Stop Mourning Start Growing

By Delsea Flowers

The days and nights go by as Dana struggle with the pain of the loss of her daughter. She felt like life was over. As she finally begin to climb up that hill. She finds herself knock down again with breast cancer. That when Dana began to challenge herself in another direction in life, to make her pain, help her gain.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 27, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479700929

Delsea Flowers

Delsea Flowers is the writer, executive producer, and second director of the inspirational movie, Book of Songs. Book of Songs was distributed by Maverick Entertainment Group and released in January of 2010. Delsea started writing songs at the age of fourteen as a hobby and continued into her adult age. Delsea was struck with a tragedy in 1998, losing her five-month-old daughter from a congenital heart disease. Delsea was told she could not return back to work as a correctional officer until she was able to talk about her loss without crying. She began to talk until she felt people were tired of hearing about her loss. She began to write about it until it almost became a book. That is when she began to let go of her loss and directed her writing toward plays and screen plays. Years later, Delsea was diagnosed with breast cancer and felt the effects of another frightening battle that she, again, must conquer. After looking death in the face, she decided to do something big. She teamed up with Dr. Noel Howell and Courtney Boyd and invested what little money she had in the movie Book of Songs. Many believed that this was a mission that could not be accomplished, but her faith and belief in looking beyond what lies in sight motivated Delsea to launch out and complete this movie. Delsea is an individual that believes one can accomplish the impossible. No task is too hard or too unattainable if one continues to focus on the individual that transforms the unseen into realities. Delsea believes that her calling lies within the film industry of writing, producing, and directing movies that inspire others to be all that they are chosen to be. Delsea is a motivational individual that believes everyone deserves the opportunity to release their voice and skills in a positive manner. She believes that everyone deserves a chance. Delsea is a loving wife, mother, grandmother, and friend. Delsea is a humble individual that meets no strangers but only persons that are on a directed path of their choice. Through, in, and by her writings, she prays that some of these paths can be interchanged to revolve prominent beings within society. In November 2013, Delsea wrote a book titled Stop Mourning, Start Growing. It was published by Xlibris. This book is Delsea Flowers’s written story on what got her started writing. Delsea second book is a screenplay she has written and turned into a book titled Gentell’s Eyes.

Book preview

Stop Mourning Start Growing

Delsea Flowers

Copyright © 2012 by Delsea Flowers.

Library of Congress Control Number:                  2012914872

ISBN:                      Softcover                               978-1-4797-0091-2

                                Ebook                                    978-1-4797-0092-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

120524

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Charter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

To Krystal Armani Flowers, my little angel,

Adell Thompson, my loving mother,

and my family and friends

This is a story of falling down a ladder and climbing back up with two broken legs as they heal. You can’t imagine how far you can go, until your faith has been tested. So the battle to get out of that shadow has begun. Take words of encouragement to fight that angry beast called pain. Do something outside yourself that’s fun and exciting to keep you busy until it fades away. The strength within the power will win. Allow your soul to strive and give in and cry. It’s good to break down but never stay down. Let it out, shout it out, exhale! When talking becomes more than it bears that people no longer want to hear and to silence yourself will keep the pain locked in, that is when paper and pen becomes your best friend.

Chapter One

Dana worked in one of the roughest jails in New York. On a very cold night, Dana sat there, freezing, shaking like a leaf on a cold plastic chair. Every night working on that cold post was hard. There was no heat, with a door directly on her back and a door in front of her. She was getting sicker and sicker as the nights went by. Her cold got worse. All the hot tea and lemon she drank, but she still lost her voice. She mounted her feet on a milk crate to keep the mice from running up her legs as they searched for heat and food.

Early in the morning, as Dana called out the names of the inmates who had to get ready for court, one rudely yelled back at her, You go, CO.

She angrily yelled back, After you! and turned on all the lights. All the other inmates woke up, yelling, Turn off the lights!

She yelled back, After all the court inmates are up and ready to go!

One inmate—six feet seven inches, 310 pounds—got up and yelled, Man, you must be crazy.

I got to go back to work in a few hours. Get your ass up and get the hell out of here before I hurt somebody.

