Parenting Today: On Becoming a Better Partner and Parent

By Simon P. Bargetzi

The book is divided into chapters that deal with specific topics and can be either read through from beginning to end or as a reference book with separate chapters addressing specific interests.

Separate chapters contain advice on how to approach and deal with the challenges from before marriage to partnership, marriage, pregnancy, parental challenges, child rearing, and financial and social aspects.

If you have a question about the parenting or rearing of a child, by using the table of contents, you may find the appropriate chapter in which to find suggestions. The appendix has a list of valuable books that might go into greater detail with your specific problem.

We believe that giving specific advice on how to raise children is impossible due to the uniqueness of each child. We are aware that it is equally impossible to give all the answers or advice and suggestions to those complex themes. However, the main challenges of raising children are presented and discussed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 14, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543461015

Simon P. Bargetzi

Simon Peter Bargetzi, Author of several books lives in Canada half of the year and the rest in Europe and the USA. He brings a share of knowledge and embraces these perception and philosophies in this book. He is retired and enjoys travelling, gardening, and writing.

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Simon P. Bargetzi.

Library of Congress Control Number:      2017916480

ISBN:                      Hardcover                     978-1-5434-6099-5

                                Softcover                        978-1-5434-6100-8

                                eBook                             978-1-5434-6101-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 11/13/2017

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

766400

CONTENTS

A. Suggestions For Reading This Book

B. Acknowledgment

C. Introduction

1. Society And Human Development

2. Human Development And Lasting Values In Civilization

3. Child-Rearing Today

a. Parental Predispositions

b. Level Of Income: Social Status

c. Financial Possibilities

d. Social Attainments

4. Women’s Status In Society

D. Parental Outlook

Parenting Challenges

1. Parenting Styles

a. An Authoritarian Style

b. Authoritative Parenting

c. Permissive Or Indulgent Parenting

d. Uninvolved Parenting

• The Involved, Caring, Compassionate, Loving, And Empathetic Style

• Our Attitude, Our Behavior, Our Mindset

e. Parental Reaction To The Child’s Bad Behavior

f. Parenting Across A Life Span

g. Grandparenting

E. Partnership And Marriage

1. Reasons Of Partnership Difficulties

2. When Your Ego Runs Your Life

3. Self-Control And Making The Right Decisions

4. Personal Development And Values

F. Relationship Between Parents And Grown-Up Children

1. A Child Growing Up

2. Children’s Behavioral Pattern

3. Children And Altruism

4. Children Dealing With Disasters

5. Sleeping And Bed-Sharing

6. Sexuality

7. Sex And Sex Education

8. Sexual Abuse Of Children Or Partner

9. Child Abuse (Forced Labor)

10. Dealing With Death

11. Peer Pressure

12. Bullying

13. Challenges Of Teen Pregnancy

14. Manhandling Children Or Disciplining Our Children?

o   Questions Of Importance

➢   Is Corporeal Or Mental Punishment Admissible?

15. Dealing With Challenges For Teenagers

16. Teenagers And Nutrition

o   Problems Of Food Preferences

G. Planning For The Children’s Future Education

a. Experience Of Elementary- And High-School-Level Education

b. Future Education: College And University

c. Adolescent Choosing A Profession

d. Apprenticeship

H. Health And Family

1. General Health

2. Health Challenges

a. Child’s Challenges

b. Parental Challenges

b.1. Moms’ Challenges

b.2. Dads’ Challenges

c. Symptoms And What They Mean

d. Allergies: On The Rise

e. Preventing Illnesses

I. Food And Health

1. Food Ingredients And Our Health

2. What Can We Do?

3. Treatments

4. Eating Food

➢ Engineered Food

➢ Are Our Children Becoming Picky Eaters?

