Li'l Mama

By Keith Halliburton

Keshae Green, a.k.a Lil Mama, tells it like it is. Her story is raw and uncut, with no chaser. She explains her life in full with the realities of being raised in poverty. The world takes her fast, and before she realizes it, she's a product of her own environment. Will she survive, or will she let the curveballs that life throws her eat her alive?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503540026

Keith Halliburton

My name is Keith Halliburton ,I am 36 years of age I was born in Kansas City Missouri ,I found interest in writing books during my incarceration solely because I feel that people need to know the realization of the lifestyles we've lived that we did not ask for. My books are written from the heart and from real life experiences. I hope and pray that you enjoy them from the beginning to the end and as well realize that the lives that we've lived coming from poverty has stereotyped us as being monsters when we are only humans trying to find a way.

Book preview

Chapter One

It was two o’clock in the morning. I was at home by myself cleaning up the mess that my mother and her friends had made during one of their all-night card games. It never failed. I was once again doing the work that my mother should have been doing. Liquor bottles, slightly emptied glasses, reefer roaches, and cigarette butts were all over the place. But since I lived there, I didn’t mind cleaning the place up. I also got a chance to make me a Li’l Mama’s special out of all the leftover alcohol beverages, so I did always get something out of the deal.

Oh, I’m sorry, my name is Keshae Green, but everybody calls me Li’l Mama. I imagine I received that nickname because I did everything that my mother was supposed to do. Mama always tells me that I act like I’m a grown woman, but hell, I am a grown woman. I’m a lady with a figure that any woman would have loved to have. I also said what I wanted to and did what I pleased.

Now the reason that I feel that I have grown older is because ever since my daddy went to prison for dealing crack I basically had to look after myself. There was only a twenty-year age gap between me and my mother, so we were more like sisters than anything else. The mother and daughter bonding thing just wasn’t there. I don’t think my daddy was gone away a good month before Mama went on to seeing other men. At first, I didn’t know too much about sex, but I knew Mama wasn’t locking herself inside her bedroom with those men for nothing. When Daddy was home, they did the same thing; the only difference was that when they were done doing all that moaning and groaning, Daddy would come get me and place me in the bed with them. He would hold me in his arms all night long and Mama would be so jealous. But it never failed; when me and Mama both woke up, Daddy would be long gone. I would jump straight out of the bed, run to the phone, and dial his cell phone number. As soon as he answered the phone, I would blurt out, Daddy, why did you leave? He would tell me to go look under my pillow; which I would already have done. There would be a gold ring or necklace there just as I expected. While I would be staring in the mirror at how the jewelry he had bought me glistened on my hand or neck, he would explain to me how he had to stay on his hustle in order to keep me with nice things. As long as he kept the gifts rolling in, what was understood needed not to be explained.

Well, let me get on with this story because trust me I could talk about my daddy all day long and probably bore you to death. Before I was born what happened was my daddy, Keith, met my mother, Shawna, down in Long View’s housing projects. It all started off as just a sex thing, but as soon as Mama found out she was pregnant, feelings got deeply involved, and shortly afterward they moved in with one another. See, Mama was basically forced to get her own place because my grandma, whom we called Big Mama, wasn’t allowing for Daddy running in and out of her house as he pleased. After catching Daddy in bed with Mama on a number of occasions, Big Mama despised Daddy and never wanted him in her house again. Daddy didn’t let that stop him though. When he called for Mama, she came running.

Back in 1986 was when it all hit the fan. Daddy hung out around the corner on Stuart Street, where him and his friends sold crack. Mama and her best friend, Chocolate, were sitting out on the front enjoying the warm weather, gossiping about God knows what. Mama was wearing a T-shirt with Ain’t I Cute written in bold letters on the front and she had on a pair of shorts that were so tight she couldn’t have placed her hands in her pockets if she tried. She was a cute girl though—brown complexion, bowlegged, large breasts, and a sassy little attitude to go along with it all. Her hair was kept neatly done weekly by a high-priced beautician. Chocolate on the other hand was not quite what you would call ugly, but let’s just say that she wasn’t the cutest black thing. Her name explained her skin complexion well; she had fairly long hair and had the type of body that only looked good when it was flaunted.

