Death of an Exquisite Nature: A Journal Through Grief!

By Maggie Stephens-Dykes

Youve heard it many times before: nothing is for certain but death and taxes. Even though the end of life eventually comes for us all, that doesnt mean death is a topic everyone is eager to discuss. For nearly a year, Maggie chronicled the ebb and flow of her sadness, about the slow pace of mourning, and how her life was reclaimed through journaling after the deaths of her sister and mother-in-law. In this riveting account, she poignantly embraces her range of emotions as she grapples with the enigma of death. Death of an Exquisite Nature reflects on Maggies plight to overcome her feelings of worries, fears, and frustrations after the fact. The book introduces the reader to many of the curiosities that the D word has to offer. Although death isnt a topic easily discussed, theres humor to be found in the book to help the reader as they proceed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 9, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984523402

Maggie Stephens-Dykes

Maggie is a wife to James, Mother to Allanah and James Jr., and has been a friend to many! She is a natural born storyteller with the gift to make others laugh. Accomplishments include: a Bachelors Degree from the State University of New York @ Old Westbury, and a Masters Degree in Education from C. W. Post/ Long Island University. Her time is spent continuing to write, living life, loving hard, and laughing at the demons that try to overtake her. This is her third book.

Book preview

Death of an

Exquisite Nature

A Journal Through Grief!

MAGGIE STEPHENS-DYKES

Copyright © 2018 by Maggie Stephens-Dykes.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2018904832

ISBN:                   Hardcover                              978-1-9845-2338-9

                            Softcover                               978-1-9845-2339-6

                            eBook                                     978-1-9845-2340-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 05/01/2018

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Thursday, July 4th, 2013

Friday, July 5th, 2013

December 2013

February 2014

April 10th, 2014

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Friday, April 25th, 2014

Saturday, April 26th, 2014

Monday, April 28th, 2014

Friday May 30th, 2014

Saturday, May 31 2014

Sunday, June 1st 2014

Monday, June 2nd 2014

Tuesday, June 3rd 2014

Wednesday, June 4th 2014

Thursday, June 5th 2014

Friday, Saturday 6th 2014

Saturday, June 7th 2014

Sunday, June 8th 2014

Monday, June 9th 2014

Tuesday, June 10ht 2014

Wednesday, June 11th 2014

Thursday, June 12th 2014

Friday, June 13th 2014

Saturday, June 14th 2014

Sunday, June 15th 2014

Monday, June 16th 2014

Tuesday, June 17th 2014

Wednesday, June 18th 2014

Thursday, June 19th 2014

Friday, June 20th 2014

Saturday, June 21th 2014

Sunday, June 22nd 2014

Monday, June 23rd 2014

Tuesday, June 24th 2014

Wednesday, June 25th 2014

Thursday, June 26th 2014

Friday, June 27th 2014

Saturday, June 28th 2014

Sunday, June 29th 2014

Monday, June 30th 2014

Tuesday, July 1th 2014

Wednesday, July 2nd 2014

Thursday, July 3rd 2014

Friday, July 4th 2014

Saturday, July 7⁵th 2014

Monday, July th 2014

Wednesday, July 9th 2014

Friday, July 11th 2014

Sunday, July 13th 2014

Tuesday, July 18⁵th 2014

Friday, July 1th 2014

Monday, July 21th 2014

Friday, July 25th 2014

Saturday, July 26th 2014

Sunday, July 27th 2014

Sunday, August 17th 2014

Monday, August 18th 2014

Friday, August 29th 2014

Saturday, August 30th 2014

Sunday, August 31st 2014

Monday, September 1st 2014

Tuesday, September 2nd 2014

Wednesday, September 3rd 2014

Thursday, September 4th 2014

Friday, September 5th 2014

Saturday, September 6th, 2014

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Monday, September 8th, 2014

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

Wednesday, September 10th, 2014

Thursday, September 11th, 2014

Friday, September 12th, 2014

Saturday, September 13th, 2014

Sunday, September 14th, 2014

Monday, September 15th, 2014

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Thursday November 27th 2014

Friday, December 26, 2014

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Thursday, February 26th, 2015

Tuesday, March 17th, 2015

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

April 22nd, 2015

Epilogue

James,

What we have lost is immeasurable to say the least. What we have to face seems insurmountable! Although the future has always held uncertainties, there are now inevitable truths, that we never concerned ourselves with, which are now certain. However we must stay true to our beliefs, as they raised us. Keep our faith in God, first and foremost, as they always instructed us. Especially in times such as these. We have to continue this family moving forward, as they demanded. If we are children of light, we have to illuminate the path for those who follow, for we know how easy it is for darkness to pull you into shadow. And, that they would have never stood for!

