He Was a President, Wasn't He?: Smart-Alec Lectures I Never Gave on American Presidents

By William P. Hild

"He Was a President, Wasn't He?" is the story of eleven of America's lesser known presidents. Written in a new, refreshing style, it's sure to make you laugh and learn in equal parts about these eleven presidents. Enjoy stories of those lesser-known presidents like Adams, Tyler, Taylor, Arthur, and Harding. Prepare to giggle and be engrossed, because this isn't your father's history book!


Author Bio

William P. Hild was born in Minnesota in 1966 and grew up in South Dakota where he still lives today. Always fascinated by American history, WIlliam used that knowledge in his eighteen years as a radio broadcaster to engage in on-air discussions with everyone from authors to politicians about a wide range of subjects. After leaving radio, William continues to deepen his knowledge of American history, with a special emphasis on United States Presidents, The American Civil War, and 20th century American Naval history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 31, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479737543

William P. Hild

Author Bio William P. Hild was born in Minnesota in 1966 and grew up in South Dakota where he still lives today. Always fascinated by American history, WIlliam used that knowledge in his eighteen years as a radio broadcaster to engage in on-air discussions with everyone from authors to politicians about a wide range of subjects. After leaving radio, William continues to deepen his knowledge of American history, with a special emphasis on United States Presidents, The American Civil War, and 20th century American Naval history.

Book preview

He Was A

President,

Wasn’t He?

Smart-Alec Lectures I Never Gave On

American Presidents

William P. Hild

Copyright © 2012 by William P. Hild.

Library of Congress Control Number:        2012919811

ISBN:                  Hardcover                       978-1-4797-3753-6

                            Softcover                        978-1-4797-3752-9

                            Ebook                             978-1-4797-3754-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

121767

Contents

Foreword

Chapter 1 Why Yes, He Was a President

Chapter 2 John Adams

Chapter 3 John Quincy Adams

Chapter 4 John Tyler

Chapter 5 James Polk

Chapter 6 Zachary Taylor

Chapter 7 Franklin Pierce and James Buchanan

Chapter 8 Chester Arthur

Chapter 9 Warren Harding and Calvin Coolidge

Chapter 10 Jimmy Carter

Chapter 11 And So, My Fellow Americans, in Summary . . .

FOREWORD

I got fired; so I wrote a book.

I’ve never written a book before, but getting fired from a job gives you plenty of time to write. In a given day, there is only so much time you can devote to looking for a new job, so to keep my mind off the fact that I was unemployed, I decided to take my mind away from my troubles by writing this book.

You might think that I would be writing a book about getting fired, but I’ve never been fired from a job before, so it was uncharted waters for me. So I wrote about something I like to think I know a little about—American history.

I guess my love of American history comes from hearing the stories as a small child from my father. Dad was a history and geography minor in college, and his stories of American history always enthralled me. It also spurred me on to further research into the parts of American history that fascinated me the most.

One thing is for sure, I had a wonderful time writing. In doing so, I just literally sat in front of the computer and typed to my heart’s content. Sometimes I’d have some music playing or have the TV on in the background, but more often than not, I’d just sit in silence and let the words pour out onto the screen.

Because I’ve never written a book before, I don’t know if I did it right. Maybe I broke every rule in the book about the rules of writing books! At any rate, I can officially report to you that this was a real labor of love. It is one of the most enjoyable things I’ve ever done.

If you’ll indulge me, I have a few special people I’d like to thank.

First and foremost is my sister Kim—my favorite person in the whole universe. Growing up, she was my worst enemy, but as we both grew to adulthood, we became closer than even the full blood relatives we are. I love her so much, and my world would be shattered without her love, friendship, and support.

Next are my parents Bill and Mary Jo. As you suspect by my dad’s name, he is Bill Sr. and I am Bill Jr. It’s Dad who gave me my love of history in the first place. And what can I say about Mom who always sacrificed for the good of everybody else in the family. She is the most stable and reliable person I know. And what she likes more than anything is something I will say right here and now—Mom, I love you!

Then it is my brother-in-law Greg (Kim’s husband), who has got to be a blood relative somehow as he is so like my parents, my sister, and me. Greg is really one of those people who always was a part of our family, but we just didn’t meet him until he married Kim. Greg, keep being just the way you are—a quasi Hild.

Next are my kids, well, really Kim’s kids, Liz and Nick. I call them Peppitt Balloon and Curtis. Long story, don’t ask. Although I’ve never had kids of my own, I feel so close to them that I look on these two people as being so special that the world is really a better place because of them.

Liz is married to Matt, and they have a son Tristyn. Matt is a very talented man who never came across anything he can’t fix, and Tristyn is like the grandson I never had.