5. Consuming Liquids

6. Alcohol

7. Smoke

8. Medications

9. Enhanced Beverages (Liquid Refreshments)

10. Obesity

11. Eating Disorders Like Anorexia And Bulimia

12. Environmental Allergies

➢ Pollen

13. Other Environmental Allergens

➢ Dust Mites

➢ Pet Dander

J. Vaccination: Possibilities/Problems/Challenges

1. The Basics: Your Child, Your Future, Your Choice

2. Activities

a. Taking Precaution And Actions

b. Vaccination

c. First-Aid Kit

K. Family Law

L. Outlook

1. Challenges In The Industrial Societies

2. Strategies And Avoidance

3. Suggestions For Solutions

M. Conclusion

N. Bibliography

O. Addendum

1. Definitions Of Genetically Modified (Gm) Foods And The Consequences

2. What Are Some Of The Advantages/Disadvantages Of Gm Foods?

3. List Of Diseases And Allergies

4. First-Aid Checklists

5. Fear Deterrent

6. Definition Of Fear

7. Definitions Of Equality, Sameness, Uniqueness

8. Kids As They Talk (Something To Smile About)

9. Something To Ponder On

P. Appendix

1. List Of All Advice/Suggestions, Notes, And Remarks

2. Conspiracy Theory

Q. List Of All Advice, Suggestions, Notes And Remarks

R. About The Author

S. Author’s Final Remarks

Maxim:

To foster children from infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood to friendship, marriage, and child-rearing.

Challenges and Possible Solutions

A Parental Guide to Assist in Avoiding Common Parental Mistakes of Raising Children

Contributors:

Françoise M. Bargetzi, MAE

Marnie Atkinson, MAE

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

And pray continually.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass …

It’s about learning to dance in the rain.*

Let us complain less and give more to the needy.

* Sir John Templeton

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

W RITING THIS BOOK has been a wonderfully but also an eye opening experience. I could not have successfully completed the book without the help and advise of so many friends and supporters. My sincere thank you.

To Marnie Atkinson and Françoise M. Bargetzi many thanks for their input on content and advice. Their professionalism made the book exponentially better.

Marnie ATKINSON, M.A.Ed., Pedagogue, is a retired teacher with many years of experience with children of different ages. She focused on Elementary Classroom Teaching, Teaching English as a Second Language, and Special Education, and was a vice- principal in an elementary school.

From her family stem a girl and two boys and she has 2 grandchildren. Her children have successful carriers and visit mom often with their children. She is now retired and enjoys her beautiful flower and vegetable garden.

Françoise M. BARGETZI, M.A.Ed. Pedagogue, enjoyed her high school students. She was teaching languages (French, German), social studies and French cuisine. As mother of 4 children and grandmother of 6 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren she brings a colorful palette of experience with children of all ages and contributed to the value of this book.

francoise.jpg

NOTES

This book refers to and has made interpretations from the following:

➢ In Search of Truth, Beauty, and Goodness*(1)

➢ The Urantia Book*(2)

➢ The Internet (different authors mentioned)

➢ VRAN: Vaccination Risk Awareness Network

➢ Yahoo.com

A NY INTERPRETATIONS, OPINIONS, or conclusions—whether stated or implied—are those of the author and may not represent the view of the Urantia Foundation, other authors, or the Internet.

Quotes from The Urantia Book are by permission from the Urantia Foundation, which owns the copyrights.

This book is specially written for young aspiring parents to acquire wisdom and insight for parenting.

1.jpg

The Little Mermaid

The Benefits of Parenting

о It is a good way for self-improvement.

о Think about all you will learn about yourself and what it means to be a parent.

о Have a good friend and partner who shares the same ideas and ideals of parenthood.

This book is dedicated to all inspired parents who find the compassion, love, and dedication for rearing our youth.

It is obvious that we are prone to repeating yesterday’s mistakes today. People who do not learn from history’s errors are doomed to repeat them.

2.jpg

Give your child the gift of inner discipline. Kids are worth it!

Love and friendship is a flame that burns in our hearts forever!

This book is

dedicated to my children Mario, Alex, Oliver Simon and John (Hans-Juerg).

A. SUGGESTIONS FOR READING THIS BOOK

T HE BOOK IS divided into chapters that deal with specific topics and can be either read through from beginning to end or as a reference book with separate chapters addressing specific interests.

Separate chapters contain advice on how to approach and deal with the challenges from before marriage to partnership, marriage, pregnancy, parental challenges, child-rearing, and financial and social aspects.

If you have a question about the parenting or rearing of a child, by using the table of contents, you may find the appropriate chapter in which to find suggestions. The appendix has a list of valuable books that might go into greater detail with your specific problem.

