Irrepressible: 12 principles for a courageous, resilient and fulfilling life

By Cathy Madavan

Why do some people seem to throw themselves into every opportunity, bouncing back from every setback? Is this irrepressible spirit just for the hyper-motivated? How do the rest of us live courageously, relate authentically and develop resilience?

Popular speaker and author Cathy Madavan deploys her trademark humour and down-to-earth wisdom to identify twelve ways we can become irrepressible.

How do you discover your irrepressible purpose?
How do you respond when disasters strike?
How do you become a person of influence?
How do you build a tribe of friends, but still keep healthy boundaries?
How do your habits develop resilience, capacity and flexibility?

This is your invitation to irrepressible living. These principles are your tools for building a courageous, resilient and fulfilling life.

Cathy Madavan lives on England's south coast with her husband Mark, and has been teaching about resilience, relationships and purpose for over 20 years.

• Language: English
• Publisher: SPCK
• Release date: Feb 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9780281083381

Cathy Madavan

Cathy Madavan is a popular speaker, valued for her humour, vulnerability and wisdom, who travels extensively, predominantly in the UK but also further afield. She has been speaking with Care for the Family on their regular national tours for over 10 years as well as serves on the board of the Kyria Network (a network of women in leadership/women of influence). She contributes regularly to events such as Spring Harvest and New Wine; she also speaks at leadership conferences, events and churches throughout the year. She is a personal coach and writer, publishing Irrepressible (2020) and Why Less Means More (2023), which was shortlisted for the CRT Christian Life Book of the Year.

Book preview

Introduction

‘Why can’t life be a little, well, you know . . . a little easier?’

As I looked into the eyes of this fine woman, who had come to share a little of her life story with me after an event I was speaking at, I could almost tangibly feel the weight of her words. Frankly, I had said those words often enough myself over the years. Life definitely had not been easy for her, or the many other men and women who have entrusted me with their experiences of dealing with life’s curveballs.

‘I just don’t know,’ I replied, not terribly helpfully, then adding, ‘But I know you’re not defined by your challenges alone, and I am confident that this is not the end of your story.’

Time and time again, I have been astounded at the ability of people to not only work their way through their stuff but to continue to create, love, comfort, innovate, and flourish despite their stuff, and sometimes even because of their stuff. Irrepressible people, navigating their pain and disappointment, but also making the most of every opportunity – taking life by the scruff of the neck, and becoming more courageous and clear-sighted than they ever knew was possible.

And doesn’t life seem to like throwing curveballs? At least, that has been my experience. And why do they always seem to hit when you least expect them? There you are, merrily working through your to-do list, feeding the cat and sorting out dinner, and then, BOOM! It’s all change, whether you like it or not. The future has shifted unalterably with one text, one diagnosis, one decision. ‘Let’s see how you deal with that one then,’ life seems to say. But of course, not all curveballs are unwelcome. As well as lobbing challenges, life also throws – quite indiscriminately, it sometimes seems – opportunities to grow: unexpected friendships, unforeseen job offers, new projects, and out-of-the-blue conversations that lead to places we had never previously imagined.

Life is so much more than we ever bargained for.

So, how do we not only bounce back but actually bounce forwards as we navigate these moments, choices, events, and relationships? Is it possible that setbacks and mistakes might equip us for the season ahead? Can we intentionally create habits or develop mindsets that move us beyond thinking ‘I am here to survive’ towards ‘I am here to thrive,’ so that we can live courageous, resilient, and fulfilling lives that make a difference?

These are the questions I have been asking myself. Mainly because I seem to spend a fair amount of my life responding to curveballs. I just about sort myself out after the last one and then, BOOM, here’s another one. And then, BOOM, there’s another one. I find myself spinning again, struggling to stabilize, wobbling but attempting to stand firm, and trying to place myself in a position where I can hit that ball right out of the park. I manage quite well sometimes. Often, though, I am to be found flailing about, looking a bit awkward and confused, but each time learning something important about how to do it better next time. These days, I do respond more decisively to some of those darn balls. I’m far more aware of my weak spots but also where I can play to my strengths. I’ve also learned the art of paying careful attention to and learning from those who seem to really make the most of whatever gets thrown their way.

