Dying to Live with God: The Truth About Death

By Thomas Michael Leighow

In Memory of Rebecca Ann Leighow

2/18/1951  -  10/17/2007

OVERVIEW

Two of the most profound uncertainties that man can ponder are: what is the meaning of life, and what is the meaning of death? Many would say that the answers to these questions are unknowable and too mysterious to be comprehended. Reverend Thomas Leighow believes however, that God has given us these answers, contained within the pages of the Bible. 

The only way we can live in peace and harmony with death, is by having a true and correct perspective of what death actually is. Death can only be properly understood when it is viewed through the eyes of the very Creator of life and death – the God of the Bible.

In Dying to Live With God, Rev. Leighow opens the doors to understanding life and death as it should be understood - from God’s eternal perspective. The reality of death, and the meaning of death, can only truly come from the mind of the One who set death in place. Death is not just a by-product of life, rather, death is a necessary component of the divine plan of a sovereign God who holds the power over life and death.

For those who live in fear of death, or for those who have not recovered after the loss of a loved one, this book will give you an understanding of death that will provide you with a blessed assurance and comfort to face your own “valley of the shadow of death.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 29, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973645719

Thomas Michael Leighow

Rev. Thomas Michael Leighow is a graduate of Southern Evangelical Seminary & Bible College as well as Charlotte Bible College & Seminary and holds a Master’s Degree in Christian Ministry. He is an ordained pastor and serves as a professor at Charlotte Bible College & Seminary in the Monroe, North Carolina, campus; Tom is lead teacher for African Children’s Mission in the Bible Training Center for Pastors; and is founder of the RAISE UP for Christ Resource Center in Uganda, Africa. Additionally, Rev. Leighow is a past member of the Board of Directors for African Children’s Mission. He has a special interest in the subjects of Theodicy; Christian Apologetics; Bible Doctrines; Old Testament; and World Religions. Reverend Leighow currently teaches these subjects at his home church in Monroe, North Carolina. Tom is also the author of: A Paradigm of Death: Understanding Death from God’s Perspective, which is a more comprehensive study on the subject of death. This book was published in 2013 and can be found in most bookstores through their Internet distribution.

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Copyright © 2018 Thomas Michael Leighow.

Interior Image Credit: Thomas M. Leighow

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-4570-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4569-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4571-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018913676

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/28/2018

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture is taken from GOD’S WORD®, © 1995 God’s Word to the Nations. Used by permission of Baker Publishing Group.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

[Scripture quotations are] from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1946, 1952, and 1971 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used with permission.

Scripture taken from the Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition of the Bible.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 Death: Up Close and Personal

Chapter 2 The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Chapter 3 Why God’s Perspective on Death is Necessary

Chapter 4 God’s Realm: An Eternal Now

Chapter 5 God’s Plan and Man’s Pain

Chapter 6 Man’s Pain and God’s Greater Good

Chapter 7 Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

Chapter 8 Heaven and Death According to the Bible

Chapter 9 God’s Perspective on Death

Chapter 10 Dying to Live

About the Author

ENDORSEMENTS

"With the skill of a great teacher writing with an unpretentious and eminently readable style, Reverend Leighow offers a multitude of lucid examples from modern day life, a moving personal story, and most prominently, salient references from his declared authoritative guide – the Bible – to convincingly assert his position that, for the Christian who earnestly seeks to know God completely, death is paradoxically not the ultimate tragedy for man, but rather a victorious and joyful event as it marks the entranceway into an eternal home prepared by God."

Dr. Christopher G. Stephenson, MD, FACC

Cardiologist, Novant Health Heart & Vasclar Institute

"Reverend Tom Leighow’s knowledge and first-hand experience with the pain of death has led him to produce an indispensable resource for pastors, teachers, and for any person looking for the real meaning to the significance of life. Thanks to the insight of Tom’s work, I am convinced that Dying To Live With God unleashes the purpose of life more abundantly as he sets forth a deep understanding of death as seen through the eyes of God."

Reverend Josh Fraley

Senior Pastor, Red Cross Baptist Church

"If you long to know how not to fear death, then Dying To Live With God is for you. If you grieve for loved ones who have gone before, this book can gently remind you that death did not conquer them either, and that the separation is only for a short time."

