Dear Al,: A Widow's Struggles and Remembrances

By Marilyn A. Pelllini

After almost forty-eight years of marriage, Marilyn Pellini lost her husband in a tragic fishing accident. In order to survive, to heal, and to keep his memory alive she wrote letters to him, and often. In these heartfelt notes she chronicled her days, stages of grief, and anticipated return to living life to the fullest once again. Marilyn hope

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marilyn A. Pellini
• Release date: Oct 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781944887261

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Dear Al,

A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances

Marilyn A. Pellini

Publishing Partners

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Port Townsend, WA 98368

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Copyright © 2017 Marilyn A. Pellini

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Library of Congress Number: 2017957093

ISBN: 978-1-944887-25-4

eISBN: 978-1-944887-26-1

Cover Image: Emily Clark

Interior: Marcia Breece

Dedication

To my Al,

With all my love,

Your Mar

XXX OOO

For my children, grandchildren,

and all others left in grief

Introduction

After almost forty-eight years of marriage, Marilyn Pellini lost her husband in a tragic fishing accident. In order to survive, to heal, and to keep his memory alive she wrote letters to him, and often. In these heartfelt notes she chronicled her days, stages of grief, and anticipated return to living life to the fullest once again.

Marilyn hopes other widows/widowers will find comfort, understanding and inspiration in her words as they climb out of that deep, dark, pit called grief.

Dear Al,

Do you remember how and when we met? It was so many years ago. It was hundreds of times—until we really met !

Dear Al,

Ican visualize exactly when and where we first got acquainted. You were in the second grade and I in the fourth. Your sister Anna and I became friends at school. One day on the playground you came running up to her crying because you had scraped your knee. She checked your leg, wiped away your tears, told you to go back to playing and not to be such a crybaby. My heart broke for you, as I had only one older sibling and would have loved to have a baby brother to cuddle and care for.

Dear Al,

Your sister Anna and I lost touch when we had to attend different junior high schools because of redistricting. On the very first day of high school she walked up to me and asked if I remembered her. Yes, yes of course I remember you, Anna, I stammered, amazed we were now back at the same school together. This was a school you could attend only with the approval of your guidance counselor. It was a public school, but kids came from many communities to attend this very academic high school. Anna and I had last seen each other at the end of sixth grade, and she now seemed so grown up. I guess I did, too. That day was the restart of a very long, close friendship.

Dear Al,

When Anna and I began to drive in our junior year, we were always at each other’s house. Often I would walk in, see you sitting watching TV, and give a cheery Hi. You would hardly look up and often reply, Hi, Delores. Delores was another girl in my class, who I had to admit looked quite a bit like me, but I was hurt to think you couldn’t seem to remember my name. In general, I thought of you back then as Anna’s boob brother who couldn’t keep her friends straight. Our teachers got Delores and I confused too, so maybe I was rather unfair to you.

Dear Al,

The high school years flew by and so did college. By then Anna had a steady boyfriend, but at age twenty-four I was already the old-maid school teacher, which was my job at the time. I dated a lot, but never seemed to meet Mr. Right.

Dear Al,

Your uncle was getting married for the first time at age fifty-six, and he and his future wife were looking for a house in the area where I lived with my folks. Your sister Anna knew the house next door to me was up for sale, and your uncle purchased it even though he and his bride had not looked at another single property. Your whole family was to go to their new house for dinner the week after they moved in, and my mother just happened to be looking out the window (or so she said) as you all approached. Mom turned to me and said, And what’s wrong with him? She seemed to view any male who was living and breathing as perspective husband material for me.

Dear Al,

Do you believe in karma? Do you think many things are simply ordained? I do! Definitely!Too much of our meeting and ending up together just couldn’t be coincidence!

Dear Al,

Next came Anna’s wedding. I went to the celebration with Eddie, one of the other ushers, but he and I did not date. His fiancé had just broken their engagement, and he was devastated. We had an unusual friendship for that time. When one of us did not want to attend something on our own, we took each other. We were seated together at our table when you came up to say hello. I had drunk just enough wine to brazenly ask, When is my favorite usher going to dance with me? You looked at Eddie questioningly, and with his encouragement we hit the dance floor together. I was bemoaning the fact that your sister had been my last unmarried friend at the beach area where we both lived summers, and I’d be swimming and sunning totally alone. You chivalrously offered to come to the beach with me when you had time off from your summer job. That turned out to be the very next day. We spent our every free moment that week together while your sister was on her honeymoon. I don’t know why, but we were both scared to death to tell her we had been dating, and in fact one of our mutual friends broke the news. Needless to say she was delighted.

Dear Al,

We had really met, as adults attracted to each other, at Anna’s wedding on fourth of July. We knew we would be getting married in the not too distant future by the time fall was upon us, but first you had a military service commitment to fulfill.

Dear Al,

When I’d come to your house your mother would be polite, but hurriedly retreat to another room. I mentioned this to you, and you said you would talk to her. She indicated she was so glad you had raised the subject, because as she put it—you should hurry up and make up your mind about that girl because she has been coming to our house as Anna’s friend for years. If you date her and drop her, she’ll never feel comfortable here again.

Dear Al,

Our wedding was scheduled when the carrier you were stationed aboard was to be in dry dock. Then, the plan was for me to fly to Europe and follow the ship, as it was certain to make a prolonged Mediterranean cruise, stopping in many ports. That way we would have some time together when you were not working. A sort of second honeymoon. That was not to be, as one month after we got married, I was pregnant.

Dear Al,

You were out at sea when it came time for the birth of our son. My folks dropped me off at the hospital as my doctor told them not to wait, it would be a long while. Having a baby alone was such a struggle. I felt like an unwed mother. I moved back in with my family those five months you were in the Mediterranean. That was not easy on any of us.

Dear Al,

You were out of the service and looking for a job. I just assumed it would be in our home state, but I soon found myself moving to New Jersey. I was oh so lonely! You were working morning, noon and night. I was stuck at home with a small baby who napped both morning and afternoon. The second week we lived there, my college alumni bulletin arrived in the mail. I