The Power of Enlightenment. The Great Unseen. Mahadeva. Memoirs of Supreme Enlightenment. Part 1.

By Oday La Kingsavanh

The memoir recounts my awakening, self-remembrance, and liberation from form. Narrates of my arduous paths of inner revolutions, transforming myself until I am nothing more than this supreme enlightenment, or supreme nirvana itself.

The deathless state of supreme consciousness, where there is no coming or going, but here and now - the eternal silence, the great awareness, the absolute witness.

It depicts my journey of surrendering and having an utmost, pure love, understanding, and compassion for self and for all. The book continues from my previous memoir "The Great Shiva. The Fearless One. Memoir of Final Nirvana".

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oday La Kingsavanh
• Release date: May 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005135799

Oday La Kingsavanh

Oday La Kingsavanh was born in Savannakhet, Laos in 1972 and immigrated with her family to the United States in 1983. She began school in sixth grade knowing hardly any English but determined to succeed academically. She graduated with a BS in Psychology in 1996, MA in Counseling Psychology in 2001, and doctorate degree in Counselor Education and Supervision in 2009. She started meditating as ways to find focus and relieve from daily stress; but her deeper immersion in meditation had led her to understand herself and existence more than she had hoped or expected. She lives in Illinois. YouTube channel: La Kingsavanh (https://www.youtube.com/user/lasoy681). Sharing with everyone her insights and wisdom of transcendence, Self-realization and remembrance. It is her love and devotion to Self. Namaste, beloved!

Book preview

Part 1

Published by Oday La Kingsavanh at Smashwords

Copyright 2021 Oday La Kingsavanh

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your love, beloved.

Namaste!

This memoir continues from The Great Shiva. The Fearless One. Memoir of Final Nirvana.

In the afternoon of a frigid winter, our family went to my sister’s house for a Christmas celebration. Relatives were present whom I hadn’t seen for some time. We chatted, sharing jokes and thoughts about subjects which came up during our conversations. Later, we left for Sean’s parents’ home to open gifts. Santi had yearned to visit his grandparents for a couple days. Being their only grandchild, undoubtedly, he received all the presents he'd asked Santa for.

For a few days, I didn’t meditate and hardly wrote. Santi having a winter vacation meant there wasn’t much opportunity to do so. My dreams were different, though I can’t explain them. A day later, Santi and I went to see a movie. Eating popcorn and drinking cold soda was always something I enjoyed. The little guy didn’t eat a lot of popcorn, which was heavily covered in butter, but drank soda. When we returned home, we rested. Sean entered the house from work near evening, and we played the game ‘Sorry’.

After dinner, I ascended the stairs to get ready for bed, loving and longing for Krishna.

I miss you so much, I whispered.

A flash of Him arose sitting in meditation in His golden glowing outfit. I walked over to give Him a kiss on his forehead.

Enter into Me, He said, and suddenly I based inside his vacant shape.

Shiva revealed Himself, sitting on left and right sides holding the trisula, wearing his tiger skin cloth. A golden wormhole manifested, with the Destroyer exhibited on all aspects of the vortex. Nonetheless, I delved into the portal, traveling through it despite its length.

You’re entering into the greatest power in this entirety, I heard, though not clearly, as I had music playing on my smartphone, unconvinced of why the vision occurred now. Shiva’s power.

I entered a dark atmosphere. Shiva sat in the air. Pretty much everywhere comprised of Him. Again, learning this was the ‘greatest power’. Up in the sky, I observed my surroundings and unexpectedly saw Jesus on the ground, crawling, though light reflected where he slouched. I flew to Him.

What are you doing here? I asked.

You’re in the greatest power, He said. You can’t go back.

I am already gone, I said. There’s nothing to lose.

I headed to the center, though wanting Krishna by my side, feeling a bit nervous over entering the ultimate unknown.

I am always with you, He said.

Krishna. Krishna. Krishna.

Shiva held something in His hand, and I realized I had to go in. While observing it briefly, I went in, but came back out before going completely in, alike marching into a hole which contained tiny things growing in the ocean in coral reef lagoons, with stems moving. On and on, I traveled.

I just came upstairs to brush my teeth, I said, then closed my eyes to pay attention.

Quickly, I sped through the dark sky and the little fear subsisted in me had vanished. My dynamism ignited. I became energized then roared.

