How to Save Heavenly Marriages Being Destroyed on Earth

By Dr.Kapil Kakar

Relationships in life can be solved if one has the resolute. In couple since it takes two to tango, hence the resolute to resolve has to be from both sides. Being Two different Individuals with different style of rearing, color of thoughts, desires and aspirations, things can be quiet messy.

This book may jolt you if you are of firm opinion that your parents, friends or law of the land is the biggest help when one is in turbulent relationship.
This book apart from giving solutions also helps you understand, the essence of bringing back the relationship in couple. And if couples have kids, the biggest losers are always the children and the scars they carry thanks to their parents.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dr.Kapil Kakar
• Release date: Nov 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005700317

Dr.Kapil Kakar

Dr. Kapil Kakar is a leading India’s Psychologist who has helped more than 2 Lac People. Dr. Kakar with a vast experience and knowledge of more than 20 years is a regular panellist with India’s National News Channels like India Today, AAJ Tak, Zee News, India TV, Mirror Now etc.Dr. Kakar has written various articles for Times of India Speaking Tree, Mind Body Spirit and You and Hindustan Times. Dr. Kakar besides this has also authored Several Books Secret of Success through Bhagvad Gita, Channelizing Self for Success and Mind Body Spirit and You.Dr. Kakar is based out of Delhi and can be contacted through his website – www.kapilkakar.com. He takes online counselling also.

Book preview

How to Save Heavenly Marriages Being Destroyed on Earth

Dr. Kapil Kakar

Psychologist

Table of Contents

Prologue

About the Author

Preface

Stay Away From Friends Who Think Getting Separated is a Good Idea

Stay Away from Parents and Family Advice

Stay Away from Judicial and Allied Bodies

Psychology Behind Divorce

Women’s Expectations From Marriage

Compatibility Issues – Myth or Excuse

Infidelity

Monotony and Mid Age Couple Crisis

Don’t Let it go out of Hand

Innocuous but Compelling Factors to be Considered Before and During Marriage

Additional Contributing factors for Failing Marital Relationship

Copyright © Dr. Kapil Kakar, All Rights Reserved

First Edition: 2020

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by information storage and retrieval systems, without the written permission of the author.

Disclaimer: Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

All images used for the cover are from sites like Pexels, Unsplash, Pixabay, etc., that are free for both personal and commercial use, and used as per the recommendations of fair use. My full thanks and credits to the respective artists.

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

PUBLISHED BY:

Dr. Kapil Kakar on Smashwords

Dedicated to

It is dedicated to all the children who are suffering due to Parents Marital Dispute

Prologue

As against the conventional structure of initially building the foundation of a book through reasoning and deliberation—pertaining to the history of marriage and relationships, I would begin the opening chapter of this book with solutions, tools and techniques that one could either embrace or avoid to save a precarious marriage at the edge of a separation or divorce.

If perhaps you, your child or even a friend of your’s is at the crossroads and unsure of what decisions or steps to take concerning getting separated from their spouse, you would find the Do’s and Don’ts explicitly explained in initial chapters of the book.

Humans desire solutions, most preferably quick-fix solutions. They opt for these solutions with thoughts and based on philosophies such as whatever is past is past and that there is no need to dwell much on it but rather to start afresh, Time is a big healer, Give time and things will fall in place and many more.

Unknowingly to most people however, these so-called quick-fix or shortcut solutions are like pain killers. The pain only goes away temporarily, but returns when the effect of the medicine wanes off. In the same vein, any issue not properly dealt with in the past would definitely need to be re-visited in the near or distant future.

Being a Psychologist, I must strongly point it out that one’s present is significantly connected to one’s past. Similarly, the current situation of separation or divorce that you or your loved ones are wrestling with could be related to past. However, bearing the human curiosity and quest for immediate solutions in mind; I deliberately discussed about the Psychology and Reasons for Divorce in the later chapters of this book.

It is equally important to note that in course of reading this book, you can’t afford to ignore the later chapters on the Psychology of Marriage and Relationships after reading the solutions, warnings, Do’s and Don’ts etc. This is because the later chapters are the real knowledge and information giving chapters which will help you to enforce the solutions wisely and with conviction. Hence, how effectively you would apply these solutions in your homes and marriages, is indubitably dependent on the essence given in later chapters.

In order not to get you the readers entangled or confused in a web of thoughts expressed in words through this book, I have kept the chapters on Solutions brief and crisp. Whilst reading this book, you should also try to keep an open mind. Don’t selectively focus and pick out things from the book which are on your side of the argument, then ignore the points that do not go down well with you.

This filtered thought process that most people apply when reading such books, would only further consolidate your undesired actions and behaviors. It would reinforce a self-righteous attitude of thinking that you are the victim and hence that flag bearer and an epitome of the 4’s (Sacrifice, Selflessness, Sensitivity and Support) when in truth, that might not actually be the case.

