My Bible Says the Darndest Things

By Pricely D. Francis

God did not want humans to “become as one of us.” Why? God condemns the mixture of wool and linen in your clothing but not slavery or polygamy! Israel was compelled to eat manna for forty years, yet they had animals for flesh and milk, flour, oil, leaven and honey. The imminent return of Jesus is two thousand years delayed but still

• Language: English
• Publisher: TOPLINK PUBLISHING, LLC
• Release date: Nov 12, 2018
• ISBN: 9781970066050

Pricely D. Francis

This is not the kind of book Pricely Francis' devote grandmother, Mary Smith, would expect him to write. The late Mary Smith first introduced Pricely to the Bible when he was just a toddler. The Bible made an indelible impression on him, shaped his world view and modulated his behavior ever since. He spent twelve years preaching from the holy scriptures and making converts. Now, as a multifaith chaplain he relies on the Bible to bring comfort to seniors living in long term care homes. However, the day came when he needed to turn to his Bible for reassurance and redirection but came away alarmed at the things he "heard" as he listened to his holy book on compact discs. Pricey, having spent a life time reading his Bible, demonstrates how uniquely qualified he is to unearth the darndest things his Bible says with excruciating details and voluminous evidence.

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My Bible

Says The Darndest Things

Pricely D. Francis

Copyright © 2018 by Pricely D. Francis.

Paperback: 978-1-970066-04-3

eBook: 978-1-970066-05-0

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Contents

Introduction I Was Surprised at What I Heard When I Listened to My Bible

Chapter 1:     A Snake With Legs and a Weird Appetite

Chapter 2:     The Serpent Told the Truth!

Chapter 3:     Creation Commotion

Chapter 4:     Talking Animals

Chapter 5:     What Is God Made Of?

Chapter 6:     Adam and Eve Were Not the First Humans On Earth

Chapter 7:     Kill Them Dead

Chapter 8:     God Is a Polygamist!

Chapter 9:     Stars in the Sky; Sand on The Seashore

Chapter 10:   God Does Not Condemn Slavery!

Chapter 11:   Man! It’s Hard Being a Woman!

Chapter 12:   Indestructible Apparel and Foot Wear

Chapter 13:   Don’t Mess With Holy People

Chapter 14:   Discrimination in The Camp

Chapter 15:   The Day Earth Stop Spinning

Chapter 16:   How The West Was Won

Chapter 17:   Goat Skin for Hair

Chapter 18:   Jehovah Accepts Human Sacrifice

Chapter 19:   Consciousness After Death or Not

Chapter 20:   The Forty Year Diet

Chapter 21:   New Visions of My God

Chapter 22:   The Star of Bethlehem

Chapter 23:   Where Is the Promise of His Coming?

Chapter 24:   Signs of His Coming

Chapter 25:   A One Belief World

Chapter 26:   No Religious Liberty

Chapter 27:   The Unpardonable Sin

Chapter 28:   Bird Barns and Working Critters

Chapter 29:   The Conversion Myth

Chapter 30:   Nooo! Not One Nation Under God! Please!

Chapter 31:   Did The Bible Raise The Bar?

Chapter 32:   God Needs to Change

Conclusion

Dedicated to the growth of human consciousness.

Introduction I Was Surprised at What I Heard When I Listened to My Bible

I Was Surprised at What I Heard When I Listened To My Bible

In 2008, eight years after my marriage exploded, and brought an end to my pastoral ministry, and my financial fortune, I was still depressed, angry, and in despair. In desperation, and with renewed resolve, I turned once again (and for the umpteenth time) to my Bible for a spiritual revival.

I had read the Bible through two or three times and read huge chunks of it on many other occasions. But on this occasion, I had come into possession of the entire Bible on Compact Discs and thought I would listen the Bible through, rather than read it.

BIG MISTAKE!

Boy, were my eyes opened! I heard some things in my Bible I had never seen all the years I was reading it. The more I think about the things I heard in my Bible, the more I have come to realize that my Bible does say the darndest things.

Chapter 1

A Snake With Legs and a Weird Appetite

My Bible says snakes once had legs and walked upright! Well, it kind of implies it. God placed a curse on the serpent after it had lured Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. …upon thy belly shalt thou go.¹

It sounds like, until this curse was pronounced, the serpent had employed some other means of orientation and locomotion. I concluded from the curse that the serpent was once erect in its bearing, but forced, by the divine curse, to slider about as it does now.

