HOROSCOPE HOTTIES: Finding the Best Lovers in the Zodiac

By Linda Shaw and Raymond Aaron

Love Advice for the starry-eyed
Ever had a man worship you like a goddess then knock you off your pedestal with temper tantrums? What are the upsides to dating a wild Aries woman? Wouldn't you love an instruction manual on how to deal with the Sagittarian stud who blows hot and cold? Well, here it is: Horoscope Hotties is a handy guide that provides invaluable insight into the inner workings of every star sign and how to turn them on (and off again, if necessary)
Written in Linda Shaw's fearlessly witty, high-spirited gung-ho style, this comprehensive but easily-digestible Zodiac playbook will help you better understand the subtle strengths, weaknesses and compatibility levels each sign brings to your relationship table. If you're seeking advice on how to deal with your current beau or potential love interest, this book, based on firm astrological foundations, will give you the inside scoop. Learn how to: create harmony, avoid conflict, understand your motivations, identify your best astrological matches, work with planetary cycles, take charge of your relationships, and find true cosmic love.Linda Shaw's progressive approach to bonding encompasses compatibility across a spectrum of potential pairings as you learn what motivates a Piscean or how best to connect with a Scorpio. Within its 146 pages you'll discover help and guidance for every star-crossed situation from improving your sex life with a Cancerian to flirting with a Gemini or borrowing money from a Virgo.
Understanding your own and your partner's underlying and unchangeable psychological traits enables you to appreciate and manage your relationships better.
Linda Shaw has been providing psychic balms to South Africans for decades as a columnist for a variety of publications including the Sunday Times and Fair Lady, and her YouTube channel grows by the week.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781772774276

Book preview

Bonuses.

Chapter One

ARIES

HE – ARIES

WHO IS HE REALLY?

Never mind the fairy tales. Have you ever thought about a real knight in shining armour? What he’d be like? Okay, sure, he’d be grooving about on his gleaming white horse, rescuing you whenever you cracked a nail. He’d be flexing those beautiful biceps as he swept you off the very feet you were managing perfectly well to walk on all by yourself. He’d be helping you out with every thought, every deed, every decision. And his other horse would be a Porsche.

We’re talking about the ultimate male chauvinist here. This is a guy who, firstly, assumes you need to be rescued, and who secondly (once he has your ear) feels the need to inform you of his views on your life, your outfits, your plans, your career… get the picture?

There are three favourite things in the life of an Aries man: personal power, always coming first, and grand passion. And for those three things, he will give his all.

On the power front, he’s the guy with the courage to make unpopular decisions, persuade others to see things his way, work all night without food or sleep, and literally climb every mountain. This is a nutcase on a mission.

There are only two things that stop him dead in his tracks: boredom and the sudden discovery that he can’t win. To avoid boredom, he will literally (well, almost) start a war—big or small. To avoid losing, he will happily annihilate the opposition.

HIS UPSIDE:

You’ll never be bored with this guy. His childlike excitement and passionate energy alone are enough to keep you alert and watching. He knows what he wants, and he has no fear of doing whatever it takes to get there. He has a confidence that’s contagious, and when he feels he’s had enough attention for himself, he will happily shine his light on anyone else who needs a little recognition. He never minds sharing—as long as he’s getting what he wants first. He is warm and generous, dynamic and witty, passionate and wildly sexual.

HIS FLIP SIDE:

There’s no doubt about it. This is potentially the most arrogant, egotistical, insensitive, selfish man you are likely to meet. And if you were to muster up the audacity to point any of these tiny details out, then that fireball of a temper would probably blow you off your feet. Bearing in mind that the women he falls in love with are generally idealised goddesses—as opposed to flawed human beings—he’ll fall out of love the second she slithers off her rapidly erected pedestal. He can be childish, sulky, impatient, and temperamental. And he needs more approval than a five-year-old.

HOW TO GET HIS ATTENTION:

He wants you to be exactly like him—but to pretend not to be. He is fascinated by the independent, assertive, powerful woman. But when she’s with him, she must magically transform into a soft, fluffy, helpless flower, who can barely breathe in his presence. She must flatter him excessively, wilt visibly as he walks through the door, and be awe-struck by his numerous accomplishments. She must dress like a hooker in private, and a cream-coloured ice-maiden in front of his guests. Especially male ones. She must also make sure his food is ready and his shirts are ironed. But she must never allow the monotony of her own life to filter into his, or he’ll be gone. This is a man who wants excitement, with a perfect hairdo. And if you can’t rustle up a little magic, he’ll find it elsewhere. No problem.

But while he’s looking your way, there’s no one more extraordinary.

WHAT’S HE LIKE IN BED?

This is a dodgy area. Passion he has—in spades. Technique… not so much. Unless you can get him to actually switch off his phone and stare into your eyes for…dare we suggest 20 minutes…he’s very likely to just smash and grab, and then dash off with a seductive wink and a furtive glance at his watch. You know those movies where she gets slammed against a grubby wall in the public toilet? That’s an Aries. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It could even be kinda fun—if you like that sort of thing.

But then there are those rare occasions when he slows down to a panic, and fixes you with those extraordinarily magnetic eyes, and for a night…or two…or three, he belongs to you. Look, he can still be a bit rough with those mighty hands, but you’ll get a better massage than you’ve ever had in your life, even if you do need a little surgery afterwards. And sometimes there’s a genuine tenderness—even a vulnerability—that’s so magical it’ll sustain you for weeks.

But then it’s back to the handcuffs and flavoured lube, inevitably laced with giant packs of coloured condoms elegantly crammed into the glovebox of his Chickmobile (just in case). Blow jobs are fine too—time efficient and exactly what a guy needs between VERY IMPORTANT meetings.

What do you mean, you have needs too? Get in line, sweetie. There’s a suggestion box in the corner.

Look for us on www.horoscopehotties.com, where you’ll find our Surprise Free Bonuses.

SHE – ARIES

WHO IS SHE REALLY?

If there’s one place you’re highly unlikely to find this delightful creature, it’s in the kitchen. Not that she couldn’t rustle up an excellent curry if she absolutely had to, but as she would quite seriously tell you herself, What’s the point when you can get takeaways in half the time?

But don’t get her wrong. If there was ever in existence a You-Can-Have-It-All Superwoman that the magazines drone on about, it would be this gal. So yes, she’s quite capable of being the devoted wife and mother, as well as chairgirl of the board and president of the country. The only essential common ingredient here is that Miss Aries needs, at all times, a challenge—a crusade… a place where she feels tested, valued, and truly useful.

And if she was ever looking for a role model, Joan of Arc would almost certainly fit the bill. Joan represented the kind of woman who was quite willing to be burnt at the stake, as long as it was for a good cause. In fact, on some weird level, there might be something rather dramatically wonderful about going to meet your maker in such an outlandish