Living in Deception

By Xlibris US

They call him the Ghost because no one knows if he exists or not. At least, thats what Sydney Cruise has told people since she was sixteen, but it isnt exactly true. She knows. Somewhere between an imaginary friend and a guardian angel, his voice in her head is all too real. His secret, however, needs to be protected, so she carefully rewords her thoughts into barely true statements.

On top of struggling to justify her secrets and lies with her faith, Sydney must follow her government training and protect Nicks two daughters, despite the fact that he is a more perfect version of her ex-boyfriend. Personal feelings aside, she plays the nanny role while trying to figure out who would want to hurt two children.

Since his wifes death two years ago, Nick Dublani has entrusted his two daughters welfare to nannies. Some of them have been good, others not so good, but his eldest, Lizzy, has chased them all away. When Sydney worms her way past Lizzys walls, Nick is impressed and thrilled at the possibility of her being more than his daughters nanny. But the truth about her past and purpose may drive them all down a road none envisioned.

Will Sydneys past come back to haunt her? Will the Ghosts reputation send them all crawling underground? Or will Gods fantastic truth set them free?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499058376

Book preview

Chapter 1

Black stained the sink as her tears stole her mascara and washed it down the drain. Sydney tried without success, to steady her shaky hands. This kind of behavior was okay when she was thirteen, maybe even sixteen but not at thirty-five. The mirror above the sink revealed what she already knew; she was a mess.

How could she help it though? Who could she talk to? Who could she go to in times of trouble? Times like this. She had no one. Any love she ever felt on this earth was unavailable now. Untouchable. Memories, if any good ones existed, couldn’t hold her when she cried, when the only thing to do was cry. She was alone.

Lord, she cried out loud despite the fog of emotion that clogged her brain. Forgive me! I never mean to cause anyone pain! I can’t do my job without lying, so please, forgive me and keep these people safe! With a deep breath, she crawled off the bathroom floor. They’re in your hands now. Where they should have been all along.

He heard you. He always does. A voice said in her ear.

Sydney shook her head at his ironic sense of timing. His name, the Ghost, was perfect for him in more ways than one. Something between an imaginary friend and a guardian angel, he was the most unreachable thing in her life.

Sis, I’m home!

Sighing at her brother’s greeting, she looked in the mirror again. She couldn’t hide this from him. Tony was too observant for that. I’m in here, she said throwing the bathroom door open and splashing warm water on her face.

"I take it you got the job?" he asked. His tall, broad shoulders supported on the doorframe.

Despite everything she felt, she smiled through the mixture of tears and tap water on her face. I did.

His return smile was sad as he grabbed her shoulders. "You had to lie to them to keep them safe, Sis. It isn’t like when we were little, and even then you did it to keep us safe."

What makes certain lies okay? They’re still lies! She faced the mirror again.

His reflection sighed. You know you can come to me, right? You’re not alone in this, and I’m not some little kid you need to protect anymore.

With one last attempt to dry her face with a towel, she turned towards him again. Memories flooded back to remind her why he was wrong. You’ll always be my little brother, she said. Reaching above her head, she pulled his head down and kissed his forehead. At six feet, he felt like a giant next to her four fewer inches, but she didn’t care. Even if she had to protect him from her emotions, nothing could hurt him again.

Did you take your medicine?

Tony’s scowl was answer enough.

You know how you get when you don’t take your meds! Sydney tried to control her temper.

Tony shook his head. They left me alone all day today, he paused. "Without the meds. Kris, Jack, and Bill didn’t bother me at all! Isn’t it possible that the voices are just imaginary friends that my brain can’t let go of? I was raised in a basement. Why should I be forced to take pills on top of that?"

Sydney breathed in deep at the thought of her brother’s old life. A dark and locked room was no place to raise a child. His imaginary friends, as he called them, were only some of the side effects to the horror story he claimed as his own.

George worked very hard to get you medical help, at great expense to himself and me. I don’t care if the voices left you alone for a day. You will take your medication every day without fail, and you will not give me grief about it. Sydney patted his cheek and walked past him.

Tomorrow, she would meet the girls that she had studied for the past few weeks. Tomorrow, she would face the miserable world one more time in an effort to make it a safer place, but tonight, she needed her rest. Tonight, she could forget everything and be herself.

/*\

Girls are you coming? The new nanny will be here any minute! Nick shouted up the stairs.

I’m getting out of my school clothes, Dad! I’ll meet the monster soon enough, was the response he got.