Mama and Chocolate were just about to go into the apartment building when Daddy bent the corner, blasting the music in his ’84 Chevy Caprice. Mama and Chocolate both turned around, grooving to the tunes as Daddy came to a stop right in front of their apartment complex. Chocolate’s boyfriend, Tank, got out of the passenger seat and walked up to them as they stood dancing in place.

What’s up, Cuz?! he voiced to Mama while grabbing Chocolate around the waist.

Hey, Tank.

I got somebody that’s trying to holla at you.

Who? Mama replied, peering out at Daddy sitting in the car, hoping that it was him.

Tank tilted his head toward the car. Daddy was sitting there, bobbing his head back and forth to the music, totally unaware of what was going on. Him and Mama knew of one another but never had they been interested in hooking up.

Mama blushed at the thought of Daddy wanting to holla at her. She was a bit hot in the tail but still somehow managed to be shy. She stared down at Daddy’s car for a split second, then made her way to the passenger side door. Instantly, Daddy turned the music volume down.

Can I sit down in your car? Mama asked with a peculiar smile on her face. Without waiting for an answer, she opened the door and sat. She impatiently waited for Daddy to put some kind of mack down, and when she noticed that he wasn’t going to, she put hers down. Picking up his cell phone, she began playing with it, like it was some kind of toy. What’s the number to this phone? she asked boldly.

That was all it took. From that day forward, Mama said she and Daddy hooked up every chance they got. If he wasn’t sneaking down in Big Mama’s basement, she was sneaking off into the backseat of his car.

Chapter Two

Big Mama was a heavyset woman with a heart of pure gold. Raising all four of her children on her own, she spoiled them to death. Mama, Dedra, Sandra, and Marcus didn’t have one worry in the world. Big Mama stayed in the projects because she couldn’t see any other place as being her home. She just loved her some ghetto people. Before all the gangs had taken over into turning the projects into New Jack City, Long View was actually a cool place to live, that is, if you were deprived of being born into wealth. Everybody knew each other and had one another’s back when times of need came. There would be a small squabble here and there, but nothing serious would occur behind them. Now on the other hand, if you left your house unattended there would be no reason to get mad when you came home and found several things gone because slippers did count. The crackheads would eat you alive if you let them. They would steal and sell anything they could get their hands on to get high. Big Mama never had to worry about those things though. Our family was pretty much the wealthiest group in the projects, thanks to Big Mama’s hustling skills. If she weren’t wheeling, she was dealing, and every crackhead in the neighborhood loved her for that.

Mama said a whole year had gone by before Big Mama found out that Daddy was leaving out of her front door, then sneaking in through the back. Daddy would leave right before Big Mama would head off to sleep and come right in the back door and go into the basement with Mama, and they would get it on till the birds started chirping. I guess that was Daddy’s cue to get up and get out of there. Things had gotten so heated Daddy found himself in the basement with Mama each and every single night. Mama’s sisters would even let him in at times when Mama had fallen asleep, trying to wait up late for him. When he called, all he had to say was he was on his way and the door would be unlocked even if he didn’t come at all. Everybody in the projects knew about their relationship, mainly because Mama wasn’t one to keep her mouth closed about nothing that was going on.

After a whole year of sneaking and freaking, Mama got pregnant. She was scared to death to let Big Mama find out, but her feelings for Daddy made her change the way she felt about everything on the whole. Her belly had gotten too big to keep hiding anyway, so she made up her mind to let Big Mama know that she was soon to be a granny. Big Mama was sitting in her room, trying to enjoy the sensational high that the joint she’d just smoked gave her, when Mama walked in and raised her shirt over her head, exposing her swollen belly. Mama hadn’t known it but Dedra had already told on her. Mama just stood there with her shirt over her head like she was crazy. She was trying her best to avoid having to look in Big Mama’s face.

