I'm No Different

By Markiesha Nacole

The book tells the story of a sophisticated, sweet, judged, strong woman whose life has been an emotional rollercoaster through a toxic combination of relationships, sibling-mental abuse, death, being purposely impregnated and DESERTED, decision pressure, playing both roles of the mother and father, striving to survive while tumbling into fast m

• Language: English
• Publisher: LitFire Publishing
• Release date: Jun 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781640453531

Markiesha Nacole

Markiesha is a very respected, multi-talented, proud owner of an online cosmetic company called KingShe Cosmetics. She is not just a committed entrepreneur but is also a highlighted distinguished, influential, risk taker and game changer whose making history. There is no other cosmetic company in the entire world that represents good quality products, style and art. Her company is named after King Hatshepsut but is influenced by hardworking single parents who play both roles and wear many hats in their household. She is the proud single mother of 1 beautiful son and lives happily in Atlanta, Georgia. Support her fabulous business and follow her on social media at Twitter.com/KingSheCoz, Instagram.com/KingSheCosmetics and Facebook.com/KingSheCosmetics.

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I’m No Different

Copyright © 2019 by Markiesha

ISBN: 978-1-64045-353-1

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher or author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Although every precaution has been taken to verify the accuracy of the information contained herein, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for any errors or omissions. No liability is assumed for damages that may result from the use of information contained within.

Printed in the United States of America

LitFire LLC

1-800-511-9787

www.litfirepublishing.com

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Contents

INTRODUCTION

11th and RUSCOMB

FROM a GIRL to a WOMAN (Single Parenthood)

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MESS!!! (Brian)

ABOUT DAT LIFE

The WOMAN with AMBITION

The BIRTH of a PORNSTAR

I’M NO DIFFERENT (judge me all you want!!)

INTRODUCTION

Some people know me as the former adult film star with the caramel complexion who’s always smiling. Some know me as K, Vixen or that energetic chick, or as Brandon’s loving, over-protective mother who’s in love with her son and some know me as the church going woman who is so incredibly sweet, loves fitness, loves eating fortune cookies, loves creating, hikes mountains and loves to paint beautiful, emotional portraits. The southerners call me Philly when they can’t remembe r my name.

My pornstar name and Vixen were names that were given to me and are the characters whom I once was, damn near an alter ego. Back then, having an alter ego was a much-needed inevitability in my roller coaster-freak show circumstances.

Although by the grace of God, my alter egos saved my life, people don’t realize how accommodating alter egos are; I’ll break it down. Both the ex-pornstar and Vixen are confident, kind-hearted, smart, sarcastic, precious, protective, silly as hell, down to earth, entertaining and an influential go-getting’ woman. They both do and say things that you might not normally have the guts to say. They both are judged like a criminal because, in their line of work, people were taught to look down on them thinking they’re not worthy of being respected. They both got guts, commitment, passion, and ambition. They both will fight for you and don’t like having time wasted because time is money. Finally, they are both a dangerously vicious go-getter, only if I was born this way.

I am born in North Philadelphia in a section called Logan {Valley} back in the summer of the early ’80s. I was born to my cool ass parents Honey and Ernest. Yes, I’m a Philadelphian. Sometimes when I tell people where I am from, they get away from me. Not all Philadelphia natives are violent, trust me... just don’t push us! I am no different than you or most. Some say I was born a brat, Daddy’s Girl to be exact. Others would look at me and think that I am living the life, or they’d observe my social media photos and have an assumption that I absolutely cannot take a horrible photo at all. Some assume that I’ve got lots of money in the bank or think nothing bad has ever happened to me because I am always smiling. Truth is, people don’t know that I get down on my knees and I talk to God every single day. I smile because He wakes me up every morning. He loves me no matter how many mistakes I make, and He knows my heart. He understands, protects and He hears me. I am able, I can see, hear, my limbs are working, and it feels so good to thank him for the things I have, the things that I don’t have and for the blessings that I am getting ready to receive. I have so much to be grateful for each day. My life is a reality and the reality are that sometimes life circumstances, life’s demands, being overwhelmed, struggles, and worries give more room to defeat than to a heart of thanks. I always pause and give thanks, for all that God has done, and continues to do so.

