Profile in Silence:: Achieving Dreams Against All Odds

By Piyush C. Kothary

A Profile in Silence is a remarkable story of one woman's battle to overcome poverty and establish her identity in a patriarchal society by becoming a doctor. After achieving her dreams, she valiantly lived with pancreatic cancer, faced death with courage, and devised a method to die in peace.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514430316

Piyush C. Kothary

Dr. Piyush C. Kothary was born in Rangoon, Myanmar (formerly known as Burma), during World War II. Piyush holds a degree in chemistry. He taught at St. Xavier’s College in Mumbai, India, and then moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan, in 1971. Prior to his move to the United States, Piyush married Dr. Sarla Parekh in 1970. They moved to Ann Arbor and dedicated a combined eighty years of service to the University of Michigan Health System in research and teaching. They built a life in Ann Arbor that they adore, filled with professional accomplishments, travel, and loving friends and family. They have two wonderful daughters and two lovely granddaughters. Since the day they were married, they worked to create the life of their dreams. Sarla passed away on January 20, 2015. Previously, Piyush has published a poetry book, “A Journey of Love and Romance,” in memory of their lives together.

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Copyright © 2015 by Piyush C. Kothary. 724748

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015919763

   ISBN:   Softcover   978-1-5144-3032-3

      EBook   978-1-5144-3031-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 12/01/2015

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

This book was written in memory of my wife, Dr. Sarla P. Kothary. She was one of the most important people in my life.

1. I lost her on January 20, 2015.

2. Sarla and I shared the same dream: to better our lives and be good to others.

3. We always hoped for the best for us and everyone else.

4. We were eternal optimists.

5. In life there is always a calm after a big storm, so always be hopeful.

Contents

Epigraph

Preface

Chapter 1: Introduction, Early Life and Friendship

Chapter 2: Sarla’s Passion

2.1 First Impressions

2.2: Love for the Family and Passion to Enrich Family Members’ Lives

Chapter 3: After Marriage and My Parents

Chapter 4: An Adventure in the New World

Chapter 5: First Christmas Party

Chapter 6: Quietly Asserting for Her Own Rights

Chapter 7: Sarla’s Kindness and Jain Religion

7.1: Sarla’s Kindness and Family

7.2: Sarla’s Friends

7.3: Sarla as an Analyst

7.4: Influence of Jain Religion

Chapter 8: Family Life and Helping a Person in Need

Chapter 9: How Sarla Protected Her Interest When Drastic Changes Occurred

Chapter 10: My Father’s Visit to the U.S.

10.1: A Woman Ophthalmologist and My Father

10.2: My Father and Sarla

Chapter 11: Eat This One Hundred Dollar Bill

Chapter 12: Evita - A Musical

Chapter 13: With Handicapped Girls in Vietnam

Chapter 14: Daughters’ Weddings and Sarla’s Joy

Chapter 15: A Bold Fight with Pancreatic Cancer

15.1: A Slow Beginning with a Fun Family Trip

15.2 Pancreatic Cancer and the Silent Beginning of the End

15.3: Facing the Reality of the Disease

15.4: Chemotherapy and its After Effect

15.5: Hypoglycemia

15.6: Homeopathic Therapy for Cancer

15.7: Food and Daily Routine

15.8: Cancer and Friends

15.9: Sarla and Jewelry

15.10: Passion and Zest for Life

Chapter 16: Jain Religion and Death

16.1: Jain Prayer, Meditation, and the Last Testament

16.2: How to Die in Peace

16.3: Remaining Peaceful for a Peaceful Exit

Chapter 17

17.1: Sarla’s Final Moments and Me

17.2 Last Moments with Saru

Chapter 18: To My Dear Friends. Don’t be Sad.

Chapter 19: I Loved You

Epilogue

What are Condolence and the Predicament of the Survivors?

Eulogy for Sarla’s Life Celebration on January 24, 2015

Addendum

Acknowledgements

Other Publication by the Author

Image310.tif

Sarla at our wedding reception – March 4, 1970 – Mumbai, India

Epigraph

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.

— Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, a story from Different Seasons

Image317.tif

Sarla relaxing on the top of a pagoda – January 2009 – Bagan, Myanmar

Preface

In 2015, pancreatic cancer remains a deadly disease. Most victims of the disease are speechless and become despondent, being forced to accept that they will pass away soon. Instead of finding kindness and sympathy, these patients face many ignorant and arrogant medical professionals. A patient with pancreatic cancer first finds out about his/her disease after several visits to a primary care physician who has limited knowledge of the disease and most of the time is constrained by insurance companies questioning the necessity of a CT scan or other tests. Once they are diagnosed, they visit a pancreatic surgeon who quite often lacks the art of communication (surgeons are well known for their arrogance, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/02/health/02rage.html?pagewanted=all&_r=2&). Without a trace of sympathy these surgeons bluntly tell the patient that their disease is terminal.

Then there are emotional acquaintances and relatives that come and tell stories of other cancer patients they have heard or known. All these elements generate tremendous pressure and tension in the patient’s mind. Overcoming this pressure demands strength, will and courage. Some patients continue to live a normal life as best they can. In general, cancer patients who are courageous and believe that all of us are born for a finite time on this planet tend to survive very well. Some of them also believe that we are born to make the best out of our lives or to do good for others.

One such case that I have personally observed was my late wife, Dr. Sarla P. Kothary. I had the utmost privilege of taking care of her for about 20 months. Initially she questioned why she got the disease but no one had a concrete answer. She never ate meat, drank alcohol or exposed herself to substance abuse. She battled the disease without expressing her pain. When I asked her, Are you in pain? she would look at me with her piercing eyes and asks me to come and sit next her and hold her hand.

She bore the pain in total silence. I saw her cry only once in pain, but she never complained to me. This led me to analyze our forty-five years together. From it emerged the profile of my dear Saru (Sarla), a woman who overcame insurmountable obstacles in total silence and helped other women battle the obstacles in their own lives.

Chapter 1: Introduction, Early Life and Friendship

Sarla Nyalchand Parekh was born on May 27, 1943, in Rajkot, India. She was the third daughter of Nyalchand and Gulabben Parekh. Her mother and father had a primary level education. When her mother was pregnant with Sarla, her father left Rajkot to find work in Mumbai. A month after Sarla’s birth, she, her mother and two sisters left Rajkot to join Nyalchand in Mumbai. The family lived in a small studio known as a chawl. At the time, India was under British control and most community housing like the Parekh’s had no electricity, running water, or private toilets. Her father worked at a local store. A little over two years later, Sarla’s mother delivered twin boys. It was a joyous occasion in her family and commanded all their attention. Sarla became one of seven living in the small apartment.

Sarla was worried that her parents would not enroll her in school like the other kids in the neighborhood, but instead keep her at home to help with domestic work. Luckily her parents enrolled Sarla in Shree Pandit Ratnachintamani Jain High School in Ghatkopar, Mumbai in 1951 when she was eight years old. The school was named for Pandit Ratnachintamani Maharaj, who inspired community leaders to offer women a free education in 1924. It was a unique experiment at a time when female education was the lowest priority. He believed that educating women would allow families to flourish with twice as much income. Sarla’s school was only a few hundred feet away from their residence. She also attended Jain Religion School in the evening.

In the morning and after school, Sarla helped her mom cook and clean. After evening dinner, all five brothers and sisters would sit around lanterns to study. Right from the start Sarla had an extremely positive outlook towards life. What many people would consider hardships Sarla and her siblings found fun and joyous. She would tell stories of her childhood