A Life Lived: A Diary: August 1991–January 1995

By Roger Legg

Roger has kept a diary for most of his adult life and they make interesting and often poignant reading. He has more than forty hand-written notebooks, two of which have been used for this book. There are entries about day-to-day domestic activities, work, politics, sport and his relationship with his family, in particular of his wife Iris as she was dying from cancer and the care and support she received from the staff at the Royal Marsden Hospital, St Christophers Hospice and Macmillan nurses.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Dec 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781546285571

Roger Legg

Roger Colby Legg spent 10 years as a design engineer, and then five years as a research engineer with the Hospital Engineering Research Unit, at Glasgow University. Roger lectured at the Institute of Environmental Engineering, South Bank University, London, for almost 30 years. He was awarded a PhD from the University of Strathclyde for his work on control dampers. Since his retirement he has spent much of his time working as a volunteer with refugees and asylum seekers in the London Borough of Bromley.

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© 2017 Roger Legg. All rights reserved.

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Published by AuthorHouse 04/27/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8558-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8559-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8557-1 (e)

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Protestant claims and Catholic,

the wrong and the rights of them

Unimportant they seem in the face of death

But my neglect and unkindness

– to lose the sight of them

1 would listen even again to that labouring.

John Betjeman

Dedication

To the staff of

St Christopher’s Hospice

and

MacMillan Nurses

……..

for their love, care and support

Contents

Foreword

1991

1992

1993

1994

1995

Appendix – A Pen Portrait Of Iris

Acknowledgements

Foreword

I have kept a diary for most of my adult life and, for me at least, they make interesting and often poignant reading. There are over 40 handwritten notebooks and I have chosen two of them for publication; these record something of my relationship with my family, in particular my grandchildren in their early years, together with my wife’s illness from cancer, of the care and support she received until her death at the age of 60. There are the entries about day to day domestic activities, politics and sport. There has been some rearrangement from the original notes, with some omissions and corrections of spelling and grammar.

If I have misrepresented any members of my family, friends, colleagues, neighbours or church members, please forgive me.

1991

Tuesday 20th August

Yesterday Gorbachev was deposed by hardliners in the USSR. Now the world trembles as we wait to see the outcome of this potentially dangerous development. Tanks surround the Russian Parliament building where Yeltsin has taken refuge.¹ John Major spoke to him on the telephone as the tanks were beginning to move into provocative positions.

Meanwhile (!) I continue to scrape old paint off the stairs. It’s now about six weeks since I started this work during the last holiday.

Last Thursday we went to see Mum and Dad. Iris had prepared the dinner the night before so that we at least could make some contribution to their domestic arrangements. Dad was very cheerful and we did some gardening with him, such as digging potatoes. Mum gets very tired, depressed in the morning; Anne puts this down to low sugar levels because she, Mum, is not eating very much. Anne & Ryland have been with them from Friday evening till today using some of their holiday, for which we are grateful.

Linda moved last Thursday, to live in Aylesbury, and is going to marry Cliff next week. She has given Mark several things such as a tent and some wood, also some wood for me.

A copy of the air conditioning book has arrived at college. It looks fine, on good paper and Iris is pleased with it. I wonder what its reception will be?

Ron James rang this evening to say that he had got back from Montreal yesterday – an Institute of Refrigeration meeting.

The weather has been very warm and sunny all week. Iris playing piano/guitar at the Heathers old people’s home in Farnaby Road tonight – she had met Heather Hall, the owner/manager, when collecting the RVPS² subscriptions. I am now down at Mark and Caroline’s house, watering plants, checking that all’s okay.

Sunday 25th August

The Russian coup failed and Gorbachev has been restored to power; he had stood firm and now rules the roost. The communist party is being disbanded and the KGB reformed. The Soviet republics are mostly going their own way – all this in less than a week – a time of great change and liable to great instability unless strong men come forward and stand firm.

The hall and stairs are taking shape with virtually all of the old paint stripped and I’m now starting to sand down the woodwork and put on the translac varnish.

Yesterday afternoon we went to Terry and Di Welch’s Silver wedding anniversary at Upper Stoke on the Isle of Grain. Conrad Smith & Barbara, Tim Dwyer & Kate, and others from work, many from their wedding and youth days, relatives and friends from church & village.

At church, the services were conducted by Rev Tullis from Birmingham with first-rate hymns from BCH. When I got home from the evening service Iris said, You’re late. (8.10). How two words can aggravate the mind.

Ruth rang – it’s Matthew’s birthday and he has a new bike; she is singing in the church choir and the vicar said, Well Ruth, when are you going the whole hog and actually sing in the services – it’s not good enough just to enjoy yourself at choir practice.

Tuesday 27th August

Very hot, but lovely summer weather. Iris looking after Oliver & Thirza; she took them for a walk in the afternoon and Oliver reminded her to post letters but then blotted his copybook by soiling his pants.