We all admire those people who, for whatever reason, get knocked down but who ultimately are not knocked out. We admire their stick-ability, their bounce-back-ability, their downright determination to keep pursuing their purpose, whatever the challenge. Who could not be inspired by the likes of Malala Yousafzai, shot in the head by the Taliban on the school bus and now a worldwide advocate for human rights and education for young women? It’s impossible not to be impressed by the endurance of Nelson Mandela who became South Africa’s first black president after so many years in prison. We love a great sporting comeback, whether it’s Tiger Woods returning to golfing form after so many years in the wilderness or tennis player Monica Seles defeating her opponents after recovering from a courtside stabbing. And apart from those publicly acknowledged resilience role models, we could all list our heroic friends or family members who have run marathons or started a charity following a tragedy, or who have continued faithfully caring for a disabled child with little thanks or support.

We also, understandably, celebrate those who step up and step out, stewarding their talents and grabbing their opportunities in order to create something extraordinary, be that a business, a work of art, or a lifelong relationship. Take Bill and Melinda Gates, who having built Microsoft into a tech empire, now invest their lives, their money, and the funds of other billionaires into some of the world’s greatest needs. What about Sir James Dyson, the inventor and designer who persevered through endless prototypes and challenges to create his eponymous cyclone vacuum cleaner saying, ‘The key to success is failure . . . Success is made of 99 percent failure’. ¹ We can only applaud J. K. Rowling, who wrote the first Harry Potter book while living on benefits, dealing with rejection letters, and persevering with her passion, with no idea of the fame and fortune that lay ahead for her or the pleasure that her books would afford millions of readers.

Of course, none of us will fully understand the cost, the courage, and the commitment required by any of these individuals in order to get to where they got to, and surely there was a price to pay in every case. But we cannot fail to admire their irrepressible, wholehearted attitude to life. They remind us of the indomitable spirit of humanity, and they give us hope that maybe we can face our own obstacles and get through to the other side with a story to tell. Perhaps, when we are faced with an opportunity, we will be brave enough to face our fears and to grab it, with faith that the future might be about to unravel in wonderful new ways.

I call this capacity within us the ‘irrepressible spirit’. It seems to me that there is a bubbling spring inside human beings that just keeps rising up, motivating us to stretch further, learn more, aim higher, train harder, or more simply, to trust again or to keep going when the going gets tough. It means we laugh even as we cry, and we say ‘yes’ even though the cost might be high. It’s a spring that keeps flowing against all the odds, and it’s what makes people so extraordinary.

Do we all have this irrepressible spirit? Are you born with it? Is it simply about having a particular personality or belonging to a supportive family as you develop? Can you foster an irrepressible attitude, where you make the most of each day, facing your challenges positively and living a wholehearted, compassionate, and courageous existence? Can you develop strong personal foundations and a resilience to those curveballs, so that you anticipate the challenges but also spot the opportunities and are able to respond?

Truthfully, when I think of the folks I know (okay, when I think about myself), it’s clear that we all have the capacity to either bounce back or sink under the strain. Most of us have done both at some point, and that’s okay. But yes, some people do appear to demonstrate a particular ability to stand strong in the face of adversity, or to show courage in the face of opportunity. Some folks are apparently more prone to stepping up while others are more likely to step back. And although we might like to believe it is those with a more privileged background or a bigger bank account or a more charmed life who have somehow been given an upper hand that enables them to maximize on their defining moments, we should not discount ourselves so easily. Challenges and opportunities are not partisan – they present themselves to everyone. Some of us get hijacked by fear, while others have a faith – perhaps a literal faith – that helps them but also, certainly, a faith that they can respond to their circumstances in a positive way. They are equipped to handle the stuff life throws at them, they have worked out what to prioritize, they persevere without being easily squashed or distracted, and they have almost always learned this wisdom at the school of experience. It’s a tough class.