The curse also involved the snake’s menu. And you shall eat dust. That suggests to me that before the curse, the snake’s palate was more refined. I wondered what kind of creature the snake was, and what might have been its daily fare before it tricked Adam and Eve into disobedience to God. I did a little digging and this is what I found.

Pulpit Commentary: The serpent was cursed in the sense of being deteriorated in its nature, and, as it were, consigned to a lower position in the scale of being. Upon thy belly - meaning with, great pain and, difficulty. The Pulpit Commentary then gives the views of stalwart Bible scholars on the pre-curse bearing of the serpent. Having previously gone erect (Luther), and been possessed of bone (Josephus), and capable of standing upright and twining itself round the trees (Lange), or at least having undergone some transformation as to external form (Delitzsch, Keil)….

Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible: As Aben Ezra, and others; Jarchi thinks it had feet before, but were cut off on this account, and so became a reptile, as some serpents now have feet like geese, as Pliny (x) relates; or it might go in a more erect posture on its hinder feet, as the basilisk, which is one kind of serpent, now does; and if it was a flying one, bright and shining in the air, now it should lose all its glory, and grovel in the dust, and with pain, or at least with difficulty, creep along on its breast and belly.

Concerning the serpent’s diet, Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible says When the serpent moved in a more erect posture, it lived on herbs and plants as other creatures; but when it was obliged to go upon its belly or breast, it licked up the dust of the earth, and which it could not well avoid in eating whatsoever food it did; and some serpents are said to live upon it.

Spiritual Gifts, vol. 3, pp, 39, 40: Ellen G. White, prophetess of my Church, Seventh-day Adventists, wrote that the serpent, before man’s transgression in Eden, was a very beautiful creature with wings; and while flying through the air his appearance was very bright, resembling the colour of burnished gold. He did not go upon the ground, but went from place to place through the air, and ate fruit like man.

So you see, when my Bible talks of the serpent crawling on the ground, it is natural to assume that this is as opposed to some other loftier bearing, such as an upright one, which would give it legs, or, according to Aben Ezra, Jarchi and others, and the inspired Ellen White, wings! It also follows that if the snake was cursed to eat dust, its diet was different before the curse. As you can see, Bible commentators and those considered inspired also came to that conclusion.

Well, I had to do some more research. In Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible mention is made of the basilisk, which is one kind of serpent, that can go in a more erect posture on its hinder feet. That threw me for a loop; I had never heard of a snake that walked on its hind feet! It turns out the basilisk, according to Wikipedia, was a mythical creature! It was reputed to leave a wide trail of deadly venom in its wake, and its gaze is likewise lethal.²

I also googled diet of snakes and learned that the largest snakes, Pythons and Anacondas eat deers and pigs. Most snakes live off insects, rodents, birds, eggs, fish, frogs, lizards, and small mammals. There are even snakes that eat other snakes but none we know of eat dust. However, I found a website, Creation Ministries International that tried to establish that snakes do eat dust. It references an organ (Jacobson’s organ) in the roof of a snake’s mouth that helps the creature to smell in addition to its nose. The snake samples bits of dust by using its forked tongue to pick them up and present it to the Jacobson’s organ by which it smells them. The article concluded that snakes do really eat dust³ even though it is obvious from the article that the sampling of dust by an organ designed for olfactory purposes, is about smelling, not feasting. It’s about analyzing and reading the environment, (and I would dare say, looking for a bird, frog, or rat to eat) not nourishing itself on mounds of dust.

I am left to wonder why God didn’t just place a curse on the serpent to eat deer, pigs, rodents, birds and other snakes. Snakes eating other snakes would be a real curse, wouldn’t it? Then Christians would have no need to invoke mythical creatures and bending the facts to validate the authenticity of the Bible which says the darndest things.

Chapter 2

The Serpent Told the Truth!