I look privileged, may talk proper to some but I am seriously no different. My life is a reality and yes, I have experienced some unnecessary shit that shouldn’t have happened. I’ll give you 3 stories:

I could’ve been shot and killed at age 18 for merely walking to the corner store for a $0.25 can of soda. Here’s what happened… An attractive nuisance stopped me, a familiar face in the neighborhood who would always try to get me to go out with him, I wasn’t about to go out with someone who hung out on the street corner. On this night, I was in the middle of completing an assignment for my art class when I started to get thirsty. My Mom was heading out with her boyfriend, Mel. Before she left, she told me to stay in the house. Right after she left, I went to the refrigerator so that I could quench my thirst, but there was absolutely nothing to drink. I thought to myself, what was going to the bodega for a can soda going to hurt? The closest bodega to my house closed for the night, so that’s when I started walking to the other bodega at 11th and Lindley Ave, it’s the other corner of my block. That’s when that damn nuisance stopped me. While he was running his mouth, out of the corner of my right eye, I saw someone walking towards us with his head down, a hoodie, something covering his face, and his arms behind his back. Although I barely saw his face, I could see his eyes, and he looked angry. Damn the soda; I started to walk away before something happened. I guess I didn’t move fast enough, next thing I know, not 1, but two men with the biggest guns I’ve ever seen ran up and held their guns on both the nuisance and me. The weapons that they had resembled a submachine gun or an assault rifle. They were shouting back and forth about one’s drugs being stolen. My life flashed before my eyes. That was the quickest most extended prayer I think I ever had with God because I thought my life was going to end at the age of 18. The one who had his gun to my back told me to walk off, just like that! I still had my hands in the air because I was scared to death. That fear had me walking in the wrong direction of my house. Once I realized I was walking in the wrong direction, I put my head up, and that’s when the gunmen pointed his gun at me and opened fire. A guardian angel must’ve pushed to the concrete because that’s what saved my life. I was caught between a crossfire. What pissed me off was that after I ran home, I called my mother to please come home. I guess I spoiled her night out with her boyfriend because when she made it back home, she didn’t seem concerned at all. She had the balls to tell me that I should’ve stayed my ass in the house. I wasn’t hugged, I wasn’t asked if I saw the gunmen face, I wasn’t comforted or anything. Of course, she told that damn sister of mine. This is how Lucifera reacted; she smirked because she thought that me praying and pleading to God for my life was funny, I can’t make this shit up. She gave me a wine cooler to calm down. I’m 18, and I was offered a wine cooler… fucking wow!!! A wine cooler is an alcoholic beverage made from wine and fruit juice, often in combination with a carbonated beverage and sugar. It is often of lower strength alcoholic content.

I could’ve been shot and killed at age 27 for being at the wrong place at the wrong time again! I was courteous by giving a ride to a young man named Chris; he was the cousin of my ex-boyfriend. At that time, I was in a relationship with Chris cousin Mike. Out of the blue, Mike started acting weird; he was distant. Since my homegirl had Chris phone number, I was given his phone number because I was very concerned about Mike and if he was ok, I deserved an explanation. Chris met me in person and told me that Mike was cheating on me with two average lookin’ hood chicks. His cousin snitched on him but either way, I got the closure I needed because I didn’t deserve to be cheated on. It was about 4 pm; I told Chris that since he was kind enough to meet me, then I’d drive him back to where he must go. He asked me to take him back to 54th & Webster Street in Southwest Philadelphia. Once we made it to 54th and Webster, I pulled over, but Chris wouldn’t get out of my SUV. I tapped my nails, rolled my eyes and told him that I had to go, but this dude was not getting the hint, so I placed my car in park with the ignition running. While he sat in my passenger seat talking to someone on his cellular phone, through my rearview mirror, I saw what looked like a teenaged thug riding his bike on the pavement. Just like that, that thug rode up to the passenger side of my SUV on his bicycle, reached in and opened fire. The cousin was shot once in his stomach right in front of me. The thug looked right at me, rode off, shot 4 more rounds and sped off on his bike. An old woman who was sitting inside of her home across the street was hit with one of those bullets in her leg and 1 of those bullets hit my tire. I sped off rushing Chris to the emergency room, all on 3 good tires. According to others, Chris slipped away but the doctors brought him back to life. I still saved his life.

When I was age 8, my mother had to be at her job very early that morning, so to keep my soon-to-be stepbrother Edward and I from using any sharp utensils to make breakfast and lunch, she did it for us. Maybe 1 hour after my mother left for work, Edward started charging towards me with a big ol’ kitchen knife. I didn’t know if he was playing a game of pirate or if he was trying to hurt me, so I ran top speed around the house trying to escape this crazy fool. I was trapped in the kitchen, so my tough little behind wrestled him to get the knife out of his hand. Edward sliced open my left-hand and left me bleeding to death. There was so much blood that I passed out. Hours later, my brother Markel came home from school, found me and saved my life. He called my mother’s twin sister; Aunt Peewee, and I was then rushed to the emergency room to get stitches in the hand that I write with.