The good news, then, is that just like ‘Weebles’ (remember those toys? Google them, youngsters), you might wobble but you don’t have to fall down. We can all bounce back, even if it’s not instant or easy, and we can constantly learn and add to the experience bank, making us wiser and braver for the next season. I distinctly remember somebody reminding me at a time when I was feeling decidedly wobbly that I was not here to merely endure life, but also to enjoy it. This does not mean wafting about like Mary Poppins, declaring that life is practically perfect in every way, but it does mean deciding not to simply adopt the brace position or to just tell ourselves to ‘have a stiff upper lip chaps’, accepting our fate like some kind of Eeyore who is sure he will be the victim in every situation.

Truthfully, we all have limitations as we come to this book. I’ve faced, and continue to face, my own limitations, frustrations, and disappointments (you’ll hear plenty about those), and in my work with different organizations and charities, I’ve spent time with people who’ve faced the kinds of challenges I could only ever imagine. It’s not a pain competition here – we all have our own terrain to traverse, and we are not superheroes with superhuman strength that enables us to pass unscathed through the emotional and physical landscape of life. But there is no limit to the potential of people to rise above and even to conquer their challenges. A fulfilling life is available to us all.

The word irrepressible can be defined as uncontained, unrestrained, and incapable of being repressed. This is surely the capacity of the human heart and mind. As we consider principles and character traits of irrepressible people, and as we share wisdom learned by those who have demonstrated that uncontainable, wholehearted attitude, we will discover that there is an irrepressible capacity in all of us, waiting to be focused towards our own irrepressible purpose. We can live with the reassurance that while every now and then we will face a mountain that really does test us to the very limit, we don’t have to trip over every molehill. We can make choices and develop habits and inner resources that will free us to live an irrepressible life that fulfils the desires of our heart and also makes a difference to others.

A word of caution, however. The idea of a perfect, successful, healthy life, with a flawless family, is seductive, and I’d love to write a book that tells you the secret to this ideal life – except it’s not actually attainable. My sincerest apologies. My experience tells me that perfection is a goal that overpromises and underdelivers, so let’s give ourselves a break, shall we? There is always a new day with new opportunities and, quite possibly, another curveball to deal with, and that’s what makes life so interesting. So, as we explore these principles for living a resilient life, hallmarked by honesty, courage, purpose, self-awareness, and strong personal values, my hope is that we will start looking those curveballs in the eye, ready and willing to play them with everything we’ve got.

Life is indeed so much more than we ever bargained for.

Thankfully, we are irrepressible.

Principle One

Know your irrepressible purpose

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

—Pablo Picasso

I’d never been to a refugee camp before. Working with charities in the past, I had visited various African countries and been exposed to the challenges of poverty and corruption, but nothing prepared me for the difficulty and sheer frustration of displacement. So, here I was, now in Greece, a country on its knees economically but responding to the needs of desperate refugees arriving in boats. And here they were, hundreds of people in a camp, just waiting for their lives to unfold. They’d escaped one place but had no new place to be. They were learning to live in stasis, existing in a perpetual holding pattern. I tried, with the help of friends working there, to imagine what it must be like to leave your family, your culture, your food, your possessions, your language, and your land. For a moment, I felt overwhelmed by the apparent hopelessness of it all.

But in every circumstance, people never fail to surprise me.

As our team spent the day handing out donated solar lamps, bringing much needed light and safety to the dark hours, we were invited to dinner with one of the refugees – a man I will call ‘Amir’. What. A. Guy. Amir had been a doctor in Syria. A young, fit, and enormously competent man with a smile that would light up any room, Amir and his family had suffered terribly in Syria, and his brother had mysteriously disappeared. One day, as Amir was working in the hospital, armed guards entered, smoking cigarettes and instructing Amir and his fellow doctors about what they should do and whom they should treat. As Amir challenged the guards, his fate was sealed. Later, after being released from the inevitable imprisonment, fearful about what lay in wait for him, he managed to traverse the sea to Greece. Here he was, in the camp, living in a metal box and unsure of his future – but absolutely irrepressible.

Amir knew who he was and what he was put on earth to do. His circumstances had changed, but he was still a medic and he still cared about people. Every day, he would informally do the rounds in the camp, using the Red Cross medical equipment that he had been given permission to use; he was known by all and respected as ‘Doctor’ even in a place where he was effectively trapped. I cannot easily imagine a more restricted or difficult