You and I have never truly been baptized by fire. We lived a life of what some fairytales are made of. Until, those two days, that has got to be, even though three months apart, two of the worst days of our lives thus far. Two days, but three months apart, that could bring anyone to their knees. Most people would not recover from one day, albeit two days, though three months apart. To tell you the truth, I almost didn’t. Save for, staying true, to how I was raised, as always instructed, especially in times such as these, and as they demanded. And, especially you and the children! It was at that moment I decided that I was no longer going to cry over what I lost, but smile over what I had! That got me to thinking about you James.

I wanted to say thank you, for sharing your Mother with me. She meant more to you than words can ever convey. Hopefully my actions, and not just through the trying times expressed my love for her. Thank you, for all the days I claimed her as my own. For letting her be more than a mother-in-law to me. For, letting us venture off in either our gardening, or what new recipe we would try worlds, that excluded you. Thank you for when you weren’t in on our inside joke, or when the joke was on you. Which was more often than you liked I’m sure. I often wondered if you felt left out when you happened in on our loud cackling and asked, What’s so funny only to be met with, oh you had to be there.

I also wanted to thank you for all the days she was a bended ear that listened to me complain on and on, about who did what, when. There had to be many days when we ganged up on you that you wanted to say, don’t you have your own Mother?" But you never did! You shared her with me like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s day. The two of us nestled close together with her loving arms around us.

I also wanted to thank you for being a part of the village it took to look after my sister in her times of need. For always helping to look out for her when it was difficult to look after herself. You listened to her when she felt no one else could hear her. Thank you for making her laugh when alls she wanted to do was cry. For encouraging her to not give up when she wanted to give in. You truly understood her. You didn’t judge her. You didn’t try to change her. You accepted her with all her perfect imperfections as I did. And for that alone (and for many other things as well) I will always be grateful!

No matter what these uncertain times hold for us, there is one thing that is certain; this too shall come to pass, On The Morrow!

I said it before and I will say it again…DON’T EVER TRIM THE FAT BABY!

Job 13:15

There are certain people on this big old rock that have an effect on us more than we care to admit. The media and or social media would lead us to believe that these people are usually famous. However I’m talking about the kind of people who do not have big titles like a Pope, or a President, or an Oprah, or Kim Kardashian. I’m talking about the everyday you and me type of people. They are the ones in the trenches with you, the ones who are truly fighting the good fight with you, and sometimes for you. These are the type of people whose goodness may not be seen all over the world. It may be seen over a block, or maybe two. Or by just one person, and that is fine with them.

They need no recognition, the ooohs and ahhhh of it all, neither nor the flashing lights. A mere thank you will suffice. And if that gesture is forgotten, well that’s okay too. Yes the Pope, a President, Oprah, even Kim Kardashian play important roles in our society as well. However it is these everyday people that when gone, we can feel a sense of despair and or hopelessness. It becomes a true test of God when no one is looking if we will get through their absence. A, what will you do when no one is looking test? Will you pass or fail? This is a test you cannot cheat! Will the intrinsic fulfillment of doing His good work far outweigh any extrinsic fulfillment? This is a question that can only be answered in the moment of, type of question. Of course we would all love to answer yes, but all our answers unfortunately will not be yes. By design death is a precarious thing. It affects everyone differently. Every culture handles death in different ways.

When you search about death online one of the first things that appears is what it is and the stages of it. The next category of death is the ways to process or deal with it. After reading them I kept waiting for when I would go through the different stages. When I didn’t, I finally realized there is no clean cut way to deal with loss. If you are thinking that there is some sort of guide as to how to process what you are going through out there to help you process grief, then you are sadly mistaken. There are insights and peoples perspectives. This is mine. This is merely how I dealt with what I was going through.

I found that when loved ones die it leaves a chasm in you that will never be filled again. Sometimes we try to ignore the pain and fill our time in other ways. Only to have it come out in an unhealthy way somewhere down the line. There is also the feeling that we believe the pain of losing that person is all we will ever feel. There is also the school of thought that time is the equalizer of all things. That it takes one day and sometimes one moment at a time to get you through what you are feeling.

