Two Roses

By Mazen Kharboutli

To Daniel Bouchard, the word love is synonymous with loss. He experiences early hardships that rob him of the people he most cherishes and leaves him bewildered and lost in a world he doesn’t understand. His childhood and youth are solemn, and he buries his emotions deeply in order to hide his broken heart.

After high school, Daniel is accepted at a prestigious university in New York, and so he leaves what remains of his family behind in Paris to begin a new life. But grief reaches him even there. As he struggles with existential questions about love and sorrow, he meets a young woman named Greta who changes everything. Daniel finds comfort in her presence and joy in her smile, and for a brief instant in time, he is gloriously happy. Then Greta leaves him, without a word of explanation, and Daniel is once more struck with confusion and loss. For more than two decades, he searches for reasons for what has happened—only to discover, through a series of astonishing coincidences, that he has come full circle with a new perspective.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Oct 16, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546299516

Mazen Kharboutli

A chance meeting through an employment ad for a ghost writer brought together a Dubai engineer with a child-like heart, an inspirational writer from Detroit, Michigan looking for work and a gifted Syrian storyboard artist – all for the common purpose of expressing universal themes of love and responsibility, forgiveness and peace and friendship and trust.

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© 2018 Mazen Kharboutli. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/15/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9950-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9951-6 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1 A Pit of Loneliness

Chapter 2 Fitting into the World

Chapter 3 Golden Days

Chapter 4 Where the Memories Are

Chapter 5 A Solitary Rose

Chapter 6 The Wall

Chapter 7 The Cruel Ocean

Chapter 8 Family Schemes

Chapter 9 An Interlude in Vienne

Chapter 10 Orchestrating Joy

Chapter 11 Escape from the Past

Chapter 12 Une Femme Amoureuse

Chapter 13 A Sea of Possibilities

Chapter 14 Trailing the Past Behind

Chapter 15 Deliverance

Chapter 16 Hushed Whispers

Chapter 17 Skin Deep

Chapter 18 The Search

Chapter 19 The Guillotine

Chapter 20 The Sacrifice

Chapter 21 The Unexpected

Chapter 22 Reappearance of the Rose

Chapter 23 Flashbacks

Chapter 24 A Blank Slate

Chapter 25 A Second Chance, a Second Rose

Epilogue

To my cherished family and others who provided the inspiration and encouragement to manifest this writing, I extend heartfelt thanks. Never could I have fulfilled my goal without you.

Foreword

If you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, light up your side, and someone will notice.

—Mazen Kharboutli

The past can be an albatross—a huge, obstructive creature that coils around your neck and doesn’t let go. At intervals, the past can also manifest as a sorcerer, luring you into believing that you are inextricably bound by its commands, divested of free will. It mercilessly flashes painful memories, images, words, and sounds that echo interminably in the recesses of your mind, consuming and preventing you from moving forward toward the light in the proverbial tunnel. But what if there is no light in sight, and you are utterly, helplessly directionless?

Such was the case with Daniel Bouchard, a boy stuck in the time tunnel of yesterday, hearing nothing but the echoes of his lonely heart. Dwelling in a mecca of material abundance, he nonetheless felt alone, forgotten, and marginalized. Most of all, he felt unloved, yearning to find the definition of that sacred four-letter word and its unmitigated expression: love.

In the earliest days of his childhood, Daniel’s mother succumbed to a terminal illness, robbing her of her rightful role as mother and caregiver, leaving her bereaved husband to single-handedly raise their four young children.

Then, the unthinkable happened. Fate caught Daniel and his siblings in its cruel clutches once again when the family experienced another unexpected, devastating loss. All at once, the children’s world was enshrouded in the depths of darkness. Every joy and comfort they had ever known vanished in an instant, replaced with uncertainty, sorrow, and an overwhelming feeling of love starvation. For a while, they held on to the apron strings of their grandmother, who was everything to them, but even in the presence of her all-encompassing care and nurturing, she could not possibly resurrect their former sense of security.

Other than clinging to one another as they tried to make ends meet, Daniel had the burning desire to leave the past behind and rediscover himself in a new land. There was only one glaring problem: the spirit of the forlorn orphan came with him, infused with pain, loss, and indecisiveness. All the while, he kept his heart under lock and key. Essentially, he wanted to escape his enormous unrest but failed to embrace the lessons that the past was trying to teach him.

As he grew, Daniel’s gaping emotional wounds threatened to destroy him, and he made decisions of which he wasn’t proud. He realized, however, that to err is human, and he muddled through, always looking for that special someone who would fulfill every need and facet of his life. In so doing, he learned that love of that magnitude can lift you to the heights of exaltation and then, all at once, drag you into the depths of despair.