God, I am grateful. So, you see, those are just three reasons why I am so appreciative; God kept me here, so I smile. Due to my child father being on drugs around the time he intentionally impregnated me, my son could’ve been born with severe mental and health problems, but he wasn’t, and I am grateful to God for that. I am thankful for my struggles because my struggles are also what made me so tough. When people or so-called fake ass relatives try to bash me knowing that they’re doing it because there is recognizably something special about me, I smile. When things could be worse in life, I smile. No one ever knew that about me. People say that struggles, challenges and hard times offer you much more value than any other time in your life. You cannot grow without struggles. You cannot get stronger without resistance. Hard times forced me to become a better woman and mother. 1 out of 10, my struggles make me emotional, but I am grateful for them, where would I be without them. My struggles made me work on myself and my goals to ensure my future has much more pleasure than pain. That’s why I smile. When things could be worse, I smile.

They say, She thinks that she’s the shit!! Thank YOU for putting me on a pedestal and thinking that I am because I am the shit, but up until they get to know me, you can think otherwise. They start to see that I’m a pretty cool chick to be around, that’s if I let you in my circle. Believe it or not, I am more humbled then you think, maybe that’s my problem. Well, there’s a story behind that which I will get into later in this book. I believe that I’ve been misunderstood for years and years, that’s because I never felt the need to explain myself to anyone. Certain relatives who don’t like me like to show their true colors by gossiping about me only when I am not around. I’ve been misunderstood by those who don’t even know my real name. They’d throw stones at me and judge as if their lives are squeaky clean. From all the dirt that I know, those who judged me have not a closet, a house full of skeletons so I’d be careful if I were you. Please watch your mouth because if I were that evil, I’d let the cat outta the bag a long time ago! I’ve been misunderstood and judged by those who have gotten pregnant and had abortions during their first year in high school… I’ve been judged by privileged folks who don’t even know what it’s like paying for a babysitter because they’d have their Mom and Grandmother do all the work. I’ve been judged by a Doberman-look alike who is the female version of Flava Flav who happily admit being a proud side chick to every relationship her now husband has been in. Although this man never took care of any of his children, it didn’t matter to her, as long as he gave her and her Muslim children attention. She practically bought this dude, bought him clothes and a truck. This po’ chil’ think she is winning because she’s now pregnant by him, she’s still threatened by me…. Lord help these lost insecure women.

I really don’t even think that reconstructive and expensive cosmetic surgery could miraculously help make her look more like a woman. I’ve been judged by washed-up celebrities from the ’90s who no longer have a career in Hollywood. Yes, these same washed up celebrities should humble themselves because they’re the ones who refuse to stop abusing drugs, alcohol and the women who adore them. I’ve been judged by people who slept with their own cousin. I’ve been judged for not eating as much as most although the same people that tease me about my size and weight WISH they had my waistline… facts!!! I’ve been misunderstood all because I like shiny and bright colored clothes. I’ve been judged by a woman who spent off and on 20+ years waiting to be asked for her hand in marriage by a man who she was never in an exclusive relationship with. I’ve been judged all because I love wearing eyelashes and high heels. I’ve been judged by those who are bisexual but won’t admit to having a sexual preference although it’s obvious. I’ve been judged by people who forgot where they came from. I’ve been judged because I use to love eating cornbread. I’ve been judged by those who don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out, all they got is their flappin’ ass mouth. I’ve been judged by those who have done the same things as I. I’ve been judged by those who want to be me so bad but can’t, even if they got surgery and a gastric bypass.

No, I didn’t finish college like I was supposed to, although it was my every intention. So, I returned to school online because I really do love learning. No, I am still not living in my dream house in the suburbs, married with a beautiful family although I love my rented house in the country, one day I do intend on putting my son and I into a house in whatever city he’d want to be in.

Finally, NO I didn’t plan my pregnancy back in 2002, I was purposely impregnated and the father, whose name is Brian, abandoned us and never looked back. With no remorse, he decided to forgo his first-born son who was only eight months away from being born. Are you scratching your head or turning up your nose yet? Well you’re right, HECK NO it doesn’t make any damn sense, but I’ll get into that in Chapter 4. How can a cutie like me not be enjoying the dream of being in marital bliss? Well, the subject of marriage has been brought up in every relationship I’ve been in, but I’m not the type of sista that’ll put up with anyone’s childish games, deceit, assumptions, and confusion. In my world, if a man cannot acknowledge the presence of a Queen like myself, then it’s time to leave that man alone. In my world, if I decide that I am going to add you to my life, I want and expect you to add value to my life, not be a liability. I’ll attract men that will bend over backwards to get me and get too damn comfortable after they win me. Many wanted marriage but after they realize that certain things I won’t tolerate, they look for a mindless lackey that will. You see, I can’t be controlled, and I don’t