The Black Art of Incest and How I Survived the Betrayal

By Carol Wooten

This is a story about three sisters who were sexually assaulted by a parent. It details some of the trials and challenges they faced on their journey from this evil toward healing and forgiveness. It details how a daughter attempted to help her parent forgive himself, despite his refusal to admit what he had done and despite his unwillingness to ask for her forgiveness. Furthermore, it's about using writing and art as a way to release, express, and heal from the inconceivable betrayal.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644623886

Book preview

cover.jpg

The Black Art of Incest and How I Survived the Betrayal

Carol Wooten

Copyright © 2019 Carol Wooten

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing, Inc. 2019

ISBN 978-1-64462-387-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64462-388-6 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

History

Club Meetings

Why Do I Like It This Way?

The Reoccurring Dream

Use All of Your Resources

The Breakdown

Upholding the Violator

We’re All Together Again

My Resolve

A Prayer Prayed and an Answer Given

The End of My Search

Segments

Disclaimer

The author and all parties associated with this material are not responsible for any adverse effects that may be experienced by any reader, person or persons, while or after reading this material. It is advised that each reader, person or persons, seek the help of a professional licensed clinical counselor or psychiatrist to help work through any and all emotional and/or mental health issues or problems. This material is not meant to replace professional counseling or any mental health treatment.

The names have been changed, not to protect the innocent, but because I have chosen not to bring further pain. The location of these events has also been changed. The events in this story took place on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. A part of the United States that the national media tends to overlook.

Preface

I began drawing again because it was therapeutic. It was a way of ending the artist’s block that I had been experiencing for twenty years. The pieces of art I created expressed some deep, dark emotions. The artwork helped me bring up hidden feelings from the subconscious. I started questioning things from my past and rethinking life situations and experiences.

I began writing because it was also therapeutic. Not only was it therapeutic, but it was a story that needed to be told. Many incest victims are obsessed with their history and are full of unresolved fear and hatred. It is for persons such as myself for whom I write.

This story is about a woman who thinks she was an incest victim. It’s about not being able to remember being victimized and living beyond the obsession to remember. It is a true story.

Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated to my loving sisters—Sarah, Lavern, and Doretha. Sarah has been such an inspiration because of her relentless work to take care of our mother and keep our family together. Sarah is levelheaded, practical, sincere, and brilliant. When I started trying to find answers, I questioned her as to what she remembered. She informed me that on numerous occasions, she tried to protect me, but I was too young to understand what she was trying to do. I thought when she suggested that I room with my baby sister Lavern; it was due to a sibling rivalry. Sarah has been so patient with me. I know with me digging up all this stuff, she has had to relive her ordeal momentarily. Thank you, Sarah, for being so patient and kind to me. I am your biggest fan, and I love you.

Lavern and I were close before she moved to Little Rock, Arkansas. She’s married now and loves to serve in her local church. She is involved in a number of civic groups and enjoys working with the young ladies in her community. Her life speaks for itself. She’s quite reserved, but she loves to have fun. Lavern is a sweetie pie, and I love her.

I especially dedicate this book to Doretha. If it had not been for her first telling her story and trying to protecting me, I don’t know where I would be today. Doretha succumbed to the effects of her violations, and I think she suffered more than all of us. To Doretha, I say, I will always love you. Thank you, and rest in peace.

Introduction

Clinical psychiatry states that the human mind will block out anything too painful for it to remember. I don’t really remember any events of incest. I was told it happened to me, but I have no recollection, only speculation. How could my mind obliterate years of information?

According to the Bible, God will bring all things to our remembrance; and if I never remember, I consider my inability to remember God’s perfect will for my life. To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose in life. A time to laugh, and a time to cry. A time to take hold, and a time to let go (Ecclesiastes 3:1–5). For that person who thinks he or she has been victimized and exhibits signs of victimization, it is a choice to imagine the victimizer sitting across you, in order that you might say all the things to that person you need to say; The Courage to Heal, Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. Remember we must make a choice to let go. Saying everything you need to say to the imaginary victimizer can help release the terror and pain. It is not a perfect solution, but it will help if you put forth a sincere effort. The person who had no control (victim) will be able to control the conversation with the imaginary person.

Maybe that just didn’t happen to me… maybe I just think it did. For many years, my mind plagued me with questions of whether I was victimized or not. Remembering things and past events was difficult. I