Public Success, Private Struggle

By Dionne Lamont

As the title suggests, the book delves into the definition of success, particularly public success, and how this secular definition is often so radically divergent from Gods concept of success, as depicted in the Bible. To counterbalance these two different definitions, I define the concept of struggle and all it entails. I also explore our private human struggles, especially those particular to female ministers, given my experience in this field. The difficulties women encounter within leadership roles will be presented and examined, with a specific focus on gender, sexuality, and the pressure to maintain their femininity while being true to the call of God on their lives or true to the integrity of their secular vocation. Sensitive topics such as sexism within the modern church will also be explored, as well as some practical guidelines that address methods of coping with gynaecological and other health problems specific to women. Whereas adult women will more easily identify with some of the issues raised, everyone in leadership will benefit from the information presented. Men, especially those in positions of leadership, will hopefully receive insight into, and an understanding of the challenges faced by women in leadership, particularly women in ministry.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: May 12, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524681029

Book preview

2017 Dionne Lamont. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/12/2017

ISBN: 978-1-5246-8099-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5246-8102-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017907256

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New King James Version, copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson and The Message (MSG), copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Contents

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 Publicly Successful Women

Chapter 2 Church Perception of Female Leaders

Chapter 3 The Heartache of Miscarriage

Chapter 4 Struggles with Health

Chapter 5 The Pain of Transition

Chapter 6 Major Depression and Dysthymia

Chapter 7 Inferiority Complex

Chapter 8 Publicly Successful yet Struggling with Debt

Chapter 9 Secrets within Marriage

Chapter 10 Struggling with Bereavement

I dedicate this book to every woman in leadership, regardless of industry and experience.

Foreword

Pastor Dionne Lamont in her book Public Success, Private Struggle penned for us a broad spectrum of the struggles, oppositions, failures, and success that each of us have and will experience on the journey called life. Her inclusion of historical successful people and her own personal experiences cause this book to come alive and speak clearly and colorfully across its pages.

Why should we read this book? It gives us views, information, and a display of in depth human emotions that many times are masked or ignored. She forces us to grapple with the public and private lives of the redeemed community. The cover-up of real emotions, the horror of silent sufferings, the continuing ignorance concerning women’s godly contributions to church history, and the dark sadness and loneliness of those who chose to fulfill God’s purpose were carefully woven into the fabric of each chapter.

Please read; please listen and please consider that success comes with a price. However, the price may be extremely costly, but the Lord Jesus, who is the center of Dionne’s life, will balance the equation between the public face and the private heart.

Humbly submitted,

Bishop Jacqueline E. McCullough

Acknowledgements

I’d like to thank my husband, Gee; my son and daughter, Sean and Lauren; my daughter-in-law, Teresa; and my gorgeous grandson, Samuel Lee, for your support and unwavering encouragement.

Thanks to my mother for her prayers, and for my true friends who stuck with me not only when success was abounding but when struggles were overwhelming.

I wish to acknowledge Barbara Smith for her irrefragable friendship and immeasurable support. I am forever indebted to Jacqueline E McCullough for writing my foreword, for her counsel, and for her belief in me.

I also wish to acknowledge all those who were willing to have me pen their story. I hope somehow we will appreciate our success because of the cogency of our struggles.

Most of all, I dedicate this book to the one who has led and fed me through every success and struggle, my Lord, my Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Introduction

I was chatting with a good friend one day, explaining some of the difficulties I had been encountering as a woman, especially given my leadership role within the church. Having outlined a few of the personal struggles I was dealing with, it struck me how little my congregation, and people in general, actually knew about my private life. The persona I projected, my outward appearance, was bright, confident, and vibrant. I appeared to be a model of success.

Yet there seemed to be a strange disconnect between how people perceived me in relation to the turmoil I felt within. In that moment, the concept of this book was birthed. To sum up what I had been mulling over in my mind, I turned to my friend Dorinda and said to her, I think it’s about public success, private struggles.

It was a powerful moment. I knew something had shifted within me. A seed had been planted, and I thought, I must write a book. I have been carrying this book in my spirit ever since. This took place in London in 2005, and Dorinda grasped the gravity of the moment. Throughout the intervening eleven years, whenever Dorinda and I have reunited, her first words to me are, Public success, private struggles.

Dorinda, who is the epitome of a powerful, publicly successful woman, was immediately able to comprehend the dichotomy presented, both in the concept of public versus private as well as success versus struggle. Having attained international fame as a vocalist in the gospel group The Clark Sisters,¹ Dorinda already had an intimate understanding of the private struggles women endure if they are ever to attain public success.

Recognising the kernel of an idea that had the potential to benefit other women in public leadership roles, Dorinda said to me, I will always remember that!

I am grateful to her for allowing me the space within our friendship to birth the concept, and for encouraging me to keep this idea alive.

I have finally nurtured this book to maturity, and as it unfolds, we explore a number of key issues experienced by leaders in every walk of life, most of which are relevant across gender, while some are experienced more specifically by women in leadership roles. My aim in writing, and perhaps the main theme threaded through this work, is to unveil the vulnerability leaders experience in their daily lives, and to reveal how, in spite of the human challenges faced, they can still accomplish their vision and calling. The book also explores our human tendency to focus on outward appearances by presenting a façade to others, rather than truthfully sharing our misgivings and shortcomings. This duplicitous lifestyle, all too common within leadership roles – whether due to guilt, inadequacy, or simply succumbing to an imagined pressure to appear perfect – will be examined from both a physical and spiritual perspective. Simply put, I discuss why human beings fall into the trap of duplicity and what divine blueprint we can follow to free ourselves from incurring this torment. Having discussed the possible reasons people, especially leaders, begin to display this character flaw, I aim to present alternative, and hopefully more honest, methods of dealing with the dichotomy between appearance and reality within a standard human personality.

Five significant themes help establish specific tools leaders can develop to improve the effectiveness of their leadership role:

1. humility as an alternative to pride;

2. compassion for our own human frailty and that of others, with a mind to better understand human weakness;

3. forgiveness flows more readily once compassion has been incorporated as a permanent and naturally available human quality;

4. openness in our communication with others, and acceptance of ourselves help us to avoid falling into common traps of deception and concealment; and

5. endurance, with special focus on leadership roles and the importance of perseverance in the face of adversity. These themes are randomly interspersed throughout the book in no specific order.

As the title suggests, the book delves into the definition of success, particularly public success, and how this secular definition is often so radically divergent from God’s concept of success, as depicted in the Bible. To counterbalance these two definitions, I define the concept of struggle and all it entails. I also explore our private human struggles, especially those particular to female ministers, given my experience in this field. The difficulties women encounter within leadership roles will be presented and examined, with a specific focus on gender, sexuality, and the pressure to maintain their femininity while being true to the call of God on their lives or true to the integrity of their secular vocation.

Sensitive topics such as sexism within the modern Church will also be explored, as well as some practical guidelines that address methods of coping with gynaecological and other health problems specific to women. Whereas adult women will more easily identify with some of the issues raised, everyone in leadership will benefit from the information presented. Men, especially those in positions of leadership, will hopefully receive insight into, and an understanding of the challenges faced by women in leadership, particularly women in ministry.

You will read the stories of real women who, although they prefer to remain anonymous, have agreed to share their stories about loss and failure along with hopes and dreams. Some stories I will share on behalf of women who no longer have a voice to express their own truth. These women are unable to make themselves heard because they are no longer alive or because they have been subjugated by oppressive systems. By no means do I wish to engage in a rant about the gender inequality still prevalent in global society, but I do mean to gently expose any evident hypocrisy between what is professed and what is enacted