Show me the power of Shiva! Show me the power of Shiva! Show me the power of Shiva! Show me the power of Shiva! Show me the power of Shiva! Show me the power of Shiva! Show me the power of Shiva! I am ready! I am no longer afraid of myself! Show me! Lead me! Guide me!

In an alternate area, I observed restful marine life, with the Destroyer. Beyond it spun a shady essence, though the vast ocean glistened.

You miss the sea, He commented.

I don’t miss it, I said. I am everything.

Then I returned to the empty dim area, bellowing the same thing, until I located myself someplace where I inspected energy mixed with white and blue, together. I moved into it.

I am pure intelligence! I am pure intelligence! I am pure intelligence!

Abruptly, in the dark, I walked with a lioness by my side, strolling through a path bordered by manicured bushes.

The lioness, I heard.

And the lion, I said.

Another wormhole materialized. I soared through it, speedily flying upward, and shot away, with the entire Universe blasting far and wide, so powerful and so fast like I had never seen. I stood atop it.

It’s my expansion! I shouted. It’s my expansion!

During Santi’s winter break, we practiced his math and reading, playing games, and watching shows. His math skills had slightly improved, and so did his speed at doing numbers. He’d be tested on it at school. His progress made him happy.

In meditation, I stood in the darkness, at a town that was burnt down. King came by, and we walked. One more king cobra surfaced through air, hovering over the whole gray atmosphere. My outfit was a one-piece white gown, and I carried stuffed animals while King strode nearby. A brown monkey, identical to one Santi possessed in his bedroom fell from my arm, but I didn’t pick it up. It felt I was letting go of familiarity, though I cuddled a light brown teddy bear.

Abruptly, I grabbed a king cobra and adorned it on my neck, but it tightened itself before sitting inside me straight, like it was my bone. We arrived upon an area paraded with various colors akin to chakras in a body. Unsure what to make of it, I trudged past, although the colors sprung into the air. Another king cobra appeared close by, much bigger and transparent, on my left.

Such a beautiful snake, I said, continued walking.

We reached a big metropolis; one I'd created when offering memoirs to people. We sat in the sky. I covered the span with my purest white ether, giving love and life to the city.

Where are we going? asked King.

I don’t have anywhere to go, I responded. There’s nowhere for me.

We flew someplace unknown and empty. I held a Bodhisattva’s gold staff, with my beloved cobra alongside me.

You’re the best snake ever, I said. Be with me forever, forever.

Want to go to Shiva? he continued.

No, I don’t go to anyone. I am He, I replied.

Thereafter, both of us surfaced from the ocean, drenched, but soon my shape changed to formless form, carrying the light beige teddy bear.

Maybe Shiva was right. I still miss the sea.

The Destroyer came into view, filling the whole heavens.

I’ll be there soon, I told Him, though he didn’t leave. I’ll be there, God.

He didn’t budge.

I said I’ll be there, then I will. I said I will, then I will. I said I’ll be there!

Truly very childlike, I paced around pouting. He left shortly. Not too long thereafter, I emerged from the sea. This time, my skin became blue, and I donned a tiger skin skirt, and my upper half was in a brown crop-top bikini. My tresses were styled in a bun and were matted. The bun kept falling, so I chopped it short. The mane drooped, passing my neck and flowing in gentle breeze, a very simple and easy style, yet it reverted into a dense roll similar to Shiva’s. I snapped my fingers and long oval gold hoop earrings decked my ears.

These are Shiva’s earrings, I said. Instead of clutching a golden rod, I gripped a golden trishul.

Suddenly in the same location, in the dark, Shiva shown Himself universally. I sat, airborne, and blinked, making Him disappear. I blinked again. The valley vanished, too. Nothing remained, only green, with assorted light, yellow spinning energy. One more flash I made, Shiva reappeared, along with the valley.

You appear when I want you, too? I asked, as I walked. All Shiva’s ornaments flew close by me. Give me all the belongings - the lingam; the drum. They are all mine.

Momentarily, I sat as Shiva. The drum and trishula stood by my side and the linga, with three white lines and a dot in the middle, King, and the conch were all there. I beat on the drum, standing, then started dancing, doing the moves where one leg crossed over the other and my left arm stretched over my chest to the other side.

What dance move is this? I inquired as it birthed automatically, though I proceeded to bop. I love being God of the Dance. I eat when hungry. I drink when thirsty. I rest when tired. Everything is so, so simple for me.

