Positively, Big Mama: An Untimely Coming of Age

By Wynter Benedict

Positively, Big Mama is a memoir packed with pain, suffering, guilt, and shame, written from the delicate perspective of self-pity and offbeat humor. The words are filled with crazy fear, eccentric parents, raging neurosis, three husbands, three forgotten children, hypochondria, agoraphobia, and the one constant: a predictable male animal. The journey chronicles a descent into a deep abyss that proves finite allowing Positively, Big Mama to become an inspirational piece, whose only omniscient character is God Himself.

Not your typical coming of age piece, Big Mamas transition occurs at midlife and beyond.

Positively, Big Mama captures the interest and hearts of both sexes. Filled with secrets, regrets, and ill-fated choices, Big Mamas quest is one of forgiveness and redemption. The true story is written from the perspective of a child, adolescent, and immature adult. Maturity does not rear its head in the storyline until Big Mamas hair begins to turn silver.

Upon a marketing analysis, Positively, Big Mama has a rebound effect on a small core of men. The claim is supported by the words of Mae West, Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself." Oscar Wilde adds to Wests observation with his satirical statement, I like men who have no future and women who have a past.

With the Greater New Orleans area and its regional favorites as a backdrop to the story, the setting and content of Positively, Big Mama has a wide, local and national appeal.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Sep 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504337267

Wynter Benedict

A native New Orleanian, Tulane University graduate, and former Health Facility Administrator, Wynter Benedict is also an author, columnist, and restaurant critic. She and her husband live in a marina condo on Lake Pontchartrain in Slidell, Louisiana, where they peacefully co-exist with their dogs, Oscar and Lucy Rose. A movie buff, ardent reader, jazz enthusiast, and photographer, Wynter Benedict is currently revising her earlier children’s book, River Cat Chronicles.

Book preview

Positively, Big Mama

AN UNTIMELY COMING OF AGE

WYNTER BENEDICT

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Copyright © 2015 Wynter Benedict.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3727-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3728-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3726-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015912827

Balboa Press rev. date: 09/21/2015

Contents

Prologue

1     Roots

2     The Big City

3     The Order of St. Benedict

4     Mattress Ball

5     What’s That Smell?

6     A Galoot by Any Other Name

7     Walking to New Orleans

8     Family Dynamics

9     Unhinged

10     Who or Whom?

11     Ah, Puberty

12     Location, Location, Location

13     We the People

14     Health and Human Services

15     Uprising

16     Crashing to Earth

17     Fast Forward

18     Roller Coaster

19     Press Pause, Then Play

20     Forbid Us Something, and That Thing We Desire — Geoffrey Chaucer

21     Blah, Blah

22     The Illusive Father

23     On the Wabash

24     9/11

25     Our Indiana Home

26     Storm Clouds

27     Swamp Gas

28     Oh, Grow Up!

29     Chaunceyism

30     U.I.O.G.D.

31     A Hail Mary Pass

32     Blisters and Corns

33     Ya Gotta Love ’Em

34     The Life I Wanted

35     The Life I Got

36     The Life I Never Want Again Under Any Circumstances

37     The Life to Which I Aspire

38     Him and Me

39     Underqualified

40     State of Hippiedom

41     Don’t Expect Miracles

42     Expect Miracles

43     Get Ready!

44     Feel the Burn

45     At the Mouth of the River

46     Frankie Is Dead!

47     And They Lived Ever After

48     Adios

Epilogue

To my husband, my three daughters and the parents of the

assumed Wynter Benedict…Is there anything else I can say?

Introduction

Have you ever been going about your daily business when a passing thought or image flashes through your mind and triggers a memory that literally makes you wince or sigh aloud?

While digging through my deeply buried, relics of memories, I found some recollections uncomfortably closer to the surface than I would have liked. The painful groaning associated with uncovering past emotional distress made this quite the noisy first, second and third draft.

Oh my! you might question, Is this just another predictable sappy memoir?

No, it is not your typical tween coming of age piece! Big Mama’s transition occurred somewhere between mature adult and death.

Positively, Big Mama is a memoir packed with guilt, shame, secrets, regrets, and ill-fated choices. With a backlog of two husbands and three once-forgotten children, the journey chronicles her descent into an abyss that proved finite and allowed Positively, Big Mama to become an inspirational book featuring its one omniscient character, God.

Positively, Big Mama captures the interest and hearts of both sexes. This true story emanates from the perspective of a child, adolescent and immature adult. Maturity does not rear its head in the storyline until Big Mama’s hair begins to turn silver three quarters of the way through.

Positively, Big Mama has a rebound effect on a small core of men. This claim is supported by the words of Mae West, Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself. Oscar Wilde adds to West’s observation with his satirical statement, I like men who have no future and women who have a past.

The better half of Positively, Big Mama’s readers is women pursuing forgiveness and redemption, as well as women who might be seeking comic relief.

With the Greater New Orleans area and its unique local points of interest as a backdrop to the story, the setting and content of Positively, Big Mama has a wide national as well as local appeal.

Ah, New Orleans, its culture of music, food, history, architecture, and celebration helped revive Big Mama over the years. Its doors are open 24/7…always something going on, and always somewhere to go. A broken spirit? New Orleans will take you in! The city is a true melting pot.

