Remember to Forget: A Journey out of Denial, Repressed Memories and Defilement - into Truth, Freedom and Worth.

By Sarah Hemli

Sarah was a planned and wanted childa girl, just like her parents had wished for. Born into a nuclear family, stay-at-home mom, a dad working and church planting, grandparents, close friends, and good community, Sarah grew up in a healthy, Christian, and well-liked familyseemingly.

Well into her adult life as a wife and a mother, Sarah held on to that story. She knew that something horrific had happened to her as a child; she just never really remembered. She had resigned herself to not remembering. She had learned to live with the notions of a deep hidden pain, the occasional horrifying image that would come to mind, and the sense of life being only about survival.

In spite of the resignation, she had a faint hope that someday someone would come along and be willing to walk with her in dark places to discover what was hidden and forgotten.

This book invites you to journey with Sarah as she walks through the most challenging time of her adult life. She spent half a lifetime trying to forget what happened to her just to be able to survive. Now she embarks on a journey to face what was hidden and acknowledge the pain that was too strong to feel. It brings her close to letting go of life.

With her, you will go to places of disbelief, despair, hopelessness, and grief as Sarah reclaims the lost memories of her childhood and gains herself in the process.

Sarahs account of her journey is honest and raw, sharing her struggles, emotions, and fears. Many e-mails, letters, and pieces of artwork from her journey are included in her story as she shares her battles and road to healing.

With the authority of one who has lived and survived the unthinkable, she tells her story and speaks hope of healing and life to many in similar situations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512732269

Sarah Hemli

Sarah was a planned and wanted child—a girl, just like her parents had wished for. Born into a nuclear family, stay-at-home mom, a dad working and church planting, grandparents, close friends, and good community, Sarah grew up in a healthy, Christian, and well-liked family—seemingly. Well into her adult life as a wife and a mother, Sarah held on to that story. She knew that something horrific had happened to her as a child; she just never really remembered. She had resigned herself to not remembering. She had learned to live with the notions of a deep hidden pain, the occasional horrifying image that would come to mind, and the sense of life being only about survival. In spite of the resignation, she had a faint hope that someday someone would come along and be willing to walk with her in dark places to discover what was hidden and forgotten. This book invites you to journey with Sarah as she walks through the most challenging time of her adult life. She spent half a lifetime trying to forget what happened to her just to be able to survive. Now she embarks on a journey to face what was hidden and acknowledge the pain that was too strong to feel. It brings her close to letting go of life. With her, you will go to places of disbelief, despair, hopelessness, and grief as Sarah reclaims the lost memories of her childhood and gains herself in the process. Sarah’s account of her journey is honest and raw, sharing her struggles, emotions, and fears. Many e-mails, letters, and pieces of artwork from her journey are included in her story as she shares her battles and road to healing. With the authority of one who has lived and survived the unthinkable, she tells her story and speaks hope of healing and life to many in similar situations.

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Copyright © 2016 Sarah Hemli.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Interior and Cover Layouts by Sarah Hemli.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-3227-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-3226-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016902944

WestBow Press rev. date: 3/1/2016

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Table of Contents

Foreword

Leaving perfect childhood land

Telling

Tightrope walking

Taste of freedom

No desire to live

In denial

Letting go

I never remembered but I always knew

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When I first had the privilege of reading this book, I could not put it down. I felt like I was reading something sacred and profound. I kept thinking of all the women and men who needed to read it because they were also hurting and needed to know that they could also make it.

This is not your typical read for those who have struggled with the trauma of sexual abuse. This is gut wrenching and raw. By using her real words and her honest struggle seen clearly in her emails, Sarah takes the reader on a journey through incredible pain and suffering. There were times that I did not know if she would make it. The pictures that she drew representing what she could not say moved me to tears. The juxtaposition of the words and the drawings gave me such a rich picture of what she was thinking and feeling as she struggled to make sense of what had happened to her and whether there would ever be healing.

I remember the first day I met Sarah. A friend asked me if I would consider talking to someone that he had been coaching. He thought she needed more than he could offer her. I agreed to just talk to her on the phone so that she could meet me and I could get a sense of what to recommend for her. But as the day approached, I wasn't sure that the call would even take place. My friend said that he would be on the phone too so that she would have some semblance of safety-it is incredibly scary to talk to someone you do not know about the deepest things that you have never told.

In order to survive, Sarah had created stories about her childhood that seemed better than the story she was trying to forget. She denied and minimized what happened and made it her fault. She told herself that she had made it all up. She had been accused of that. What if I did not believe her? Everything in her was screaming for her to run! I didn't know then what I know now, that the phone call took such incredible courage and determination to get well.

Sarah made that same brave choice over and over again as she reentered the confusion and pain of her abusive childhood that she had tried so hard to forget. And nothing was the same after that. The vast majority was positive but there were some painful costs to facing the truth, some that could not be undone.

Looking back, I cannot believe the transformation that has happened in Sarah. From a woman who did not know that she could