Shelter Through the Valley: a Life in God’S Hands

By Dr. Kiana Nichelle Brown

Valleys are considered in life, especially in the Christian faith, to be circumstances where faith is tested through challenges in ones path or unexpected life changes that warrant a reliance on Gods loving protection.

Author Dr. Kiana Nichelle Brown can relate to this truth in many ways: starting with her abusive childhood to a tumultuous marriage to single parenting to facing gender discrimination in the armed forces. These events were only enhanced by the constant ridicule she received for being an African American who seemed, to other African Americans, more Caucasian than her true race.

However, despite the turmoil she has endured throughout her life, Dr. Brown sees that God has had His guiding hands leading her through each challenge and teaching her about His glory with each situation.

Her new autobiography, Shelter Through the Valley: A Life in Gods Hands, presents to readers Dr. Browns story in chronological order, revealing the obstacles she had to overcome from loved ones and coworkers who defined who she became.

Her life has been dominated by four major themes: childhood abuse, single motherhood, womanhood, and race. These are themes that she has tried to explore in the pages of this book by looking at her journey from a poor neighborhood in Texas to the Korean peninsula during her time as an officer in the armed forces. That journey taught her to live as a proud black woman and single mother.

Shelter Through the Valley epitomizes the persistent plight of a woman determined to not be intimidated by others, especially those she loved, while setting an example that her daughter will be able to follow.

The sharing of her life story presents herself as a woman who knew that God had more planned for her life, going on to achieve great dreams in academics, leadership achievements, and parenting.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 9, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543479799

Dr. Kiana Nichelle Brown

Dr. Kiana Nichelle Brown was born in Texas to parents, Jake and Shirley Blake; where her dad was stationed and retired from the armed forces while her mother worked as a caregiver. Her first book, Shelter Through the Valley: A Life in Gods Hands is a must read in knowing that God will bring you through every trial, situation, and circumstances life throws our way; knowing and trusting that we are not alone and God is with us during those dark valley moments. Dr. Brown is a mother of one daughter, Sabrina from Nueremberg, Germany and currently resides in Hanau, Germany.

Book preview

Shelter Through the Valley

A Life in God’s Hands

Dr. Kiana Nichelle Brown

Copyright © 2018 by Dr. Kiana Nichelle Brown.

Library of Congress Control Number:      2018900915

ISBN:                  Hardcover                      978-1-5434-7981-2

                            Softcover                        978-1-5434-7980-5

                            eBook                              978-1-5434-7979-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version (NKJV). Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations are taken from the New International Version (NIV). Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations are taken from the English Standard Version (ESV). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 02/08/2018

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Endorsements

Introduction

Chapter 1     Birth into God’s Earth

Chapter 2     A Day in My Life

Chapter 3     The Nightmare Worsens

Chapter 4     Here Comes the Bride

Chapter 5     Going to the Chapel

Chapter 6     Trouble in Paradise

Chapter 7     Welcome Home to Carlsbad, New Mexico

Chapter 8     My Father Dies

Chapter 9     It All Falls Apart

Chapter 10   Onward and Upward

Chapter 11   Vincent

Chapter 12   A Baby on the Way

Chapter 13   It All Falls Apart…Again

Chapter 14   Master’s Degree

Chapter 15   Iraq

Chapter 16   Mom Dies

Chapter 17   Return to Iraq

Chapter 18   Changing Course

Chapter 19   PAO, Part I

Chapter 20   Back to God

Chapter 21   Getting My PhD

Chapter 22   PAO, Part II

Chapter 23   The Congressional

Chapter 24   Korea, Part I

Chapter 25   Korea, Part II

Chapter 26   Korea, Part III

Chapter 27   A Black Woman Still

Epilogue

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you (1 Peter 4:12).

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I ACKNOWLEDGE GOD for placing in my heart the will to write this book. I have struggled all my life to find out who I am; first as an African-American girl and now as a woman. I have endured many life struggles based on the color of my skin, a color I hated myself for having. I also thank God for allowing me to share this book, which is really my testimony, in the hopes that I can touch those who are struggling with who they are. I know that God loves each and every one of us, for we are beautifully and wondrously made in His image.

I dedicate this book to my daughter, Sabrina. You are beautiful inside and out. Appreciate and embrace what God has created, for He knew what He was creating when He created you for me.

To my late parents, Jake and Shirley: I thank you for being the best parents ever, even if I thought you were not. I thank you for your love and the sacrifices you made for your family, and for trying to give the best life, you could to your children. I love and miss you both, and know that you are smiling down from above.

To the late Jackson, my ex-father-in-law, and his late daughter, Melissa: I thank you for your love and support during a very difficult time in my life. I miss you both.