Look at your little hot ass! You ain’t but a young lady. How in the hell are you gonna take care of a baby, Shawna? Big Mama snapped, pulling Mama’s shirt down.

It’s Daddy got some money!

It? Well, it gonna need more than some damn money. And that nigga, I betta not ever catch him around this house again!

Mama said Big Mama was so mad she couldn’t get her words out right. All Mama said she could do was stand there and cry, not knowing what move to make next. She said Big Mama told her that her best bet was to stay away from her, because if she didn’t she was going see to it that I came out of her butt hole instead of her vagina.

Mama was scared to death, but she insisted on seeing Daddy. He kept sneaking in and out of Big Mama’s basement all the way up until I was born. Now, don’t get me wrong. Big Mama was proud to become a grandmother; she just couldn’t get over the fact that it was all done under the roof of her house right under her nose.

Mama and Daddy couldn’t come up with a name that they both would be happy with, so they took syllables out of their names and came up with Keshae. I was born May 29, 1988. I was just two months old when Mama dragged me out of Big Mama’s house. It was Daddy’s third time being caught in Grandma’s basement. Mama snapped out at Big Mama, telling her if Daddy had to go she was leaving right along with him. Instead of Big Mama sympathizing with Mama, she said, So be it! and Mama was off. Mama said she had never in her life heard a baby holler as loud as I had that day she slung me over to my daddy.

Mama’s elder sister, Dedra, stared out the window as we got into Daddy’s car. She couldn’t believe that Mama was actually leaving. It was raining cats and dogs outside and Big Mama didn’t give a damn. Her mind was made up and so was Mama’s. When Mama came back from the house with a few things, she grabbed me from Daddy and patted me on the back to stop me from crying, but that didn’t work. Then she tried forcing my pacifier in my mouth, but that didn’t work either. She said the only thing that shut me up was when the lightning lit up the sky. It scared me quiet was what she said.

We rode around for half the night, trying to find a hotel room to stay in, but they all were booked up for the night. When Mama suggested that we stay at Daddy’s mother’s house for the night, Daddy told her no. He said that she would probably be too drunk to get up and let us in, but last and not the least we ended up at Daddy’s mama’s house. Her boyfriend eventually opened the door after Daddy damn near kicked it in.

Grandma Geneva was a good woman at heart, but her problem was she just couldn’t keep away from the bottle. Although she loved me to death, Daddy refused to take me around her due to her alcohol addiction. I looked just like her and my daddy.

My daddy was so ticked off when we finally got inside Grandma Geneva’s house. She was sitting down on the couch wide awake, drinking Canadian Mist straight from the bottle. I know damn well y’all heard me beating on that door! Daddy snapped.

The way it’s been thundering and lightning out there we ain’t heard shit! Grandma snapped back. Shit, if I hadn’t had told Ron to go fetch me another drink y’all wouldn’t be standing here in my living room now, so shut the hell up and be glad that ya ass is out the rain.

Mama said Daddy shut up just like Grandma Geneva told him to, but not by choice; it was by force. We had no other place to go, so Daddy didn’t want to get put out. Grandma Geneva and her boyfriend, Ron, stayed in an apartment complex called Greenwood Manor. Ron was also a crackhead. He didn’t have a job or a source of income. All he wanted to do was drink and get high free of charge. Truth be told, he wasn’t too enthused with us staying there, but he knew if he said one thing out of pocket Daddy would’ve been on him like white on rice.

We lasted two weeks at Grandma Geneva’s before Daddy gave Mama the money to rent out an apartment in Long View. Mama was so happy to have her own place, and Daddy was happy that he could finally go and come as he pleased. Our apartment was right in the middle of the projects—a small red brick building with two bedrooms sitting right next to one another. The inside had been painted an off-white eggshell color and the floors were done in beige tiles all the way through from the front door to the back and even the upstairs.

Mama ended up on public assistance, otherwise known as welfare, and Daddy was still hustling out in the streets. We weren’t rich, but we weren’t what you would call poor either. After Daddy had all them crackheads bring us all that furniture, our little apartment turned into a happy home.

