12 Life Balancing Continuums: Self-Help Tools

By Leo Grebe

A primary assumption in writing this book is that most people desire to improve both from within and without. Carl Rogers, the psychologist, said it well when he noted that the good life is a process not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination. And Yann Martel puts this into even more focus: The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena, but the small clearing of each heart.

Using continuums to expose areas within us that need attention in terms of personal improvement is what this is all about. If taken seriously and focused, each person so engaged will notice subtle changes in feelings and attitude toward self and others, hopefully for the better. We might even become more civilfirst toward ourselves and then toward others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 23, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483668871

Leo Grebe

The author grew up in Central Missouri, the oldest of two children in a stable family. Both children went on to obtain doctor’s degrees. He started his career in education as a teacher, then administrator, a state department of education consultant, and an educational-center director. He owned steakhouse franchises and operated up to ten restaurants at one time. This was followed by owning and operating an executive recruiting company for twenty-plus years. Most of the recruiting included engineers and plant managers. Later, as part of moving toward retirement, he sold real estate. Interestingly, he has experience as a bureaucrat and as an entrepreneur and enjoys the divergent thought processes each requires. He has been married to his wife, Jane, for fifty-two years and has two grown children, both with advanced degrees and gainful employments.

Book preview

12 LIFE BALANCING

CONTINUUMS

Self-Help Tools

Leo Grebe

Copyright © 2013 by Leo Grebe.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2013912762

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4836-6886-4

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4836-6885-7

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4836-6887-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 07/19/2013

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Contents

Foreword

Introduction

1.   Praise/Criticism Continuum

2.   Empathetic/Psychopathic Continuum

3.   Happiness/Unhappiness Continuum

4.   Love/Emptiness Continuum

5.   Spiritual/Materialistic Continuum

6.   Charitable/Selfishness Continuum

7.   Simple/Complex Continuum

8.   Flexible/Rigid Continuum

9.   Responsibility/Irresponsibility Continuum

10.   Empower/Control Continuum

11.   Will/Reluctance Continuum

12.   Leading/Obstructing Continuum

"I dedicate this book to my wife Jane who has put up

with me while I was writing this book.’’

Foreword

Twelve continuums are discussed in this book and treated as tools. Compare them to a hammer: it does not care if a person uses it or not or if the nail is hit; it is there to be used voluntarily. These continuums are presented as tools only. They are useful only to the extent that someone wants to engage in self-reflection and improvement. This book keys off Plato’s comment that an unexamined life is not worth living.

No political, philosophical, or religious stance is promoted. Readers can add those layers as they explore individual sections. The use of these tools does not depend upon the personal belief system a reader has. We all can benefit from efforts made to become better persons. Additionally, no particular group of people has been intentionally singled out as being best able to provide examples of bad behavior.

It is hoped that the readers will use the material not for the purpose of evaluating the writer’s skills or lack thereof, but instead use it to generate hypotheses that can be tested practically on a daily basis. These personal projects can be enjoyable and might also attune us more closely to communication patterns and internal thought processes being insensibly used. We know our thoughts are practice for taking action. So we will stir the practice pot.

Some may be looking within what is written here for specific, personal advice. It will not be given. Each individual must be self-starting and must build his/her own staircase. The most important things we need to learn, we must learn ourselves. To do otherwise makes us drones controlled by someone else. Numerous challenges are presented herein, which—if pursued—will make a difference in intra—and interpersonal relationships.

To a considerable extent, this book will provide abrasives. Changing for the better requires admitting a problem and completing risky activities to neutralize difficulties. That said, whom would you rather associate with: folks who are trying to do better or other persons who are focused only on themselves?

Introduction

Many people want to continually improve. This is the most important of life’s activities. Often, people want to improve but do not approach the process with any type of plan. It is helter-skelter. Most of us underestimate what it really takes to succeed at anything, whether it be spiritual, material, or skill oriented. We all want to be winners on some level. Larry Bird said it well when he indicated that a winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals.