A special thanks to my lifelong friend, Stephen: I didn’t have very many friends in the armed forces but you were a true friend. We can’t go it alone in this life, and you were there to listen to me when I needed someone to lean on.

I also dedicate this book to all of the black girls around the world struggling with their race. You are beautiful, intelligent, and strong girls who will one day become strong, beautiful women.

To all of the African-American mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, and cousins who have struggled and paved the way for me and brought me where I am today, I say, Thank you. Without your struggles, sacrifices, perseverance, love, and devotion, I would not have grown to become the woman I am today—the strong, African-American woman!

To my future husband (my king): regardless of what race you are, I will love you for you.

To all of the armed forces personnel who are now going through, or are about to go through, what I went through: I pray that you will be safe, and I know that God will never leave you nor forsake you in your time of need.

Note to the reader: Many of the names and locations in this book have been changed.

ENDORSEMENTS

C ONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR new book. We believe it will be a success for you as God has opened your heart and life to others. You have always been a giver and an encourager to those that you have met. Your life experiences and testimonies are of great value to all. In the Word, Revelation tells us that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the words of our testimony.

- Pastor Givens

Thank you for writing this awesome book. It is so helpful and needed. A life time gift for every Christian; a must read for spiritual advancement and right understanding. I highly recommend this book to everyone.

- Minster Rock

"Dr. Brown, a post-graduate cohort and friend, has proven to be a very giving person and undoubtedly walks in the steps ordered by God. I have watched her extend support to the needy—others in the valley—and gained a better understanding of how God works through people to provide shelter. Shelter Through the Valley:

A Life in God’s Hands is a must read memoir."

- Dr. Ingram

Kiana provides inspiration and valuable insight for those enduring valley moments. A must read to gain a true grasp on life’s tough moments.

- Minister Langford

Congratulations Dr. Kiana. Your life is a living testimony of faith in God and perseverance.

- Dr. Spicer

INTRODUCTION

T HIS BOOK IS the story of my life but it isn’t a simple chronology. My life has been dominated by four major themes: childhood abuse, single motherhood, womanhood and race. It is these themes that I’ve tried to explore in the pages of this book by looking at my journey from a poor neighborhood in Amarillo, Texas, to the Korean peninsula during my time as an officer in the armed forces. That journey taught me to live as a proud black woman and single mother.

My life is an example of the progress the United States has made in race relations and gender equality in the last sixty years. It is also an example of how far we have left to go. As a child of the ’70s and ’80s, I didn’t experience the violent racism my parents’ generation experienced prior to the civil rights movement, but my road has been no picnic.

What I experienced was a subtler racism that made me question my appearance, the economic status of my neighborhood, my self-esteem and my place among my own people. I also experienced gender discrimination from officers and staff in the United States armed forces that was disguised by bad performance reviews and marginalization.

The Barbies, the magazine covers, the television shows and the movies I grew up with all told me that beautiful was white, and beautiful was rich. I was black and poor. They also taught me that a woman’s place was in the home, though as I grew up, I was able to find female role models to look up to.

Today, African-American men and women continue to struggle with their racial identities, though many in our country believe that race is no longer an issue worth discussing. Society continues to place negative stigmas on us through various mass media (i.e., television, newspapers, radio and magazines) that undermine black children and keep them from embracing their identities. It keeps them from appreciating that God has created them as they are because He loves them as they are.

I have in the past, and oftentimes still do, struggled with my own race and trying to appreciate God’s creation. What has struck me in my struggles is how African-Americans perpetuate the venomous racism created by others. I am ashamed at how we have come to treat one another, always bringing one another down instead of uplifting and encouraging each other (our race) to do better and to continue to climb the huge mountains of equality and success.

To this day, other African-Americans often treat me poorly because of the way I speak or dress; I am perceived as being too white or elitist because of my education. This mistreatment is all too typical.

Instead of supporting one another, we as an African-American people are mired in gang life, prison, drugs and violence and we are dropping out of school at alarming rates. I grew up in this negativity and it is still prevalent today. It has left an ugly, nasty taste in my mouth and in the past has made me hate who I am as a black woman. Through all of this negativity, I have asked God to help me appreciate not only myself, but also my African-American brothers and sisters.

I pray that this book will touch not only African-American women, but African American men as well. I hope that this book will help open up some closed wounds that have not healed completely or properly in our community and that closure as well as peace and comfort may be brought forward. I hope that it helps you regardless of where you live. God Himself beautifully and wondrously made you. That’s a lesson that took me a long time to learn.

Life is not easy, nor is it too hard for any one of us to handle, though it can feel that way. Today’s world is full of struggles, trials, tribulations, envy and uncomfortable situations that can derail us from appreciating what God has created and done for us. I know that it is not easy being a black girl, boy, woman or man—I know from experience. But I have learned the hard way over the years that if you cast your cares upon God (for His word states in 1 Peter 5:7, Cast all your care on him; for he cares for you), He will guide you—thus the importance of giving Him all the honor, glory and praise that is due and belongs to Him.