He rolled his eyes. "You’ll call her Miss Sydney and nothing else." Why was a thirteen-year old so hard to reason with? Thankfully, bouncing, blonde curls skipped down the stairs just in time.

I’m ready, Daddy, the five-year old said as she jumped in his arms and sighed.

Good, he said kissing her nose.

What’s she like, Daddy?

Setting her down with a smile, he said, You will love her.

That answer must have sufficed because she twirled around the living room. Will she like my new dress?

"Why are you wearing your new dress? Lizzy dropped to the couch. She won’t be here long. Tomorrow is when she really starts to terrorize us."

Lizzy! Nick reprimanded. You could have dressed up a little bit more. Sweatpants, really?

Isn’t a nanny supposed to love me for who I am?

He almost smacked the sarcastic shock off her face, but the doorbell rang. Saved by the bell. Offer her pudding, and you will be grounded and doing all the chores for a month, he said with a pointed finger. He turned away before she had a chance to roll her eyes.

If he hadn’t seen her before, her beauty might have shocked him. With her straight, dark red hair pulled up into a ponytail and her navy skirt, she looked like a model.

He smiled. Sydney, come on in, he stepped aside to let her pass. The girls are anxious to meet you.

No, we aren’t! Lizzy shouted from the next room.

Macey ran into the hallway. I am! she said before Nick had a chance to scold Lizzy. I’m Macey. I’m five, she declared as she stuck five fingers proudly in the air.

I’m Sydney, the woman laughed.

Nick tried not to look shocked as the high-heeled beauty knelt to the floor. No other nanny had ever done that before.

I’m too old to count on my fingers, she said. But if you can keep a secret, I’ll whisper it to you.

Macey nodded her head earnestly, and even though Nick knew her age, Sydney leaned towards Macey and whispered into her ear.

Miss Gene was older, Macey stated before her face scrunched. Or at least, she looked older. She never told me her age.

A normal grown woman doesn’t announce her age. Lizzy finally graced them with her presence.

Sydney looked to Lizzy then stood up. How she did that so gracefully with those heels and pencil skirt was beyond Nick’s comprehension.

I didn’t announce it. I whispered it to your sister. You’ll find out pretty quick I’m not normal, but if you’re jealous that I told her and not you, I can tell you if you want, she extended her hand to Lizzy, but Lizzy never took it. If Sydney was shocked, it never showed.

Macey grabbed her extended hand and smiled. She’s just crabby because Daddy said she couldn’t make pudding. Want to see my doll collection? she asked.

Do you cook? Sydney asked. She let Macey keep her hand, but her gaze only momentarily left Lizzy.

Nick glared at Lizzy as he rewrote his threat into his eyes.

When their eyes met, she must have gotten the message. You’d better go check out her doll collection. You’re wasting your time with me. With that, she walked back into the living room.

Nick tried not to audibly sigh with relief. He gave a defeated shrug to Sydney and shook his head.

A strange sadness crossed over her eyes, but it disappeared when she turned to Macey. Lead the way.

/*\

"Your job is to protect them. Not solve their relationship issues," she silently reminded herself as Macey led her upstairs. Nick hovered behind them, but she didn’t blame him. How could you leave your daughter with a stranger? Still, he was going to have to tomorrow when he went to work.

And this is Lizzy’s room, Macey was saying.

If Sydney paid attention, she might actually learn something more than files could tell her about this family.

And this is my room. My favorite color is pink. So mommy let me paint two walls pink. The other two I can draw on! Her cheeks flushed with excitement.

Sydney laughed. Draw on the walls?

Macey shook her blonde curls. Daddy said it’s a… She looked to Nick to finish her statement.

Dry erase board, Nick smiled.

The girl’s face scrunched then settled into a smile again. "Right, that. I can only use special markers, but I can still draw on it!"

Sydney laughed at the little girl’s excitement. She wished she had a childhood that allowed that level of excitement.

UPS is at the front door.

Sydney smiled when the Ghost proved her point. She didn’t have that kind of backstory. Sydney looked behind her just as the doorbell rang.

I’ve got it! Expecting anymore nannies tonight, Dad? Lizzy asked from downstairs.

Nick rolled his eyes, but Sydney felt her heart race. Nick did not move to check on Lizzy or anything.

Calm down. He checks out, but I’m going to keep an eye on him just in case. They can be bought.

UPS, Dad! You have to sign, Lizzy called up the stairs.

