Love and Other Calamities: Magic and Mayhem Universe

By Virginia Nelson

As a powerful witch marked by the universe, Bobsy Blatherskite saved the world from an apocalypse at the age of thirteen. By twenty, she saved the world twice. Her life has been filled with adventure, excitement, and she's proud to have been the hero so many times…
 

But she's aging and alone and not sure what to do next. Love? Seems like a mundane goal, but it is what everyone else is doing, so Bobsy joins a website and begins to go on a series of first dates. It might not be a dangerous job, but she's sure she can accomplish her goal like she has so many of her others—if you can beat universal odds, after all, how hard can dating be?
 

Enter Ambrose Foster—the perfect man. Or is he? She couldn't have swiped right on the one witch hunter on the whole dating site, right?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Virginia Nelson
• Release date: Jun 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201088149

Virginia Nelson

Virginia Nelson likes knights in rusted and dinged up armor, heroes that snarl instead of croon, and heroines who can't remember to say the right thing even with an author writing their dialogue. Her books are full of snark, sex, and random acts of ineptitude--not always in that order.

Book preview

Prologue

Although cool air kissed Bobsy Blatherskite’s face with a gentle touch, the screams she could hear in the distance somewhat threw off the ambiance of the night. She glanced at her watch as she jogged toward the source of the sound. We’ve got less than five minutes left! she yelled over her shoulder without breaking pace.

I know! The witch behind her could barely get the words out past her own panting as she ran with her arms beating the air. We can make it!

Bobsy wasn’t as confident, but she would give it her best. The buildings blew past her in fast forward as her spell-enhanced jog ate up the city streets. A strange blue glow down a side street had her swerving to a wobbly turn in that direction. Fewer screams led the way, and she tried to tell herself it was because they’d run away; they’d gotten to safety before it was too late.

Her gut feared they’d gone silent for another reason…

She couldn’t think about it. Not when she held the key to saving the world.

The blue glow became clearer as she approached. Blue flames licked up the sides of the skyscrapers, a pillar of light piercing the otherwise still and dark night. The moon dimmed in their presence, stars vanishing in a neon blast. She couldn’t see the whole thing, not from on the street, but based on her knowledge of the magic at hand, she’d guess it was a perfect circle of blue fire. It probably glowed all the way into space, and who knew how high the fire actually burned? The few people she passed as she approached the wall of fire all focused on the scene, heads craned back to help them better see the size and scope of their impending doom.

Run away or something! she yelled, but none of them did more than spare her a glance. After a few seconds of thinking them as dumb as a deer frozen in the headlights of a car, she realized suddenly why the people and the deer froze like that.

It was because they knew, understood on some deep, primal level, that nothing they did would stop their doom.

I got this, she panted at the next unresponsive person she passed. Because, unlike them, she could help.

The fire burned cold, which made no sense, but the air chilled dramatically the closer she got to the site, making it all the harder for her stiffening muscles to keep her running. Her sweat froze on her skin, but she gritted her teeth and pushed just a little harder. Another glance at her watch had her calling back, Two minutes.

No response after a few seconds had her darting a glance behind her, only to stumble as horror broke her stride. Camellia, her partner in this operation, lay writhing in the street as if some invisible force convulsed her muscles all at once. All the other people she’d passed had crumbled as well, all twisting and contorting in obvious agony.

Bobsy spun in a slow circle, realizing the world around her had exploded in pain, yet she was fine…

Wasn’t she?

She didn’t have time to think about it or do anything for them other than finish her task. Sucking in a deep lungful of icy air, Bobsy set off again toward the wall of frozen flames.

There wasn’t time for her to consider whether or not it was safe—she already knew it wasn’t safe and it could kill her, but if she didn’t try, their world would be destroyed. With that in mind, Bobsy sucked in one final gasp of air and plunged through the wall of fire itself.

It burned, but like frostbite rather than anything warm or comforting. Her skin felt as if it might bubble and pop off her muscles and, for a couple of precious seconds, she could do no more than scream at the agony of the sensations flooding her body. Then, against all odds, she was through the wall.

At the center of the circle, a small child stood holding the hand of what looked like a wraith from stories of old. The shadowy figure didn’t appear imposing, despite its torn grey hooded robes. It appeared to be a parent or guardian simply holding the hand of the tiny child. The girl looked sweet and innocent—blond hair neatly braided in two identical plaits hanging around a cherubic face. The only thing really off about the scene—besides the wall of icy flames and the wraith, of course—was the child’s eyes.

They glowed a blue identical to that of the fire surrounding them in a neat circle.

Tabby! Bobsy cried, reaching a hand toward the child. It is time for your nap.

The little girl stuck out her lip in a pout and raised one hand in a stop gesture. I’m not tired, the child insisted.

From the pocket of her hoodie, Bobsy yanked the tool she’d brought to help her save the world. I’ve got cookies, she said to the kid, shaking the bag gently where the girl could see it. Chocolate chip, your favorite.

The kid perked up again, and the wall of fire seemed to pulse and grow. Give them to me, then maybe nap, Tabby hedged.

Bobsy spent a good moment gritting her teeth and reminding herself that exactly this kind of thing—an apocalypse bearing spawn hellbent on destroying the very fabric of reality rather than taking a nap—was why she didn’t have children. But the cold snapped her out of her revere rather quickly, so she shook the bag of cookies again, a move something like a lion tamer facing down a toothy beast with nothing more than a pork chop as defense. If you want the cookies, you’ll have to come with me.

Mama said not to go anywhere with strangers, not even for cookies, but that was before…

Before she died, was snatched away from you. You cried a lot, didn’t you, Tabby? chimed in the wraith-like creature unhelpfully.

The little girl’s bottom lip trembled and her eerily glowing eyes glistened with unshed tears. Yeah, she said, her voice seeming even more childish, as if she regressed right before Bobsy’s eyes. I did. I miss my mama.

She didn’t have to die, the wraith began. And we can make the ones who took her away from you pay for what they did, can’t we?

That won’t bring her back, Bobsy said as a new wave of power erupted from the child in a blast of frigid air. Tabby, you don’t want to hurt people, do you?

Yes, the wraith agreed, his voice going oily with deceit. "You do want to hurt people, all of the people who took your mama away, don’t you, Tabby?"

Time was up. Since her power somehow made her mostly immune to the ice flowing around them in oddly fluid rivers, Bobsy approached the child, kneeling to meet the florescent eyes. Do you want to hurt your grandma? she asked the child, playing her most powerful card in hopes of diverting the end of the world.

The glow dimmed a bit. Not much, but it dimmed. I could never hurt Gramma, Tabby insisted.

You’re doing this to protect her from hurting like you hurt, the wraith began.

But Bobsy had enough of his shit. She swung out a single leg, trying to trip the ghost-like being, but since it was floating, her leg simply