Last is Dr. Paul Henley, an honorary member of my family. Dr. Henley and I went to school together, and we’ve been best buds for nearly thirty years. It’s been an incredible friendship, and there isn’t a wacky, strange, dangerous, and exhilarating experience we haven’t done. If I ever need to be shaken out of my complacency, it’s a visit with Dr. Henley. This talented and gifted man might just be about the smartest person I know, and the way I am is most assuredly shaped by him. Best always, buddy—I love ya!

He Was a President, Wasn’t He?—Smart-aleck Lectures I Never Gave on American Presidents

William Paul Hild

CHAPTER 1

Why Yes, He Was a President

If I came up to you on the street and said Zachary Taylor, would your response be:

A) No, my name is Tiffani Lynn Parker, and I think you really need to get your eyes checked.

B) All out, man. How about a dime bag of Columbian Gold?

C) He was a president, wasn’t he?

If you answered A, can I have your number? Because chicks named Tiffani Lynn are always hot. If you answered B, no thank you. The reason being, in the words of Eric Cartman, Drugs are bad because if you do drugs, you’re a hippie, and hippies suck! However, if you answered C, then this book is for you because Zachary Taylor was a president. So was James Polk. So was Warren Harding. So was Chester Arthur. And they have interesting, albeit lesser-known stories that people deserve to know about.

These lesser-known presidents have long fascinated me. For that matter, all the presidents, both famous and obscure, have always fascinated me. I guess the first time I remember getting interested in the presidents was when I was six or seven years old. My family and I were at a restaurant for breakfast or lunch or something—probably on a road trip because we were too poor to go to a restaurant otherwise—and the placemats in the restaurant had pictures of the presidents on them. Being that the last president on the placemat was Richard Nixon, I had to have been about six or seven years old. I remember looking at the pictures, the dates underneath indicating when they served, and the names of these men—some of which I recognized and others I didn’t. I remember asking my mom if I could take that placemat with me when we were done eating, and probably against her better judgment, she said I could, even though the car was loaded up with enough junk already. Later, I remember taking scissors to that placemat, cutting out the pictures of the presidents individually, and arranging the pictures into teams—teams of what, exactly, I don’t recall. But I remember doing that. Dang, that was a long time ago!

Next, a year or two later, our family was on another one of those disastrous family trips we seemed to make (the Griswold’s ain’t got nothin on us!), and we were in Washington, DC, and toured the White House. I was probably about eight years old at the time, and one souvenir that my parents bought was a book from the gift shop, maybe about one hundred pages in length, about the presidents. The book featured the official White House portrait on all the presidents, with a small block of information (birth date and location, dates served, state from, political party, etc.) and then a block of text about that president. I must have read that book fifty times. And it’s here that I started to realize that not all presidents are created equally: some were good and some stunk—plain and simple.

So my interest in presidents goes back a long time. Over the years, I’ve read several books about the presidents; but no biographies on just one president, always books with individual chapters on all the presidents. And TV channels seem to have programs on the presidents from time to time. Even if I’ve seen them multiple times, I’ll still tune in and re-watch. Maybe I missed something the first time, or maybe if I watch again, Franklin Pierce won’t be a failure of a president this time (Nah, Franklin Pierce will always be a failure of a president).

As far as the chapters in this book are concerned, they have a, well, let’s say, unique origin to them. Or they are a product of a deranged mind. Take your pick.

As I go to sleep each night, I find that the best and quickest way to get to sleep is to think about useless stuff. For many years, I would climb into bed and think to myself, Who were the best hitters for each major league team from 1950 to 1970? We’ll start with the National League. The Cubs? That’s easy. Ernie Banks. The Braves? Even easier . . . Hank Aaron. The Pirates? I’d go with Roberto Clemente. The Phillies? That would be . . . would be . . . zzzzzzzzzzz, and I’m asleep. I’d rarely get past a few teams or I’d list the best running back for each NFL team in the modern era or stuff like that. Sometimes I’d think about who I would rate as our best presidents. Or I’d list the presidents in my mind and give each of them a grade of A, B, C, D, or F. Then I’d try to justify the grade I’d give them. It was as though I was talking to a person over a cup of coffee, or explaining it to a lecture hall of college students. I’d get into the justifications about why a president was good or bad, then fall asleep. Eventually, I would get into bed, turn the lights out, and imagine that somebody has asked the question What was the Pendleton Act and how did it relate to President Chester Arthur? And I’d start to give the story and soon fall asleep. But the strange thing is, the next night I’d remember where I left off when I fell asleep the previous night and continue the story from that point until I fell asleep. It might take a week