As I listened to my Bible it dawned on me that when the serpent tempted Eve, he was really telling her the truth! This realization blew my mind as it will yours (unless, of course, you figured out this long before I did). Think about it; the serpent said, For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. It was also a tree to make one wise.¹ Now, that was the living, raw, bare, naked truth. However, God had prohibited Adam and Eve from eating of this tree.²

Why would God deny his created beings growth in consciousness, wisdom, understanding, perception, and spirituality? Why wouldn’t God want his children to become like him? Who were better qualified to have their eyes open, to become wise, to know good and evil, and become like their God than two perfect, sinless beings? And yet this same God, having hidden the secret formula of how to become like God from two perfect people, makes a demand on fallen, sinful humans with their propensity to sin and do evil, (I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.)³ to become like God, or else suffer eternal punishment in hell!

It seems also that Adam and Eve were good without even knowing they were good. They could not intellectually and emotionally process and appreciate the perfection all around them for according to the book Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch, In the absence of that which is not, that which is, is not. Put plainly, a state of absolute perfection cannot be enjoyed, perceived and appreciated as such, without a knowledge of its opposite – imperfection. Without imperfection, who can know that perfection exists? The naivety of Adam and his wife is evident by the following two assertions from Genesis: Your eyes will be opened…knowing good and evil. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.

So you see, although Adam and Eve lived in a perfect environment they did not know it. They were naked but that was not an issue for them. For our so called first parents, it was just like a person reading all evening, on into dusk without realizing the strain he is placing on his eyes by reading in the diming light, until someone, a spouse or child, comes in and flicks the light switch on. Then the contrast the light provides makes the reader sees, for the first time, how dull his former reading environment was. Adam and Eve were like new born babies running about naked but without any cause to blush or feel embarrassment, which comes only after growth and maturity and the loss of innocence. Adam and Eve could not truly appreciate that the life they had in the garden was good. Neither could they conceptualize evil. They were that naïve. If Adam and Eve could not understand and conceptualize perfection, why should they be charged with disobedience? And why provide a source of temptation as a gateway to everlasting woe and calamity to two innocent, naïve, baby-like humans?

But back to my original assertion that the serpent told Eve the truth (a truth which God withheld from her and Adam). Eve’s eyes were opened as soon as she ate the fruit. Indeed the tree was to be desired to make one wise. Even God acknowledged that the serpent told the truth, for he said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil….⁴ It seems to me that the Bible is claiming that while God withheld the knowledge of the path to this noble status from man, the serpent tipped him off to the possibilities. Which of the two had man’s best interest at heart? And for becoming like God, Adam and Eve were punished, expelled from their garden home of bliss, denied access to the tree of life, subjugated to pain, hurt, sorrow, and every imaginable evil!

This makes no sense at all. What is so evil about becoming like God? Why is becoming like God a sin? There seems to be a concerted effort on the path of Jehovah to keep mankind disempowered. In Genesis 11, humans expressed a desire to remain united and strong, to build a tower and make a name for themselves.

Let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.⁵

But God would have none of this. He showed concern over the resolve and unity that existed in the fledgling human race. And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language. And then God made a very telling statement, "and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do."⁶ God’s very own creations, made in his image and likeness, were demonstrating skill, creativity, initiative, collaboration, inventiveness, ambition, drive, determination in an effort to preserve themselves and posterity, but somehow, God felt threatened by that!

So what did God do? Let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city…. And from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.⁷

What crime did humans commit by wanting to build a tower and making a name for themselves? Why was this deserving of a divide and conquer strategy?

As I listened to my Bible, these are the questions that sprang to mind. I see no logic behind God’s dealing with Adam and Eve or with the people of Shinar, so I just shrugged my shoulders and say, My Bible does say the darndest things!

Chapter 3

Creation Commotion

My Bible says that darkness and light were intertwined, locked and mingled together. Genesis tells us God divided the light from the darkness.¹ Ok, darkness is the absence of light, and in the presence of light, darkness disappears. According to the book of Genesis, in the beginning there was only darkness.² Then God spoke light into existence. Since light dispels darkness, then there can be no darkness anywhere. There is no need to divide light from darkness.