Away from New Orleans for ten years, the city patiently awaited Big Mama’s return and accepted her back for the person she was and the person she had become. You have to love a forgiving city like that!

Travel with Big Mama over a rocky terrain of despair, suffering, and skewed thinking that caused this once desperate woman to grab for anything or anyone for the sake of survival. Where deviancy once overrode Big Mama’s fear and disgrace, her spiritual experience led her at long last to an identity, a freedom, salvation, and merciful miracles.

Prologue

Bless me readers, for I have sinned …

Well, not exactly, but that’s what writing Positively, Big Mama felt like—a Catholic confession and a general confession at that. I bear my soul to you with one frivolous exception, my age. Vanity? Superficiality? Possibly, but it gave me the illusion of holding onto one personal piece of information.

The irony is that my age will surely be no secret; it will become blatantly obvious within a paragraph or two of Chapter 1. I never thought I’d have lived this long. I remember thinking in my late twenties that I’d never see forty. Well, I saw forty and a hell of a lot more, and it’s been a draw between the emotional angst and the physical discomfort.

What sucks is my body’s betrayal of me—the aching knees when I climb stairs and the primal sounds I make when I stand or pick up a grandchild. Besides the aches and pains, I can no longer tolerate a sip of caffeine past 2:00 p.m. or I won’t sleep that night. I get up at least twice each night to pee and then often can’t get back to sleep. Last, my head bobs and my mouth lets go a steady stream of drool while I pretend to watch TV any later than 9:00 p.m.

Dressed to the hilt has taken on a different connotation. The spiked heels I once identified with style and fun now have to be surgically removed when I wear them longer than four minutes. Though I make random attempts to dress for comfort, I’ve come to relish the oh-so-good reality of foot and back massages over other forms of pleasure.

To offset the horrors of the last paragraph, I’ll admit that maturity has brought me much more than my monthly AARP magazine. It lobbied for my triumphant rise from the abyss to prove it’s hard to keep a woman down. On that glorious note, I say Positively, Big Mama is a coming-of-age story of a woman in midlife. Forget the tweens; I’m talking menopause and beyond.

My extremely late maturation date went unnoticed through my adolescence, whereas grammar was emphasized at home. I learned all about dangling participles and split infinitives. Both parents taught school, and English was their raison d’être. Though my coping skills were nil, I could conjugate verbs ad nauseam.

In spite of a private woman’s psyche I exhibited for most of my life, I decided it was necessary as well as therapeutic for me to share my journey with you; a journey that took me from sheer lunacy to a peaceful place reserved by God and God’s angels.

Most of my life took place in a city too large to deserve one name. New Orleans, the backdrop for my memoir, has several nicknames, including the Crescent City, The City that Care Forgot, and The Big Easy; they all personify the city’s neighborhoods, culture, food, music, and people.

Why is your crazy life bookworthy? you might ask. My life is no more but no less deserving than your own; however, I felt compelled to write my story for the sake of my redemption and your prevention.

Aside from neuroses, chaos, shame, guilt, and phobias, the constants in life that brought an abundance of comfort and love were Oscar, Lucy, Fred, Garcia, Rocky, Pal, Uncle Harry, Louie, Winnie, Susie, Brandywine, and Magoo. All four-legged and all goodness, they spanned my lifetime. They cared nothing about my past or present and dismissed others’ disparaging attitudes toward me. I loved them with all my heart, and if it hadn’t been for them, I coulda woulda (as they say in my parts) worn more black.

I must admit that it wasn’t only my menagerie of pets that made the unbearable bearable. It was my husband, my forgiving children, and the only omniscient character in my life, God.

Before you read Positively, Big Mama, I’ll share the following qualifying statements.

No stories about my parents or other family members are meant to disparage them in any way! One of God’s gifts, or possibly curses, to me is an offbeat, dark, acerbic wit. One person may look at an object and see a definite color, whereas I see a color not on the spectrum. With all things being relative, we cannot change how we perceive something, someone, or a situation, so I’ll tell you precisely the way I wrote Positively, Big Mama.

No story is exaggerated or untrue, but they are all told with my personal twists. I’d walk on hot coals to have one more day with my parents. I respect all the people I refer to in my book with one possible exception, but who the hell am I to judge anyone? We’re all broken works in progress, with some of us further along the road than others. Between our warped and sanctimonious opinions, our personal histories, and peewee brains, it’s amazing we can relate to one another at all.

Where in God’s creation am I going with all this? Positively, Big Mama is about a life not-so-well lived. It was like taking a final exam I hadn’t studied for. The people who applied themselves did well. I barely passed.

Though my parents did the best they could, it was no one’s job but mine to motivate and inspire myself to greatness. That You can lead a horse to water … expression comes to mind.

I may have been born in fragments—an arm here, a leg there—and I had a difficult time pulling myself together. Between blame, reckless choices, and wild abandonment, there began my own creation of a tin woman; not until God and I connected did I become a completed Big Mama.

The names, some locations, and professions have been changed to protect people and places from any association with me.

The purpose of the memoir is to demonstrate that even a unique soul like me and maybe even you can find our way down a herringbone-patterned stone road.