Dr. Terry Faulkenbury, MDiv., D.Min

Senior Pastor, West Cabarrus Church

President and CEO, Charlotte Bible College & Seminary

Acknowledgements

I believe that I was predestined from all eternity to write this book. Yet, I want to be perfectly clear that the words contained herein are not mine. I am merely the instrument that God has chosen to record His words. If this book touches the life of any reader – if it draws even one person to a closer walk with the Lord of Life – if it takes the fear of death away from anyone who reads it – then the praise and glory belong to God, not to me.

I would like to thank those who gave of their time to carefully read the manuscript and provide their honest assessment as the chapters progressed. I am thankful that each of them wholeheartedly support the thesis, doctrinal presentation, and my treatment of such a challenging subject that is presented in Dying To Live With God. Those include:

Joy Courtney Brown – Original Editor

Dr. Chris Stephenson, MD, Cardiologist Novant Health Heart & Vascular Inst.

Dr. Terry Faulkenbury, President Charlotte Bible College & Seminary

Rev. Josh Fraley, Senior Pastor Red Cross Baptist Church

Pastor Wayne Daniel, Executive Director African Children’s Mission

Last, I want to say a special thanks to my wife, Kathy. As only God can do, He stepped in to give me comfort and hope in a world that seemed to have lost all meaning. At a time when I was in the middle of the valley of the shadow of death, God brought Kathy into my life – a hopeful light in the pit of utter darkness. Kathy sacrificed a portion of her own life, and pursuit of her own interests, just to support and encourage me to complete this writing. Many a night, Kathy ascended the stairs to my study only to find me soaked in tears as I desperately struggled to write the chapters about my lost life with Becky. Thank you, Kathy, for wanting this book to be written.

To God be the glory

Introduction

F rom the very moment we are born, the process of dying begins. Death is certain! It is the final frontier…the ultimate tragedy…the last act of life. Death represents the utmost fear for most people. Death is unexplored – unknown - and life’s greatest mystery; and yet the chances of dying currently fall in the range of about one hundred percent. Death seems to be unavoidable. So, how do we deal with death? What can we really know about it? Is it even knowable?

If death is knowable, it seems that it could only be fully known by the very Creator of life and death. All worldviews have their ideas about what death is, but how do we know which view is true? If the Christian worldview is true, then it follows that the God of Christianity would hold the ultimate meaning to both life and death. After all, it is the Creator who establishes the purpose, meaning, and the very standard for that which it creates; and death is a part of God’s creation.

The Bible says that God has established two final destinations to receive the souls of those whose bodies have died and returned to the dust of the earth; it states unequivocally that these destinations are separated by a Great Gulf. On one side of this gulf is a place for those who will live eternally separated from God – this is the place of real death. On the other side is the place for those who will live eternally with no more crying, no more pain, no more mourning, and no more sadness – this is the place of real life.

The Scriptures speak clearly of these two realms: These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life (Mt 25:46). Yet, it is valid to wonder how all this works. Moreover, throughout Scripture we find God ordering the death sentence upon many individuals, and even whole nations of people. How can the Christian reconcile these judgments of death, handed out by the Creator of life, with such seeming impassiveness? Is God ambivalent to life and death? Is death just an amusing game to God? How does the Christian answer these questions?

If God holds the very meaning of death, is it possible to know what death really means to Him? Is it possible to know God’s perspective on death? The intent of this book is to provide a correct understanding of death as it can only be truly known – from God’s perspective.

If you fear death, or if death has taken a loved one from you, leaving you to feel as if you cannot cope with life any longer, let me assure you that there is a way to get through the emptiness and darkness that you face. The way out of your valley of the shadow of death is by understanding the truth about death; and the truth about death can only come from the One who created life and death.

We have to start looking at death through the eyes of God and not through the eyes of the world if we are to ever be freed from the fear and bondage of death; and perhaps when we look at death from God’s perspective, we might find that death is the greatest good for mankind; and for me, this is why I am Dying To Live With God.

Thomas Michael Leighow

CHAPTERS 1 & 2

Dedicated to my loving wife, Rebecca Ann Leighow, whose courage in death has given me the contentment and peace to pass through those same doors.

