I’Ll Find Them

By Marilyn Ellsworth Shelley

Seventeen-year-old Lucy moans with the pains of giving birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and realizes that her whole world is about to change. When encouraged to give them up for adoption, she is devastated but recognizes she cant possibly keep them. Heart broken by her only choice, she releases them to two families who could give them a loving home, everything she is unable to provide. Why hadnt Jared, the babys father, written to her, called her, or answered her letters? Because Lucy flew to Brazil to stay with her aunt and uncle after graduation, Lucys mother never knew about Lucys twins. Not until Lucy returned home three years later did she discover the treachery of her mother. Feelings of betrayal consumed her as she discovers the tragic truths about her mothers sabotage to separate her from the unknowing father of her twins and the jealousy her mother felt toward Lucy. Everywhere she looked, she saw their smiling faces, only to discover that it is not really her children at all. Her heart cries out for them with a whispered promise that she will find them. Twenty-five years later, with her husband, Kent Nuggent, and their three teenage children, Lucy is more determined to find her twins. The dramatic turn of events in the lives of her children bring miracles that show her the way to find the twins and reunite with them. Lucy realizes that relationships are fragile yet so very important, requiring effort and courage to maintain them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524504397

Marilyn Ellsworth Shelley

Marilyn E. Shelley grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah, and attended Brigham Young University. She married her sweetheart and traveled with him through many states and Canada before settling down in Newbury, Ohio, where they raised their five children. She attended Kent State University, where she became interested in writing stories and poetry, which were published in the Kent State Literary Magazine. She has two mystery-thriller novels published before changing her genre for this third book. She enjoys reading and writing. Her favorite genre is mystery but felt uplifted and inspired to tell this story and get it published. She enjoys spending time with her family and friends and especially her wonderful grandchildren.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

Pain ran through her body causing her to tremble. She wanted to scream at the doctor and nurses around her bed. Please give me something for the pain.

It will all be over soon. Just hold on a little while longer, the doctor replied in a somewhat arrogant tone. You’re doing fine.

"How can I be doing fine when I’m in so much pain?" she questioned. Heavenly Father, please help me! she prayed. The shooting pain was stronger and more intense. She pushed herself up onto her elbows, releasing a dreadful groan. Everyone began hovering over her. It’s almost here." She could hear excited voices. Voices like fans at the baseball game when it’s the ninth inning, score tied, and the last man is up to bat. Suddenly she felt the release of some pressure and pain. Her body relaxed, only to have the pain and pressure strike again a few moments later. The dizziness was growing darker. She pushed as hard as she could before the cloud of darkness enveloped her and she heard the sound of babies crying. The delivery had been hard but they were doing well. Twins! It was September 28, 1989. A date she would never forget.

*     *     *

Lucy lay restlessly in her hospital bed staring up at the ceiling tiles, counting them over and over again. Her long golden blonde hair feathered out over her damp pillow, her powder blue eyes were moist. Her pain hadn’t subsided as quickly as she had hoped it would after giving birth to twins only a few hours earlier— a boy and a girl. They were so beautiful with tiny little hands and feet, mouths that puckered when they wanted to be fed, and bright eyes that searched her face, had immediately captured her heart. How could she not love them? She shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts. She knew she couldn’t keep her babies. She was just seventeen with her whole life ahead of her, except for this new development that had shattered her dreams. That knowledge tugged at her heart strings and was more painful than the physical pain she was experiencing. A tear ran down her cheek onto her upper lip and her tongue licked the bitter salty drop. If only Jared Steward had known about her pregnancy may be it would have made a difference. He said he loved her—that she was the most precious thing in his life and she had believed him.

Tiny fists flayed in the air and hungry little mouths puckered. Small hands wrapped around her finger as she smiled down at them. A study of their faces revealed distinct features of both of their parents. Her little boy had Jared’s eyes, their searching crystal blue looked up at her. The pouty mouth on her baby girl was definitely hers. The peace and calm about them seemed to assure her that they would be all right. Lucy held them a little longer than the impatient nurse wanted as she stood by the bedside anxious to take the babies back to the nursery. Lucy kissed each one of them on the cheek before handing them over to the matronly nurse. I love you, she whispered to them.

