What You Can Do Now: How to Ease the Coming Grieving Process for Your Loved Ones

By Darlene Incando

In her caring and moving book, Darlene guides and helps your family
with the many choices they will have to make at the time of your
death. Her experience in the funeral industry has enlightened and
enabled her to help the many families she had the honor of serving.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 14, 2018
• ISBN: 9781640881068

Book preview

Chapter One

My Story

Tony and I were married for almost 36 years. I was 64, and my Tony was about to turn 82 when he suddenly passed away on January 18, 2017. He went in for a simple needle biopsy in his stomach to check for possible lymphoma and ended up on life support from internal bleeding. After 36 hours, we asked the doctor to remove his life support, and 30 minutes later he died. I did have peace in my heart because we both are Christians, and I truly believe I will be with him again in heaven (see Appendix).

Tony and I would often talk about the possibility of his passing away before me, since he was 17 years older than I. My Tony was very humorous and would always make me laugh. I asked him often to make a video of him talking directly to me with the intent of my hearing his voice and seeing him after he passed away. I did not pursue it and it never happened. Now that he is gone, I feel regret that he did not do it for me. I long to see him and hear him talk to me one more time. Not having him make this video really bothered me.

One month after Tony passed, I was with my brother-in-law Gordon who was in hospice. I knew he loved to sing an old Frank Sinatra song called Dolores for his wife, my sister Esther. He would change Dolores to dear Esther. Since I longed for a video from my husband, which I never got, I asked Gordon to sing the song while I recorded it on my iPad. After singing the song, he said some endearing words to Esther. Gordon passed away two months later, and my sister is so grateful to me for recording that video for her.

Three weeks before Tony’s death he was very weak, but he did not want to go to the hospital. It got to the point where he could hardly walk, and that’s when I emphatically told him I was calling 911. While he was in the emergency room, the doctors discovered his lymph nodes in his stomach area were enlarged and his blood count was extremely low, so they admitted him. Tony needed three pints of blood, after the blood transfusions he was feeling much better. The doctor said they wanted to do a needle biopsy of the lymph nodes in his stomach to see if he had lymphoma, due to his blood count being so low. He was in the hospital three days before the procedure and that’s when he met his special nurse, CiCi.

The day of the procedure he was not to eat or drink. The biopsy and a bone marrow test were scheduled in the early afternoon. These tests were supposed to be simple procedures. Never in a million years would I have thought that he would end up on life support. While they were taking him out of his room, Tony’s lasts words to me were, "Dar, could you get me a beef dip sandwich and coleslaw from Rod’s Grill (in Arcadia) so I can eat it when I come back? I am sooo hungry." I answered,