The chapters of this book are also based on society and its systems hence, the pivotal role of Family, Friends and Judiciary bodies (Lawyers, Judges and Courts) would be discussed at length. Some of the aforementioned classes of people could be untrained or incompetent and as such, play an even greater role in spearheading/inducing marital separation.

If you therefore decide to not go through the latter chapters and confine yourself to the Solutions, Do’s and Don’ts part of this book alone, and then go back to your friends/relatives for further discussions — they would only try to convince you that the steps you have taken so far are right and they too were right all along, and hence the stance you have taken is reasonable and justifiable. In other words this book will make little sense to them and this is the defense mechanism they will carry all along, whenever your marital issue crop’s up.

In such a scenario you are most likely to once again be sold to the ideas and suggestions of your family and friends believe in, because of the half-knowledge you have received and would indirectly render the parts of this book where the role of family/friends in marital separation is discussed, void. What is written about Judiciary bodies might still hold true to you though. Furthermore, the aforementioned self-righteous attitude would no longer be displayed by you alone but also by your friends and relatives.

The importance of reading the later part of this book therefore, cannot be over-emphasized. Though more theoretical, it promises to be interesting as it would assist you in the journey to your past and help you implement the Solutions with absolute conviction.

Let’s focus for now however, on the immediate solutions to save marriages!

About the Author

Dr. Kapil Kakar is a leading India’s Psychologist who has helped more than 2 Lac People. Dr. Kakar with a vast experience and knowledge of more than 20 years is a regular panelist with India’s National News Channels like India Today, AAJ Tak, Zee News, India TV, Mirror Now etc.

Dr. Kakar has written various articles for Times of India Speaking Tree, Mind Body Spirit and You and Hindustan Times. Dr. Kakar besides this has also authored Several Books Secret of Success through Bhagvad Gita, Channelizing Self for Success and Mind Body Spirit and You.

Dr. Kakar is based out of Delhi and can be contacted through his website – www.kapilkakar.com. He also takes online counselling sessions, one may contact or WhatsApp on 9873099982/9899999158.

Preface

I am writing this book with the risk of being termed as someone – who in today’s time and age, is still conservative and cannot accept a couple parting ways. However, I would like to make it clear at the onset that I am not advocating for marriages alone but through this book, I am making an attempt to tell couples – who are tired of their relationship with each other, on the verge of splitting, separated or even moved to courts for divorce, to reconsider their decision and weigh the odds of saving their marriages, as life may not be easy for them in the long run.

This book is for couples going through tough times in their marriages however, if only one of the couple reads the book and hopes his/her marriage would be saved; the person could be wrong. This is because unless the book is read by both couples, they would not fully know or understand how to set their marriage back on course and reunite. The effort has to be from both parties and it can only be collective and profitable when they understand other nuances of relationships, which they might have missed while living with each other.

In recent times, relationships which were supposed to be heavenly, healthy and forever are taking the ugly shape of separation/divorce and the soul mates are unwilling to live together – not because they aren’t compatible, but because they lack the maturity and knowledge to manage their marriages and most times, their friends, family members, courts and lawyers – who think they are helping them, only accelerate the speed of the couple getting separated.

Humans are creations of God and to a very large extent, God has made humans in his likeness and we have the ability to an extent to discern and decipher God’s games, mysteries and lila’s. God did not bring about any major difference while crafting the appearance and physical features of a man and woman, be it voluntary or involuntary however when it comes to the emotional aspect, I have observed a great deal of difference in my practice which significantly shows how different a man and woman thinks, behaves and perceives.

People may propagate that they have a good deal of best friends of the opposite sex however; you would observe that girls with girls and boys with boys tend to interact more openly with one another without any preference. Similarly, often men with men and women with women incline to interact more openly with themselves without any strings attached. In this book, I have tried to help you discern what makes men different from women and vice-versa especially when they are in relationships – particularly marriage, why the idea of marriages being heaven on earth is thrown out of the window after certain years and why it holds up amidst challenges, when the couple is nearing old age.

The book also comes with the predisposition of comparison between male and female upbringing coming from the same stratum or society, where the difference culturally and economically is restricted/minimal and the observations made are applicable to all strata of the society – provided that the people in the relationship; come from the same stratum. If they come from different strata, the book would not make much sense to them because people coming from two different strata would have different upbringing experiences.

For instance, a girl coming from a rich stratum; may be given more freedom compared to one who came from a middle class stratum. On the flip side, the girl from the rich class may have more freedom than a boy from the middle class, similarly she wouldn’t have as much freedom as a boy from the rich class.

What Eskimos do for their Family

Eskimos work so hard to survive and even the senior members of the family equally work hard, to contribute to their general wellbeing. Thus in the cold winters where they can’t go out to work, they would have to survive on the food they had gathered and