I spent the morning rubbing down the woodwork on the stairs plus putting on some translac. Bromley to Building Society – Batsford had sent £200 royalties for the AC book. Then to church to paste posters on the notice board – I forgot the middle one, and will have to go back. Tonight cut grass while Iris was playing the piano at the Heathers.

Anne and Ryland went home from Steyning on Sunday; Mum especially appreciated having Anne with them and felt unhappy at the thought of her leaving.

More USSR republics vote for independence; Yugoslavia winding up for a prolonged civil war.

Sunday 1st September

Mum’s 87th birthday; I phoned to wish her a happy birthday. She is taking mild ‘happy’ pills for her depression, which are helping; she certainly sounded cheerful. Alison is staying there for the w/e and proving a great help.

We went to Tim Dwyer’s barbeque, at which approx. 50% IoEE³ staff were present and it proved a most enjoyable time. Iris was far more relaxed compared with Terry’s do the week before. Mark, Caroline, Oliver and Thirza were there. Iris had made stuffed vine leaves last night and they were first-rate. The countryside was quiet and remote; lovely houses in quiet lanes. On the way home we called on Owen and Helen and had another enjoyable time, catching up on news.

Tuesday 3rd September

Emulsioned the walls of hall and staircase. Stair carpet down and now almost finished – a two-month task; sense of amazement that it’s almost finished. Iris at the Salomy’s; Mr Salomy is still quite ill and going for more hospital tests next Tuesday.

Wednesday 4th September

Oliver & Thirza came stayed this morning while Caroline was at the hairdressers. In the afternoon I finished putting back the hall radiator and curtains. Evening: Church Bible study & prayer meeting led by Jack Vincent; introducing next year’s study on the Sermon on the Mount.

Thursday 5th September

College a.m. to clear post etc. In the afternoon at home checking radiator valve leaks and cleaning garage. Iris washing and RVPS committee meeting this evening at the Bromley Court Hotel. Weather still very warm and sunny; it has been a glorious summer through August and early September.

Friday 6th September

Started work on the lean-to gutter. Caroline came unexpectedly with the children and stayed till after lunch. Mum’s arm has not healed and it has gone back into plaster.

Saturday 7th September

Iris at the Salomy’s; Mr Salomy is quite ill and tests suggest cancer of the liver; no treatment though they are planning to go to America, Houston, where two cousins are top cancer experts.

I spent the day painting the party wall as well as the lean-to woodwork. In the evening we went to Mark & Caroline’s – Thirza’s birthday, she is one year old today; they have a big party with friends and children tomorrow.

Sunday 8th September

Peter Clarke preaching on the last Sunday before the ministry of Mike Nichols starts next weekend.

After some odd jobs at home, painting etc, I drove down to Steyning to stay with M&D for a few days. They had been to dinner/tea with Barbara; I arrived at 5.00 after an easy journey but with a rotten headache. Weather clear and warm; Chanctonbury Ring was prominent but now sadly a ruin due to the battering of the great storm in October 1987.

Monday 9th September

Nicola & Samuel came in the morning, to bring a hedge trimmer which I used briefly before reverting to normal shears – too dangerous & noisy for my liking. Samuel is almost three years old, a sturdy child but behind in his talking. I caught up with some of the family news. In the afternoon there were several visitors including Dr & Mrs Thomas their minister. Mum is a much more cheerful when she has visitors.

Wednesday 11th September

Pruning cherry and apple trees. I made the dinner – cauliflower cheese under Mum’s direction. I decided to stay another day; really, M&D need someone to be here to look after them; they are on the borderline of being able/not able to cope.

Played crib with Dad’s friend Mick, who is a cheerful soul. Mum complaining of her arm, irritation and aching and not being able to go on.

Iris rang in evening to say that Mr and Mrs Salomy are going to USA on Friday, Iris thinks that this will be the last time she will see him. They are flying club class, £1000 each, and he is complaining that he should be travelling tourist, there is still the same spark in him.

Thursday 12th September

Mum was slightly better this morning though she has to go to the toilet every half hour or so during the night. During the day she has to eat little and often and has to rest a lot.

I took the garden clippings to the rubbish skips at Shoreham, with Dad driving, very confidently. Then we did some shopping at Shoreham Co-op. Got the wrong flour in spite of Mum giving precise instructions and writing it down, Mum then scolds Dad, which is not good and he is really trying his very best to look after her, to be kind and considerate. Are all wives the same? Prepared lunch of macaroni cheese, vegetables, washed up and then sat in the garden for a brief while with lovely sunshine. Left for home at three arriving at 4.30, after good run; Iris was glad to see me – she had been depressed yesterday as the weather had been dull, with an east wind. She spent a lot of today at Mark’s, helping to look after the children as Caroline was at ante-natal clinic; and Oliver and Thirza had to have ear tests. Rang Anne and discussed what help we could give M&D.