The court inmates jumped out of their beds and into the showers with fear that he will hurt one of them. Dana smiled and kindly turned the lights out, almost forgetting about the cold and the mice running around her feet.

On January 20, Dana went on vacation. She spent most of the time working on her cold. It got a little better. By the time she returned back to work, she got sick again. This time, she called in sick and went to see her doctor. He told her she had an upper respiratory infection. He prescribed her some antibiotics and Claritin. She took seven antibiotics and three Claritin, when she discovered her period was late. Dana was afraid to continue taking the medicine, so she took an EPT test. The results came up positive.

Dana then made an appointment to see her ob-gyn to find out definitely, just in case the EPT was wrong. All she could think about is why now, after losing all that weight, all that hard workout. What will Chase say? She knows exactly what he would say. Let’s go out and celebrate. He would not think twice about all the hard work Dana did to lose her weight—six months of discipline and starvation. Chase is a tall, dark, and handsome family man who is responsible and strong-minded. He has to be to handle a mean little woman like Dana. She’s five feet two inches, with caramel complexion, and sexy. Chase has really been good for Dana. Her whole attitude has changed. She became a nicer person.

Dana’s daughter Tina noticed that her mother was not so mean anymore. She would always comment, Mommy, I’m so glad you’re not as mean like you used to be. Dana never noticed she was that mean. She blamed it on lack of sleep.

Dana walked in the doctor’s office where a slangy short woman sat behind the desk. She had curly black hair and merely speaking English. She runs her finger up and down the schedule until she finds Dana’s name. Mrs. Frazier, your appointment is at 12:45. You have about six people in ahead of you.

Dana grunted, Six.

Please have a seat. He’ll be with you soon.

Dana walked over to a brown-and-black chair. She has a seat next to an elderly lady with a cane, waiting for her ride to pick her up. The car is not here yet? she yelled at the male aide. The aide was standing by the door opening to look out.

No, not yet, I will let you know.

As Dana sat there, her mind began to wonder. How did she get there again? Wow! Pregnant! This will be her third child. She promised to give Chase two children, plus Tina, though she’s not Chase’s. Three was the cutoff for children. Tina was sixteen and Zeek was three years old. When did this all start?

Back in Boston, where it all began, Dana went to visit her cousin Pam. Sitting in the room, watching TV, and talking, they were deciding on what to have for dinner. They decided to have pizza. Pam said, Let me comb my hair.

Dana had her hair wrapped up with bobby pins. She didn’t want to comb it. So she put a scarf on her head and said, I’m not combing my hair. Give me a hat. Nobody out here knows me. Pam gave her a purple hat. Dana looked at it and said, A purple hat, but I got red glasses on. They laughed! Dana yelled, Oh, what the heck. Nobody knows me out here.

Walking to the restaurant, Dana noticed two men were sitting in the restaurant. Oh no, Pam! Dana yelled. There are men in there. Oh well, I combed my hair. Pam laughed and said, You never know who you might meet when you look your worst.

Dana’s heart beat with fear. She took a deep breath as they walked in the restaurant.

Heading straight to the counter to order, Dana decided not to look back for anything. They placed the order. Then one guy tapped Pam on her back and said, Aren’t you Pam, Larry’s cousin?

Pam responded, Oh yeah, you’re Chase. You helped him move me in that day.

They began talking. Pam walked over to his table. Dana stayed at the counter until the cook asked if he can help her with something else. Dana said no and went to sit at a table across them.

Chase told Pam that he worked as a correction officer for Suffolk County. Dana heard Pam say, Oh yeah, my cousin is a correction officer in New York.

He turned and looked at Dana with the biggest smile ever. Dana wanted to crawl under the table. So you work in corrections? he asked.

She clears her throat and took a deep breath, then replied, Yes.

Tell me, how is it?

Dana didn’t know where to begin. She couldn’t even remember at that point. All she wanted to do was take off that purple hat and red glasses and comb her hair down. It’s okay. Gets a little tough sometimes.

The cook yelled, One large extra-cheese pizza. Dana jumped up to grab the pizza and go. They all said good-bye.

Dana told Pam, He is fine. Invite them to the house.