Albeit no one looks at the part of death that beautiful. It is so finite that we tend to miss it through our pain and suffering. When we finally tap into it, it can help us cope with what we are going through. This part of death is exquisite because it can take you beyond the brink of sanity. It can also take you to the core of what you are made of. That all you have to rely on is your belief system in the eye of the storm. That God is faithful and He will walk with you to the breaking point. When you reach it, He will carry you through, and not beyond, so that you may be able to endure. For all your trials and tribulations they to shall come to pass, it may not always come on the morrow, but the day after or the day after that. He always provides a ways out. One day you realize that you have to be stronger than you ever have been, not only for your own survival, but for those around you. And that in itself is exquisite!

When that person or persons you lost was so irreplaceable that you cannot rely on the good memories of what was because you hurt to much, to push out the bad memories of what is, in order to help you get through. You have to ask yourself what are you left with? It is in those times that I believe a supernatural power allows us to tap into a self preservative mechanism. That person(s) essence surrounds you and over takes you to keeps you going.

Thursday, July 4th, 2013

3:00 P.M.

Being the Fourth of July it’s relatively a quiet day. This is quite out of the ordinary for our house. Someone always stopped by. I guess because it is raining today no one did. Running in and out of the house grilling in the rain is not fun. Is it raining in Maryland? In a few hours it will be time to go see the fireworks. I hope they don’t cancel it. Maybe the rain will stop by then. I have to make sure we leave early to get a good spot. It fills up fast at Duck Stadium. The cars line the entire road leading to the stadium just to watch the display. The police do not bother you until after the event because everyone is peaceful. It’s mainly made up of the families who are not able to get in the stadium so we line up along side of it and watch for free. After it is over we must be on our way, no lingering around. Before we get to that I have to pack and put away all this food. Why did I do it to myself? I thought someone would stop by though. Usually James’s Aunt, her daughter in law, and two grandsons would. Tomorrow I will makes plates and give a lot of this food away.

8:00 P.M.

Well we are off to see the fireworks and yes we are leaving later than I wanted to. You know James the world is always on his time. I know all the good spots are taken. Thank goodness it stopped raining. I’m taking a chair to sit in because the ground will be too wet for a blanket. Better bring the bug spray also. You know how it is after it rains? Why didn’t you text me back earlier? Text me back when you get a chance to tell me how the party is going. Did you end up taking anything after all? My day has been kind of melancholy to say the least. To quiet like something is looming. I hate that feeling. Oh yeah you better not be partying to hard! I know you had some anxiety about going, but I do not want to hear Lauren’s mouth about you doing your flip flop dance again after you drank to much. Talk to you later.

Midnight

We are back home did you get the pictures I sent you? The weather cleared up and the display was beautiful. I guess you guys are doing it up because I haven’t heard from you all day. I’m going to bed. YOU AND LAUREN BETTER NOT CALL ME AT 3 A.M. ARGUEING BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO ANSWER THE PHONE! Love ya-

Friday, July 5th, 2013

1:00 P.M.

Dang Scilla, it’s about time I heard from you. Y’all must have really tied one on last night. I didn’t hear from nobody.

I didn’t go with Lauren to the party.

You didn’t go! Why not? Not because Randy and his wife were going to be there? That’s silly.

No I could care less if they were going to be there.

Then why…what?

I was at the hospital all night. Fourth of July is definitely the worst day to go.

You were at the hospital all night. Why? I told you months ago to go to the chiropractor to see about that pain in your back. You let things go too long before you look into them. You probably pulled something again. Or were you using that as an excuse not to go to the party last night.

"I had a pain in my back but this time it was hurting straight through to my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath. Every time I breathed in the pain was so bad.

So, what did the doctor say? Speak up I can barely hear you… They saw what…a five centimeter legion in your lung.

Yes.

What does that mean?

They want me to see an oncologist.

"You have to see an oncologist?

Stop repeating everything I’m saying.

December 2013

Life is Not suffering; it’s just that you will suffer it, rather than enjoy it, until you let go of your mind’s attachments and just go for the ride freely, no matter what happens. G. W.

I can only focus on two things: life and its purposes, death and its mysteries. It all brings me back to that one text message asking if you can face-time me. It had to be bad because when had you ever asked to do anything? Not never! You just did it. Two, three, four o’clock in the morning, it didn’t matter. The world or at least I was on your clock.

When the phone connected, seeing you on face-time completely bald drove home the dreaded realization, the complexities of what my mind had been pretending up until this point. That you were already transcending. Battling illusions I created, I did not want to accept it was a means of taking another shortcut to yet another face. Pretending you weren’t sick. But now there is no evading it. Denying it was futile. Refusing to believe the facts were in vain. It was the preverbal moment of truth, now what do I do, I’m at a crossroads, fail or fly. Although my heart was breaking I told you what you needed to hear. You looked even more beautiful without hair! It