The Snotty List

By Alan Carter and William Lefler

Everyone knows about Santa’s good and naughty lists,
but Carl is sure there’s a third list:
the snotty list.

It all started with the song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” One day, when he was at the mall in Scranton, Pennsylvania, with his mom, Carl heard it playing through the speakers and there were the lyrics “he’s gonna find out who’s snotty and nice.”

Ten-year-old Carl is determined to prove the existence of the snotty list and realizes he needs to travel to the North Pole to investigate. The journey poses a host of challenges, but he embarks on the snot-filled adventure of a lifetime with an Uber driver named Juan and a cast of other colorful characters.

Alan Carter is an author, musician, artist, and father of three amazing kids. They were the inspiration for this and other tales he has written.

Visit him online at www.alancarterjr.com.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Oct 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9781480868205

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 Alan Carter Jr.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-6821-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-6820-5 (e)

Archway Publishing rev. date: 10/03/2018

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Contents

1. Is Snot

2. Barxnarg

3. Uber-Santa

4. Skeeter McJohnson

5. Jack Frost’s Liquid Long Haul Transport

6. The North Pole

7. Snot Factory

8. Recon

9. Snotmergency

10. Carl Saves Christmas

11. Homecoming

To Julia, Alexandra, and Alan III. Without you there would be a lot less snot in my life.

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Is Snot

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This exchange went on a little longer than it should have but that’s what happens when you’re in the fifth grade.

And you know in your gut that you are right.

Absolutely and without a doubt right.

Just because Tommy Stephens had a hand-knit green and yellow scarf from a great-great-grand-second-cousin who lived in Yellowknife, that didn’t mean that he knew everything about Christmas. (Even though Yellowknife was supposed to be some place very cold and close to the North Pole.)

Carl couldn’t remember where he had heard about the Third List but he knew it was real. He thought it all started with the song Santa Claus is Coming to Town. One day when he was at the mall with his mom he’d heard it playing over the speakers and there, plain as day, were the lyrics he’s gonna find out who’s snotty and nice.

He and Tommy had been arguing about it every day since Halloween. He’d thought it through and it just made sense, especially considering all those reindeer.

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Everyone knows about the Good List and the Naughty List. The Big Man makes them each year, and as the song reminds us, he checks them twice. What the song doesn’t mention is there are actually three lists. And it’s the Third List that frightened Carl the most: The Snotty List. That’s the list of kids so bad that they skip right past the Naughty List.

It goes like this: Kids on the Good List get nice Christmasy things. Candy canes, balls, and whatever pink or purple thing is on his sister’s wishlist this year. Kids on the Naughty List get nothing but lumps of coal in their stockings. That’s kind of a bummer. You don’t get any sweet yum yums and maybe you get your hands a little dirty when you pull it out. But all-in-all a lump of coal is not too bad…if it get’s really cold and your furnace quits working, you can at least burn your Christmas presents in the fireplace to bring a bit of warmth to the day.. But the Snotty List? Ewwww. Carl imagined kids on that list get a stocking full of…well…snot. What color he wasn’t too sure but it had to be reindeer snot if it was coming from the North Pole, and a stocking full of