Sleeping Trees at the Movies: Mafia? Western? Sci-Fi?: Blueprints for Devised Comedy

By Sleeping Trees

From 2014 to 2018, character comedy trio Sleeping Trees challenged themselves to bring the big screen to the stage, paying homage and reinventing gangster, western and sci-fi movies for audiences across the country. This book recounts how these shows were made, stories from when they were on tour, the trio’s unique approach to devising fringe comedy, as well as the original scripts of the three award-winning plays.

Mafia?

Sleeping Trees deliver their version of every gangster film they’ve ever seen. Expect casinos, operas and bloodshed as the Banucci brothers find themselves in a situation stickier than most luxury cakes.

Western?

The Sleeping Trees find themselves slowly crisping under the sun of the Wild West, as gun-slinger Harry Sudds takes on bulls, scorpions and many other animals largely found in America.

Sci-Fi? 

At a time where ancient planet Plutopia rules the galaxy, farmer Charlie Sprog is dragged from his quiet home planet and given one simple mission: SAVE THE UNIVERSE FROM TOTAL DESTRUCTION.

So sit back, relax, grab some popcorn, and enjoy. Obviously if you need to put the popcorn down to hold the book then do, maybe just put the popcorn to the side, or hold it between your thighs? The important thing is that you read the book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Salamander Street Ltd.
• Release date: Oct 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781913630539

Book preview

Mafia?

CHARACTERS

ACTOR 1 (JAMES)

JOHNNY

VICTIM 1

PRIEST

WIDOW

GAMBLER 1

DON BERGONIO

PC SNEAKY SIMON

ESE

PRISON GUARD

MOBSTER 1

FUCKHEAD

REVOLVING DOOR

THE COMEDIAN

ACTOR 2 (JOHN)

TOMMY

VICTIM 3

HUSBAND

BARTENDER

OPERA GENT

DEALER

ROULETTE GUY

LIL FRIEND

DON COLOGNE

CARLOS

MONSTER 2

WANKERNOSE

MR TIDDLES

JOEY PASTRAMI

ACTOR 3 (JOSHUA)

RONNIE

VICTIM 2

MRS BANUCCI

GAMBLER 2

CROUPIER

CAT MAN

FAT DON ALBERTINI

BUTCHER

MONSTER 3

REVOLVING DOOR

TED

NEW GANGSTER

BOXER

FOREWORD

Greetings reader! First things first, thanks for opening up our book and not being put off by our incredibly serious faces on the front cover, this show was many things but it wasn’t serious!

Before we get into it, and for anyone reading this who doesn’t know us or is unfamiliar with our work, we are the Sleeping Trees, a comedy trio from the UK. We’ve been making narrative-driven character comedy shows since 2009 and nearly all of our shows follow the same set of rules:

The three of us have to play everyone and everything, inanimate or otherwise.

The three of us aren’t allowed to leave the stage until the show ends.

The three of us are allowed to go off script at any point, providing one of us can get us back on track.

Mafia? was the fourth show we made as Sleeping Trees back in 2014 and it was a bit of a departure from our first three shows, all of which were based on well-known books and saw us perform on an empty stage.

With this show, we wanted to stay true to our stripped-back style but with one key difference – this time we wanted to introduce music, and we were particularly interested in working with a live band.

Fortunately for us, we happened to already be friends with The Physics House Band, an extremely talented and technically gifted psychedelic prog-rock band from Brighton. We asked if they would be interested in collaborating on the project, and to our surprise they said yes! They had never worked in theatre and we had never worked in music, so the stage was set.

The reason we ended up making a show in homage to mafia and gangster movies was because when the three of us lived together, we were horrified to discover that James had never seen any of the Godfather films. So after forcing him to watch all three parts, and in need of a new idea for a show, we decided a mafia based show would be a great deal of fun to make, and we weren’t wrong.

Now we are more than aware that seeing theatre is far more exciting than reading theatre, so to make this script a little more enjoyable for you we have annotated it throughout, in a bid to give you a little more insight into how it was made, some memorable moments and some of the best stories we have from when it was on tour. It was also a highly physical and visual show, so we hope the additional footnotes help you to better visualise and make sense of it all!