Sunday 15th September

Iris spent the day at Greenwich, wandering the antiques fair, Henry VIII exhibition and the Queen’s House. She spent about an hour getting home mostly waiting for buses. Some heavy rain early morning, the first we’ve had for a few weeks followed by a lovely day.

First services conducted by Mike Nicholls; the morning service was rather heavy – he tends to shout at the children but the evening service was quieter, with many youngsters taking part, reading the scriptures. Sermons on the priority of the Cross, the priority of Jesus. Brian Stevens has been offered a pastorate at West Kingsdown but awaits finance to buy a house.

At lunchtime I went to an AOB⁴ reunion for those who were at Rossall School,⁵ during the wartime evacuation. Only Mike Gilbert, Bill Prescott and Dennis Lomas (who organises the annual dinner) were there from my time. Other names from the past included Reg Waller, who played in the school cricket team and the lead violin in the orchestra. He related how, when at Rossall one holiday, his fare money had not arrived by registered mail, so he assembled a bike from parts available and cycled to London; he was 15 at the time and of course there would have been no road signs.

I left the party at 3.30 and called on Uncle Albert and Aunty Elsie⁶ on the way home; made very welcome had a long chat and stayed for tea. Elsie’s memory is poor though she is able to do things like making a cup of tea and wash up. Rang Dad after the evening service, he was cheerful and Mum has been feeling a lot better in herself. They have their meals organised for the week.

Monday 16th September

The first day of a new term at college and I spent most of the morning dealing with post, even though I’ve been in regularly to keep things under control during the vacation. Iris had been working in the afternoon, following an unexpected call from Tidemill School.

Tuesday 17th September

Word processing documents. Iris at dentist (one filling) before she went to Mark’s to look after Oliver and Thirza; in the evening she went to the Heathers to play the piano and to help organise a ‘harvest festival’ for next week.

Thursday 19th September

The situation in Yugoslavia worsens, despite several ceasefires. Lemming-like, we jump over the cliff. Again, despite promises of releases, hostages remain incarcerated in Beirut.⁷

Iris went to Tidemill by car, taking only 20 minutes both ways; she went to the GP in the evening about her knee which has been troubling her for many months and was diagnosed as ligament trouble; prescribed some pills and feels a lot better already. She was also given, unexpectedly, a tetanus injection.

Before going to work I painted the window sill, went to Brewers for more paint (but they still haven’t got the undercoat), NR for cash, Barclays to put money in Iris’ account. At college I was able to do some useful work on course documents and interviewing students about re-sit exams.

Church meeting, chaired by Mike Nicholls, not much came up for discussion but he is well in control, if a bit over-powering. I hope that he will use other words for ‘sharing’, which used repetitively rather jars.

Played chess with Iris who now wins as many times as I do. Writing this at 5 a.m. as I couldn’t sleep.

Friday 20th September

Iris at Tidemill, she enjoyed her time there and wished she could return on Monday to complete ‘knocking the class into shape’. Printed course documents for the faculty committee.

Saturday 21st September, autumn equinox

A beautiful day; most of the day picking apples and pruning the tree at the same time. I finished about 7-o’clock, very tired, though there is still some pruning to do. Iris at home, washing, ironing and shopping.

Sunday 22nd September

Heavy rain and windy during the night but the morning was clear, fresh and beautiful. Morning and evening services, the Priority of Prayer and of Love; many folk taking part in both services which I thoroughly applaud and an answer to prayer. In the afternoon, cleaning up tree clippings and Iris making chutney.

Wednesday 25th September

MSc students seem keen on my AC book, so I have ordered 25 to sell next week. Iris looking after Oliver & Thirza this afternoon, as Caroline was visiting a friend in the Sloane Clinic. Iris rather fed up, as she looked after them yesterday, but her tolerance level is a bit low at the moment – she had a go at me about attending the mid-week meeting tonight. There, a talk by Margaret and Arthur Wyatt of their visit to China. Arthur’s father was killed in China in 1938, the rebels or Chinese army mistaking their missionary convoy for Japanese. Phoned Mum, who is a lot more cheerful.

Thursday 26th September

Spent the day at home, reading and editing student projects; finished pruning the apple tree and starting to repair the window sill of our bedroom; some of this is rotten so it looks as though this will have to come out next year.

Daliah Salomy rang to say that her father had passed away and that her mother was coming home tomorrow; the body will also be flown back to the UK, she asked me to contact the Baptist Church so that a funeral could be arrange; Mike Nicholls is quite happy to do this.

Iris was not surprised about the news. She was teaching at Haseltine School in Lower Sydenham and had enjoyed her day, with a lot of music. The head teacher is keen for her to go back and do a regular music slot.

