How to be Funny in Social Situations

By Rui Oliveira

Have you ever dreamed of being the funny person in any group, the one who could make people laugh and brighten everyone else's day? The one people seek when they are feeling down because they know you will always give them the ability to share a laugh with you, to see the funnier side of life?

After sharing that dream for a long time, I decided long ago to start studying, practicing and performing comedy, not aiming to be a professional comedian, but instead to be the person in any group of friends who would consistently be the funniest person at the table. As I heavily researched this subject throughout the past decade, I came to the realization that most books on comedy and improvisitational humor out there do not approach comedy from a social standpoint, opting instead to target themselves at standup comedians, screenwriters or actors, oftentimes covering what could be easy to understand, simple concepts in a midst of confusion and abstraction.

In order to try to desmistify the topic and bring humor into any social interaction, I have taken all the major insights I've learned and tried to apply them to the social situations most of us face daily. In doing so, I have created a step-by-step, practical guideline along with several practical examples, making it easy to bring these ideas into life in any conversation. In this book, you will learn:
- How to deal with any anxiety you might have around your sense of humor.
- How to avoid making awkward jokes.
- How to enhance your creativity.
- How a joke works and different ways it could be structured.
- How to spot "the funny" in any given situation.
- How to tell better, funnier stories.
- How to use techniques from improvisational commedy to improve your comedic and social skills.
- The fundamental rule of comedy that will change the way you see humor.
- Over 10 techniques to incorporate more humor into your conversations.
- 6 "joke templates" which allow you to be funny immediately in various different situations.

If you are willing to learn how to step away from the mundane into a world of creative options and humorous opportunies and to share that newfound joy with your friends and loved ones, this might just be the book you're searching for.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rui Oliveira
• Release date: May 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005294168

Book preview

Having a good sense of humor is one of the best skills you could develop in your life.

One of the most important things leveling up the most playful and fun side of you could bring into your life is the chance to take a lighter approach at the art of living itself. You will learn how to not take life so seriously, how to spot the most ridiculous and absurd side of everything, and how to bring that ridiculousness up and expose it in such a way as to amuse yourself and those surrounding you.

Ultimately, humor is a gift. It’s a gift you bring into your life and the life your friends, colleagues and family. People are so stuck in a cycle of negativity and pessimism that they are blind to how much fun and laughter surrounds them. Life is a journey that is not meant to be taken seriously, but to be enjoyed. Even the darkest of times have a silver lining, something funny to be pointed out. The thesis supporting this book is that the mindset required to spot those things and to expose them to others in an amusing and joyful way is something that can be learned. It is represented in logical patterns which can be studied, memorized and put into consistent practice.

This is especially true when it comes to social interactions. This book is not geared towards professional comedians who are being paid to entertain and amuse customers. Instead, it’s geared towards those who simply want to develop their sense of humor to bring more light into their social interactions and conversations, which in turn means the standards are much lower. Nobody is expecting you to be amusing them constantly, and neither will people ask for their money back should you fail to do so. It is important to keep in mind that it’s actually not in your favor to be anyone’s personal entertainer. Developing a sense of humor is a great personality trait to show off, but it shouldn’t overshadow other parts of you.

As we go through this book, therefore, it is important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t force being funny into your conversations with others. Allow your sense of humor to shine through occasionally as a way to lighten up a given interaction and not as something that must be always on. We will touch on this concept again before diving deeper into the individual techniques. It’s as good place as ever to explain that even though I wanted to make it clear that there’s a difference between producing comedy for social situations and producing it for TV or live performance, I will still be using the word audience throughout the book. This word doesn’t mean audience in the traditional sense, but rather whatever audience is actually listening to you. It can be your friends, family members, coworkers, or strangers. Regardless of who exactly is listening to your jokes, they will fall under this term’s umbrella.

This book is henceforth divided in four sections. During the first few chapters we will explore the underlying philosophies and psychology around humor. This will be most theoretical part of the book, based mostly in scientific research and other bodies of work by experts in the field, ranging from comedy writers to psychologists to stand-up comedians as well as my own personal experience. I will attempt to reliably and consistently quote the sources used to obtain the information that makes up the first few chapters. The focus on this initial part of the book will be on the psychological aspects of humor: what makes people laugh, whether you can learn humor, as well as common pitfalls that could spoil an attempt at humor, including dealing with anxiety and avoiding making awkward and/or offensive jokes.

The second part of the book will focus on what a joke is and how it works. It covers the basics of any given joke is structured and the fundamental elements that go into it, as well as what are the most used general structures when it comes to conversational humor.

