Misadventures of RPG Dice

By Douglas Van Dyke, Jr

A common mistake by Role-Playing Gamers is thinking that the purpose of the game is to level up, gain treasure, and build your character. I say NAY! So what’s the REAL reason to play a good RPG? It’s the time spent building friendships, sharing laughs, working as a team, and laughing or crying over confusing situations. The value of the game is the moments with friends. And so, I bid you welcome as I share with you these tales of misadventure from my years rolling dice in tabletop games. This story collection involves real gaming events which happened once-upon-a-time in strange lands. Feast your eyes on the following examples:

Learn about how ingenious players used a door to defeat multiple temple traps.

Witness party paranoia at “The Bridge of Something’s Going to Happen.”

Enjoy how a gnome’s crying fit impressed a dwarven god.

Cringe as a level 1 “good” wizard decides to rob a peasant’s house.

Step through numerous stories of unique traps, and whether or not they backfired.

Hear about a wizardess that continued fighting while paralyzed and unable to speak.

Laugh over the short-lived career of the “Centaur Spellcaster”.

Enjoy the hilarity when “Everyone is John”.

I include sprinkles of cursed items, separated parties, friendly fire, memorable character deaths, player-vs-player, and epic fails. These 39 tales from great moments at the gaming table will give you and your fellow gamers lots of laughs, and maybe a few campaign ideas.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Douglas Van Dyke, Jr
• Release date: Aug 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9781949060126

Douglas Van Dyke, Jr

Douglas was born on Nov 28th, 1971 . He got to live many different places while growing up, courtesy of the assignments the US Army offered to his father. Too quiet and too shy for too long, there was always dreams of other worlds and places...and the desire to write about them.He got into fantasy role-playing games in his mid-teens. The first such games played on a computer were offered by a Commodore 64. Often Douglas and his brother would create their own tabletop fantasy games and rules as well, all using very basic 6-sided die. Eventually, they also got into Dungeons and Dragons*. As MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) appeared, he tried a hand at several of them and made several new friends across the internet. To this day he has friends whom he meets in tabletop role-playing games, as well as online adventures. Many of his characters evolved in games, and each developed their own personality.Inheritance of a Sword and a Path is the second book he has written, though the first published. It starts The Earthrin Stones trilogy, set in the fantasy world of Dhea Loral...a world he created for tabletop role-playing. The Widow Brigade is set in the same world, but a different locale and characters. While The Earthrin Stones trilogy servers as a good overall introduction to Dhea Loral, The Widow Brigade is focused on the dwarf widows of Tok-Maurron and their struggles. Douglas continues to write novels and think up short stories, while pondering the changing world of print vs ebooks.Douglas lives with his wife and two young autistic children in Minnesota. He works in health care, serving people’s healthcare needs in imaging. When most people see him, he is wearing scrubs.FUN FACTS:Most influential authors: R.A. Salvatore, Ed Greenwood, Joel Rosenberg, Terry BrooksFavorite meal: Sausage and pepperoni pizza, with a PepsiFavorite role-playing class: Rangers lead the wayHobbies: Online fantasy games, collecting swords, local Pathfinder games (Paizo)–Graduated high school at age 16, then faced resistance from the state of Wisconsin because they felt no one under 18 should hold a full-time job.–Lived on an army base in Germany for 3 years.–Most loved RPG character endured a long campaign in which he lost twelve horses out from under him and more magical weapons destroyed than he could count. The Dungeon Master finally let him earn an unbreakable sword and an intelligent, high-level monster mount. The sword melted in acid and the mount was accidentally killed by a party member.–Wouldn’t be surprised if he has Asperger’s Syndrome, since the more he learns about it in his oldest the more it sounds like his own childhood. Douglas sees no point in trying to diagnose it since he’s an adult.–Won the middle school spelling bee, but didn’t last long in the regional contest.–Played the following characters in school plays: Blackbeard the Pirate, Squanto, Mr Smee (Capt Hook’s First Mate), and.....R2 D2, whose lines were all beeps and whirring noises.–Spent several years in Civil War reenactments, portraying the Red-Legged-Devils of the 14th Brooklyn, NYSM.

Book preview

I have to thank my closest gaming friends, who got to relive their past adventures when they read an early copy of this manuscript. This project brought back a lot of memories that we could once again share laughs over. If you’ve rolled dice with me, thank you for contributing to so many great memories. I’ve played with some of you almost 40 years ago, and others I saw just last night. Maybe new gamers will read and be inspired by our adventures. Perhaps history will repeat itself.

The games are just a sandbox; the memories and joy come from your friends.

Copyrights Disclaimer

Since this book centers on real-life tabletop gaming experiences, it briefly mentions several game systems and possibly copyrights/trademarks from such games’ rulesets. This work features commentary protected by the Fair Use guidelines of Section 107 of the Copyright Act. All rights reserved to the copyright owners. I do not claim ownership, these copyrights and franchises are properties of their respective owners. If anything, they are mentioned in tribute due to the many fun moments and adventures offered to my family and friends. These systems and franchises served as the backdrop for the real-life recollections described herein. If anything, I hope a reader is encouraged to try these games for themselves and enjoy the experiences as much as I did.