We believe that giving specific advice on how to raise children is impossible because of the uniqueness of each child. We are aware that it is equally impossible to give all the answers or advice and suggestions to those complex themes. However, the main challenges of raising children are presented and discussed.

As you grow older in years and more experienced in the affairs of home, society, and the world, are you becoming more tactful in dealing with troublesome mortals and more tolerant in living with stubborn associates? Tact is the fulcrum of social leverage, and tolerance is the earmark of a great soul. If you possess these rare and charming gifts, as the days pass, you will become more alert and expert in your worthy efforts to avoid all unnecessary social misunderstandings. Such wise souls are able to avoid much of the trouble, which is certain to be the portion of all who suffer from lack of emotional adjustment, those who refuse to grow up, and those who refuse to grow old gracefully. (2)

Families are confronted with many unexpected and complicated situations as children progress through the developmental stages. These challenges can often be frustrating for both children and parents. Our own experience of life and the social and developmental conditions of our environment are also determining factors.

Cultural and social influences affect adult decision-making in raising children. In our world now, we have many different opinions about the process. However, over time, all these social and ethical differences should include the same attributes of a loving and fair society. Love, compassion, respect, and consistency—these are the pillars of a new and better future.

We develop our parental methods from three main sources:

1. habits, opinions, and mindsets we have acquired from our parents’ methods of raising us,

2. beliefs and habits resulting from the social environment in which we matured, and

3. the religion and/or code of ethics by which we choose to live.

In addition to these basic influences, parents must face the challenges of current societal change. A terrific challenge to today’s parents is the rapidity and demanding consequence of the Digital Revolution, which is impacting societies around the world far more dramatically than did the Industrial Revolution of the previous two hundred years. Just the amount of information we and our children are presented each day is mind-boggling. Our senses are overloaded, and our actions tend to be more reactive than proactive. The author needed a great deal of help to sort through these challenges, find common ground, and clarify thought in a book.

3.jpg

Mother and Child

The Bond That Lasts Forever

The first real connection between mother and child is crucial.

B. ACKNOWLEDGMENT

W E ALL OWE thanks to those parents who endured the Great Depression and who loved and supported their children during the arduous and trying times of World War II and afterward. Only the elder generation really knows what sacrifices they made to give us a decent youth. They did their best to protect us from negative influences, even to the renunciation of their own personal goals, needs, and wishes during trying times. It was not an easy task. As they say, we gave the best we could give and taught the best that we knew.

Our sincere thanks also goes to our many friends and relatives who shared their experiences and opinions, offered critiques, listened to our arguments—pro and con this and that—read, defined, discussed, inspired, and encouraged. The project could not have been completed without their input.

The beauty of this book demonstrates the synergy and insightful working-together of father, wife/pedagogue/mother, and daughter as well as friend and editor. Even though opinions diverged among genders and generations, our efforts have clearly demonstrated that we can always find a common ground and understanding. In the end, it proved to be beneficial to the whole. The entire exercise was a beautiful experience. Nevertheless, it often highlighted our shortcomings, be they mental, religious, or social. In the end, we reached an understanding we can be proud of.

Also, a special thanks goes to our publisher, who had the kindness to see the usefulness of the content of this book and to believe in its successful publication.

Nothing could be accomplished without the inner guidance of personal individual values for which the author’s wife and parents are recognized. Where love is present, growing up in an atmosphere of harmony and peace are the ultimate basis for a fulfilled life of happiness.

4.jpg

Butterfly Beauty Camouflaged

C. INTRODUCTION

I N THIS BOOK, we attempted to give to the reader relevant tools to deal with today’s increasingly complicated world. The project grew out of the realization that both new and seasoned parents are constantly overwhelmed by the rapid changing of society and the ethics of modern life. In years past, people claimed life was simpler and more straightforward. Parents could gain experience and learn from each other and their own parents in raising children. It was not a perfect method by any means, but it helped avoid the repetition of mistakes. Certainly, the methods used were sometimes imperative and one-sided. But in view of their morals, ethics, and religions, they had good underlying values, and they meant well.