Larry Bird was not the most athletic basketball player, but he practiced more than most, especially on his shooting. It takes that same kind of practice to feel good about ourselves, to be happy, and to practice civility. Plato had a good slant on all this: Self-conquest is the greatest of all victories.

This book explores self-improvement using a number of continuums that we can use to help balance our learning and improvement processes. It will not attempt to tell us how or what we should think. Its purpose is to encourage us to keep asking questions, to continue learning, and to develop a belief system that fits us as individuals. It also proceeds from the assumption that all true self-improvement must start from the inside out.

Tactics, influence peddling, controlling, flattery, and/or manipulation do not work over the long term. Sermons, speeches, great books, college courses, and/or detailed plans only help to delineate possibilities. Commitment, action, and evaluation must follow (shoveling) for movement to occur.

Each of us has character flaws and weaknesses whether we want to admit them or not. To make any improvement, a person must recognize the flaw or weakness and admit it first to himself. Any weaknesses conceded are made clear when compared with what a person accepts as truth. Each person must determine his own truth. And none of us can remain constant in the self-improvement arena by doing nothing. Continuous effort is required. It is not harmless to coast.

Many people tend to blame others for the difficulties they face. These people are not really trying to improve themselves inside out. Oscar Wilde once made an observation that fits here quite well; he said that discontent is the first step in the progress of man or a nation. Self-satisfaction is not helpful at this juncture. We can love ourselves without resting in a self-satisfaction hammock.

The continuums discussed herein overlap in numerous ways. But we must focus somewhere. There are also many other continuums that could be developed by each reader. Those included within are by no means inclusive. Personal projects selected for improvement should also meet some sort of simplicity test. There is power in simplicity, which includes making a diagnosis before setting objectives and activities. Selected objectives should be attainable, and chosen activities, doable.

To make use of this book more effectively, after studying each continuum, information gained is then plugged into what is called a learning loop. This loop starts with the diagnosis of the problem or area of dissatisfaction being experienced, using this diagnosis to set objectives followed by steps to be taken to ease or solve the problem. Next is evaluation. Have the processes/activities conducted helped in any way?

Entries might well be put into a gratitude/psychological journal. To continue improving, the evaluative information helps set a new set of objectives, keeping a record of successes and failures for further reference. Subtle changes will take place within us as each continuum is approached with discernment. We may think we are too crusty to change, but subtle changes will occur. Some of the changes will involve dropping practices not worth repeating and realizing that our subconscious has been busy at work, recording new ideas for future consideration (when we least expect them to surface).

The learning loop is a follows:

Dissatisfaction with a behavior in a certain area (or problem).

Diagnosis of the problem or concern or weakness.

Objectives set (what we intend to accomplish).

Outline the steps to be taken to attain intentions.

Take the steps as planned and add others (shoveling).

Evaluate for improvements or lack thereof.

Enter the key ideas into a gratitude/psychological journal.

Reset objectives (intentions).

Go through the learning loop again.

Notice that evaluation and diagnosis are parts of the same consideration, helping to determine the next prescribed steps and analyzing what worked and how well they worked so the process can start over again.

A brief example using the learning loop follows:

Problem: A real estate agent’s clients often just keep wanting to view one more house until the law of diminishing returns sets in. Frustrating. Wasteful.

Diagnosis: Have the clients clearly determine what their key requirements in a new house are such as no steps up to bedrooms, garage size, number of bedrooms, proximity to what key resources, etc.? Has an informal evaluation been made to determine the level of motivation to buy? Why do they want to buy now? Are they just shopping around for fun? What price range of homes are they in? Are they able to raise the necessary money (loans) to purchase in the price range desired? Do they have a preapproved loan? Have they made offers on homes shown by agents in another realty firm? Are they willing to sign an exclusivity agreement?

Intent: To be able to write a three-paragraph description of prospective clients in terms of motivation to buy, description of home desired, and ability to finance in order to limit the number of homes shown to any one client on any given session to six or less. (Intent is described so results can be measured.)

Steps to be taken: Develop a brief questionnaire to be covered at the outset of any house-hunting tour with prospective clients. If no