My life has been full of both blessings and challenges and many times challenges that were blessings in disguise. I consider myself blessed to have my beautiful daughter and a long list of career and educational accomplishments, but my journey to where I am now was strewn with conflicts and contradictions that challenged my faith in myself.

I am a black woman who at one point hated herself for being black. I am a former officer who faced racism and challenges to my character. I am a single mother and I am a child of God mistreated by my own parents but secure in the knowledge that His plan for me will help me find a loving partner and peace on this earth.

I wrote this book because I know that I’m not alone in my struggles as a mother and black career woman. I know that being black in America can be a struggle from day one and I know that being a single mom can make appreciating the beauty of motherhood more difficult. I know that tears are being shed and doubt being embraced by women all over the world and I want you to know that there is a light above all of us that can guide us to a better place.

When I look at the things I’ve gone through and the triumphs I’ve had, I think to myself: There are people who share your burdens and your hopes. There are people who need someone to stand up and say, I understand.

Well, I do understand what it means to battle every day for a sense of purpose and joy in life. I want this book to stand as not only a testament to the power of faith and love but also as an example of redemption. I didn’t start off in life living in a happy home or with a positive self-image. It has taken years to find out who I am and to deal with the lasting scars that were left on me in my childhood. Despite it all I have found a measure of peace by understanding where I’ve come from.

I often think back to my female ancestors, to a slave who toiled in the silted earth of the Mississippi Delta: a slave in a country that officially embraced the ideal that all men were created equal while treating many of its men and women as property. I think about what it must have been like for her to have her children wrenched from her bosom, to be sold on the slave owner’s block. I imagine the tears that flowed down her cheeks and the screams that emanated from the very fiber of her being.

I also imagine what she prayed for late on a hot summer night, staring up at the stars, stars that were always symbols of freedom for slaves. I imagine she prayed that, one day, all those children she had given life to would be free—for all those children would one day live in her future.

I think of another mother living in a segregated community outside of Montgomery, Alabama, at the turn of the nineteenth century. A wife and sharecropper, she lived in abject poverty and knew that unless something changed, her children would probably also be poor. So she strove to pass along education to them, for she knew that education was the way out. But she also knew her children could not appear to be too educated, for education always threatens ignorance.

In her time, in her world, being educated made you a target for ignorant men who wore sheets on horseback, blatant hypocrites who knew only how to burn crosses instead of worshipping them. So that mother educated her children in secret. She wanted a better life for them but she also wanted to protect them. After all, those children would one day live in her future.

I think of yet another mother working on a Boeing assembly line in Chicago, welding together the fuselages of armed forces B-17 bombers. For the first time in history, her country desperately needed her talents and her work ethic. She was the black version of Rosie the Riveter and by law she had to be paid the same wage as her white counterparts. Of course, like her white counterparts, she was unceremoniously fired as soon as WWII ended. She quickly descended back into segregation and poverty.

But that mother carried a message back to her community and especially back to her church. It was a message that said she could work as hard, as long and as smartly as any other woman of any other race or any other color. She delivered yet another message to her children: the time for secrecy was over and the time for action had arrived. She owed that to them—for those children would one day live in her future.

Finally, I think about my own mother. Oh, she was so strict with me and that made me angry with her. Her demons tormented her and strained our relationship but she fought for my future and for that I thank her. This book is for these mothers past and for my daughter, a mother of the future. She lives in my future and I hope that this book helps her and others like her to understand what it means to be a black woman living for the future.

I realize now that, from the moment I was born, I really only had two paths I could have taken: break under the strain and turn to drugs or alcohol, or look for a way out. I chose the latter, diving into an abusive marriage and a career in the armed forces that has challenged me more than I could have thought possible.

Through it all I’ve pushed and fought and scraped to secure a better life, to change my destiny and wrest control of a life that was threatened from the beginning. I’ve earned my master’s degree and my Ph.D. and taken care of my daughter and myself, but through it all I’ve been followed by my beginnings, struggling always to accept myself as an African-American woman.

CHAPTER 1

Birth into God’s Earth

W HEN GOD SENT me to this earth, He had a plan for me. I believe that with all of my heart. But as a child I didn’t understand that and so my circumstances—being born to two alcoholics in a poor neighborhood—seemed like a cruel twist of fate.

Before I became an African-American woman, I was of course an African-American girl, growing up in a yellow, three-bedroom home in East Amarillo, where I was born on September 16, 1970. My father, Jake Blake, was a retired member of the armed forces who found work as a trucker, and my mother, Shirley Blake, was a caregiver for the elderly. I can still