So at this point in the creative process, by simple logic, there is only light. There can be no evening and morning since the lights in the firmament are what divide the day from the night,³ and we know, according to the creative account, that these lights – the greater and the lesser and the stars also – were not created until the fourth day. Yet my Bible says there were evening and morning on days one, two and three. In reality there could only be light – twenty-four/seven. This is the light of the first day. There can be no darkness since it was dissolved by the light of the first day. Literally, the fourth day is really the first day, the only time there could have been an evening and morning, night and day! And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night…. Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night."⁴

One could argue that creation took three days, the fourth, fifth and sixth. Remember that night and day are created by the rotation of the earth on its axis with the sun shining on the day part, and the night portion hidden from the sun. However, on the first three days there was only perpetual light. There were no sun and moon to rule over night and day.

There is also commotion on the sequence of creation. In the first chapter of Genesis, the order of created things is as follows.

First day: Light

Second day: Firmament or heaven

Third day: Dry land, seas, grass, herbs and fruit trees.

Fourth day: Sun and moon and starts

Fifth day: Creatures in the sea and birds.

Sixth day: Living creatures, cattle, beasts and creeping things on land. Also, two humans are created, male and female.

Seventh day: God rests.

This coherence in the sequence of creation is, however, abruptly disrupted by verse seven of the second chapter so as to throw the reader into confusion. Suddenly the male is created with no female as was previously asserted, and the land animals are created after the man, not before as earlier indicated!

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God created he him;

male and female created he them.⁵

Then we find a departure from the above statement.

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul…. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.⁶

In addition to flipping the created order of humans and animals, it appears that animals of the sea, land and air were spoken into existence as light was. And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life…. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing….⁷ However, in chapter 2, God formed these creatures out of the ground.⁸ And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air….⁹

In addition to confusing the order of creation as it relates to animals and humans, and casting doubt on the means God used to create animals, the Genesis account suggests that God hoped Adam would find a suitable partner among the animals! God, after observing that it was not good for the man to be alone, formed all the beasts and birds and took them to Adam to see what he would name them. After the naming exercise, there was a sigh of disappointment, because for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. It was after that, that God had the idea to put Adam to sleep, take one of his ribs from which he made a woman, whom Adam found suitable.

Here is one other thing that never occurred to me over the years I’ve been reading my Bible. In all of creation life springs forth from the female, but in the creation story, it is the male that gave birth to the female! Wouldn’t it have made more sense to make a woman and take man from her rib? But like I say, my Bible says the darndest things.

Chapter 4

Talking Animals

My grandmother would wax righteously indignant whenever she caught me reading fairy tale books. My grandmother’s religious point of view was that fairy tales were untrue and therefore not worthy to be read. My fairy tale books were about fairies, trolls, witches, maidens, castles and knights in shining armour, battling dragons, monsters and giants. They were about talking wolves, pigs, goats and rabbits, with a little magic thrown in for great reading pleasure.

My Grandmother would have none of it. She believed time, one of God’s many gifts to me, was squandered reading such books; I was expected to be a faithful steward and not waste God’s gifts, for which I would be called to give an account on the day of judgement. Granny wanted me to stick to the daily reading of my Bible and my Sabbath school quarterly and all relevant and related religious material.

In spite of my grandmother’s insistence I never got over my fairy tales books until I came of age, but even so, my grandmother’s religious influence was so strong during my early, impressionable years that I struggled with guilt way into my adult years when I read harmless comic books, watched movies, or even listened to secular music on the radio for extended periods of time. As a child I had a comedic inclination, but by dear, devoted granny nipped that in the bud by her constant warning that every idle word shall be brought into judgement.¹

As I listened to my Bible, though, I realized that so much of it paralleled by fairy tale stories. For example: There is a knight in shining armour (Jesus Christ) who battles the dragon (the devil) and his trolls (fallen angels). This knight comes resplendent in all his glory with his fairy army (angels; human-like beings with wings and immense power) to rescue the maiden (the church) and take her to his castle (the New Jerusalem) where they live for ever and ever and a day (eternal life).²

Many more parallels like Jack the Giant Slayer (David and Goliath) and Hansel and Gretel lost in the woods (the children of Israel in the wilderness for forty years) could be drawn, but the ones that jumped out at me as I listened to my Bible were the talking animals. And to think that my grandmother was concerned about my fairy tale talking animals!

We’ve met the talking snake already in the very first book of the Bible. It was able to converse with Eve in an intelligent and persuasive manner. It possessed information and insight far beyond the capacity of the naïve Adam and Eve.