Later, I journeyed to a torn-down village and cut the stuffed monkey in half. Pure, white energy swirled out from it, releasing into the climate.

Krishna hardly showed. Just a few days ago, He did so, only to say, You’re my greatest love.

"No, you’re my greatest love," I said, couldn’t believe him saying that.

At sunset, I was at my sister’s house, having dinner. Santi played with his younger cousins and his other two friends, who joined them later. After we ate, the kids played their games in the living room and the adults gathered in kitchen area, for a game.

Despite having no desire to engage, though I did, since they needed an additional player. The game was invented by my brother-in-law’s brother, and covered variety of topics - whether one was ‘against’, ‘for’, or ‘neither’, on each subject picked. Individual who chose ‘neither’ about the issue get to be a judge for people who held opposing opinions, arguing their points as to why they were ‘for’ or ‘against’. The judge would select the winner, who they agreed with. I was ‘neither’ for a few times, then decided to be ‘for’ the legalization of marijuana. My sister opposed the idea and argued her stance.

She stated that it produced bad, long-term effects, causing hallucinations and so on. While she got two minutes to express her views, I wrote down my thoughts on a blank paper, as I’d soon forget them. Despite continually writing similar things, I couldn’t recall easily, and so I penned the same notes until her time was up. When I glanced at what I'd written, it became identical to seeing it the first time.

My argument resulted, to allow people the freedom to choose, for themselves, what was unhealthy or healthy for them. Whatever choices they made, they would come to their own wisdom and truth about themselves on their own. Everything could be a learning path which could bring growth. And I further mentioned that the drug wasn’t the problem, but the underlying causes which influenced individuals’ thoughts and behaviors. Also, if we took away choices for people, they were going to want something they couldn’t have, placing heavy emphasis on it and giving it greater importance.

There were five judges, as they all chose ‘neither’, and they could ask questions, if they had any, to gain clarification from opposing parties. My brother-in-law asked if I had any ‘limit’. It took a few seconds to come up with something, as I held no thought, as though I didn’t know what it meant, or didn’t think. Although there weren’t any limitations in myself, I simply gave a spontaneous response which had no meaning. Maybe cocaine and heroin. I don’t know.

Why? he asked.

Maybe the quickness of death, or overdosing, I responded. However, he chose to side with my sister, saying there should be limits. When he stated that, my chest tightened. There was ‘no limit’ in myself. He farther claimed if we legalized marijuana, then in the future, cocaine and heroin could be legalized, too. He had to put a ‘dead end’ to it, closed off any future issues that might or might not arise.

We are talking about right now, I said. Nevertheless, everyone agreed with my sister, which made me feel bad, as if I was being ganged up on. Whether I won or lost didn’t really matter and I didn’t put much into it. It didn’t make much difference, ‘win or lose’.

Even so, when I came home, I asked Sean about ‘legalizing’ weed, as the circumstance of that evening continued to bother me. He shared a matching opinion with me. Though I focused keenly on the point of putting a ‘limit’ on cocaine and heroin, didn’t understand the reason I'd said what I did. Uncomfortable energy began twisting strongly, going back and forth on why I would set perimeters on anything. Within myself, there were hardly any boundaries or confines. I didn’t understand why I didn’t say, There’s no limit.

Could it be I had done so for the sake of the game, as I could hardly think, and just sprouted whatever emerged? Unnerving energy surrounding this matter surfaced - heavily boiling me. I closed my eyes, lying in bed while Santi slept, snoring.

What’s going on with me? What’s going on with me? La Kingsavanh! La Kingsavanh! La Kingsavanh!

I screamed inside, tearing up. An image developed of sitting at the round table playing the game at my sister’s house, and the identical topic resurfaced regarding my sister’s argument as well as my own, the legalization of cannabis, and my choice for people to experience the freedom of their own choosing, coming to their own inner growth and expansion. Who were we to say what was right or wrong, besides the individual himself? Then cropped forth the statement on limiting other substances.

Why would I put limit on anything at all? I love everything just the same. I am everything. I am the trees, the moon, dirt, ground, drugs - everything.

Cripplingly, I cried, hurting and torching immensely as pain rushed through my body, crushing my muscles and veins.

Krishna! Krishna! Krishna! I screamed His name many times, weeping. I am gone! I am gone! There’s no me! There’s no me!