The third part covers general tools and techniques to generate comedy. During these chapters I will present several different ways of creating humor from any given situation. These ideas were obtained after virtually any available book on the subject of humor, attending improv and comedy classes, and watching countless hours of comedic content, including sitcoms, comedy specials, talk shows and podcasts. Although comedy exists in various styles and is mostly subjective in its humorous value, these represent, as much as possible, broad tools that can be applied to a vast spectrum of joke. Some of them will, for example, prove more useful when it comes to a darker style of humor, whereas others will consistently show up even in the most innocent of jokes. This second section of the book will therefore attempt to provide the tools for you to build you own comic persona and unique style. It will end with some ideas of how you could use comedy to enhance your already-existing personal stories.

The final chapters of the book will display six practical ways to use comedy, derived from those tools, that can be applied to almost any situation and interaction, with only minor modifications to enhance the humorous effect and personalization of the jokes. These are, in effect, joke templates that you can easily adopt to become funny instantaneously. If you plan on using them, it’s important you test those who speak to you the most and check whether or not they work for you and if it’s a worthwhile investment to incorporate into your overall personality.

It’s also essential to recognize a few major hazards that come with writing a book about humor and comedy as a subject. Throughout these pages I will share with you everything I’ve learned after studying comedy as a hobby for over 10 years. However, by definition, your sense of humor is a personality trait, and therefore deeply impacted by your experiences and probably, in some way, genetics. It is a part of you that arguably can’t be transferred or taught to someone else. I do believe it’s possible to develop it in the sense that you can learn how to recognize patterns in any situation and learn how to put your own spin in them to make them funny. It’s therefore crucial that you don’t lose sight of your own point of view and way of seeing things or even consider exchanging it for my way of seeing the world, or anybody else’s. Above all I consider it’s imperative that you keep true to yourself, regardless of whether or not somebody else finds that particularly fun or amusing. Do not lose yourself in an attempt to become funnier or to somehow gain approval or validation from others, that will not work and it will most likely backfire.

As I draw upon my experiences and the teachings of others, I ask you to simply ponder them and, should you find them useful or identify with any of them, potentially seek ways to incorporate them into your already existing personality and worldview. Look at them as an enhancement, as simply another way to express yourself and your thoughts, that may or may not be more effective than your current way. Maybe you’re already a funny person, and the only thing missing is finding a way to create that spark that ignites your creative fuel, something that allows you to spot the funny side of a situation and all that’s left is finding a way to show it to others. Or maybe you also have some work to do when it comes to creativity itself, to thinking on your feet and make quick associations. That, too, is a workable skill that will be explored throughout this text. Regardless, you should never look at these tips as being set in stone or as ever being the right way to do things. Use them as foundations, sure, but make sure you create your own way. The key to making this whole thing work is being able to self-amuse yourself, and you won’t be able to do that if your thought process is constricted by somebody else’s way of approaching things.

This finally leads us to the next question: who am I and why do I consider myself remotely qualified to write a book on being funny? I started being obsessed with comedy at an early age, probably when I was around ten years old. I loved the validation I got from making others laugh and I quickly became known as the class clown who would roast teachers constantly and was almost expelled twice every week. Besides, having at times a suboptimal family environment made me feel the pressure to be able to entertain my parents to the best of my ability. Yet I always thought I could be more. I wanted to be the funniest guy, I wanted that to be my thing, the trait others would automatically associate with me. I wanted to be able to light up a room on command, I wanted to be the person people came to when they needed someone to brighten their day. I maintained this mindset toward most of my teenage years and early adulthood. Although I managed to get laughs frequently, they were never as much or as consistent as I wanted. There was always a stupid joke thrown in somewhere, an awkward silence, a few disapproving sighs or frowns.

Throughout all these years I would devour every single book about comedy writing or improv I could get my hands on and I’ll be referring to them often throughout this book. I watched virtually every successful sitcom ever created, saw hundreds of hours of comedy specials and talk shows as well as humoristic podcasts, consistently taking note of any joke that seemed to have a positive effect on the audience. I did this with my own jokes and those of people around me: I would faithfully note down every single one that worked, and I would then look for patterns that could point to what the exact thought process was that led to these jokes as well as what made them funny. I also ended up taking a couple of comedy classes and enrolled in an improv group. This book is a summary of all the answers I’ve gathered so far in my quest to become consistently funny. It tries to do so in the most practical way possible, providing several examples for each concept and how it could be applied to a variety of social situations, something which I was never able to find in any other place until this point.