In Loving Memory of Rebecca Ann Leighow

2/18/1951 – 10/17/2007

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Chapter 1

Death: Up Close and Personal

It was many and many a year ago, in a kingdom by the sea, that a maiden there lived whom you may know by the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by me… But our love was stronger by far than the love of those who were older than we; of many far wiser than we. And neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee. For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes of the beautiful Annabel Lee…

Edgar Allan Poe

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I must have been about twenty years old when I saw the movie Love Story with Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal. For a young man to cry over such a silly love story is something that needs to be hidden from all your friends, especially at that age. After all, young macho men don’t cry over movies – that would be grounds for excommunication from the fellowship of young manhood. So, as I watched the movie, I bit my lip, tightened up my body, and did all I could do to hold back those embarrassing tears that threatened to run down my cheeks. When I left the theater, I was not sure if I had managed to close off every tear duct or not, so I slipped into the bathroom as quickly as possible to check myself out.

The movie became a well-known tragedy of love, life, and death, and is considered one of the most romantic stories of all time by the American Film Institute. The story is about a Harvard law student, Oliver, who falls in love with Jennifer Cavalleri, a student at Radcliffe College. Through the superb talent of MacGraw and O’Neal, director Arthur Hiller brilliantly captures the attention of his audience by the portrayal of a love that develops between a man and a woman that is as deep and sincere as we can probably imagine love to be. The tragedy contained within this story brings you up close and personal with the reality of life, as I was to find out for myself many years later.

Loves Means Never Having to Say You Are Sorry

After discovering that Jenny has cancer, Oliver makes the decision not to tell her of her medical condition, and so he tries to live a normal life, giving to his wife all the love, care, and attention he can provide. Jenny eventually discovers the truth, and together the two are left to face the reality of death. It is soon that we are to hear the words of Oliver, spoken to his father as he tries to masquerade his fears and emotions that Love means never having to say you are sorry. Eventually, Jenny uses these same words to Oliver when he tries to apologize for his own anger. This quote, Love means never having to say you are sorry, became so popular that it made it to number thirteen in the top one hundred quotes of the American Film Institute.

Love Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry.

At the time, I could not have imagined that thirty-seven years later, I would live out this tragic story and face death up close and personal for myself. Little did I know that I would never come to believe those words that were made so famous around the world. Is it really true that Love means never having to say you are sorry?

Frankly, I now believe that those words couldn’t be more wrong! Rather, I have come to believe that love means just the opposite. I am convinced that "Love means having to say you are sorry." The truth is, real love makes it easy to say you are sorry!

Today, I look back on what was a fairytale marriage. My union with Becky was a marriage without fighting, harsh words, or arguing; a marriage of mutual respect and support toward each other; a marriage in which I would have been proud to have died for my life’s partner; a marriage that put my wife ahead of my own personal desires; a marriage that seemed made in heaven.

I always felt that we had the perfect marriage; yet today, I suffer with the constant desire to tell her that I am so very sorry for all the things that I could have done better. I could have embraced her more; I could have taken her to more places; I could have been less selfish; I could have told her more often how nice she looked. I could have been more supportive of the things she cared about. I could have loved her more; and I could have said, "I’m sorry" more often.

Today, I am remorseful for not having said, I’m sorry more often to Becky. I’m sorry Becky – I’m so very, very sorry that I didn’t say often enough, ‘I’m sorry.’ My performance as a Godly man could have been so much better. I ought to have done better… I should have done better… I could have done better. I am so, so sorry that I didn’t say I’m sorry much, much more. I will live with that pain the rest of my life. Today, I know that "Love means having to say you are sorry."

I tell you these things about myself because I want you to feel the depth of love I held for my wife Becky – a love that I continue to hold in my heart even today, although it has been nearly a dozen years since Becky left to be with the Lord. I want you to get a sense of the profundity of love I held for Becky in order that you can recognize that I have, indeed, experienced death up close and personal. You see, I believe that one needs to experience something firsthand before they can truly know anything about it; and I have, indeed, experienced death at a deeper level than if I had died myself.

