Restore My Soul

By Cynthia Miller

Restore My Soul is a true story about a woman who
goes through trials and tribulations while fighting
to save her husband’s life. Instead of allowing it to
kill her, the woman takes steps to comfort her dying
husband. Each step she takes helps keep her husband
alive despite the pain and suffering, but each ste

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Apr 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781640881143

Cynthia Miller

Cynthia Miller is a Malaysian-American poet, festival producer and innovation consultant living in Edinburgh. Her poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Ambit, The Rialto, Butcher's Dog, Poetry Birmingham Literary Journal, harana poetry, The Best New British and Irish Poets and Primers Volume Two. She is also Co-Founder of the Verve Poetry Festival.

Book preview

Restore My Soul

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Cynthia Parker

Trilogy Christian Publishers A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network 2442 Michelle Drive Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2019 by Cynthia Parker

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Trilogy Christian Publishing Rights Department, 2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, Ca 92780.

First Trilogy Christian Publishing hardcover edition May 2018 Trilogy Christian Publishing/ TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing.

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-64088-113-6 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64088-114-3 (ebook)

Chapter 1

One night, as I and my husband slept—he in his hospital bed, I in our California king bed—I happened to half-awaken out of my sleep. I sat up in the bed to try to fully awaken but couldn’t. I decided to turn my body to the left side of the bed, where my husband was lying. I wanted to make sure he was alright, like I do several times in the middle of every night. When I fully turned my body to the left side of the bed to drop my feet down to the floor, the Holy Spirit in me heard and saw a spirit next to my husband’s head as he slept. The Holy Spirit discerned that the spirit next to my husband’s head was the spirit of death (1 Corinthians 12:10). Then the spirit of death looked at me and said, He is mine, talking about my husband. It was looking at me while massaging my husband’s head, with its fingers inside my husband’s skull. It was as if its fingers were one with my husband’s head. I said, Jesus help him, as I looked at it through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. I noticed that it looked like my husband (except for a few minor details), as it sat down at the head of my husband’s hospital bed. Its height was about six feet tall, the same height as my husband. It was dark brown, the color of my husband. It was naked, in a muscular human frame, with no genitals. Not like my husband. It had no hair on its head or body. My husband had hair on his body, but not on his head. Its oblong head was the size of my husband’s. The eyes were as my husband’s. Its long brown fingers were not like my husband’s. Its voice was that of a vicious brown bear, as if it would tear me apart if I came close to it. Not like my husband’s. Its demeanor was fear and anger. Not like my husband’s. The Holy Spirit in me said, No, you will not have him. Then the spirit of death left.

I fully woke up and walked to my husband, to make sure he was still alive. And yes, he was, and sleeping. I then went to the bathroom to talk with Jesus. I said, Jesus, will you heal my husband of kidney failure? He said, I can’t heal him if he wants to die. I said to myself, that’s why the spirit of death was here: to take him away. Then I thought about the scripture in Proverbs 8:36 which says: All they that hate me love death. In my heart, I cried. Then Jesus said, I rebuked the spirit of death because you asked me to. I said, Thank you, Jesus, for rebuking the spirit of death from my husband.

I then felt better, and I stopped crying. Then I thought about how horrible that experience with death was. I thank God that I was in the Holy Spirit and not in the flesh, because I would not have been able to deal with it. Then I said, Jesus, what should I do, if my husband wants to die? Jesus said, Lead him in the sinner’s prayer. I walked back into the bedroom, and my husband was still sleeping because it was 3:00 in the morning. I watched over my husband as he slept, thinking to myself, husband, you can’t die on me now. You can’t leave me yet. We still have a long life to live. It’s not fair to me if you die now. Husband, please don’t go. I love you so much. Then a tear rolled down my right cheek. I watched over my husband until the rising of the sun. Then he awakened. It was about 7:00 a.m. I said to him, Do you want to go to heaven? He said yes. I said, Repeat after me: Jesus, will you come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior? Will you forgive me of all my sins? I believe that God raised Jesus from the dead. Amen. (Romans 10:9) My husband repeated every word I said. He was saved after that prayer.

Chapter 2

I turned the TV on to his favorite minster, G.E. Patterson. He watched and listened to him preach whenever he could, day and night, on YouTube. My heart was content to know that my husband was going to heaven if he died. I then got out of bed, changed my husband’s diaper, and cooked him breakfast. After breakfast, I bathed and dressed him and myself. I put a sheet on the seat of my husband’s electric wheelchair. Then I used the hospital bed remote control and lifted his back up. I turned his body and legs to the left side of the bed, with my right arm around his back and my left arm underneath his knees. I sat him up in the bed and used his belt to gently glide him into his wheelchair, which was next to the bed. Then I wheeled him into the living room to wait on the ambulance to take us to dialysis.

The ambulance arrived and parked in front of our home. I opened the front door for the ambulance’s two EMTs. I said, Hello, how are you guys doing? They said, Fine, how are you doing? I said, Fine. My husband was about seven feet away from the door, sitting in his wheelchair, waiting to be picked up. The EMTs looked at my husband and said, Hello, how are you doing today? He didn’t say anything. I then said, He’s ready to go to hemodialysis. They said, We must lift you up, Mr. Miller, and put you onto the gurney. Is that alright with you? He said yes. One of the EMTs walked to my husband’s right side, and the other one walked to his left side. They lifted him up using the sheet he was sitting on, then put him onto the gurney. They made sure he was comfortable on the gurney. Then they put on the seat belt and rolled him into the ambulance. I sat in the back of the ambulance with my husband.

Sometimes the EMTs had me to sit in the front of the ambulance also. One of the EMTs drove while the other one sat in the back with my husband. We arrived at the dialysis center. The driver parked the ambulance close to the center. Sometimes he could not find a close parking space, so he parked the ambulance close to the curb going north and south of the center. The driver then parked and turned off the engine. The driver told the mileage to his partner. His partner wrote it down. The driver opened the driver’s side door, walked to the back of the ambulance, and opened the back door. The EMT in the back with my husband got out of the ambulance, and he and his partner rolled my husband out of the back of the ambulance to the ground.

Then one of the EMTs opened the door for me. I got out of the ambulance and carried my fold-up chair, my purse, my laptop, a cover, and a pillow for my husband to be comfortable. I walked to the back of the ambulance, where my husband was, as they wheeled my husband to the dialysis center door. The security guard opened the door. Then the EMTs rolled my husband into the hemodialysis center entry door. One of the EMTs pushed the buzzer. The nurse on the other side of the door opened the door for us to enter the hemodialysis room. The EMTs then rolled my husband inside. I walked in with them. They put my husband,