This obsession did not come without its downsides, however. Laughter is addictive. It’s probably one of the best sounds in nature and I can only imagine one other non-verbal sound that could top it on the list of Best Sounds to Show Someone You Like Them. At some point, when you look at laughter as a source of validation and as the way you want others to show they approve you, you start to mix up I don’t like that joke with I don’t like you and I liked that joke with I like you. In her book The Comedy Bible, Judy Carter states this is one of the differences between professional and amateur comedians: whereas an amateur comedian will see bad jokes as a reflection of them as a person, professionals know that bad reactions aren’t about them at all; they are about the material. However, the more you get into this subject, the harder it becomes to separate who you are from other’s reactions to what you say. This led me into the psychological traps associated with humor and I had to eventually learn how to deal with them. What I learned about myself and the world throughout this journey will be discussed in the first part of this book, since I do think they are important concepts to keep in mind before diving deeper into how to become funnier. For the most part, I accomplished my goal. I became the friend people will now introduce as funny. I became the person people stared at once I opened my mouth saying Shhh everyone, he is about to say something really funny. I became what I was hoping to become, and if this is your goal my hope is that I help you accomplish it.

I don’t yet have all the answers I was looking for. What I expose in this book are simply some conclusions and techniques I’ve gathered after years of research, study and obsession over this subject, techniques I apply on a daily basis which get me consistent results. Now, without further ado, let’s jump into the first chapter of the book, where we will tackle how to deal with anxiety, fear of failure and validation-seeking behaviors which stem from attempting to be funny.

A Quick Note on Gender

Throughout this book, most of the used pronouns are male. The reason for this is because the English language lacks a gender-neutral pronoun which could be used in sentences such as When using self-depreciating humor, the speaker is poking fun at himself. Any alternatives I have researched did not seem practical or widely accepted. The clear problem with this example is that I don’t mean to discriminate any potential speaker as being any specific gender. I decided to write this note to make it clear from the start that any examples or pieces of text used throughout this book apply to all genders in spite of the language’s inherent limitations preventing me from making that clear when necessary.

Part 1: The Psychology of Humor

Chapter 1: What Makes People Laugh?

The most important thing when it comes to discussing theories around laughter is that there is no definite answer to the question of what precisely is or isn’t funny. People are different and an individual’s sense of humor is extremely unique. What some people will find funny will differ from what triggers laughter in other people, and there is no apparent reason for why this happens. Although there is a clear lack of consensus when it comes to what exactly makes people laugh, most authors seem to agree it comes down to two major factors, identified initially by psychologist Patricia Keith-Spiegel in her book The Psychology of Humor: surprise and a feeling of superiority. Although these two theories tend to be explained separately, they very often work together.

Those who believe in the surprise theory contend that a given joke is funny if it leads the audience into making an assumption during the so-called setup part of the joke, and then shatters that assumption in the punchline, the last part of the joke, thereby subverting the audience’s expectations and surprising it. Although this format is most often seen in mostly out-fashioned traditional anecdotal jokes who had a clear outline separating both parts, it can be seen in virtually every piece of comedy. When someone uses sarcasm, for example, they are also surprising the audience, albeit in a subtler way. If someone walks into an empty restaurant and asks their partner Damn I forgot to make our reservation, do you think we’ll be able to get a table before the evening? they are subverting their partner’s expectations, which in this case would be a more straightforward claim, such as This place seems abandoned, we should probably go seek nutrition elsewhere. According to the defenders of this theory, the bigger the surprise the bigger the laughter it will cause. This is why, when using sarcasm, as well as other similar types of humor such as dark humor, keeping a straight face and voice throughout most of the joke will enhance its impact since it won’t telegraph the surprise by making it clear it’s all pretend.

The second theory defended by most authors in the field, which complements the first, is that people will laugh harder at whatever gives them a feeling of superiority. Usually, a joke is punching up by poking fun at someone who holds a position of authority over the audience, since this also serves to reassure the insecurity felt by the audience members who want to see the playing field equalized and who will then express delight when that occurs through laughter. However, it could also be the case that a joke punches down by poking fun at how someone else’s customs or ways of being differ negatively from the standards of the audience’s own culture, therefore allowing it to be delighted by its own superiority. Jokes that punch up tend to be most effective when used against individuals, whereas jokes that punch down tend to target groups of people the audience doesn’t identify with, such as those from other cities or countries, as well as those who display an interest in different ideologies from those of the audience members, such as supporting a different religion or political