Waves That Hit the Beach

People come in and out of our lives every day. Some have seemingly little impact upon us, while others impact us so deeply that our own lives are profoundly changed. I envision this like waves breaking upon the sands of a beach. Some return very quickly to the sea after having tread upon the sands only briefly, never staying long enough to penetrate or alter the shape of the beach. Other waves, however, reach high upon the beach and linger for a while, long enough to have a lasting impact; some are even powerful enough to reach grains of sand that have not yet been touched by the timeless waves of the sea. When the dry grains become saturated, the appearance and texture of what was once dry and parched is forever changed.

Some of the waves go so high upon the shore that, when they recede, they leave a part of themselves behind. Absorbed by the dryness of the sand, this part of the wave never again returns to the sea; rather, it becomes part of its new environment. A marriage has taken place between the water and the sand that forever unites them as one. Both the sand and the water have now been forever changed by that moment of impact.

Waves Come and Go – But They All Impact the Beach

Our lives are like this as people enter and leave. Some we remember not at all, some perhaps only faintly, while others leave a permanent mark on us, shaping and altering us as no one else could. Some waves change the sand – some people change our lives. Nevertheless, both the waves and the people eventually return from whence they came, back to the sea or back to the dust of the earth. While we may have been touched, changed, and molded by that encounter, however brief, that wave (or person) never really belonged to the beach or to us – they have always belonged to the Creator, and to Him all must eventually return. They were never ours, yet each one – even those that left no visible mark – played a part in changing our texture, our perspective, and our purpose. Perhaps they came merely to serve as a means to prepare us for others who will follow, so that they may have an even greater impact upon us.

The Bible tells us that The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away (Job 1:21). Solomon writes, All go to the same place. All came from the dust and all return to the dust (Ecc 3:20), and the Psalmist recognized, When their spirit departs, they return to the ground (Ps 146:4 NIV).

So it was with me when Becky splashed upon the sands of my life, although I barely noticed her approaching my shore on that placid spring day in 1990. Yet, seemingly out of nowhere, Becky was a wave that hit the beach of my life with such an impact that it changed forever the person I am. The way I think about things today; the way I see things today; even the person I want to be today, have all been changed by that one wave; and I never saw her coming from far out at sea.

You Can’t Keep a Wave in Your Pocket

I wish I had recognized that she would never be mine – that she would be gone one day – or that perhaps I would be gone first. When she touched upon the sands of my life, I never thought she would be only momentary. Shouldn’t I have known from my studies of the Scriptures that Becky would be just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away (Jas 4:14)? Would it have made any difference even if I had recognized this? I rather think this awareness would not have changed the course of that which was about to come.

I have to say, when we first met, I did not instantly feel warm fuzzies bubbling up inside, and I did not experience that giddy sensation as if I had just run into my childhood sweetheart. However, little did I know that this enchanting girl’s qualities, hidden within such a soft and gentle spirit, were already beginning to stir a chain of chemical reactions inside of me that would eventually burst into a blazing fire; and one that would never go out. Yet, it took a long time for this tender friendship to grow into a love that you can only find in fairy tales.

I Never Saw That Wave Coming

The first time I met Becky was when I was working at the hospital as a technologist in the Anesthesia Department at Memorial Mission Hospital in Asheville, North Carolina. Becky had worked in the laboratory at that same hospital even before she graduated from lab school. She knew no other work, and it never crossed her mind that she would ever leave her job at that hospital. She later told me that she just assumed that she would always work in that very same lab and do the very same work for the rest of her life.

She performed her job well – always playing it by the book. She knew the protocols and she stuck to them. I’m not aware that Becky ever made a mistake in her work, and the people she worked with admired her and loved her dearly. Come to think of it, I’m not conscious of anyone who didn’t like Becky. She was quiet and gentle and never spoke a harsh or negative word about anyone. Becky only had friends – she had no enemies. Becky was content with her job, with her friends, and accepting of her circumstances in life. She had built a nest for herself, and leaving her home and her job at the hospital was never the remotest of possibilities to Becky. Yet unknown to her, there was an ocean wave that was headed toward the sands of her own life; and it was a wave that would forever change her.