Long View wasn’t a bad place to live, although the neighbors were a bit too close due to four complexes being lined up next to one another. At any given day, they could hear what we had going on and vice versa. We lived in Apartment 927, right by the railroad tracks. It took us all a minute to adjust to that train coming through in the middle of the night, but once we did, we couldn’t fall asleep without it.

Everything was all good when we first got settled in. Daddy came home each and every night with something new for me and Mama. They really made the best out of things having to raise me at such young ages. Mama spent most of her time wondering where Daddy was and what he was doing. And Daddy just stayed hustling, let him tell it.

Chapter Three

Years had flown past and things had gone for a turn. Daddy was staying away from home for two and maybe three days in a row. I myself didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was I wasn’t hearing Mama’s screams of joy anymore. That woman was losing her mind wondering where Daddy was.

Since Daddy’s visits became shortened, Mama’s friend, Chocolate, started hanging around. Daddy couldn’t stand Chocolate; she was nothing but an easy lay, he said, whatever that meant. I took it as he was saying that she was lazy and liked to sleep all the time. Every time Daddy would pop up when she was there, she would take off out the house like she had seen a ghost. She knew Daddy didn’t like her, so she kept her distance. Chocolate would always try to persuade Mama to skip out to the club with her. Club 21 was Chocolate’s second home. Whenever it was open, she would be the first one there and the last one to leave.

I was sitting on the couch painting my nails when I overheard Chocolate saying, Shawna, girl, you gonna lose your mind sitting around here, waiting on Keith to come home. He ain’t worth all that, girl. I bet that nigga’s somewhere right now getting him some, while you’re sitting here looking like a dumb-ass bitch.

Chocolate glanced over and saw the way I was staring at her and tried to change what she had said. Now, I take that back. He wouldn’t do to his little princess like that, she voiced, giving me the most bogus smile that I’d ever seen. I knew there was a good reason why Daddy couldn’t stand her tail.

Girl, Keith is just out there trying to make enough money to get us up out of these projects, Mama replied, sounding not too sincere.

And what’s so wrong with you stepping out for a breath of fresh air while he’s doing that?

Well, I guess that was all it took for Chocolate to finally get through to Mama because that following Friday she was getting all dolled up and ready to go out.

You look good, Mama, I told her as I stood in the bathroom doorway while she did her makeup.

I know, baby, she replied, peering down at me with a smile. Mama’s gonna go out for a little while to get some fresh air. I want you to be a big girl and stay here by yourself until I get back, okay? I won’t be gone no more than a couple of hours.

I just nodded my head while watching her slide her naked body into a full body skirt that was so tight on her frame I could see her skin. It looked more like something that Chocolate would wear. Mama’s body was flawless except for the stretch marks that ran down the sides of her hips. I guess I was to blame for those. After she was all made up and dressed, I could have sworn that she was one of them girls dancing in a music video.

Mama gave me a kiss on the cheek and off she went. At first, I was kind of scared, but after searching the television channels on the television, I found something that got my full attention. I finally got to see what Mama and Daddy had been doing all that moaning and groaning for. I sat there watching as some man pounced up and down on a woman, forcing her to make the same exact sounds I’d heard Mama make, until I heard the door open. With the quickness, I switched the channel and played like I was asleep. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be watching that channel because every two minutes or so a sign would pop up on the screen, stating, Parental viewing! Do not watch unless you are 18 years of age or older!

Mama and Chocolate came into the apartment, reeking of the smell of reefer and alcohol, laughing their lungs weak. I could tell that they’d had a good time the way they were running off at the mouth about everything that had happened at the club. I turned my head to assure that I didn’t miss a word that was said as they carried on like little schoolgirls at the kitchen table.

Girl, we had a ball, didn’t we?! And you can still move too, girl. With a little more practice, you will be able to drop that thing like it’s hot like I do! Chocolate voiced, dropping her butt to the ground, springing back up like she had shocks in her knees.

I had my eye on them from underneath the sheet that was covering my head. Although I couldn’t stand Chocolate,