Practical Tips on Child Upbringing: Maximizing the Potentials of Your Children

By Nathan E. Effik

It does not matter how much tips we have to offer or not offer, but what matters most is how interested we are in making our child what God created them to be. What matters most is the effort we as parents have made to acquire more knowledge and information to equip ourselves in order to be able to raise children that are really the ambassadors of Christ. And what also matters most is the kind of foundation you have laid for your children. We Christians, including our children, ought to display the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:2220).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524523787

Nathan E. Effik

Nathan E. Effik is a highly resourceful and multigifted individual interested in sowing seeds of love in the hearts of men and maximizing individual potentials. He earned his BSc in economics from the University of Uyo in Uyo, Nigeria. He is happily married to Uto-sylver, and the family is blessed with three children, including Becky, Nsehe, and Nduwum.

Book preview

Copyright © 2016 by NATHAN E. EFFIK.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 07/14/2016

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

743238

CONTENTS

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter One: Companionship To Chlidren

Chapter Two: Availability And Involvement Of Parents To The Children

Chapter Three: Expressing Unconditional Love To The Children

Chapter Four: Positive Affirmations To Children

Chapter Five: Verbal And Nonverbal Communication To Children

Chapter Six: Training And/Or Disciplining Of Children

Chapter Seven: Balancing Praise And Criticism

Chapter Eight: Developing A Sense Of Achievement In Children

Chapter Nine: Cultivating Responsible Behavior In Children

DEDICATION

T O GOD ALMIGHTY.

To my darling wife, Jewel, who is the essence of love and my personal source of encouragement and inspiration.

To my daughter, Becky, who, to the glory of God, has been a good example for whom the ideas in this book have been molded.

To my son, Nsehe, and my second daughter, Nduwum, whose potential I live to see maximized.

To all parents around the world who will willingly submit themselves to the will of God in others to impact the life of their children.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A LL ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN life are only possible with the help of many known and unknown individuals who have impacted our life in one way or the other. We owe to a large extent our gratitude to as many as possible who made a meaningful input for this work to be successful.

A special thanks goes to my sisters, Mrs. Ekwere Becky, Mrs. Utin Naomi, and Mrs. Iwok Idongesit. Their support knows no boundary.

To my wife, Jewel Nathan; my daughter, Becky; my son, Nsehe; my second daughter, Nduwum; my mother in-law, Abigail Ukonya; Nse; Unwana; Mmeyene; Joseph; and Josephine, thank you for your love, help, and support.

To my extended family members, Mr. Henshaw, Aunt Patricia, and Engr. Aniefiok Efik, as well as to my in-laws, Mr. Aniekan Ekwere, Mr. Anietie Utin, and Mr. Vincent Iwok, I appreciate you.

To my friends Aniekan Udofia, Udodee, Itoro Basil, Progress Effiong, Ekpeno, Dorcas, and all members of the All Heart Foundation, especially Ubong Charls and Gious, thank you for believing in me.

INTRODUCTION

I GREW UP TO learn that my family is one of the most outstanding families in the village. It is also said to be the nucleus of my village and by extension, among the earliest settlement around my community and clan. My ancestral patriarch was known as the great Etefia, the high priest, who is the founder of my village, Ikot Etefia Ukam. He, along with other great men came to be among the very first settlers of the vast area known today as Ukam, my community. Thence started a long list of my progenitors culminating in the most recent and perhaps, the most outstanding in our contemporary history, Etebom Akpan Effik Akpan Uman.

My grandfather, Nathaniel Akpan Effik, was the second son of Akpan Effik Akpan Uman who instead of following his father to observe some traditional rights and practices embraced the white man religion known today as Christianity. My father, Elijah Nathaniel Akpan Effik, the second son to his parent inherited Christian values, moral rectitude and basic life principles from his father. Coincidentally, my mother’s parents (the family of Jacob Udo Akpan) too was a stout moralist and a devout member of The Apostolic Church, a Church then renowned for its high ethical values and standard for mankind and in which my father later became a pastor there. The union was blessed with nine children, six of whom were females. Unfortunately, only four is left today which includes Rebecca Ekwere, Naomi Utin, Nathan Effik the only son, and Idongesit.

My parents, with their background and experiences they gathered working in the vineyard of God provided a platform for healthy family structure and an ideal Christian home for us to grow and become what we are today.

I was nineteen when I had my first female child, and we decided she should stay with her grandmother since we were still in school. As time goes by, I felt I should bring her home to stay with us. So I discussed that with my immediate cousin who came visiting during the weekend, and she made this striking statement: You are too young. In fact, you are still a child. A child cannot take care of a child. (The care she meant here was not actually the financial aspect of it but the intrinsic capacity to cater for children.) I became so worried, so disturbed, that I started asking myself what will cost me to acquire the skills and capacity needed to take care of children vis-à-vis my family. I started seeking knowledge about child upbringing and about building a good home, which is the breeding ground for any meaningful development in children.

I channeled all the resources (mental, physical, spiritual, materials, etc.) within my disposal toward equipping myself to face this undertaking of parenting. I started reading books including online materials, and I listened to tapes on parenting and attended seminars and church programs that have to do with parenting. I extended my search to experienced couples in my community, pastors, and some child specialists just to get informed.

Honestly, this exercise paid off. It ended up changing my lifestyle, my approach to problems, and my perspective about family matters. As Mike Kendrick asserted, What you focus on expands. My scope about life got expanded to the extent that

1. I realized that if parents had better understood their responsibilities toward their children and then do just that, our communities will be at peace, and the world will be a better place to stay.

2. I realized that children are the greatest natural resources in the world. Our God-given job as parents is to develop these resources to their greatest potentials for the benefit of humanity.

3. I realized that no force is as powerful in rejuvenating a child’s motivation to learn as parents and teachers working in collaboration.

John Holt said, Children’s need to make sense of the world and to be skillful in it is as deep and strong as their need for food or rest or sleep. At times it may even stronger. Our primary responsibility as parents is to prepare (guide, train, develop, etc.) our children to reflect God’s image in which we are all made of. They too will grow up to discover what their parents had built in them, develop it, and donate the same to the world. No wonder the wisest man ever lived said, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

One day, I was sharing this information I gathered with a friend of mine, and she became so interested. She then asked me to put it on writing for her to have a record and a reference point, which has eventually fashioned each chapter of this book. I wrote down the following for her:

1. That companionship to children will build a legacy of love in the mind of children.

2. That being available and getting involved in children’s activities will build a sense of trust (faith) in them.

3. That expressing unconditional love to children in words and in actions will give them a sense of security, making them more willing to communicate and ask questions.

4. That saying positive words or affirmations to children will build their inner strength and thus give them a sense of purpose.

5. That a good manner of communication will give them a sense of regard and a positive mental health.

6. That training/disciplining of children, not nagging and abuse, will prepare them for a better future.

7. That positive praise and a balanced criticism will build their sense of worth and healthy self-esteem.

8. That developing a sense of achievement in children will make them emotionally intelligent.

9. That cultivating responsible behavior in children will build in them a sense of duty and hard work.

After reading the above tips, my friend replied to me and said, "I never