Out of the Abuse Cycle into Life: A Story About Strength and Courage in the Face of Despair

By Jane Foltzer

Hollywood is a long way from author Jane Foltzer’s native Romania where she lived under the rule of the communist government. She could only dream about being an entrepreneur. At the same time, she was a battered woman who lived in fear of her husband, a man she was entirely dependent upon.

In Out of the Abuse Cycle into Life, she shares her story, telling how her independence took root in the dawn of the Romanian Revolution of 1989. As a young married woman with a degree in mechanical engineering, she had always dreamed of owning a flower shop and developing a clothing line. Fashion design and flower arrangement were ways for her to create beauty and find self-expression in the world in which she lived. This memoir chronicles her struggles to leave her home country, move to the United States, and become Hollywood’s top floral designer.

Out of the Abuse Cycle into Life narrates the emotional and physical abuse Foltzer suffered on her rise to the top, hoping to inspire others with her heartfelt story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 7, 2019
• ISBN: 9781532070709

Jane Foltzer

Marie-Jeanne Foltzer was born in Romania and studied mechanical engineering at Polytechnic Institute in Bucharest She immigrated to Los Angeles in 2004 and earned a bachelor’s degree in communication studies and an MBA. Foltzer is the owner of Diana’s Flowers, an award-winning floral shop in Studio City, California. She is known in Hollywood as the famed floral designer who has helped many A-List celebrities plan lavish events.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 Jane Foltzer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.iuniverse.com

1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-7069-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-7070-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019904992

iUniverse rev. date: 05/06/2019

To my mother and my daughters and to every woman

out there in an abusive situation. You are not alone. I

have not only survived but also shown my daughters that

no woman has to live in a constant state of fear.

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1     Roots

Chapter 2     A Life Full of Contradictions

Chapter 3     Our Typical Romanian Neighborhood

Chapter 4     Playtime at Our House

Chapter 5     School as My Refuge

Chapter 6     A Turning Point

Chapter 7     I’m Getting Married!

Chapter 8     My Married Life

Chapter 9     Paradise Falls

Chapter 10   After Alexandru

Chapter 11   Not a Very Happy Mother’s Day After All

Chapter 12   Coming to America

Chapter 13   Chaos Ensues

Chapter 14   Home of the Free

Chapter 15   Married No More

Chapter 16   Creating a New Life for Myself

Chapter 17   A Letter to My Abuser

Chapter 18   To All My Readers

Preface

The following is an age-old question: Do people become who they are because of their genetics or their environment? I believe environment has played a big part in how I’ve developed as a human being, daughter, wife, and mother.

Growing up under an authoritarian government in Romania made expressing oneself more difficult. I don’t just mean artistically. Many things were taboo in our culture. We couldn’t discuss religion, as it was outlawed by the state. The churches that existed often had informants for the government, so we couldn’t trust that they would keep our secret. Women were kept under wraps. Once married, a woman was the property of her husband. He had the first and last word in all things, from how to raise the children to what she could do with her time. Travel was limited to other Communist countries, and an attempt to attain a visa could get the attention of the secret police. Food was rationed, and getting bread could mean a twelve-hour wait in line. Many people had small gardens, fruit trees, and livestock just to survive.

These conditions contributed to the high level of alcoholism among men in Romania. My father was one of many alcoholics in the country. When people drink, one of two things happens: they are happy and jovial, or they become angry, belligerent, and abusive toward others. My father was the latter.

I witnessed how he treated my mother, my sisters, and me and grew up believing that was my lot in life. Looking back, I see how depressing and bleak a message it was. Although my first husband was not abusive, I fell into the same trap my mother and other women in my life had with my second husband. I knew that kind of life was not what I wanted for myself or my daughters but didn’t know how to get out of the situation at the time or that there could ever really be a way out.

Now I know there is a way out. Here is my story.

Acknowledgments

Special thanks to Ann, Sylvia, and everyone who has helped me in my journey on becoming the woman I am today.

Introduction

There is a Romanian proverb that says if you move a fruit tree when it’s still young and replant it in the right soil at the right time, it will bloom and make fruit again, but if you move that same tree when it already has deep roots, you might kill the tree. I was that tree. I too was transplanted when my roots were deep—in my home, my culture, the way my life was, and the things I thought I could never change—but I was able to adapt. I not only survived my ordeal but also thrived and was able to bloom again.

Today I am a successful entrepreneur in charge of my life. I am a single parent to two beautiful daughters and cherish every day I spend with them. Looking at the person I am today, no one would believe I was once a battered woman who lived in fear of my husband and allowed him to make me entirely dependent on him. I still have problems believing it myself sometimes.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want to help any women out there who hold themselves responsible for the abusive treatment they are receiving and do not see a way out of their situation. I want them to understand that no matter what they agreed to under duress, the situation wasn’t within their control. They were under the control of their abusers and shouldn’t blame themselves for saying or doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe.

My story of independence took root in the dawn of the Romanian Revolution of 1989. As a young married woman with a degree in mechanical engineering, I always dreamed of owning a flower shop and developing a clothing line. Fashion design and flower arrangement were ways for me to create beauty and find self-expression in the world I lived in and gave me a greater sense of community. Throughout my teens, I had made floral bouquets and wedding dress ensembles for friends and become familiar with the set of skills needed.

I married my first true love and high school sweetheart, Alexandru, while I was still in college. A military man, he was initially supportive of my business endeavors. The Romanian economy had just opened up to free trade, and I was one of the first and only women in my town to start a business. Through hard work and a deep-seated passion for what I did, I achieved success rapidly, opening three floral shops in five years, as well as starting a children’s clothing line. As much as my husband, who was a kind man, wanted me to do well, he was also at a loss as to how to deal with my success. We both were. Our confusion about our new circumstances soon led to our