Today we rush from one place to another; we burden ourselves with self-inflicted stress and have no time to fulfill our obligations and responsibilities to our children. We hurry from one work obligation to another and use precious little time to consult with friends, family, and experts about important personal matters. The children are the ones who suffer. No matter how good the daycares and schools we send them to are, the children do not experience the warmth and compassion of their parents there. A quick hug and I love you will not suffice. Those words are empty unless they are demonstrated. The craving to be recognized, respected, and loved will surface sooner or later. More than ever before, we need to spend quality time with our children, even when that means staying at home and forfeiting work. It does not make sense to have children and promptly send them away so that we can pursue an envisioned professional career. Is it not wiser and better to avoid having children than to have them and not spend quality and loving time in their lives? If we decide to have a child or children, we must be committed to spending all the time they need with them. We owe them that.

It is important that we be aware of our own shortcomings, be they from our upbringing or environment or are independently formed attitudes. There are two main consequences possible to us from our own childhood influences: we tend to either adopt them completely or rebel against them and practice their opposites. The wisest among us adopt a moderate method between the two. There is usually no training available to us and no relevant education for the most important task of our lives, that of raising children. There are certainly books and courses on how to educate children, but many provide only generalized advice. Each of us adults has the knowledge of our own upbringing and the experience of the ups and downs of growing up. Sometimes we realize that our time as children was not that favorable and that our parents gave only the natural input necessary for our physical benefit. At times, harsh methods were used, often dependent on social status. Over time, society learned to deal with such challenges, and improvements were made. We need to know these tendencies of ours so as to mindfully choose those that seem beneficial and avoid those that cause hurt, inhibition, or biases. In spite of all these criticisms, society can be proud to have achieved a respectable level of progress. Aiming to improve our societal accord brings us to a higher level of friendship.

Times change with each generation. The elders of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries decried after the Agricultural the Industrial Revolution. Those of the twentieth and twenty-first are overwhelmed by the speed of the Electronic Revolution that is similarly assailing our established culture. To be able to sift through and deal with all the challenges of life and find a common ground on which to clarify and organize our thoughts for this book, we needed a great deal of help. We have read numberless texts. We have engaged in discussions with people young and old, just married, new parents, and seasoned grandparents. The author partners in the project together raised ten children. The task was not a simple one.

Tackling a project like this one and giving some sensible suggestions and advice brought many challenges. First, we are not professionals in every field, and second, giving advice on how to raise children would be an endless task. The bibliography contains a list of some very good books available on how to raise children if you want to go that route.

It is critical to acknowledge that we each learn differently. We begin to understand that each person is unique and cannot be raised in the same way or by the same methods. Each person differs in perception and understanding; each evaluates, reacts, and has a different outlook. There may be similarities, but that is it. Therefore, the methods we use vary. Each child has different needs to be met. The style of parenting we choose needs to be that which is in the best interest of the child and is best adapted for that child’s reaching his/her fullest potential. It must be chosen to have the most positive effect in fostering that child’s development.

It makes sense to avoid repeating some of the mistakes of our ancestors. That doesn’t say that they made only mistakes; our world would not have improved without their progressive adaptations to time and needs. Many of their wise methods should be taken to heart. Love, honesty, truth, respect, kindness, concern, and consistency are the universally common ingredients. The importance of consequences, also known as tough love, will help children integrate society in an easier way while growing up; it will make them think before acting.

Each of our suggestions begins with some explanation or information. In dealing with the developmental stages of an infant, toddler, child, adolescent, and adult, both we and they are confronted with so many unexpected and complicated situations. Sorting out and dealing with the challenges can often be frustrating for both children and parents. Our own experience of life and the social and developmental condition of our environment play a determining factor. Cultural mores, laws, religions, creeds, systems of ethics, social conditions, perceptions, and understandings and their accompanying obligations all influence the adult decision-making process in raising children. In our world now, we have so many different opinions about the process.

An accumulation of social pressures and our sense of obligation to them will influence the way we raise our children.

Truly, it is not good for man or woman to be alone. Some degree of recognition and a certain amount of appreciation are essential to the development of human character. Without the genuine love of a home, no child can achieve the full development of normal character. Character is something more than mere mind and morals. Of all social relations calculated to develop character, the most effective and ideal is the affectionate and understanding friendship of man and woman in the mutual embrace of intelligent wedlock. Marriage, with its manifold relations, is