Daniel emerged from his first-love experience with the still unanswerable question: Who am I? He had no one to turn to for the answer—no one, that is, but the boy he left behind, whose heart and spirit still lived within him, the cause of his tears and disappointments and his misplaced tendency to seek the attributes of a loving heart in one person alone. That decision proved to be a tragic flaw, but he was left with the possibility of redemption—if he only could make the right choices.

Although Daniel is a fictitious character, he is intended to be every man—indeed, every person—who is searching for love, light, and belonging. Which one of us Earth pilgrims can genuinely say that we are immune to these feelings? The foibles of humanity lie in everyone, and the journey is a vast, frightening search through the tunnel of life. Sometimes, there is desperation in the thought of not finding what you seek. However, if you truly listen, there is supreme joy in the knowledge that home is not that far away—if you light your side of the tunnel and move in the direction of your heart, guided by the compass within.

—Mazen Kharboutli

Introduction

The path to love is paved with joy and pain, by turns. As the saying goes, if you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be yours, it will return to you. If not, it was never meant to be. Daniel Bouchard had to let go many times in his life. Cruel circumstance seems to have dictated the course of his destiny, and he harbored a deep-seated sense of loss. In every phase of his life, original grief—a kind of foundational mourning that developed since his early childhood—surfaced within him and manifested in various ways, particularly in his ability to sustain and cultivate relationships and commitments.

In order to find love, therefore, Daniel had to dig deep within and encounter himself. He had to evolve and mature by admitting mistakes, assuming personal accountability, and rectifying his missteps. He also had to face the fact that everything that happened to him was not necessarily about him at all. There were other lives affected by his actions—his offhanded treatment of the women whose hearts he had captured, as well as some very wrong decisions that had emotionally dire outcomes. Virtually everything that occurred to and around him was the result of abandonment issues, hurt, and grief, all of which he had to face with a heart and mind wide open, ready to receive the pain and reap the rewards of growth.

For all those who have loved and lost, Daniel wants you to know that there is a sun that rises over a new day with brand-new possibilities—if only you have the courage to face that which holds you back. Life is precious in all of its facets, and it is there for us to claim, but this must be done with self-introspection, ensuing self-awareness, and a willingness to reach beyond the ego to encounter something far greater than the self—the capacity to love unconditionally, accept the ones you love as they are instead of what they could be, and know that love is the ultimate answer.

Chapter 1

A Pit of Loneliness

Daniel Bouchard lived in the enchanted city of Paris, France. When he looked out of his window, he beheld the Avenue des Champs-Élysées, one of the most beautiful boulevards in the world, with its boutique shops and restaurants filled with bustling activity all year round. He especially enjoyed Christmastime, when the bright lights of the city seemed to illuminate the universe as far as the eye could see.

If anyone peered into Daniel’s world, they would think that he and his older siblings, Marie, Collette, and Pierre, lived charmed lives, and by all appearances, that was the case. Yet, something was missing—not something exactly, but rather someone. Tragically, his young mother, Michelle, had passed away after a battle with cancer at age thirty-three, leaving the family behind to navigate the world without her while emotionally dealing with their incomprehensible loss.

The children—and Daniel, in particular—always grappled with the absence of a mother figure, which manifested as subliminal grief. No one dared cry aloud for fear they would never stop. Although Daniel was only three when his mother went to heaven, as he learned to say, her absence had a searing impact on him, leaving him adrift in an ocean of uncertainty and sorrow as he witnessed other children enjoying their lives with motherly nurturing. Mother’s Day, birthdays, and even Christmas, with all its bright lights, triggered a kind of mourning period that the little boy could not explain.

As for Eric Bouchard, the family’s patriarch, grieving was a natural course of life. He mourned his wife’s loss so deeply that the mere mention of her name opened the floodgates of melancholy, causing him to throw every ounce of energy into his work, which he termed my saving grace. When Michelle died, he vowed that he would never love or marry again—and he remained wedded to that idea.

As a pharmacist and owner of a pharmaceutical factory, Eric made a good living and kept his family in the upper-middle-class lifestyle to which they had been accustomed for many years. Material comforts and love, therefore, were the order of the day. Eric liberally showered each of his children with affection and attention.

For Daniel, his father was an idol—the perfect example of what a man should be. Every time Papa said goodbye as he left for a business trip, the four children would jump into his arms and overwhelm him with embraces. Don’t go! Don’t go! they cried, in unison, as the doting father gently pried their hands from his neck and rushed to catch his flight. Homecomings were just as sweet, with their maternal grandma, Amélia, frantically preparing her famous cooking for the occasion, including her delectable French butter cookies and madeleines.

Mischievous and playful, the little boys of the family could not wait to satiate their palettes with Grandma’s scrumptious baking and would sneak up behind her to steal some of the batter. If you touch anything again, Pierre and Daniel, she sternly warned them, you are not getting a morsel of the baked cookies.