A vision transpired where I stood on dim force with a tiny glimpse of light. No Gods appeared. No Krishna, no Buddha, no Quan Yin, no Vishnu. I was on my own, deserted to roast in the purest of distress. Once more, the image of that evening intruded and the sting of not saying what lay deeply inside stabbed me severely.

Ouch! I said. I don’t know what’s going on with me! Krishna! Krishna! Krishna!

A flash came to me, of sitting on shoreline next to a skinned fish hanging on the golden trishul.

La Kingsavanh! La Kingsavanh! I shouted, weeping. La Kingsavanh! Even though you’re gone, I still deeply love you!

Next, I stood among fields of flowers, and all sorts of butterflies soared. The white, yellow, blue, and green colors of the floras bloomed stunningly; however, a deep distress hindered my enjoyment of the magnificence in front of me. Soon, I tumbled on my hands and knees, before lying face down, carrying the golden, radiant trishul, sobbing.

I don’t know what’s going on with me! I have no difference in me! I don’t have good or bad! I don’t have night or day! I am a child! I am a child! I am a child!

The great Shiva, Quan Yin said momentarily, sitting in midair, only a little sight of her formlessness displayed. She flew forward, and I trailed. She was truly transparent. Then she vanished.

Quan Yin! Quan Yin! I don’t know what’s going with me! Lead me! Guide me! Quan Yin! Quan Yin!

I plopped onto the lightest force. Unexpectedly someone’s skinny legs walked by, and purest white air enfolding her. I slowly got up to follow. She quickly evaporated. On my left side contained long and short bones, with supremely pure white forces, like waterfalls, hovering over them. I observed the skeletons closely before touching them, realizing they were mine, remnants of the final death of ‘I’.

They need to be gone, Quan Yin stated, though she wasn’t physically around, as She was invisible.

I will burn them! I will burn them! I will do it! I will do anything! I will do anything! I wept, gathering every bone into a pile, then lit fire to torch them, with a lighter. While the pile was burning, I stepped over to sit in the middle of it. The flames incinerated the skeletons, however, I sat untouched in my formlessness encompassed of ultra-ivory air, as I still wore a one-piece white, glowing gown.

There’s nothing to me! I screamed, sniveling, trying to touch my physical form (though there was none). I am limitless! I am limitless! I am limitless! There’s nothing to me! I am no longer individual self! I am no longer individual self! I have no self! I have no self! There’s no difference in me! There’s no difference in me! I am a ghost! I am a ghost! I am a ghost!

Then I sprawled on air, bawling and hugging my chest. The painful vigor crushed me down profoundly. The atmosphere nearby involved of gray and black airs drifting, similar to being at a cemetery. Someone riding on black horse appeared in the distance, wearing all black, with a big hood. At first, I thought he was Death, carrying a scythe.

You want to know yourself so bad? Come with me! he shouted. Promptly, I flew forth and sat behind him, my arms around his waist, though there was no one there, just energy, unseen.

You want to know yourself so much! Then you will! he yelled.

I will do anything! I will do anything! I will do anything!

Only you can save yourself, he said.

There’s nothing to me, I said. There’s nothing to be saved. I am a ghost. I am a ghost.

A spinning golden vortex existed in front of us. I flew right in. In the midst of traveling, severe aches ignited immensely, piercing me. I cried.

There’s nothing for me to lose, I said. There’s nothing to lose.

This became another long wormhole to traverse. Nevertheless, I proceeded until I shot skyward and discovered myself going through clear plastic tubes, in many directions. Despite trying to move through all of this, there was always more, endless. I got tired, and briefly rested. A copy of myself manifested to be in charge: wearing a white lab coat, plastic goggles, and a single-piece white dress.

Krishna! Krishna! Krishna! I yelled, tearing and missing him. What I endured became too daunting. Dying would be easier than suffering this. In a moment, I continued, though there wasn’t an end in sight. Bundles of golden light blonde hair moved along the tubes in water, and I wondered what that signified. The tubes weren’t small. Tiny arms could slide past, in them.

Once she makes it through, everything will be clear, my other self, uttered.

I glided continually onwards, though there held no sign of a finish. My other self, decided to rotate the tubes. They turned twisty.

During twists and turns, float! she said.

I traveled on these never-ending plastic slides.

There’s no beginning. There’s no ending, I whispered, examining the ducts.