Pam said, You invite them.

Dana argued, I don’t know them, you do.

Don’t worry, I’ll call Larry. He can get in touch with him for you.

The call to Larry was unsuccessful. He didn’t have his number and said he would go to his mother’s house to find out where he lives.

Two days later, Larry came by and said he hasn’t gone to Chase’s mother’s house yet. Dana yelled, Well, let’s go over there now! Pam and Larry looked at each other and both agreed to go. They took three buses and a train to where Larry thought Chase’s mother still lived, which she no longer did. Dana was heartbroken. She wanted to find him even more. They continued to search around the area she first met him. Before long, her vacation was over.

Six months later, Dana returned to Boston on vacation again. On Friday, they went out to a club, Saturday to the hair salon. By the time they returned to the house, there was a message on the machine from Larry that said, This message is for Dana. Chase’s number is . . .

Pam ran to get a pen and wrote down the number. Dana jumped up and yelled, Oh yes! Yes!

Pam picked up the phone quickly and dialed Chase’s number. She spoke to him a few minutes and then passed the phone to Dana. Dana’s heart dropped. She didn’t know what to say. All this time looking for him, this man she craved for over six months, she was now speechless. She took the phone slowly and said, Hello.

Chase responded back with Hello, would you like to go for a ride?

Dana smiled and hit Pam in the arm as she answered, Sure.

Okay, I’ll pick you up in twenty-five minutes.

She hung up, and Dana and Pam did the glory dance. Dana made sure everything was right and tight this time. When the doorbell rang, her heart began to race.

Once in the car, Chase began to speak before he even pulled off. He said, I want to let you know that I’m living with someone. Dana’s heart dropped as she continued to listen. It’s not working out when the lease is up in four months. I will be moving out. We’re in separate rooms. Are you okay with that?

Dana respected his honesty. Not many men would be so honest. Sure, if it’s okay with you.

He drove off. They walked on the boardwalk. There was a lot of talk about his and her jobs. They both felt head over heels in love. About a year later, Zeek was born. The day of their first anniversary, they signed the contract for their new home. Months after they married, Zeek was four months, Tina was fourteen years old.

Mrs. Frazier! Mrs. Frazier! Dana was awakened from her daydreaming of her past. Mrs. Frazier!

Yes?

The doctor will see you now.

You are definitely pregnant at least eight weeks, the doctor said, smiling congratulations. Dana was a little depressed. She had just lost forty pounds. She looked and felt great. She was worried about swelling up and getting big again. Dana’s not sure she’s ready to do it again. Chase would never agree to an abortion.

Once she got home, she walked into the kitchen to Chase and said, I’m pregnant, and I’m not keeping it.

He said okay and nothing else.

He drove her to the clinic. That morning, he still said nothing. He wanted to see the forms, and then he walked away with tears in his eyes. Dana walked back to the waiting room, in which Chase didn’t accompany her. Dana sat there, looking around at everyone there. When she realized what she was about to do, she thought that she is not doing anything wrong by having another baby. She was married to a beautiful man and with two lovely children.

She jumped up, went to the desk, and said, I’m leaving, I don’t belong here, and walked out without looking back.

She got in the car. Chase looked at her. Dana said, I change my mind. I didn’t understand why we were here in the first place.

He argued, We both have good jobs. We have a nice home with extra rooms. I know I’m not home yet, but as soon as I get a good job in New York, I’d be home. I do my best to try to take care of my family.

Dana said, I know. It’s not you. It was me worrying about gaining my weight back, that’s all. Just being selfish. Let’s go home and take the kids out for breakfast and tell them the good news.

After Dana told the kids the news, Tina said, Whatever you have, Mom, please have a girl. Not another boy.

Zeek said, No, a boy.

Sorry, Zeek, but that’s a girl. I know it, Chase said.

Dana told the good news to her good friend Myra. A couple days later, Myra brought the baby its first gift. Wrapped in a nice gift box was a pretty white sweater with matching hat and cute little shoes. It was so unexpected since Dana was only eight weeks pregnant. Myra said she was in the process of getting her house when she thought she would give her something now. She joked, "Besides, I might not be able to afford it later. Think of