I Do: A Wedding Planner’S View

By Lynda Barness

MUST-HAVE WEDDING WISDOM FOR CREATING YOUR PERFECT DAY, YOUR WAY.

What should you do? And where and when? And how? The
world of weddings can feel overwhelming, so where do you
find a guide? As wedding planner Lynda Barness knows,
weddings have never come with more exciting choices and
possibilities than they do todayand they have also never
been more fun! In this lively collection of posts from her
popular blog, Barness shares her expertise on everything
from destination weddings to managing guests lists, to tricky
wedding-day logistics (rain, traffic, the Pope!), to creative
ceremonies and even planning a wedding in a week. With
innovative solutions to modern etiquette dilemmas and an eye
for whats elegant and au courant, Barness provides a
wealth of fresh, savvy advice to help you craft a truly unique
and special wedding that will be remembered by all for
years to come.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jun 23, 2018
• ISBN: 9781532050886

Lynda Barness

Lynda Barness launched I DO Wedding Consulting in 2004 as her encore career after a successful and award-winning career as a real estate developer and homebuilder. She completed the certificate program in Wedding Planning and Consulting at Temple University, where she is now an instructor, and has achieved the designation of Master Wedding Planner by the Association of Bridal Consultants. Lynda was recognized in 2010 as the International Society of Event Specialists Best Wedding Planner in the Greater Philadelphia region and was named an Industry Leader by Wedding Planner Magazine in 2016. Her weddings have appeared in Martha Stewart Weddings, The Knot magazine, Philadelphia Weddings magazine, and many other publications. She has planned weddings in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware and also in London, England. Lyndas debut book, I DO: A Wedding Planner Tells Tales, was published in 2015. In addition, she is the editor of The Man I Knew Was Once a Boy: The Letters of Herbert Barness, 1938-1948 and The Man I Knew: Herbert Barness In the Press, 1957-1998.

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 Lynda Barness.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.iuniverse.com

1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-5087-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-5088-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018906170

iUniverse rev. date: 06/21/2018

Contents

Introduction

2014

My First Blog Post, Silent Discos, Guest Attire, Destination Weddings, and Wedding Toasts

2015

Cakes, Ceremonies, iPads and SelfieSticks, Wedding Trends, My First Book, Sentimental Moments, Same-Sex Weddings Legalized, Disability Etiquette, Signature Drinks, and Honor Attendants

2016

Wardrobe Malfunctions, Sentimental Moments, The Social Media Concierge, Wedding Planning Tips, Emergency Kits, Fire Plans, The Bridal Brigade, and The Tasting

2017

Vendor Meals, Indian Weddings, Bridesmaids, Remembering a Loved One, Stress Management, Cancelled Weddings, Wedding Attire, Cards and Gifts, Interfaith Weddings, and London Weddings

2018

The B-List, Father-Daughter Dances, Personalize Your Wedding, Behind the Scenes, Invitation Etiquette, Outdoor Weddings, Bridal Showers, Engagement Parties, Guest Lists, and A Wedding in a Week

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Introduction

Q uestion: What do the following have in co mmon?

GPS

Internet

Pinterest

Etsy

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

FaceTime

LinkedIn

Texting

YouTube

Podcasts

iPhones

iPads

Instacart

Amazon

Periscope

Blogging

Same-sex weddings

GoPros

Drones

Selfie sticks

Hashtags at weddings

Search Engine Optimization

Groomsmaids and Bridesmen (Yes, you read that correctly!)

Answer: None of these were in existence/widespread use when I began my career as a wedding planner 14 years ago!

This has given me pause, since I have spent the last 14 years adapting, learning, and employing new concepts as a wedding planner. When I first started, I used a fax machine, a Palm Pilot, and maps to find my way to vendor meetings, wedding rehearsals, and weddings! I have found the changes exciting and at times a bit daunting; especially in a new business, so much time is spent actually doing the business itself that time must be found to catch up with new trends and technology. And here we are.

Before I became a wedding planner, I was a real estate developer and homebuilder. I made the decision in 2004 to sell this family business, and I had no idea what I would do next. One of my two daughters was engaged, and we hired a wedding planner for her wedding, but as the mother of the bride, I was still very involved. It was the first time that I had really used the internet for research, and I was amazed by what I could find! I shared special time with the bride-to-be as we shopped for her gown, and I spent more memorable moments with my daughter and her fiancé as we visited their wedding venue, enjoyed a menu tasting, and met with their florist/decorator… it was a time that was wonderful and full of emotion for all of us. I was still so high after the wedding that, when I received a copy of the Temple University Ambler Campus Non-Credit Course Catalog and saw a Wedding Planning and Consulting Certificate Program, I signed up as a lark. That was all. However, when I sat in class, I saw how much I didn’t know, and I realized that my next career was starting right there. And, in one of life’s wonderful ironies, I am now teaching in that Certificate Program!

I started I DO Wedding Consulting in 2004 and have been busy doing weddings ever since. After each one, I have debriefed myself and written notes about my experiences. In 2014, I was talking to someone I knew, and she mentioned that she was giving a seminar about writing a book and thought I should write about weddings. She had no idea that I already had 450 pages of notes on my computer! The process was complicated, and writing a book—even with the basic outline completed—was definitely both challenging and rewarding. I DO: A Wedding Planner Tells Tales was the result.

And here I am again at my computer. This second book was inspired by an email from one of the mothers of the brides with whom I am currently working. She had a question about who should give a bridal shower for her daughter. Could she do it? What was the protocol?