Finally, we have purposely not specified who has written what in this book, not only to keep you guessing but also because most people just see us as one giant, misshapen but highly attractive person anyway.

We hope you have as much fun reading about it as we did making and performing it!

James, John & Joshua.

Musician plays the audience in. Audience is in a nice relaxed state waiting for the boys to enter. Lights go down and Opening Credit Music plays. James enters with cottoning his mouth imitating Marlon Brando as The Godfather.

JOHNNY: I understand. You found paradise in America, had a good trade, made a good living. The police protected you; and there were courts of law. And you didn’t need a friend of me…But, now you come to me and you say -- Don Corleone give me justice.³ -- But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me to do murder, for money…BUONA SERA–

This is where Tommy and Ronnie burst in and interrupt Johnny, revealing he was just pretending to be the Godfather in his bedroom, as we all did when we were teenagers. The following lines overlap.

TOMMY: Johnny what are you doing?/

JOHNNY: Woah, Tommy/

JOHNNY: No Tommy/

TOMMY: You’re pretending to be Marlon Brando again?/

JOHNNY: No Tommy I swear/

RONNIE: If you weren’t pretending to be Marlon Brando then what were you doing?

JOHNNY: …Masturbating

RONNIE: Johnny when are you gonna settle down and find yourself a girlfriend?

JOHNNY: I can’t…I’ve got a phobia of lips

TOMMY and RONNIE: What?!

Tommy and Ronnie hold guns out to the audience and freeze as Johnny becomes the narrator.⁴

JOHNNY: My name is Johnny Banucci⁵, and as far back as I can remember I’ve always wanted to be a gangster

MUSIC – Brothers Theme

These are my two older brothers Tommy and Ronnie and they were gonna show me how. Tommy’s my eldest brother, and despite what some people might think, he has got a good heart, just don’t get on the wrong side of him, he can be a bit of a hot head

MUSIC – Big Tension

TOMMY: Alright, I’m gonna ask you one more goddamn time, shall I shoot you in the fucking head?!

VICTIMS: No!

TOMMY: Wrong answer!

SFX – Gunshot

Tommy shoots the two civilians, blood splatters.

MUSIC – Brothers Theme

JOHNNY: My brother Ronnie was always cool, calm and collected. He was the man with the plan, so he also handled the money side of things…

RONNIE: Alright, I’m gonna ask you one more goddamn time…Did you get a VAT receipt?

VICTIMS: No!⁶

RONNIE: Then it’s not gonna be tax deductible…

JOHNNY: Now you might be wondering how me and my brothers got ourselves into this sticky situation, well it all began way back at my father’s funeral. The day my life changed for ever… PART ONE: Mostly set-up⁷

MUSIC – One Hit

The three brothers are standing at the grave of their father.

MUSIC – Funeral

TOMMY: I can’t believe Pop’s actually gone.

RONNIE: Why did we get an open casket, he was lost at sea.

JOHNNY: Hey Ronnie, wanna hear a riddle I came up with? What has no end, no beginning and no mid–

RONNIE: –Shh Johnny! Ma is about to give her speech, you know how nervous she is.

JOHNNY: Sorry.

Mrs Banucci approaches the stand and taps the microphone to see if it’s working.⁸

MRS BANUCCI: Thank you all for coming, Gregory would have been so proud to see so many faces here. This is something I have prepared for him…HIT IT! It’s been seven hours and fifteen days⁹. This ones by me, since you took your love away. I wrote this. Nothing compares, by me once more, nothing compares to you. Thanks, CDs will be available in the foyer

The priest sets the coffin on fire.

PRIEST: Now who would like a marshmallow?!

GRAHAM SHUNKTON: Rosemary. Our thoughts are with you and your sons. Gregory was a good man. You should all be proud

MRS BANUCCI: Thank you. That’s one of mine

WIDOW: I’m so sorry for your loss Mrs Banucci, I know just how you feel, I lost my husband this year too

GRAHAM SHUNKTON: Barbara?