Some of these systems include the various D&D editions from 2nd through 5th, (from Wizards of the Coast), Pathfinder (Paizo), Savage Worlds (Pinnacle Entertainment Group), and home-rule games. They may include official rules gatherings such as Living City, Living Greyhawk, Living Force (all Wizards of the Coast), and Pathfinder Society (Paizo). It also includes titles, like Dungeon Master, Game Master, and referee. (Other modern culture references may be mentioned for descriptive purposes and personal viewpoints.)

I thank all of these systems and their owners for the entertainment they have brought us over the years. However, as I should reinstate, I claim no ownership or infringement on any of these game systems or rules. This book is not used in any official or representative capacity. These stories are for entertainment purposes from those who have enjoyed these games.

Terminology

This is a list of common abbreviations you may encounter in this text. Much of this is second nature to most tabletop gamers, but it is included for those new to these terms.

AD&D – Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, the 2nd edition of the game, (by WoTC).

Attack of Opportunity – A free attack granted to an opponent when the active character takes certain actions in battle.

Campaign – A series of adventures and quests which combine to form a larger narrative story. Campaigns consist of several gaming sessions, sometimes spanning years.

Cert – Short for certificate, these were papers handed out during Living City events which conveyed a reward or item to the player that earned them.

Critical Hit/Fumble – A system by which a character might score a more damaging hit or suffer a harsh accident depending on a combat roll. On a twenty-sided dice, a 20 generally was a critical success and a 1 resulted in a harsh fumble.

D&D – Dungeons and Dragons (by WotC). An imaginative role-playing game of fantasy medieval characters, involving the use of many different-sided dice to perform skill checks and bypass obstacles. It sometimes uses a tabletop battlemap for reference but can also be coordinated through player imagination.

Dhea Loral – The author’s campaign world. This realm is the focus of his fantasy novels, but it existed as a gaming campaign world prior to that use.

DM – Dungeon Master. A title still owned by Wizards of the Coast for the D&D game. The director or story-teller of the game, guiding the players though encounters both peaceful and combat-oriented.

Flanking – In some games, attackers get a bonus to hit if they have an ally on the opposite side of an opponent. Characters try to maneuver so that they can trap an opponent between them.

Forgotten Realms – A world setting owned by the makers of Dungeons and Dragons, often a source of game campaigns.

GM – Game Master. Similar as DM, above, but not specific to D&D/WotC. This is the game’s story-teller or referee.

Hit points/ HP – Hit points are the amount of damage a character can withstand without dying. As a character gets injured, they lose hit points.

Homebrew or Home-brew – A house rules game or ruleset separate from a commercial or official game sold by a vendor.

In-character – Voices or actions described by a player which the controlled character speaks and performs in the game world.

Initiative – The order in which players and monsters have their turn during battle, determined by a roll of dice at the start of an encounter. A high initiative means that person goes before others.

Living City/Living Greyhawk – Two gaming systems used for official D&D games at conventions, allowing strangers to play and level up characters in an organized ruleset. Living City used AD&D rules, Living Greyhawk used version 3.0, and later 3.5 (And the author frequently gets them mixed up).

Mini – Short for miniature. Refers to the playing pieces that are shaped like monsters and humanoids, representing both party members and enemies on the combat map.

Min/Maxing – A practice of developing a character in such an unrealistic way that it concentrates stats and abilities around a specific, powerful build. Non-important stats and skills are ignored. Players use every advantage they can squeeze out of the rules.

NPC – Non-player character. These characters are controlled by the DM, GM, or referee.

Pathfinder Society – Similar to the organized play of Living City/Greyhawk, but used from the compatible D&D version 3.5 rules for a game system called Pathfinder, (by Piazo). These official rules games are played at conventions between friends and strangers.

PC – Player character. These characters are directly controlled by the players of the game. Players usually make their own PCs, but some games have pre-generated characters available.

Saving Throw – A roll of a dice a character makes to avoid a nasty spell, trap, or effect.

Take 10/Take 20 – In the Pathfinder game, a character without any risk of failure could take a relaxed amount of time to complete a skill task, instead of rolling the dice. For taking 20, it uses up 2 minutes of game time, but the character acts as if his skill rolled a 20, and sees if the result equals a skill success. It’s not a choice if time is off the essence, or if something bad could happen if the roll fails.

THAC0 – To hit armor class zero. In 2nd Edition D&D (AD&D), it was a backwards-way of counting which told you what number you needed to roll on the dice to hit your opponent with an attack.

TPK – Total Party Killed. The entire party of players is killed.

Wipe – A term used when an entire party of players is killed.

XP – Experience points, used as a measure of a character’s advancement. Characters earn enough XP and they gain a level, becoming stronger.