*     *     *

Feeling sorry for herself, she thought of all her Aunt Claira had done for her. She has been so good to me, she realized. What would I have done without her help? Seven months ago—just before her high school graduation, Class of 1989— in desperation, she had written a letter to her aunt asking if she could come visit her in Brazil for the summer. She had spent many summers with her Aunt and Uncle and her cousin Christopher in São Paulo, so it was not an unusual request. She knew that by May she would be showing a definite bump and couldn’t bear for her friends and parents to know of her condition. She would be seventeen on graduation day on the 5th of May and planned to join her aunt in São Paulo, Brazil on the 9th of May and would confide in her aunt about her pregnancy then. She and her mother had never had a close mother/daughter relationship and she knew her parents would never forgive her if they knew, so she counted on her aunt to protect her secret and help her.

Her aunt had greeted her with such a big hug and kiss on the cheek when her plane landed at the Guarulhos Airport near São Paulo, Brazil. Lucy fell exhausted into her aunt’s arms and began to cry. Aunt Claira knew immediately why Lucy was escaping from her home in Utah. She had been very understanding and they had spent many hours late into the night discussing her situation and crying together. Aunt Claira was a compassionate person who loved her niece and would do all she could to help her. She had looked into many options and felt the best solution for Lucy’s babies was adoption into good families where a mother and father would both love them and take care of them. Lucy had agreed to the plan. But now after giving birth to what she had considered her terrible problem in life, her mind was totally confused with conflicting emotions. She loved her babies and couldn’t think of never seeing them again. Another tear rolled down her cheek followed by more droplets falling onto her pillow.

Lucy had always been very close to her Aunt Claira and Uncle Marcos de Souza and Christopher, their son. She had spent many summers with them throughout her youth and she and Christopher were like brother and sister. They did everything together, even attending school with him and learning to speak Portuguese. The family were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, often referred to as Mormons. Her Aunt and Uncle were working in the LDS Church offices in São Paulo, Brazil. Aunt Claira— her mother’s older sister— had served a mission in Brazil when she was a young woman of twenty-one, many years ago, and attended the same ward as Uncle Marcos who was also serving as a missionary in that area. When Aunt Claira returned to Utah after completing her mission, Marcos wrote her often and called her on occasion. He expressed his feelings for her and hoped her feelings were reciprocal. Claira knew she was destined to return to Brazil as his wife and raise her family there. Lucy had visited them in Brazil over the years and grown to love them as second parents and now she needed them desperately.

*     *     *

Hey, how’re you feeling? her hospital door flew open as Christopher—her only cousin and best friend— entered the room carrying a big bouquet of fresh flowers. He was her coach and support team along with his parents. Striding across the room to her bedside, he gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek and noticed the wetness on her pale skin. Hey, you been crying again? Don’t you know that spoils your beautiful face? He grabbed up a tissue from the box on her bedside table and dabbed at her eyes and cheeks. Now, doesn’t that feel better?

When she didn’t answer, he took her hand in his and held it tenderly. I know you feel bad and I don’t blame you. They are amazing babies. He tried to comfort her. Can I see just a little smile cross your lips?

Christopher, how can I possible give up those two adorable babies? They are my flesh and blood. The son and daughter of the man I loved. She sobbed. I can’t help but love them. She turned her head away from him and buried her face in the pillows and let the tears flow.

Oh, Sis. Please don’t cry. Mom and Dad will be here soon and you don’t want them to see your eyes all red and puffy, do you? He reached across her bed and lifted her chin off the pillow and coaxed her to smile and dry her tears. He was two years older than Lucy and he adored and loved her as a sister. Come on, now. Yes, that’s better, he said pulling her up into his arms to give her a big hug.

Christopher, do you think we could take a walk down to the nursery to see the babies? she pleaded. I just need to hold them and let them know I am their mother before the social worker gets here tomorrow to take them away.

Sure. I’ll just be a minute while I check with the nurse’s station and get a wheelchair for you. He left the room and Lucy took this time to brush her hair and put on a little lipstick before Christopher returned. She thrust her arms into her robe and pushed her feet into her slippers, sitting expectantly on the edge of her bed. Settling herself in the wheelchair, Christopher pushed her out of the room and down the long corridor to the nursery where he asked to see the twins. The nurse looked hesitantly at her supervisor who shook her head and turned her back to the visitors.

