Tales with a Twist

By Ira E. Delk

These short stories will have you laughing and guessing where the next story will take you. The book was previewed and recommended for publication by Ann Gray, publisher of 2NJoy Magazine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781512710304

Ira E. Delk

Ed Delk was born in the small town of Weldon, Iowa, the fifth of the nine children of Bernice and Charles Delk. He obtained a BA degree from Drake University, a JD degree from the University of Iowa, and an MBA degree from the University of South Dakota. He practiced corporate law in Sioux City, Iowa, for thirty-two years. He retired as senior vice president and general counsel. He and Barbara, his wife of sixty-three years, moved to Bella Vista, Arkansas, where he took writing classes at the University of Arkansas and Northwest Arkansas Community College. He and Barbara have two children, eight grandchildren, and fourteen great-grandchildren.

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 Ira E. Ed Delk.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1031-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1032-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1030-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015914129

WestBow Press rev. date: 9/23/2015

Contents

Prepare to Meet Your Maker

The Poor You Will Always Have with You

Confession Is Good for the Soul

Listen Up

Giddy Up, Whoa

A Rose by Any Other Name

The Heart of the Matter

Important Things in Life

You Don’t Say

Oops

Oh, Well

What’s That Again?

It’s a Miracle

One Too Many

Lettuce, Cabbage, Etc.

Punt!

Oh, by the Way

Where There’s a Way, There’s a Will

Book Worm

Ask and It Shall Be Given unto You

Not So Fast

What Did You Say?

All the Little Birdies Go Chirp, Chirp, Chirp

Oh Ye of Little Faith

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Let’s Think about It

What’s Your Handicap?

Get Your Priorities Straight

A Life Together

Last Rites

This collection of short stories is

dedicated to Ann Gray, publisher of 2NJoy magazine, whose advice and encouragement have greatly influenced my writing career. I owe her more than I can ever repay

Prepare to Meet Your Maker

A mbrose Baxter III was a true gentleman in every sense of the word. His neighbors found him generous and gracious. His acquaintances saw him as polite and caring. He gave of himself to his community and his church. He smiled often and refused to give offense, which caused everyone he knew to respect and admire him. In short, he was the kind of person we would hope to be.

Ambrose came from the old school. He believed that one should look one’s best at all times. This was particularly true when it came to church. Ambrose always dressed in a suit and tie to attend church, whether it was Sunday-morning worship, Sunday-evening prayer service, or Wednesday-evening Bible study. Because he always dressed immaculately, he had many different suits. He seldom wore the same one twice in the same month.

Lately, Ambrose was having a problem. He seemed to feel a bit dizzy each Sunday in church. Maybe it was his age. Maybe he was just tired. But it bothered him. He had not had any severe health problems before.

The matter came to a head one Sunday morning while he was standing for a hymn. Ambrose collapsed. The service was interrupted while an ambulance was called and Ambrose was taken to the hospital. After an examination, the emergency-room doctor could find no problem. He was held overnight, but there was no reoccurrence. The following week, Ambrose did not feel like his old self. He seemed to be just a wee bit dizzy and light-headed.

The next Sunday, Ambrose did not stand during the hymns. He just sat. His behavior was noted by most in the congregation. That evening at the prayer service, he passed out again. This time, no ambulance was called, but he was again taken to the hospital. Again, the emergency-room doctor could find no problem. He did, however, suggest that Ambrose see a specialist. An appointment was made, and Ambrose saw a neurologist. The diagnosis was the same: there was no problem.

Ambrose was now convinced that he was suffering from some rare disease unknown to medical science and that he would surely die. He had to be prepared so there would be no burden on the family.

First he made an appointment with his pastor. He explained that he wished to make arrangements for his funeral service so that it would be taken care of when he died, as he surely would. His pastor listened while Ambrose set forth what he wanted. First an old favorite hymn that wasn’t sung much anymore: The Old Rugged Cross. Then a second hymn, a newer one: Great Is Thy Faithfulness. He thought it appropriate that the Twenty-third Psalm be read. And finally, he mentioned several things in his life that should be included in the meditation. He asked if he had missed anything. His pastor didn’t think so. He believed that he could perform a beautiful service, but he didn’t think it would be anytime soon. Ambrose disagreed.

Ambrose next went to the local cemetery. He selected a plot near an old sugar maple. He thought it would be a beautiful backdrop for his final resting place. He purchased it and at the same time paid for the opening, the vault, and the stone. He selected the wording for the stone so that all that remained was to carve the final date. He was satisfied that the arrangements were appropriate.

He next visited the funeral home, where he selected a beautiful casket. It was lined with satin and had a shiny, bronze finish. He was pleased that it