Don't Say That at Work

By Michael D Callaghan

An eye-opening guide to the communication mistakes we all make and what to say instead.

 

Have you ever been told that your communication style is "too confrontational?" Do you have problems persuading your coworkers and managers without sounding arrogant or condescending? Have you said something and immediately regretted it? Have you ever said something you can't take back? Have you ever wondered later, "what was I thinking???"

 

We have all been there. We all make mistakes. We all suffer from a lapse in good judgment from time to time. Sometimes these mistakes are a "one off" but when made repeatedly can lead to a domino effect of problems. When that happens, it can be hard to recover. The important thing, as professionals, is that we learn from our mistakes and hopefully do not make the same ones again, thus stopping the dominoes before they all fall.

 

I've been making the mistakes contained in this book for almost three decades as a professional software developer. I was fired from one of my first jobs for being too arrogant and also asking too many questions. I once lost my job because I knew better than my leadership. One mistake even nearly got me arrested!

 

All these stories and more are in this book. Had I never learned from these mistakes, they probably would have been the end of my career. Fortunately, we humans are good at learning from experience. This book is your chance to learn from mine, and hopefully have a good laugh at my expense from time to time. In fact, I hope you do laugh. I often look back, chuckle, and wonder what had possessed me to say something.

 

FAQ

Why did you write this book?

The idea of the book came about in response to a few tweets and a couple of blog posts about spelling, grammar, treating others with respect, and what happens when you fail spectacularly. Someone finally commented that I should consolidate all my stories and advice into one place. Don't Say That at Work was born.

 

Are you concerned about retaliation for any of the stories?

First of all, most of the stories are about things I did, which were entirely my own fault. That said, I have taken care not to reveal the identities of any individuals I describe in the book. It is possible that those who shared the experience with me could guess the people involved, but I'm not worried about that. They were there. I have also tried to be careful when naming names of my employer when things happened. In most cases, I believe I have treated them fairly.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Callaghan
• Release date: Aug 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201042752

Michael D Callaghan

I began learning to program computers way back in 1981 in High School. The Data Processing teacher took pity on a young 9th grader and let me borrow time on the county's HP 2000 to teach myself BASIC. That experience grew into a passion for software development that has never waned.  Though my early career took a 10-year detour, I finally began writing software professionally in 1995. I've been doing that ever since. 

Book preview

Foreword

I met Mike when I started following him on Twitter over a year ago. I initially followed him due to his developer content and later connected with him further due to our shared love for Disney. As a fellow developer, he invited me to help review a few of his newest video courses he was working on. Shortly after that work began, the world shutdown because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Mike briefly lost his recording studio and as this put a pause to video recording, he quickly switched gears and took to writing books. Once again, Mike reached out to me about proofreading and having a sounding board for ideas.

Mike is a nearly 30 year veteran of software development. He has worked for small and large companies in those decades. Most notably, he has worked for HP, as a contractor at Dell, and now as a Lead Software Engineer at the Walt Disney World Resort. Mike is a speaker at tech conferences and is the author of video courses on Pluralsight. His experience and knowledge are a valuable asset to his readers and students. In his time at Disney, Mike has been an integral part of projects that help bring the magic to guests of Walt Disney World.

This book is a fascinating walk through decades of mistakes made on the professional stage. As someone who worked my way through the ranks of business into the role of Chief Technology Officer, I have not only made some of the mistakes Mike describes in this book, I have had to manage how to handle recovering from them. Overcoming some tough situations over the years, I would have loved to have had this book in my arsenal in order to be a better employee and manager without having made these mistakes.

Now that I’m freelancing, I’m thankful to have this guide to what I don’t want to think, say, or do. Working with different clients and teams, sometimes at the same time, has its share of challenges. Being equipped with this book as a tool is an investment well worth making. Whether you are a C officer, employee, or freelancer, there are a great deal of invaluable anecdotes within these pages. You will learn ways to identify preconceived notions you may have about others in your company. Social media can be a great way to connect but you learn how it could also be a bad way to represent your employer. You know that decision you were not happy with? Don’t throw a temper tantrum! Mike does an incredible job navigating you through all of that and more!

