Double Dealing 2

By Chuck Closson

All humor is composed of incongruity and surprise. It is verbal unexpectedness.
You hear it or read it, it surprises you and muses. That is the intention of this
book. The verbal incongruity creates the surprise. One gets a double deal in
effect. In other words, we expect one thing but get another which is surprising
and sometimes humorous.
I published a previous book in 2006 entitled Double Dealing. This is a similar
book: Double Dealing II. The first seven chapters contain different categories
of verbal unexpectedness. The eighth chapter contains poetical musings.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 11, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479753116

Chuck Closson

Born and raised in Gordon, Nebraska, Charles Closson graduated college at Indiana Wesleyan University with a degree in Literature and then taught high school English. He later graduated seminary at Asbury and pastored at United Methodist Churches in California. He earned his doctorates at Claremont and Newport in California. He practiced Marriage and Family Therapy in Anaheim, California. He was also the Behavioral Health Director for Universal Care. Dr. Closson currently practices psychotherapy at San Gorgonio Memorial Hospital in Banning, California. He is married with two sons and two grandchildren.

Book preview

Double Dealing II

Incongruity and Surprise

Chuck Closson

Copyright © 2012 by Chuck Closson.

Library of Congress Control Number:           2012921920

ISBN:               Hardcover                  978-1-4797-5310-9

                         Softcover                    978-1-4797-5309-3

                         Ebook                         978-1-4797-5311-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

123783

CONTENTS

Preface

Acknowledgements

PART I

Name Humor

Name Humor

PART II

Statements of Incongruity

Laughter

Statements Of Incongruity

PART III

Cats That Make Dictionary Words

Cats That Make Dictionary Words

PART IV

New Definitions

New Definitions

PART V

Famous People Quiz

The Great Classics Of Famous People

Famous People Puzzles

PART VI

Double Takes

Storage

Double Takes

PART VII

Hill Billy Musings

Carnation Milk Ad

Hill Billy Poem

The Rooster Song

Roger The Frog

Bessie The Heifer

Bottle Fatigue

Youth Leader

Being An Obgyn

Proper Diet

Fishing When And Where

The Big Head

Choices

Hill Billy Musings

Examples Of Hill Billy Medical Knowledge

PART VIII

Poetry

Rhyme

Recreation

Cock Suredliness

Projections

Socializing

Choices

Child Rearing

Evolutionary Biology

Anatomical Ornithology

My Humaness

The Big One

The Paradox

Little Things

Self Control

Lost Art

Food

Loss And Age

Valuing

Labor

Wanderlust

Ads And Buying

The Emperor’s Clothes

Ys Up

Thank You, Mom

Mirrors

Often Later, There Is Laughter

Energy

The Oak

The Planet’s Lungs

Super-Stish-Us

Self Talk

Balanced Life

The Present Time

My Fame

Movies

Understanding

The Land Of Are

Somewhat

Wind

Style

Teaching

Entitlement

Tightwad

How To Catch A Polar Bear

Unwise Owl

Wishing

Time

Good Taste

The Fence

The Plan

Borderline

The Chicken Razor

The Know-It-All

Woman Driver

Dialectic

The Wait Till Night

Wryly

My Slacks

In The First Place

The Plan

Balance

Responsibility

Small Town Eats

Detective Work

Skeleton Timepiece

Lichens

Evidence

Final Arrangements

Unmet Needs

Lies

Outcomes

Advice To A Young Man

When Right Is Wrong

Aimless

Einstein

Hap Or Mishap

Unity

Never Enough

The Wait

The Easy

Sleep

Lackluster Potter

Job And Hobby

Car Buyer

What Is And Is Not

Barb Wire

Freedom

Persistence

Frame Of Reference

Time

Impossible Stuff

Obsessive Compulsive

Brewed Coffee

The Plastic

Measuring Space

The Small, Small World

Procruste’s Bed

Occam Razor

Your Choice

Betrayal By Feelings

The Law Of Diminishing Returns

Caffaholic

Language

New Hospital Wing

Oxy-Mor-Learn

Travelers

Mythology

Think Then Record

PREFACE

All humor is composed of incongruity and surprise. It is verbal unexpectedness. You hear it or read it, it surprises you and muses. That is the intention of this book. The verbal incongruity creates the surprise. One gets a double deal in effect. In other words, we expect one thing but get another which is surprising and sometimes humorous.

I published a previous book in 2006 entitled Double Dealing. This is a similar book: Double Dealing II. The first seven chapters contain different categories of verbal unexpectedness. The eighth chapter contains poetical musings.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The author wishes to recognize and thank the following for their help and encouragement:

My sons, Charles Randall and David William, who continue to encourage me to write.

The International Library of Poetry, from whom I received an Editor’s Choice Award for Outstanding Achievement in Poetry; and, The Noble House Publishers, an international corporation located in New York, London, and Paris, who chose my poem The Oak as outstanding poem of the year.