I remember why I kept having repeated occasions to see Becky. Part of my job in Anesthesia was to take blood samples over to the laboratory. I dreaded going to the lab because I found so many of the people there to be most unfriendly. No one ever seemed to have a welcoming voice or a pleasant smile, and they received my visits as if I was an annoyance to them. Yet every day, this task of mine meant that I would be harshly greeted by the grumps who worked there. I simply dreaded going over to that lab!

Unbeknown to me, a wave was forming far out at sea. It began as a very small ripple on one most glorious morning. Things were about to change in my life, and not in just a small way.

On one particular day, I found myself in the Chemistry Department of the lab, dreading to speak to anyone about the blood samples I was delivering. I chose to walk up to the back of an unfamiliar person. I tightened up while I waited for her to turn around and say something like, Yeah, what do you want? Instead, the person who turned around took me by surprise. She had the most pleasant face – not like some model on a Cover Girl magazine, but rather, more angelic. When she asked if she could assist me, I couldn’t help but notice that she had the softest and quietest voice I had ever heard.

It Was Not Love at First Sight – But…

Now let me be sure that I am clear. This was not one of those love at first sight encounters. Yet, I can tell you that from that moment on, when I had blood samples to deliver to the lab, you better believe that I headed for that little angel I had just met. It was not that I was trying to meet someone romantically at that time in my life. All I wanted to do was to just deliver the blood samples to someone who would not hiss or snarl at me. What I found, to my surprise, was a friendly face and a soft voice in a tumultuous sea of unfriendly people. Oh, happy days!

I suppose it took over a year before I had any thoughts of spending more time with Becky other than just those once-a-day encounters that consisted of, How’s it going… thanks for your help… see ya next time.

In the years that were to follow, I never even thought to ask Becky what it was that drew her to me during those early months of our first meeting. For me, though, it was most certainly her calm demeanor, her soft voice, and her gentle spirit, qualities that were beginning to gently capture me. These wonderful features began to endear Becky to me in such a way that they would eventually engulf me with the deepest feelings of love that I could ever have imagined.

How our love for each other grew as deeply as it did in the years to come is beyond my understanding. So many times after we were married, Becky and I used to tell each other that we couldn’t imagine life without the other person. I naively never thought I would ever have to imagine that.

Eventually, we would meet for lunch, go for walks after work, or just sit in the car and listen to Elvis Pressley gospel music. Becky was one of the great fans of Elvis, and we both loved to listen to his songs. Today, there are several Elvis songs that I simply cannot listen to any longer because they remind me of such wonderful times with Becky. Some of those songs bring too much sadness to me today.

It took over a year, but eventually Becky and I began to spend every amount of time we could together. During the hours together, I found Becky to be an incredibly unique person in so many ways. One of those ways was in how she enjoyed music. She dearly loved music. After we were married, I installed speakers in our bedroom so that music could play all night long – every single night. That was great, but what was so unique about Becky and music is that she would never move, tap her feet, or sing to any of the songs. She absolutely loved to listen, but no music that I was ever aware of seemed to turn on a switch and put her feet to tapping. Her body remained motionless even during the most rockin’ of songs.

When a song came on that should cause anyone else to inherently start moving to the beat, Becky would just sit and listen – never ever moving or tapping her foot. I would even take her hand and tap it on the top of my thigh in sync with the music – then I would let go – and her hand would just come to a sudden stop. I would say, Becky, how can you possibly not move to the beat? She would respond with that gentle voice, I just like to listen. Whoa… this girl is most unusual – most unique!

Our Favorite Passages

As we began to share our faith with each other, I asked Becky the usual question, What is your favorite passage in the Bible? She was quick to respond, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. She didn’t know exactly where that passage was in Scripture, but she knew with certainty that it was in the Bible somewhere. Naturally, Becky wanted to know what my favorite passage was. I said, Well, believe it or not, my favorite passage is the two verses just before yours. She asked me what that was, and so I told her as I quoted from Philippians 4:11 NIV, … for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I explained that the reason the apostle Paul could say, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me was that he had learned a great secret. Now Becky became really interested. So, what’s this secret? she asked me. I told her that Paul had learned how to be at peace – totally contented – no matter what his circumstances in life were.