"Por favor, shouted Lucy, her distress palpable. I want to see my babies one last time. Por favor. Não se pode negar-me isto privilégio. Please don’t deny me this privilege, she pleaded. The supervisor said something to the nurse, turned and left the nursery. The nurse walked to the back of the nursery and brought the double basinet to the front of the room and motioned for Lucy and Christopher to enter. Maneuvering the wheelchair into the room, the nurse put the two babies in Lucy’s arms. You only have a few minutes before the supervisor comes back so enjoy them while you can." The nurse left Lucy and Christopher alone while she attended to her other duties across the room.

Lucy looked down into the tiny faces of her babies. I love you my precious babies. I want you to remember my face and my voice and know that I am your mother. Tomorrow you will be taken from me and placed in good homes where you will be loved and cared for by parents who will love you too. I wish I could keep you and take care of you, but I can’t— I can’t. She bent over each one and gave their cheeks a sweet, tender kiss. Remember that your mother loves you. Tenderly Lucy placed the babies in their blankets and laid them in their basinets, her tears falling in earnest as the nurse wheeled them away from her. Her eyes lingered on the basinets for the last time. Christopher turned her wheelchair around to return her to her room, her eyes puffy, red, and sorrowful.

*     *     *

CHAPTER TWO

Four weeks had passed into winter weather in Brazil. It was July but the temperature was cooler now. Lucy sat in a lounge chair with a warm quilt wrapped around her on the balcony of her aunt’s apartment watching the traffic roll by on Francisco Marato Boulevard. It was a busy street that ran north and south from the center of downtown through many bairros—smaller cities— to get to the southern part of the huge expansive city of São Paulo. She watched the cars and taxis weave in and out of traffic in front of the LDS—Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints— São Paulo Temple with the Church Office Building behind it. It was a large gated complex which emanated peace and tranquility. The temple spires reached up into the cerulean blue skies of heaven. The golden archways in front of the building reflected the eastern sun and she wished she could enter this truly inspiring building. She was fascinated by the architecture of the temple and the pristine grounds with its beautiful flowers adorning the front slope of the lawn. Even though the temperature was cooler now, it certainly wasn’t like the winter snows of Utah. She had always dreamed of going to the Salt Lake Temple to be married after she finished college and had lived her life in following the gospel principles—except for the night shortly after they celebrated New Year’s Eve when Jared told her he loved her and wanted them to be married someday; but first he had to do his duty to his country and she needed to go on to college.

*     *     *

She reflected back on that night in Salt Lake City after the New Year’s Eve dance. Lucy, Jared had said while sitting on her front porch swing, a note of pain in his voice. I’ve joined the army and will be going to Fort Benning, Georgia, right after graduation for basic training with the probability of being shipped out to Afghanistan to serve for a year or two.

But what about our plans of getting married after a couple of years at college? She had gasped, thunderstruck with fear that he might never come back to her if he went to fight in the war. They clung to each other, not wanting to let go. Their kisses grew longer and more demanding and intense until their passions overcame them.

Feelings of great remorse hit them both the next day. Jared had called her early in the morning suggesting they go for a long walk in the park where they could talk about their feelings for each other. They recognized their strong emotions had gotten them into an area they were unable to control. They knew they had made a mistake and felt a strong desire to repent and never let their passion go unchecked. They vowed it wouldn’t happen again. They were too embarrassed to talk to her bishop and rationalized that since they had promised each other it would never happen again and had prayed together for forgiveness, they felt their repentance was complete and all right with the Lord. After that they were very careful not to be left alone.

It wasn’t until two months later when she realized she was pregnant. She was panicked. How could she tell her parents? She would be too ashamed, too humiliated and rejected. No, she couldn’t tell them. Her due date would be in September. She was scared. She wrote to her Aunt Claira asking if it were possible to visit them in Brazil for the summer, knowing she could stay there until the baby was born. She didn’t want to share this information with anyone, especially not her mother or Jared or her best friend, Amie. She didn’t want to pressure Jared into marrying her and ruin both of their future plans. No, she would go to Aunt Claira’s to have her baby. Aunt Claira would understand and help her find a solution.