I had the honor of not only proofreading and being a sounding board, I also wrote the chapter Don’t Interrupt. As a former CTO, I have more than a lion’s share of stories to tell. Mike invited me to tell one of these stories that truly fit that chapter. The situation I describe, and the resolution, are from my time as the CTO of an Indianapolis vending machine company in 2017. You can find more stories and articles on topics ranging from technology to Disney at my website, https://www.gregmarine.com. And feel free to follow me on Twitter @gregmarine.

I encourage you to apply what you learn from this book. It will surely change how you interact with those you work with. This may even improve your personal relationships. I’m thankful for the lessons I have learned from reading these pages and it is my hope you find it is as helpful for you as it has been for me.

Greg Marine - Former CTO turned freelance technologist, blogger, Disney fan

Introduction

I wrote this book in response to a tweet I posted a few years ago. As I recall, my tweet went something like this: Next time you start to say, why don't you just…, instead ask, what if we try… instead. You can offer the same advice, but the second version is much less confrontational and more persuasive. Someone replied to the tweet asking whether I had more such wisdom and whether I would consider turning it into a book or course.

I looked back at some of my blog posts that were not technology-focused and decided I had enough stories to start putting a book together. Thus, this book was born.

Like it or not, people do judge you based on your words and how you communicate. Sloppy writing is unprofessional. Sloppy speaking can even prevent you from getting a job or a promotion.

I'm a software developer in a world where software developers are known for their lack of people skills. My hope is that this book can do something to address that.

Many of my stories are from an Information Technology and Software Developer's perspective, but it isn't just a book for technologists. Sloppy writing is unprofessional. Sloppy speaking can prevent you from getting a job or a promotion.

As you will see in the book, saying the wrong thing, or even the right thing in the wrong way, could lose you customers or even cost you your job. In one case I describe what I said almost got me arrested.

This book is essentially a collection of stories of lessons I had to learn the hard way. Some of the chapters will begin with a story from my life, some with a modern-day parable. Others will simply just right into the material.

If you ever have any questions or comments, or want to point out a mistake, feel free to email me at [e-mail].

Bonus Book Offer

As a special thank you for purchasing this book, I would like to offer you a free copy of my short book on presentations, How to Give a Talk When You Don’t Really Want To.

You will find the offer details at the end of this book.

You can also sign up for my email list at https://walkingriver.gumroad.com and I’ll send you more information.

Be Aware of Your Prejudices

Do you know what we call opinion in the absence of evidence? We call it prejudice. ― Michael Crichton, State of Fear

Prejudices are an intrinsic part of the human condition. It’s a hard truth, but one we must face head-on. Ignoring our prejudices, or pretending they don’t exist, does a disservice to ourselves and those around us. It’s far more constructive to acknowledge these biases and learn to navigate around them.

But let’s clarify what I mean by ‘prejudice.’ This isn’t about the overt bigotry that unfortunately still exists in our world. I’m talking about a subtler, yet pervasive form of pre-judging – the kind that happens almost imperceptibly, based on our experiences and biases towards the source of information.

It’s a universally human trait to let our opinion of the messenger influence our reception of the message. This is where the heart of the issue lies.

The Benefit of the Doubt

Take a moment to ponder this: If your best friend was accused of inappropriate behavior at work, what would be your gut reaction? Would you instinctively leap to their defense, giving them the benefit of the doubt, or would you lean towards condemnation, absent any solid evidence?

Now, flip the scenario. Imagine the accused is a former boss who was less than kind to you. Would your reaction be the same? Would you still offer the benefit of the doubt, or would you find yourself more inclined to believe the accusations?

I remember an incident from my days at a large tech firm that illustrates this point. One Monday morning, I was shocked to learn that a colleague had been fired for sexual harassment. The news hit me like a bolt from