A Particular Shade of Blue: Negotiations for an Uneventful Incarceration

By Misty Renee’ Brockett

When you enter prison, you get two or three sets of raggedy clothes, and if you’re caught wearing ill-fitting ones or trading uniforms, you’re written up.

That’s one of the many things that took Misty Renee’ Brockett by surprise when she entered prison as a first-time felon—a fate that happens to more people than you may think. Even a truly innocent person would be leery of gambling with decades of their life when they could enter a plea agreement to serve three years, which is what she did.

In this humorous and useful guide for the recently arrested and/or convicted and their families and loved ones, the author explains what you can expect from arrest to conviction to release. It is based on her experiences discovering the rules and uncommon procedures that are not listed in any prison handbook.

Gathered from firsthand trial and error, and years of mandatory observation, her insights won’t just help the newly convicted survive in prison—they could help some avoid being locked up altogether.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Sep 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781480860711

Misty Renee’ Brockett

Misty Renee’ Brockett has a background in art, entertainment, and marketing. She spends her days writing, crawfishing, and caring for her wonderfully dysfunctional family. She is also a one-time felon who, after spending nearly three years in a state correctional facility, chooses to approach the subject of incarceration from a somewhat satirical point of view. Brockett lives with her husband and their adopted children, a simple-minded Beagle, and a mischievous Cat, in the Atchafalaya Basin of Southern Louisiana.

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Copyright © 2018 Misty Renee’ Brockett.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Archway Publishing

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Robert M. Brockett (Author photo)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-6070-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-6069-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-6071-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018904878

Archway Publishing rev. date: 8/14/2018

Contents

Foreword (Forewarned?)

Preface Sometimes the End is the Only Place to Begin

Introduction It Is What It Is

Part I: Waiting

Chapter 1 Waiting for the Ride Home

Chapter 2 Waiting for The Man

Chapter 3 Waiting for the Inevitable

Chapter 4 Waiting in County Jail

Chapter 5 Welcome to Prison, It Sucks

Chapter 6 Maintaining Composure

Chapter 7 Housing, Education, and Work Assignments

Chapter 8 Authority Issues and Respect

Chapter 9 Avoiding Injury, Illness, and Alienation

Chapter 10 What Are You Afraid Of?

Chapter 11 Only God Can Judge Me

Part II: Maintaining

Chapter 12 Socialization vs. Isolation

Chapter 13 Personal Relationships

Chapter 14 Why Do Ten When You Can Give it to a Friend?

Chapter 15 Know Your Rights

Chapter 16 Privileges and Punishments

Chapter 17 Do Your Own Time

Chapter 18 Maintaining Contact with the Outside World

Chapter 19 Shopping, Cooking, and Chow Hall

Chapter 20 Transfers and Work Release

Part III: Leaving

Chapter 21 Almost Comfortable?

Chapter 22 Homecoming

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Bibliography

Foreword (Forewarned?)

By Robert M. Brockett

I have always encouraged Misty to find an outlet for sharing her artistic talents, but I take great pride in the fact that she confronted a nightmare to fulfill a dream, turning outrage into art.

Having been incarcerated myself, I know that my wife was not cut out for doing time, but when Misty goes into survival mode, she can manage just about anything. I’m glad that she can now add Author to her odd list of credits.

If you’ve never witnessed someone writing their first manuscript, I do not recommend it. Between the never-ending chatter of thinking out loud and an annoying compulsion to use every cardboard box in sight as a desk, at least once, the process was difficult to be around. You’d be shocked by the places she wrote notes. In hindsight, she was probably testing my endurance in preparation for the next three manuscripts. It keeps me young.

When I commented on her obscure methods, she told me that I was lucky she wasn’t doing heroin and wearing funny hats while stroking a six-toed cat. I suppose I am lucky. We don’t have room for any more hats.

As I watched my bi-polar bride turn the mountain of prison paperwork and letters into an unbroken timeline of her three years lost, I could understand why she had to write A Particular Shade of Blue.

Quick-witted and short-tempered, Misty Renee’ Brockett has no problem speaking her mind. After 16 years of marriage, I am rarely shocked by her unapologetic admissions and allegations. Others aren’t so lucky.

Now that you’ve been forewarned, I have little doubt that you’ll appreciate the author’s sense of humor and biting sarcasm as much as I once did.

Robert M. Brockett- January 17, 2018

To

Myself.

For Myself.

By Myself.

Preface

Sometimes the End is the Only Place to Begin

Realistic expectations are a necessary evil in this world. Of course, that’s probably what every pessimist says. I don’t consider myself a pessimist but I do believe that if you expect the worst you’re less likely to be disappointed.