Nick looked at Macey. Come on, girly. Let’s go see what Grammy sent this time.

Macey reached up towards her father, and he pulled her on his hip. Sydney took one last look around Macey’s room and then followed.

After Nick signed for the package, Sydney looked down at her phone. I’m sorry, but I have to leave. What time did you say tomorrow?

Nick stuttered slightly then asked, Would you like to stay for dinner?

Sydney tried not to read into the question too much, but his pleading eyes were hard to miss. This job was going to be hard enough with him reminding her of Andrew; she couldn’t take him thinking more of her than his employee. I don’t want to impose, she finally said. He couldn’t think anything was wrong.

You have to stay! Macey said pulling down on her sleeve.

One look at Lizzy’s face screamed what she thought of the idea.

"Stay and learn more."

She could slap the Ghost. Smiling to the thirteen-year-old, Sydney shrugged. It won’t be that bad. Looking up to Nick, she nodded. I’d love to stay.

May I at least make desert? Lizzy asked. Her hands went to her hips.

/*\

I would love to try the pudding you mentioned earlier. If that’s okay with you, Sydney said looking at Nick. Her question wrote itself onto every inch of her face.

Inviting her for dinner was a bad idea. Her pretty face was too tempting. He had seen her twice and he already wanted to know everything about her. Was that wrong? His wife had been gone two years. Was his wanting to like someone bad? As long as you don’t ask what’s in it, He shrugged.

Are you going to poison me? Sydney asked Lizzy.

I’m not allowed, was the given answer.

Then I’ll trust you. You’ve got me curious about the taste, she turned her attention back to Nick. May I help with anything?

That was it? No other questions? Every other nanny at least asked why she couldn’t ask what was in it. Intrigued, he forced himself to save his questions for a later time. You any good at tossing salad?

She smiled teasingly but looked to Macey. I think Macey could do it better. She and I can toss it together in the dining room while you finish the, She smelled the air and a strange smile crossed over her face. You go cook the steaks and check on the potatoes while Lizzy makes the pudding in the kitchen. She held out a hand to Macey who took it earnestly. It smells lovely, by the way, she said patting his shoulder and walking past him into the kitchen.

Nick tried to hide his shocked smile as he smelled the air. I get the potatoes, but who said anything about steak?

"Can I answer that pointless question?" Lizzy asked walking past him too.

Sure. Sydney turned from the fridge with her hand on her hip and a smile on her face.

Was it wrong that this felt normal? He and Sydney flirting and the girls laughing along with them seemed right.

You’ve got it written in the hallway, Dad. If he was observant, the UPS guy knew.

Looking over his shoulder at the menu board, he laughed. Right, he looked down.

Sydney laughed along with him, but continued to load the table with salad related things. It’s okay I’m not the most observant all the time. I notice things, but I miss the significance.

When she finally shut the fridge and turned to Macey, Nick looked at the food on his counter. This is going to make one heck of a salad.

Sydney smiled up at him, but continued to strategically load Macey’s arms with items. All right, carry that, she patted Macey’s head, and I’ll grab what is left.

Macey nodded and skipped off. As Sydney filled a bowl with the remaining three-fourths of the ingredients, Nick smiled. You know you’re making her day by letting her help. Right?

Sydney smiled. Turing to Lizzy, she said, You can start the pudding now. I have everything I need so I won’t come back in here until you tell me I can. K?

Lizzy only nodded, and Sydney walked out of the kitchen with her hands full.

Kid, why can’t you be nice? He nudged her shoulder.

She started grabbing things from the fridge before she answered. Why should I?

How about because I told you so. Since when isn’t that a good enough answer?

Since you told me to be nice to… she stopped herself and bit her lip. You’re not always right.

He caught her arm as she went to turn away again and spun her back. No, I’m not, but I am always your father. I need your help.

That’s what I’m doing!

Nick frowned down at her. "Denying every nanny because they might be like Abby isn’t helping and you know it."

Not every nanny. She stood up tall in defiance, and Nick resisted the urge to laugh.

You look like your mother when you do that.

Instantly, her face dropped. Her deep breath and averted eyes might as well have been the tears she was choking back. Not wanting to hear her protest if he asked, he wrapped his arms around her, and to his surprise, she crumpled in them.

I miss her so much! she said as if still trying not to cry.

I know. He squeezed harder then let her go. Brave face, he reminded her.

She shook her head and plastered a fake