Last but certainly not least—I have worked with Donna Geier for twelve years and have seen her skills as a hospital office administrator. She is an avid reader, knowledgeable, artful, and good at feedback. She put the manuscript together from my handwritten copy and made helpful suggestions. This is the second book in which she has assisted.

PART I

Name Humor

NAME HUMOR

1. The name of a man who gives scholarships: Grant

2. Man with money: Rich

3. Man who looks like a gorilla: Harry

4. One who always wins: Victor

5. Men who live in a valley: Dell and Glen

6. Man who lives on a rock ledge: Cliff

7. Man who owns junk cars: Rex

8. A sincere man: Ernest

9. A lady of the night: Eve

10. A lady attorney: Sue

11. A large bear-like lady: Teddy

12. A man who can lift heavy things: Jack

13. A man who looks like a turkey: Tom

14. A man with very short hair: Butch or Buzz

15. A man with lots of exercise equipment: Jim

16. A man who digs graves for a cemetery: Doug

17. A man with outstanding eyesight: Seymour

18. A woman with chronic gas: Ethel

19. A woman with chicken pox: Dotty

20. A man who likes to tease: Josh

21. A man with lots of credit cards: Bill

22. A man who is a little off: Tad

23. A man who sells hot dogs: Stan

24. A man who works at a hospital: Ward

25. Two brothers from Texas: Dallas and Austin

26. A rather chilly lady: Dawn

27. A man built like metal: Sterling

28. Male seamstress: Taylor

29. Works at a moving and storage company: Van

30. Likes to fish in the lake or river: Wade

31. Likes collecting spiders as pets: Web

32. He thinks he can beat a slot machine: Wynn

33. Likes German dog breeds: Wolfgang

34. Loves soup: Campbell

35. Saves money for his children: Will

36. A lady who collects BB guns: Daisy

37. A lady who wears a fake diamond: Crystal

38. Man who loves cars: Carmen

39. A lady who prefers well water: Carrie

40. A lady who owns a car lot: Carlotta

41. Lady who fishes for trout: Brooke

42. She hangs out at the casino: Bet

43. She assembles vehicle antennas: Ariel

44. Works at the Red Stone Café: Ruby

45. An abrupt man: Frank

46. Has lots of trash cans: Ali

47. He calls people about their overdrawn accounts: Owen

48. A lady who talks a lot: Flo

49. Grocery store owners: Ralph and Albert

50. Mafia head: Don

51. Pretty redhead: Rose

52. Emergency room doctors: Justin Case & Justin Time

53. A man who speaks loudly: Mike

54. An actor with a torn shirt: Rip

55. A woman who never works: Holiday

56. A man with a large scar: Mark

57. A man who is a downer: Benny

58. A man caught in a forest fire: Bernie

59. A man who won’t do what you want: Dick

60. A couch potato in the den: Denny

61. A man who peels potatoes with a knife: Perry

62. A man who brings in the luggage: Cary

63. Probate attorney: Will

64. A man with little energy: Wayne

65. A bad influence: Darren

66. A Chinese human taxi: Rick Shaw

67. A man who raises fruit: Barry

68. A man who starts wars: Warren

69. Two happy women: Gladys Over and Gladys Dunn

70. A lady with one leg: Eileen

71. A man who was buried in his garden: Pete

72. A man who wears a heavy coat: Mac

73. A camel with no humps: Humphrey

74. A man who makes thick soups: Stu

75. A person who fills large holes for a living: Phil

76. A professional water skier: Skip

77. A man in a pile of leaves: Russell

78. The man that stole the goods: Robin

79. A man with a vegetable on his head: Gordon

80. Man who lies at the front door: Matt

81. A sharp man: Pearce

82. A man with no legs below his knees: Neil

83. A man with no limbs in a swimming pool: Bob

84. A dumb guy: Claude

85. A house painter that misses spots: Skip

86. A lady who collects sea shells: Shelly

87. A lady who is certain: Shirley

88. A man who reads a lot: Reed

89. A seamstress who sews pants: Jean

90. Man with a chiseled face: Woody or Stone

91. Man who paints pictures: Art

92. Man who collects old machinery: Rusty

93. A very sweet woman: Candy

94. A woman who adores good wines: Sherry

95. A surgeon: Lance

PART II

Statements of Incongruity

LAUGHTER

We laughed as others laughed,

A curious contagion began.

A human noise, as if speech,

Helps even indigestion.

Waves of this washed over us,

Others heard and came in.

Basic human noises,

One of the best to begin.

A marvelous medicine,

Hidden in plain sight.

Helping the heavy,

To become more light.

With the proper amount

Of perceptive acumen,

Things will be funny,

If seen as human.

People laugh

On the spur of the moment.

Such situation’s advance

Social atonement.