Abruptly, I reached out my hand, shattering them. They broke into pieces, falling down through the bottomless gray air. Then I stood on a huge, long silver pipe. On my left end were large and small silver pipelines. They crashed, breaking one by one, as I shattered them.

I destroy everything! I shouted. I destroy everything!

The other version of myself arrived, standing close.

You destruct yourself to renew, she commented, as we observed the collapsing.

Afterwards, we sat airborne in the open, watching dry clothes dangling on black wires. The golden sun beamed. About two copies of myself appeared, sitting next to me.

Only I can be there for myself, I whispered. An Indian actor showed. He starred in a movie I'd viewed earlier that day. His character's name was Krishna.

I love your movie, my love. Thank you.

He vanished. So did the clothes. Only black wires stayed. I strode on a teeny line, wobbly and a bit afraid, missing Krishna. I yelled His name several times.

I am everywhere in you, I heard Him say. You are all that is Me.

Even so, I missed him. Brown square wooden planks displayed themselves. I seized a few, to place them on top of those wires so I could walk steadily.

I am energy, I said suddenly, after taking a couple of steps. The planks vanished and I walked on air, before flying into the sky. I am energy! I am all!

I sat in flight, in a meditation pose.

I am limited and limitless, I said. I am all.

It was a relief to completely have full acceptance of myself, following what I'd undergone.

The power of enlightenment is me.

Suddenly a golden luminous light shone, comparable to a big glowing ball. I watched it tenderly as its radiance bounced off of my face.

You are the unborn, said another copy of myself.

I am the unborn, I said.

I halted the meditation. The penetrating vigor rumbled through, intensely throbbing my whole once again; spiking to a scale of deepest pain, causing me to sob in agony.

Facing myself is so hard. Facing myself is so hard, I whispered, crucifying in it.

With all this, I wasn’t going to run or to hide from it, despite how challenging it gotten. I allowed hurt to flood forth, storming through however it pleased. In that moment, as I hurt overpoweringly, I wished to die.

I can do it! I can do it!

When the pain gradually subsided where there was room to exhale, I looked at the time. It was close to 2 am. Santi and I rose to use the toilet. He immediately snoozed off, afterwards. Yet, I still hadn’t gotten two minutes of rest. For hours, I ruminated over identical issues, facing and understanding the aches surfaced and burned away any views, sensations, judgments, and thoughts which were attached to them.

The ‘dark night’ was right: only I could transcend myself. It didn’t matter if my brother-in-law, my sister, friends, and others knew I was ‘limitless’. It narrowed to only me who needed to realize, understand, and fully accept what I was. In being ‘limitless’, I could embrace all. It was when I held ‘no self’, a child of purity and innocence, that I could love boundlessly anything and everything, limited and limitless just the same, with no difference.

Another flash occurred. I discovered myself striding through brutal windstorm, causing a huge turbulence at the vast sea. The trees bent while the waves moved strongly. The two versions of myself were located inside the house watching me stroll, undisturbed. The wind didn’t touch a single strand of my hair and my white gown wasn’t blown by the breeze. I was untouched.

She’s not scared, one of them commented.

I am the wind itself, I said softly. Quickly, the wind ceased, and the lush trees lifted themselves back up. A little wind blew by. I captured it in my hand.

You are the most beautiful wind I’ve ever seen, I said, as it spun in my palm. Thank you for blowing beautifully.

Unexpectedly, though, the air stream metamorphosed into a lightning-sharp spear, cutting me in half, immediately I was nowhere to be seen, vanishing without a trace. Like before, I observed myself as trees, water, ground, and sky. The two of La swam in the water, enjoying themselves. The long lightning spear continued turning back and forth, bringing a gentle smile to my face.

It’s okay to be mad, I said. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be anything. It’s okay to be me.

I kept admiring myself as this existence.

I take form to know myself as formless. I am formless and form. One.

The great unborn.

I opened my eyes and peeked at the clock. 4 am, and I hadn’t fallen asleep.

If I have to face myself all night, then I will!

In the morning, I felt much lighter, though I accrued less than two hours of rest. After sipping delicious creamy java, I headed upstairs and opened my laptop to write. Krishna’s picture displayed on my computer as the screen saver, and seeing it made me feel vulnerable.

Were you even there with me? I asked, with tears streaming down my face. Were you with me?

You are the bravest Soul,