Our Elite Force

Chapter 2 Characters

Chapter 3 Hire Me, I need the job

Chapter 4 Do you want to be a goon?

Chapter 5 Fun with Kurl

Chapter 6 Welcome to Nek

Chapter 7 Capers with Nek

Chapter 8 The Great and Powerful Ard

Chapter 9 Rich and the Case of the Safecracking Boilerman

Chapter 10 The Wild Willy and Dal Show

Chapter 11 Who’s going to go get the Steamers?

Chapter 12 Fun in the Emergency Room – Vanessa the Undressa

Chapter 13 FITER Part 2 – Woman Scorned

Chapter 14 FITER Part 3 – I Gotta Egg in Me

Chapter 15 FITER Part 4 - Another Strange Object

Chapter 16 FITER Part 5 – Bed Flipper

Chapter 17 FITER Part 6 - Would You Want Those Dollars?

Chapter 18 FITER Part 7 – I Would Have Adopted That Child

Chapter 19 FITER Part 8 - Another Woman in a Mink Coat

Chapter 20 FITER Part 9 - Excuse me nurse, is that attached?

Chapter 21 FITER Part 10 – Floater

Chapter 22 Shit a Brick? What the?

Chapter 23 Super Bowl Sunday

Chapter 24 Doctor has a Girlfriend

Chapter 25 Amazing Sights

Chapter 26 No Man Shall Pass

Chapter 27 PCP Guy

Chapter 28 De-fence, De-fence and Mr. Kung Fu

Chapter 29 The Abandoned Factory

Chapter 30 The Biggest Disappointment on Duty

Chapter 31 Three Worst Pains

Chapter 32 The Most Idiotic Games Ever

Chapter 33 Unquotable Quotes and not Words not in Webster’s

Chapter 34 Thank You for Your Service

Chapter 35 Goodbye to my Institution

Chapter 36 Chicken Man

Epilogue

Prologue

Chicken Man

The following is a tale of our finest biter pilot. I tell this story with respect to all of my fellow guards who helped me concoct this masterpiece. One boring evening we all contributed to writing this Chicken Man story.

I present and feature the biggest chicken (god rest his soul) ever to don a security uniform. Chicken Man was the world’s biggest braggart but the biggest coward on our security force. He bragged about his exploits but we all knew he was full of shit because we all experienced his cowardice first hand at one time or another. Hint, this fictional tale is a lampoon of a movie you will recognize.

This story unfolds with our main character Top Gum. Top Gum is duly nicknamed by his fellow biter pilots. Fellow biter pilots include child molester Dickie D., drunkard Slap and Boobie the toothless telephone operator, all dear friends of Chicken Man. They give Chicken Man the nickname Top Gum.

Top Gum boasts to his main wingman, Al Tango. There are only two things in this world I back away from; stat calls and dentist appointments.

Boobie, nicknamed Pyorrhea mouth, and Top Gum engage in some modest physical attraction at the switchboard by rubbing noses because kissing would knock out Top Gums two remaining teeth. Pause while theme song Take my teeth away is sung.

To continue, Top Gum is on a Federal mission dubbed Federale’ mission to California to retrieve dental plates.

Top Gum is intercepted and engages his wife Babs in a battle over Top Gum’s nurse honey, Babby Batty. Teeth are flying everywhere. When the dust settles, Top Gum inserts a coin in the jukebox and plays the huge number one hit by the Righteous Hygienists. "Baby, baby, I take my teeth out for you. If you could only gum me the way you used to do-o-o. We had a toothbrush, a toothbrush you can’t find any day-yay. If you would just brush, you would find me going away-yay. You’ve lost that gummin’ feelin, oh-o that gummin’ feelin’. You’ve lost that gummin’ feelin’ now it’s gone, gone, gone o-o-o-o-o.

We now pick up our hero, Top Gum in his office, (the cafeteria). He is joined by his faithful follower, Tish, nicknamed T.S. Epilepsy. When she passes through the cafeteria line, she picks up a slice of apple pie and says, Hey Top Gum, this reminds me of your motto, when the going gets tough, dessert. Our hero replies as he pulls his face inside out sucking his cigarette and making his lower lip touch his eyebrows, Yeah babe, you make my banana cream.

Our story concludes with our hero, Top Gum settling in to his eight-hour shift by being on break for eight hours. He broadcasts via radio to his fellow security partners, Top Gum here partners, checking all systems; full pack of cigarettes, check, full pot of black coffee, check, cigarette lighter fueled and ready to ignite cigarettes, check, IAHS pin in place, check, gullible cronies ready to listen to my bullshit about combat, check, and last but not least, radio OFF. All systems are go for any stat calls.

Chapter 1

Our Elite Force

Let me introduce my partners on the force.

First introduction has to be Ard. He was a part timer. Ard worked full time for a jet engine manufacturer. Security was his release from the daily grind of working in a factory type environment. I truly loved Ard. We all did. He had the heart of a lion. He had an intimidating physique but he had a very sweet disposition regardless of how gruff he pretended to be. Unfortunately, every member of our force got trapped with him talking into the top of our heads, at least once.

We all listened to his droning on for hours about his description of the design and operation of a jet engine and the flapper door required for thrust. I have so many stories to tell about Ard but that will come later in the book. I’m already tired just thinking about it.

Second has to be Nek. I met Nek when he was a raw rookie. Nek’s first partner was a police auxiliary puke (cop wanna-be). Nek was initiated to the force when his partner sprayed female deer urine on his nice clean pants, unknown to Nek. He always wondered why animals especially the male of any species was attracted to him. Nek was a rare full timer who chose Security as a career means of employment. He was a young, handsome, tall athletic gentleman who was appealing to women and strangely enough, appealing to the alcoholics drying out for the night. I will devote a whole chapter to Nek.

Next is my brother. He was a part time employee in Security. He was probably the most over qualified member of the force. He was an ex police officer and ex Police Chief.

Rich was highly educated in all aspects of Police work including CSI, finger printing and police procedure. He proved his abilities in an investigation I will reveal in a later chapter.

I must also mention my son. He started out as a young parking valet, parking cars for patients and eventually he progressed to Director of the Security force, surpassing anything that