WIDOW: Oh no here he is! Where the hell have you been, I’ve missed you so much

GRAHAM SHUNKTON: Come on, let’s go get some cake¹⁰

MRS BANUCCI: Well at least I’ve got my boys

MUSIC – Brothers Theme Reprise¹¹

RONNIE: OK Johnny, now that Pops has gone we need you to help run the family business

TOMMY: We have a few things to do Johnny and not even you can mess this up

RONNIE: First I want you to go the the bar on Third and collect some money we’re owed

TOMMY: As you know Ma isn’t feeling too good so I want you to take her to the opera, OK?

JOHNNY: The opera? I hate the opera…can’t I just take her to go and see Cats?

TOMMY: No Johnny! I hate that musical, no grown man should ever play a cat in front of a live audience

RONNIE: And then Johnny, and only then, you get yourself a nice ice-cream on us, OK?

JOHNNY: OK. So I go to the bar, then take Ma to the opera and then I’ll get myself a sweet-ass ice-cream

TOMMY: JOHNNY! If you really want to be a gangster, the might need this…

Tommy pulls out a gun in slow-mo.

JOHNNY: Is that a gun?

TOMMY: Of course it is. What you think it was, my hand?¹²

Johnny holds it up in the air.

SFX – Triumphant

TOMMY and RONNIE: JOHNNY…not at a funeral!

JOHNNY: OK. So it’s off to the bar

MUSIC – Organ Stab

Johnny bursts through some doors into a quiet bar; the only things inside are a jukebox and the bartender.

JOHNNY: This place could do with a little atmosphere.

BARTENDER: Well why don’t you put a coin in the jukebox?

JOHNNY: Don’t mind if I do…

Johnny inserts a coin into the jukebox and it starts to play.¹³

MUSIC – 40’s Jazz

Wow. That’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Good afternoon ma’am.

MUSIC – Record Break

BARTENDER: I ain’t seen you around here before kid – are you sure you’re old enough to drink?

JOHNNY: Well sure I am – I’ll just have my usual, Bailey’s and…tango.

BARTENDER: A Bailey’s and tango?!

JOHNNY: Ha! Only joking, I’ll just have a glass of er…whatever’s in that green bottle there.

BARTENDER: The green bottle?

MUSIC – Bottle Theme

Wow… *I haven’t thought about that bottle in a long time. When I was just a little girl I had a very violent father. He used to shout a lot and he never laid a finger on me. I just wish I could say the same for my brother. There wasn’t a day went by that my old man didn’t see red and end up turning my brother black and blue. He never talked back until one day he’d clearly had enough. He stood right up to my father and that was it. My father beat him to death that day. You know what he used? … It was that green bottle¹⁴

So you want a large or a small?

MUSIC – 40’s Jazz

JOHNNY: Sorry, not the green bottle, I meant that brown bottle there

BARTENDER: The brown bottle?

The bartender turns her back again, Johnny points the gun at her.

Wow…¹⁵ Every Christmas my husband used to insist on driving us to our cousin’s house on the 23rd December. He always knew I had a problem with that because it was too close to Christmas, but he always had a way of talking me around, he always knew what to say. One year there were blizzard warnings but he refused not to see his family – that was the type of guy he was – always thinking of others. So I get in the car. I’d driven in bad conditions before but this was something else. He decided to drive the scenic route to avoid the traffic and that’s when it happened. The car slid on some black ice and the car flew like you wouldn’t believe. Like a scene from your favourite action movie, rolling into 7,8,9,10,11. When the car finally stopped and I came around he was there smiling at me. I was so happy just to know we were both OK but his window was open. Out of nowhere this bottle comes flying in and takes his head clean off. You know what bottle it was? …

It was the brown bottle

So you want to pay cash or a cheque?

JOHNNY: You know what, mister, I’m not even that thirsty, just give me a bowl of those nuts…

MUSIC – Bottle Theme

BARTENDER: I hate NUTS!¹⁶ My sister-in-law was allergic to nuts. She ate some and died…

SFX – Gunshot¹⁷

JOHNNY: Is there anything in this bar that doesn’t remind you of some sad and horrific