Chap01 – Wild Surge Ends Campaign

Early on, my fellow tabletop RPG (Role-Playing-Game) cohorts hated encounters out on the water. I’ve had similar feelings in real-life. After all, when the army loses, it can retreat. When the navy loses, they are literally sunk. Likewise, trying to get our party to cross a body of water over the years has been like pulling teeth. When I made my archipelago world of Dhea Loral, it soon became obvious that the party would rather hike the coastline, risking the edges of high-level monster areas, rather than just cut time by sailing down the coast. I think a lot of our fears and reasons grew from early experiences such as this one, in which a water battle went very badly. When characters are stuck out on a ship and a conflict turns ugly, it means somebody is likely going to die.

The DM, (Dungeon Master), in this case, was an enthusiastic newer player. Of course, when he expressed a desire to take his turn in the director’s chair, we were happy to roll up new characters and let him flex his creativity. I think our normal DM also enjoyed the prospect of having a break.

This was an AD&D campaign, (2nd edition Dungeons & Dragons), which got off to a nice start. We played a few adventures and achieved maybe two or three levels before our Judgement Day, which I will discuss shortly.

An important thing to know about this campaign was that one of our players decided to roll up a wild magic wizard. Wild mages harnessed chaotic, unpredictable energy into their spells. They could cast like a normal wizard, with a 1 in 20 chance of any given spell including an unpredictable side effect. This was called a wild surge. They also had the ability to cast an unmemorized spell of choice which would automatically produce a wild surge. In other words, they could use a sorcerer-like ability to cast a spell they knew, but didn’t have prepared, at the risk of whatever calamity might also befall them…or those around them!

Wild surges would roll on a random number table to see the desired effect. You just didn’t know what odd effect might come into play, and whether it would be beneficial, detrimental, or just funny.

Effects included things like changing the caster’s voice or setting off a smoke cloud. It could add a fear effect to anyone close to the caster, including party members. You might levitate the target, or fall in love with them, or even silence yourself. It was like sampling an unlabeled variety of chocolates, in which most of the side effects resulted in bad things. I think a lot of people back then came up with their own home-game list of results, adding more variety to the mischief.

In the first few adventures we played, I remember some chaotically funny moments centered around that wild mage. One of the most laughable was when she cast an attack spell against some enemies, and the spell surged. The wild result on the table indicated that she grew into a giant lizard. We happened to be in a narrow dungeon corridor at the time, so people were stuck on opposite sides of her until the spell wore off. Her character couldn’t speak in such a form, so when the player tried to say something, we reminded her that we can’t understand or even hear anything. To say the least, she was frustrated.

One had to know that background in order to discuss that campaign’s Judgement Day, and our players’ eventual fear of water.

Our mission called upon us to board a ship that would take us across a giant lake – a lake so large that it was like an inland sea. Our party boarded a caravel-like ship and was a day out from port when the encounter happened. A number of humanoid sea creatures started attacking the ship. At first, they tried putting holes in the hull while our party used spells and bows to attack them. It wasn’t long before they swarmed over the front of the ship. We had sailors assisting us, but like most NPCs in encounters, they were going down like cannon fodder. Most of our party met the creatures head-on across the main deck, while our wild mage cast spells from the raised aft deck.

Unfortunately, after the first few combat rounds, it became painfully obvious that the DM threw too many monsters at us. They had us surrounded and were dealing more damage to us than we could to them.

In most low-level campaigns, a DM has to try to think of an escape strategy in case such a mistake is made. After all, we also used a home-brew critical hit/fumble system, which meant that a few lucky rolls by a monster could be very dangerous to a player. At low levels, players didn’t have access to resurrection spells, so a dead PC meant the player would have to roll up a new character. Also, if the entire party was overwhelmed, it was handy to save them through some kind of intervention or third party. Unfortunately, the consequence of having our ship swarmed by a horde of voracious critters with no land in sight somewhat defeated any escape plan.

Player characters started to go down, and we proved unable to heal them in the midst of the attack. Very few NPC sailors were left to keep the monsters from also swarming the raised aft deck, upon which our wild surge mage stood. She began to run out of spell options due to our low levels and close-quarter fighting.

As the massacre became a certainty, the players tried discussing desperate options. The wild mage had one deadly solution that she was reluctant to try. She could cast a fireball spell in such a way that it would include most of the monsters. Unfortunately, a few player characters were lying unconscious in the target area. The downed characters would not be able to resist or survive the spell, which would leave half the party dead.

We regretted that half of us would have to roll up new characters, but we all agreed that if she didn’t cast the spell, the horde would wipe out the entire party. Since she had already hit them with her memorized fireball when they first started surfacing, she would have to use her wild surge option to cast a second one. We hoped that the random effect would somehow be one of the beneficial ones.

Our wizard declared the fireball, outlined where it would hit, and rolled on the wild surge table. Everyone’s jaw hit the floor as the DM read the chaotic result.

An overwhelming mega-fireball consumed the entire ship.

The surge roll resulted in the spell having an extended impact