I am asked about etiquette questions frequently. In the olden days, Emily Post was the arbiter of good taste and had an answer for everything, and there were clearly defined right and wrong ways to behave concerning weddings. However, the world has changed, and much of what was not acceptable in, say, 1971, has become commonplace. This realization made me stop and think. Where do we go for information now? Yes, first to Emily Post but then… to the internet… and, yes, definitely to wedding planners.

Whenever I am asked a question about etiquette, I often use the opportunity to write a blog post, since I assume that others may have the same question. I held off writing a blog as long as I felt I could, and then ultimately started one on the idoplan.com website in 2014. Recently I added the query about protocol for wedding showers and then started looking back at other posts I had written over the last few years. I realized that my blog posts could be helpful to brides, grooms, parents, wedding party members, and even other wedding planners—and my students too—who are grappling with current standards.

And so, I put together this collection of my posts. Since starting the blog, I typically sit down and write several posts at a time, which prevents me from being pressured to write something on a particular day. So if you happen to notice that the publication date of this book is actually before the date of the last blog post, that’s why! Some of the posts have also been published elsewhere; from time to time, an industry organization, publication, or other wedding professional has invited me to be a guest blogger on their site, which has been a real honor, and I always share those posts on my own blog as well.

I take full responsibility for the ideas and suggestions herein, and, as I always tell my Temple University students, I am presenting just ONE way of doing things, with full knowledge that there are many. I am hoping that you will get a clear sense of how I perceive current issues, and I urge you to listen to other voices as well.

I hope you enjoy this book and that it either gives you the answers you are seeking or makes you reflect on your own experiences. The tag line for I DO Wedding Consulting has always been YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY, and I hope that you will see this consistent wish for you in the pages that follow.

Lynda Barness

2014

My First Blog Post!

September 9, 2014

Welcome to our updated website!

This is the third version of the I DO Wedding Consulting website in almost 10 years. Technology has obviously changed, and we have had so many weddings and amazing experiences that we decided to share what we do in a new format.

Also, we are adding a blog. At last.

After almost 10 years of planning weddings, I feel like I have seen so much. But I still love surprises, and Shelby and Dan had one at their wedding that I had never seen before.

It’s called a Silent Disco.

The wedding was held at an outdoor venue, so they decided to contain the noise AND have fun in a new way. They hired a company that supplied wireless headsets and transmitters, and for the after-party, the guests donned headsets that had two frequencies. There were two (yes, two) separate DJs, and the guests could listen and dance to the DJ and music of their choice through the headsets. But if you were standing in the room, all you could hear was the chatter of guests talking and no music.

This would be great for a wedding in a township with a noise ordinance too!

28913.png

Eagle Eyes

September 23, 2014

Rain on a wedding day tends to bring disappointment, because so often a couple wants photos to be taken outdoors. Ashton and Patrick were no exception; they planned to have their reveal in Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia. But the rains came. Fortunately, they had a very creative photographer. Andrew Todes certainly made lemonade out of lemons… and created some extraordinary images.

Among other places, he took the couple to 30th Street Station. There, a man wearing a Philadelphia Eagles football jersey sat on a bench, and the photographer suggested that the couple join him. The man was ready to move when he saw them coming but was urged to remain, and the photographer took a great shot! He posted this on Facebook: One last pic for the day. EAGLE EYES. Did this at 30th Street Station, Philadelphia. Hardest part of the shot was convincing the Eagles fan to keep sitting there for a minute or two. He thought he was ruining the pic and wanted to get up and leave. Very sweet of him to play along. That quizzical look he gives the camera is perfect. Go, Eagles!

28918.png

Why a Winter Wedding in the Philadelphia Area Works

September 30, 2014

I was asked by partyspace.com to write this post; it is on their blog and now on mine.

In the Northeast USA, most weddings are held in Spring (April, May, June) and early Fall (September, October, November). Weather seems to be the reason: who wants to get caught in a snowstorm on a wedding weekend? It’s not fun for the couple OR the guests.

But there are several advantages to a winter wedding, and here are a few to consider:

1. You will have a wider range of dates from which to choose.

2. The pricing may be more favorable at venues or from wedding professionals because they don’t book as many weddings during this time.

3. You can take advantage of the holiday décor at some venues. This can be a big savings.

4. Your guests may be ready for a party in the middle of winter!

5. Your photos will be amazing if it does snow.

6. There is something special about being inside during bad weather. There is a sense of being cozy and warm, and it heightens the atmosphere.

BUT: Weather is still an issue, so you want to plan carefully. You want guests to be able to dodge a (potential) snowstorm. So you might want to consider the following:

1. Have your room blocks available a day earlier and a day later in case guests want to come to town before a storm or stay after.

2. If the ceremony and the reception are at the same place, there is less reason to worry. And if it is in a hotel, it is even easier. But I’ve done many winter weddings that were not held in hotels, so if you are looking for a different venue, it is definitely possible!

3. In the Philadelphia/NJ area, buses always seem to get through the snow, so consider providing all transportation for your guests. That means providing transportation to the ceremony and to the reception and then back to where the guests are staying at the end of the party.

4. As always, consider guest comfort and expectations. Greet your guests with warm drinks. Have a place to check coats, boots, bags (which may hold shoes), and umbrellas. You can make this a fun and different coat check with tags to match the other stationery items and signage. Make sure that special care is taken to secure fur coats.

5. You may want your meal to reflect the season. A delicious soup may be the perfect way to start a meal, with a hearty