Sheepishly, the boys pulled their fingers away. Then, the instant Grandma turned her head again, they returned to their antics and gobbled more … and more, disregarding her admonitions. When hardly any cookies were left for Papa, he pretended not to notice, leaving most of the savory desserts for his children.

Obviously, we have a mouse—or four, Mama! he quipped, slyly winking at Amélia.

Despite enormous hardships, Eric Bouchard loved life, and to the extent possible, he did all he could to make his children feel comfortable and integrated into the world. This was not an easy feat without a coparent, but he did his best. As long as Papa was available and at home, bedtime stories provided a bonding experience, and the children would delight in curling up in his arms as he narrated. Their favorite story was Le Petit Prince (The Little Prince) by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. The children especially loved the story of the rose and how the Little Prince viewed her as unique among all the flowers in the world. She was special because she was tamed—nurtured, loved, and showered with attention—just like the children.

Whenever his little ones were mischievous, Papa always had a remedy. Daniel, for example, never enjoyed school and would often make excuses not to go. Papa, I feel sick, he would cry. Or, Papa, my tummy hurts. I cannot possibly go to school today.

In tune with his children’s habits and ever ready to employ his pharmaceutical skills, the benevolent patriarch would fill a vial with a vitamin concoction and say, Okay, Son, if you are not well, I must give you this injection with strict orders not to go outside, play, or do much of anything.

Realizing that he would be cooped up the entire day at home, Daniel soon came to understand that pretending didn’t do him any good at all. Besides, he absolutely hated the injection, and to avoid it, he ceased making up stories and always went to school—even when he actually felt sick. Thus, Papa effectively put an end to his shenanigans.

Then, suddenly, the enchanted world crumbled when the children found themselves all alone—just like the little prince—quite against their will. Daniel remembers one day in particular—a moment in time that changed his life forever. He was on his way home from school when a neighbor and fellow student approached and asked, Is it true that your father died?

I don’t know what you’re talking about, Daniel replied, feeling his knees weaken.

The neighbor had known his family for quite some time, and Daniel knew that he was telling the truth. As it turned out, the neighbor’s family told him the tragic news after seeing police cars outside Daniel’s home. The walk back seemed to be a thousand miles or more, and it took the little boy all his strength to hold himself up, feeling as if he had been crushed by a wrecking ball. The world as he knew it had ended—forever. He felt like a nomad from another planet—just like the Little Prince, searching for meaning to a thousand unanswered questions.

Maybe he’ll come back. There must be a way, twelve-year-old Daniel cried to himself.

I want to come back to you, my son, but my body—my earthly form—is too heavy for me now. Eric’s spirit resonated from inside his young son, as though it traveled through a million canyons.

As he trudged along, the tears fell like reservoirs. Grandma Amélia met her grandson at the door, sobbing. Then she gathered the four siblings in the living room. Holding each one close, she said, You have had another great loss in your young lives. I am so sorry for all of you. I want you to know that I am here for you at all times. I am now Mama and Papa to you. Bury your sorrow in my shoulders and find comfort there.

For all of Grandma’s kindness, however, Daniel, Pierre, Marie, and Collette were inconsolable. The siblings retreated to their rooms, each to individually nurse their gaping wounds. Whenever nightfall arrived, Daniel sat near the window, dreading the sunset. He recalled that his fictional contemporary, the Little Prince, tempered his sadness by watching sunsets, their orange glow giving way to seemingly endless darkness—until the next sunrise … and the next … For Daniel, however, nighttime was his nemesis, and he wondered just how many painful sunsets he would have to witness before his anguish would disappear and he would emerge from the pit of loneliness. He wished that somehow he could move to Norway where he could enjoy more daylight. In his moments of anguish, he failed to observe two luminescent stars, glowing together, smiling down upon him from above.

Chapter 2

Fitting into the World

When Daniel awoke after every sunset, he was enveloped with emotional anguish and felt as though he were a square peg in a round hole. He just didn’t fit in. To make matters worse, his peers didn’t accept him and bullied him constantly. Their taunts drove him to distraction and sent him into even deeper depression. They had parents, and he was orphaned—a status that made him feel apart from the rest.

One day, Daniel’s bicycle broke down on his way home from school. Stopping in the middle of the road, with no one around, he let his tears fall freely. Suddenly, the sky heard his cries, and torrential rain poured down, as if heavenly angels were joining in his grief. Daniel was used to swallowing his tears and keeping his feelings in check. Yet, in that instant, he could not help himself. His uncharacteristic expression of distress was not caused by the malfunctioning old, rickety bicycle. Rather, it was a metaphor for the pervasive pain and loss in his life—the absence of his beloved father.

When he arrived home, Grandma Amélia noticed his distress and