As Becky listened intently, I went on to explain how Paul had been whipped and beaten, how he had been chained in prison, how he had been starved, and how he even carried some affliction – some thorn in the flesh – which God would not remove from him. I told her that Paul even knew that he was likely going to be put to death by some harsh and cruel means, just for preaching the Gospel. I went on to describe to Becky that Paul was peacefully content with all of this because he had seen something beyond his own circumstances that gave him great hope and comfort.

You see, I told Becky, Paul had been given a glimpse of heaven. He talks about that in 2 Corinthians chapter twelve, and Paul said he heard inexpressible words. I explained that after Paul’s encounter with a vision of heaven, his eyes were no longer set on the things of this world, but that he was looking beyond this life to a place of no pain, no suffering, no sorrow, no tears, and no death. Paul’s eyes were fixed on heaven, not on his personal circumstances.

Becky was intrigued by all of this, but she wanted to know more about this thorn in the flesh that God wouldn’t remove from Paul. What was it? she asked. "Well," I said, our Bible scholars don’t know for sure because the Bible doesn’t specifically say. Some think that it might have been a problem with his eyes; but it could have been some sickness, maybe cancer or tuberculosis or something like that. We just don’t know, but whatever it was, it was something that God would not heal. Jesus even answered his prayer, but He told Paul that ‘My strength is sufficient for you.’ In other words, I told Becky, Jesus was saying that ‘I’m all you need, Paul, so quit looking at your own problems and just keep your eyes on Me.’ Becky was taking it all in, but I think what really made her happy was the fact that my favorite passage was connected to her own favorite verse.

Little did I know, however, that Becky was finding such comfort in knowing that Paul held a secret to being completely content in the circumstances of his own life, particularly in light of all his troubles and afflictions. You see, this became extremely important for Becky to understand because, little did I know, Becky had a secret of her own – and it was soon to be revealed to me.

Becky’s Fears

Becky was extremely smart; I mean, to pass several levels of chemistry to get her lab certification was always impressive to me; yet, somewhere in Becky’s past, someone had apparently teased her about not being able to spell very well. Because of this, she was very reserved about writing or typing anything. She was always afraid that she would misspell a word, which would cause her traumatic embarrassment. I recognized this early in our relationship, and so I was very careful not to put her on the spot about writing anything. I never wanted to do anything that might embarrass Becky or make her feel stupid.

I remember that Becky needed some required college courses to obtain her two-year degree as a laboratory technologist. One of those classes was a writing and speech course. She was absolutely terrified to take this class because, if there was anything that embarrassed her more than her fear of spelling, it was a fear of public speaking. Since I couldn’t stand to see Becky fearful, I signed up for the course myself so that I could take it with her. Two written papers and a speech presentation were mandatory to complete the course – JUST GREAT!!

I know it was not the honest thing to do, and as far as I know, the teacher never knew it, but I wrote both of Becky’s papers. There was little I could do, however, to save her from the agony of giving an oral speech, so I prepared the speech for her and coached her as much as I possibly could. I think I finally convinced her that, when she gave her speech, she was to just keep her eyes on me through the entire speech and not look at anyone else in the room. I remember to this day Becky giving that speech. It was on the adverse effects of smoking, and my eyes and facial expressions played cheerleader for Becky the whole time she gave her talk. She kept looking at me – and I kept cheering her on. To the best I can recall, Becky made an A on that course. I was so proud of her.

A Close Encounter With an Angel

I will never forget the first time I actually touched Rebecca Ann Humphries. It was about a year after we had met. She made one of her famous pound cakes to send with me to my department at the hospital (although I think she really made it for me). When I returned the plate one day and handed it off to her, our fingers touched. Get that? Our fingers touched. It was such a small thing, indeed. Yet that simple and innocent little contact with her caused me to melt. That touch lingered with me the rest of the day – it was absolutely heavenly.

About two months later, I had my second close encounter of the touching kind with Becky. We had gone out for a walk one day after work. At some point in our conversation, we embraced. There was no kiss – just an embrace; but it was an embrace that turned me into a noodle. Everything inside me tingled and then melted. I think it may have been then that I knew I was falling in love. I drove home late that afternoon and spent the evening sitting on my couch sniffing my arm, which held the aroma of Becky all over it. I honestly did not want to take a shower that evening