Friday 27th September

A good day at work, though I spent much of the afternoon glue binding copies of two of my student booklets. Coming home most nights on an earlier train, which avoids the crowds and is a lot more comfortable.

Painted the garage back door and window frame. Iris shopping in Bromley but the town centre was chaotic because of a bomb scare.

Saturday 28th September

The forecast was for very wet and windy weather, but the morning was mostly dry and pleasant, with rain p.m. Iris went to the Danson’s in Eltham, for Timothy’s music lesson, then she called on Caroline to deliver apples (from our tree); after dinner to the Salomy’s to see in what way she can help.

I have been doing odd jobs for most of the day. Insulation in the loft, putting up a mirror in the hall, checking the boiler (one radiator valve is still leaking), painting garage door and window, Brewers re smoke alarm which has been buzzing due to steam from the bath.

Friday 4th October

Mum went to hospital today for the check on her arm but it hasn’t healed and the arm must remain in plaster for another three weeks. When she was with the consultant she hadn’t the energy to ask for some other treatment, such as a pin. They are going down to stay with Anne on Tuesday for a week or so.

Mr Salomy was buried today. Iris has been working for Mrs Salomy, non-stop for the last three days, and has been greatly appreciated. I came home early from work so that I could cut their grass which sorely needed doing.

At church the funeral directors were 45 minutes late, which must have been frustrating for the family. Mike Nicholls was appreciated and showed great understanding; the Archbishop, from Australia, gave the sermon in Aramaic; there were about 60 family and friends at the Salomy’s after the service; some of the women very attractive, the men rather overweight; the family, some of whom had flown over from the States, are very supportive of one another.

Saturday 5th October

Beechmore concert (with a rehearsal in the afternoon); we started at 7-o’clock but still managed to go on too long finishing at 9.55; two or three items should have been omitted, there were about 100 people in the audience and we raised about £350.

Monday 7th October

A head cold a.m. but felt better later, with a beautiful day’s weather. Iris working at home all day, ready for Ruth and family coming tomorrow, but Ruth phoned to say that they wouldn’t be coming till Wednesday as Jeff has to organise some work on their new porch.

Wednesday 9th October

Ruth, Jeff and the children arrived 2.30, after an easy journey. Iris took Matthew and Eleanor for a walk, collecting conkers, which they loved. Very mild.

Dad rang to say that they had arrived home safely from Anne’s, but that Mum was depressed – she missed her friends in Steyning and her arm is aching and painful.

Thursday 10th October

Jeff went with Ruth to Gravesend for an interview; the job is to manage the town’s environmental projects; he won’t know whether he has been offered the post until they write to him. Ruth enjoyed herself, sight-seeing in Rochester.

Iris looked after the children, both are very fetching, Eleanor easy-going and willing to join in the fun, talks a lot though it’s not too clear about what she is saying, except for a few individual words. When R&J got back they all went off to Caroline’s so that they could see their cousins.

I was running seminars all day; only half of the students due to be there turned up so that, for me at least, it was a lot easier and less boring than it might have been.

Friday 11th October

Ruth and Jeff went to look around Sevenoaks area, including Ightham Mote which they enjoyed. Iris looked after the children but felt very unwell; fortunately I came home at 2.30 and was able to take over while she took some paracetamol, went to bed and gradually began to feel better.

Saturday 12th October

Ruth and family were away at 9.40, arriving home around 3 p.m. after an easy journey, the children slept for most of the way.

Iris at the Salomy’s, feeling better and she didn’t get home until around 7-o’clock. I went into Bromley, posting bills etc, read student projects, painted window sills, cut grass and generally relaxed after all the noise and coming and goings of the last few days. Beautiful weather.

Sunday 13th October

Morning service, on the Holy Spirit, lively and varied as the HS should be. The weather simply glorious as I write up this diary of the last few days. At the evening service Brian Stevens gave an excellent sermon, without notes, highlighting family problems using Jacob’s family, particularly Joseph’s experience with his brothers, as an example.

Iris helping at the Salomy’s. There was a memorial service for Mr Salomy today at the archbishop’s church; Iris breezed in at 2.30 for a bath and change so that she could go, getting home around 8-o’clock, describing the service as pure theatre and little to do with Christianity; in fact to outward appearances it could easily have been compared to black magic. Throughout the service there was a lot of coming and going and a lot of incense being swung about.

Phoned Mum; she had been depressed today though she seemed cheerful enough this evening

Monday 14th October

After early morning mist a lovely, fine day. I had a poor night’s sleep and was tired at work, though a reasonably successful day, with a lecture, tutorials, labs and preparing a paper for Scotland.

Iris at Elfrida School – they had phoned for her early this morning.

The boiler blew a fuse and I had to take it apart to remove