When confronted with a foreseeable, yet unavoidable, path to ruin there lies a comfortable middle-ground of calm resignation to be found between the denial and acceptance of your fated devastation. For me, that purposeful surrender is marked by the feeling of silent self-superiority that comes with knowing what the future holds and meticulously plotting my approach.

I envision the best possible outcome and figure out how to screw it up. Then I just try to not do that. It is concurrently liberating and humbling to accept punishment without complaint in order to take the path of least resistance.

Unfortunately, the prison system doesn’t stop at punishing the convict. From predatory phone service providers to $1.68 packages of ramen noodles, the sacrifices expected of a prisoner’s family can be overwhelming.

Sometimes a little too much information is better than being a slave to the imagination, so, in honor of the families who wonder and worry over what the future holds, we’re going to start at the end, which is not really the end at all, but a crossroad. If you know what to expect from this nightmare, you may be better prepared to start a new chapter when it is over.

The following letter should make you stop and think about how you might respond to these quirks that develop after even a short time in prison.

This letter home has been circulated forever, or so I am told, and a copy of it always finds itself in the hands of someone about to be released. It rings true and brings comic relief at the same time.

Most people personalize it and pass it on, but never send it. I think people should send their letters. Few things are sadder than a letter never sent.

That said, I did send my notice of impending weirdness to my family and it went like this:

To Whom It May Concern,

The following letter is a solemn warning and is to be read by the 1st day of August 2013, by all friends, relatives and loved ones of Misty R. Brockett.

Very soon the above-named woman will once again grace your presence. She will be dehumanized, demoralized, and somewhat bitter, but she is ready to take her place among the living and enjoy freedom, liberty and the (somewhat delayed) pursuit of happiness.

In making your joyous preparations to welcome her back into your respectable society, you must make the following allowances, considering the environment she has endured for the past thirty months. Attempting to comply with ever-changing rules, accepting the ridiculous as reality, and the worst punishment of all, sleep deprivation, can alter a person’s fundamental makeup significantly.

Therefore, show no alarm if she checks the mail and insists that The Man is stealing perfume samples from the magazines, or when meeting new people, she introduces herself with her last name and six-digit number. She may try to buy a spot in the line at the grocery store or offer the neighbor a honey bun to wash her sheets.

Do not correct her if she chooses to cut her food with a spoon, finishes her meal in less than the allotted 15 minutes, and seems genuinely confused about where to dump her tray. Please do not stand over her while she is eating. If you do make this tragic mistake, do not be surprised when she yells, Quit studying my food, Ho!

Do not be concerned if she turns off all the lights at 10:30 pm and/or returns to her bunk six times a day to be counted because she heard an imaginary voice yell Recall!, simply reassure her and count her, that would be the kindest thing to do. She may yell, Yard open!, when letting the dogs out and walk in circles on the backyard track. For the first few weeks, she may insist that you are in her personal space and scream, Stay out of my bunk area!

Until she is housebroken, she may instinctually bend over and spread ‘em! when she feels the urge to cough and unapologetically refer to her lady-parts as her pursey. She may even yell at complete strangers who maintain too much eye contact. This disturbing behavior should soon pass.

Be prepared to carry on a conversation while she is on the toilet, or bring her a bucket to wash her laundry in the shower. Just bring her a bucket. If you are kind enough to offer her some bleach for her clothes, don’t be surprised if she insists on repaying you with dehydrated beans and corn chips.

Do not be alarmed if she hides salt packets and toilet paper under her pillow, and try not to be repulsed when she sees an outed cigarette on the ground and proclaims, That’s a nice butt!, then discretely picks it up and stashes it in her bra. Try to remember that these items are rare and costly in prison and this behavior seems perfectly normal to her. This too shall pass…

In addition, the following actions should be avoided, as she may become defensive and agitated:

• Asking too many questions

• Walking too closely behind her

• Walking too quickly toward her

• Standing over her

• Staring at her

• Telling her not to speak

Try to keep in mind that behind the guarded exterior of this jaded ex-con is the same person you have always known and loved. She is changed by her experience, but will likely recover some semblance of normalcy with plenty of kindness, patience, and a lot of space. Seriously, stay out of her bunk area.

Sincerely, Misty R. Brockett

Introduction

It Is What It Is

What you now hold in your hands is no less than my best effort toward creating literary art within my skillset. Originally envisioned as a parody of the How To…For Dummies phenomena, the simple narrative was to be devoid of first-hand stories. (Sterling 2006)

However, as I refreshed my memory by revisiting my institutional existence via two dusty boxes containing an extensive collection of neglected letters and paperwork, my literary creation grew smarter, and more satirical, than it was supposed to be, and evolved into what it is.

Though filtered through my own eyes and experience, the contents herein are true and correct to the very best of my knowledge. Although I have been known to use artistic license on occasion, the facts and stories I have included are 99.9% non-fiction. Sometimes the truth is far more interesting.

I have only included the names