The next talking animal we find in the Bible is a donkey. The account is found in the book of Numbers. In the twenty-second chapter, Balak, king of the Moabites, was afraid when he saw what the Israelites did to the Amorites. He sought to engage the services of Balaam to put a curse on the children of Israel, hoping that he might gain the advantage in any subsequent clashes, and drive out the Israelites from his land. However, God instructed Balaam not to curse the Israelites.

Balak again sent more prominent emissaries to Balaam, promising more material wealth and social standing if he were to curse the Israelites. This time God instructed Balaam to go with Balak’s messengers. He saddled his donkey and began his journey.

On the road an angel stood in the way for an adversary against him.³ The donkey, on seeing the angel with a sword in his hand, turned off the road. Balaam, unaware of the presence of the angel and the reason for the unexpected departure of his donkey from the road, beat his ass, and put it back on the road.

The angel then stood in a narrow part of the road which had walls on either side. The donkey, on seeing the angel, tried to pass by walking too near to one of the walls and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall. Again Balaam beat his donkey.

For a third time the angel stood in the road, but this time in a spot where it was not possible for the donkey to pass at all. The donkey did the next best thing; it lay down under Balaam. Balaam lost his temper this time and gave the donkey a good walloping. It was at this juncture that the donkey spoke.

And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?⁴

Balaam did not miss a beat; he answered his donkey right back as if he was in the habit of having deep conversations with his beast of burden. It surprises me that Balaam was not shocked, alarmed, startled or even mildly surprised to have an animal speak to him, employing words, correct grammar, pronunciation, enunciation, tone and resonance. Not for one second did Balaam refuse to believe his ears and say, What! Who said that? No, he just launched into a running conversation with his prostrate donkey!

Balaam in response to the donkey’s question: Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

Donkey in defence: Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee?

Balaam, meekly: Nay.

I find this account incredible. I will concede that if there is a God of might and power, he could make a donkey talk, but to have a mere man respond to that donkey without batting an eye lid seems highly unlikely to me.

On the whole, I have no serious concern about a talking snake trying to trick humans into disobedience and damnation, or a donkey talking, complaining and issuing a rebuke to its owner, but it is sure ironic to think that if my devote grandmother had read the same stories in my fairy tale books, she would have righteously scuffed and pronounced them idle tales and demand that I read my Bible which, she never came to realize until the day she died, says the darndest things about talking animals.

Chapter 5

What Is God Made Of?

The Bible describes God as a spirit, John 4:24; as light, 1 John 1:5; as invisible, Romans 1:20. According to the theology of Bible believing people, God has no corporal body and that is why graven images are forbidden in the second commandment? Also, the theology maintains that God is neither male nor female.

However, this God who is spirit, and light, who has no body, and who is gender neutral plainly says in Genesis 1 Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and then proceeded to make physical beings male and female, which were not invisible, or made of light, or of spirit!

Interestingly, the Hebrew tselem, image is a masculine noun, and demuth, likeness is a feminine noun! If mankind was made in God’s image and likeness that would make God a physical being who is both male and female, with a head, eyes, ears, mouth, hands and feet, etc. just like the Old Testament says. The noun Shechinah or Shekinah" which is a reference to God’s presence is feminine.¹ But of course Bible scholars explain away the Bible’s assumption of God’s physical nature by invoking anthropomorphism, the practice of attributing human qualities to God, and displaying utter revulsion for the idea that God is female.

Consider this; Adam lived for 130 years "and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth. Sounds familiar to you? Is it possible that when God created man in our image, after our likeness," God meant that literally? Is it possible that humans are like God both physically and emotionally, externally and internally?

The Bible also says that God is One: Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.² There is no God but one. Yet at the creation of mankind God who is One, and by himself, addressed others, "And God said, Let us make man…. In Genesis 3; And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us…. And again in Genesis 11; Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language….³ Who is us?" Who is God talking to? It sounds to me like he is talking to equals and yet He is One?

It’s just like I told you, my Bible says the darndest things.

Chapter 6

Adam and Eve Were Not the First Humans On Earth

If God made Adam and Eve on the sixth day of creation, then we would be justified in believing that these two people were the first humans on earth. Adam and Eve were given the command to Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.¹ This task they began to undertake with the birth of Cain and Abel after they were expelled from the Garden.