*     *     *

Reliving the day of graduation—the Class of 1989—the student body all in caps and gowns crossed the stage to receive their diplomas. The air was filled with excitement and a sense of freedom. By the time the celebration dance in the evening was over, she had decided she didn’t want to ruin their last night together by telling Jared about her condition. Besides he would be leaving in the morning for boot-camp and she had her ticket to fly to Brazil the next day. Promises were made to write each other at least twice a week without fail. As her time became closer to delivery, she would tell Jared about the baby then.

Having made her own plans, no one needed to know she was pregnant—not even her domineering mother who readily agreed she should go stay with her sister Claira for the summer in Brazil so she and her father could be free to take an extended vacation cruise to Italy. Funny how her mother, Janice, was always trying to push her off onto someone else, not even noticing her morning sickness, her change in mood, and attitude—just brushing it off as the end of high school blues and Jared leaving. If they only knew just how blue she was. She thought of her sad farewell at the airport. Her Father gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek, while her mother fussed about her having enough clothes for the whole summer. Did she have her one-way ticket? Was she sure she was going to the right gate after passing through security? Feeling her mother’s hand pushing her forward in the line, Janice said, Take care of yourself, Lucy. Then she turned, grabbed her husband’s arm and the two of them left Lucy standing there at the airport looking after them with tears in her eyes. Some farewell.

*     *     *

It had been a month now since she had stood in the São Paulo Courtroom to sign away her twin babies for adoption. Dealing with her feelings of wanting to keep them, yet knowing it was a gift of love she was giving her twins to have them adopted into a LDS family where the parent’s would love and raise them as their own. Without any compassion on the part of the court, she was again convinced to sign the papers. She felt empty and a deep void in her heart. She forced herself to feel numb of any emotions at all. Her babies had been placed with two different families and she had been assured they were very loving families who would adore the babies as their own and provide good care for them. When she received the final adoption papers, she clung to the names the families had given her children—Derek Fiuza her baby boy, and Maria Berreto for her daughter. She took the papers and vowed that someday she would find them and tell them she was their birth mother.

*     *     *

Startled from her reverie by the sliding glass doors opening, Christopher stepped out onto the balcony with two plates filled with fruit and sandwiches. You’re looking kind of hungry sitting here all alone. May I join you for some lunch? he queried. Mom and Dad have gone out shopping so will not be home for a while, so I’m offering myself as your waiter and comic relief. He smiled down at her and saw a slight twitch of Lucy’s mouth. Come on Sis—he had called her his sister since they were children—, you can’t sit and brood forever, he scolded her. Let’s go to the movies. There is a new one playing at the mall and I’ve heard it is really good and fun. Besides, you need a day out of this apartment to get some fresh air. So eat your lunch, powder your nose, put on some lipstick and let’s go. What do you say?

I don’t know, Chris. I just sort of want to sit here and not move. At that, Christopher took her hand, set down the sandwiches on the table and hauled her to her feet. Forget lunch. We’re leaving right now. He quickly returned to the kitchen to put the sandwiches in plastic bags and stuffed them into the refrigerator. Lucy had no choice but to get to her feet and follow him. They walked the two blocks to the mall and entered the theater. The room was crowded with people of all ages and there was a happy, fun-filled aura which permeated the lobby, persuading Lucy to enter into the fun. They bought popcorn and two big drinks along with their tickets before finding their seats for the show. Before long Lucy was engaged in the troubles of the three youth in the movie and forgot about her own sadness. Two hours later as the lights came back on for the audience to see their way to the exits, Lucy seemed refreshed. Christopher took hold of her elbow to usher her out the doors onto the sidewalk for their walk home. Lucy watched the people ebb and flow in and out of each other’s path. It was late afternoon when employees were getting off work to head home, so the crowd was large.

Suddenly a shop door was thrust open and a woman pushing a twin baby stroller exited the shop, hitting Lucy’s legs. Lucy turned sharply with angry words on her lips until she saw two beautiful faces of the babies seated comfortably in the stroller with large brown eyes looking up at her. Her heart stopped beating, pain rose in her chest. She felt dizzy and faint. She heard the woman apologizing profusely. I’m so sorry. I hope you are not hurt. Christopher saw the anguish on Lucy’s face and encircled her waist to keep her from falling. She’ll be fine, he said.

Lucy wanted to scream, the words racing through her mind—no, don’t take my babies away from me. She fought the sensation with every ounce of courage she