So now we have four people on the face of the entire earth. Cain killed Abel, presumably when they were young men, for they were old enough to make a living for themselves.

There are now three people in the world – Adam, Eve, and Cain. But when God reprimanded Cain for the murder of his brother, Cain became concerned that every one that findeth me shall slay me.² Who is this every one that Cain is concerned about? Did he think his mother and father might avenge the death of their second son?

Just when you begin to scratch your head over Cain’s concern, God chimes in and complicates things even more: And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.³ Who are the whosoever and the any that could harm Cain? There is no one else around!

Matthew Henry’s commentary on these verses just rolls with the assumption that there are other people around, apart from the first family. "How he is marked in wrath: The Lord set a mark upon Cain, to distinguish him from the rest of mankind and to notify that he was the man that murdered his brother, whom nobody must hurt, but every body must hoot at. Once again there are no rest of mankind to hoot" at Cain except his parents.

The Reformation Study Bible Commentary implies in one instance that the rest of Adam’s other descendants had peopled the earth, and in another it asserts that Ironically, after murdering his brother, Cain now fears vengeance from his own family. Seth was the third child and replacement for Abel. "And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew."⁴ If Seth was the third child, (another seed instead of Abel) there could be no Adam’s other descendants who wanted to kill Cain. If we concede that Adam and Eve had children right after or between Cain and Abel, we would have to conclude that they were all girls, for we know that the births of all the male children were recorded in the order they happened: Cain, Abel, Seth. Therefore, the only possible other descendants of Adam that wished Cain dead would be his sisters.

According to Genesis 5:3, Adam was 130 years old when he had Seth, his third child. Prior to that, Adam and Eve had no descendants except Cain and Abel because It was not until after the birth of Seth that Adam and Eve had other descendants. And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters.⁵ That Adam and Eve had sons and daughters after Seth is important because Christian apologists maintain that Cain married one of his sisters or even a granddaughter of Adam!

If we assume that Adam and Eve had Cain and Able in the early part of their first 130 years, the two boys would have been adult enough to engage in their respective trades, and for one to kill the other, with a huge gap of time (50 to 100 years) when there were no other descendants, or anyone from whom Cain would need protection. Therefore, Cain could not have gone to the land of Nod, for places were uninhabited and would be nameless, unless Cain went to a different place and christened it Nod. Also, there would not be any living soul in Nod, which means Cain could not have found a wife there.

Even if Cain and Able were born in the latter part of their parents’ first 130 years, Cain would have to wait around for quite a while to find a wife. Don’t forget that the third child was a boy, Seth. Even if Eve conceived right after giving birth to Seth, Cain would have to wait roughly 13 to 16 years (nine months for gestation and 12 to 15 years for the girl to grow up) for a sister.

However, when you read the Genesis account in chapter four, the earth was teaming with people, for both God and Cain were concerned that those people may kill Cain, and Nod was a well-established city where he found a wife and started a family! Cain even built a city and named it after his first son. Did Cain build the city himself for his wife and child, or was there an abundance of labour?

So you see, Adam and Eve were not the first two humans on earth! But that’s my Bible saying the darndest things.

Chapter 7

Kill Them Dead

Moses and Aaron confronted Pharaoh at the banks of the Nile with a message from God: Let my people go. The Israelites were in Egyptian slavery some 400 years and God thought it was time to release them from this bondage. However, no one just willingly gives up free labour, so Pharaoh said no.

God instructed Moses to use his rod to turn the waters of Egypt into blood as a sign of God’s power. This Moses did. The Nile was turned into blood. The streams and ponds and pools of water turned into blood. The water in vessels of wood and stone turned into blood. There was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.¹ But right after that, we read that the Egyptian magicians replicated the plague of turning water into blood! What? Where did they find clean, pure water to turn into blood if all the waters throughout the land were already blood? I read this Bible story many, many times but never saw this inconsistency.

Let’s continue on. In the fifth plague God killed all the cattle, horses, asses, camels, oxen, and sheep of the Egyptian. All the cattle of Egypt died.² Yet in the sixth plague, boils broke out upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.³ But all the beasts were already dead! At least the ones that were in the field.

But it gets worse! There was a seventh plague